Sunlight (Haven River Ranch)

Exhaustion weighed like a thousand pounds on my shoulders. My feet ached. My eyelids were heavy. My mouth stretched in a yawn. It took all my strength just to shift my car into park and push open the door.

I didn’t care that it was only five thirty. I was scarfing whatever leftovers were in the fridge, then immediately going to bed.

With my work tote slung over my shoulder, I trudged to the door and stepped inside.

There was a person in my kitchen.

“Ah!” I screamed, the exhaustion gone in a blink.

There was a person in my kitchen. Why was there a person in my kitchen?

“Hi.” Emery gave me an apologetic smile as she dried her hands on a towel. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Hi,” I drawled, pressing a hand to my racing heart, then I glanced around the room to make sure I’d come to my house, not Jax’s.

Yep, this was my house.

“You didn’t notice my Jeep out front, did you?” she asked.

“Huh?” I turned to peer out the nearest window. Sure enough, there was her Jeep. “Oh.”

Seriously, I needed to get to bed. If I’d missed an entire vehicle, I was a hazard to my own health.

Last night, after Emery had slipped away to the guest bedroom, Jax and I had gone to bed, too, but neither of us had been able to sleep. We’d tossed and turned for hours, until finally, I’d given up, and he’d walked me to the cabin so I could get ready for work.

“How was your day?” she asked.

“Fine.” I kicked off my shoes and walked to the island, inhaling the scents of vanilla and sugar and chocolate. A cooling rack of cookies was on the counter. The sink was piled with mixing bowls and spatulas.

“Cookie?” Emery asked.

“What kind?” Wait. That was not the question I should be asking. “What are you doing in my house?”

She simply smiled and took out a plate for two warm chocolate chip cookies. “I hear congratulations are in order.”

“Oh.” Was that the reason for the cookies? “Yes.”

“Jax told me earlier.”

Emery was the second person to say congratulations today. Just like he’d warned last night, Indya had come into my office first thing this morning with a bouquet of roses.

The list of people who knew about the baby was growing, yet I hadn’t told a soul. The only time I’d had to say “I’m pregnant” out loud had been to Jax and on my initial call to the doctor’s office. Otherwise, for months, those words hadn’t crossed my lips.

I should have felt guilty for letting Jax make the announcements. But I had to tell Eddie. That would be hard enough. If Jax wanted to tackle everyone on the resort, I’d let him.

“A girl?” Emery asked. “Jax said you are naming her Josephine.”

I nodded. “After my mom.”

“That’s sweet.” A flash of sadness crossed her expression, but she hid it quickly. Then she snatched her own cookie.

I popped a bite into my mouth, moaning as the chocolate melted on my tongue. Screw dinner. I’d have a handful of these, then pass out in a sugar coma. “These are so good.”

“Thanks.”

“How are you?”

“Meh.” She lifted a shoulder. “Better than last night.”

A bruise had bloomed on her pretty face. Jax feared she’d have a nasty black eye, but so far, the only evidence of last night was on her cheek.

“Have you talked to him?”

She nodded. “Jax drove me into town earlier to get some stuff from the house. I called him first and told him not to be there. He said hello. Then okay. That’s it. Two words.”

Was that a good thing? Or bad? Her voice was flat, so I couldn’t tell from her tone.

“It’s done.” Emery gave me a sad smile. “I talked to a lawyer this morning.”

“I’m sorry.”

She shrugged again, just as the oven’s timer dinged.

While she rushed to take out the next batch of cookies, I slipped down the hallway to my bedroom, more than ready to get out of the jeans I’d worn all day.

Despite the hair tie that was looped through the buttonhole and secured to the button to give the waistband a little slack, they were still snug. I’d just lifted my sweater, about to unwind the elastic, but the moment I stepped into the bedroom, I froze.

Emery’s panicked voice called from the kitchen. “Sasha, wait.”

I didn’t wait. I walked into my closet.

The sweaters and blouses that I’d hung on hangers weeks ago were gone. The pants I’d folded on the shelves were missing. The shoes I’d lined up neatly in pairs had vanished.

“Shit.” Emery flew through the doorway. “Jax is on his way. I was supposed to delay you.”

“Delay me. From finding this?” I pointed to the empty closet. Well, not entirely empty. There were four unpacked suitcases on the floor.

She gave me another exaggerated frown. “I’m sorry. It was his idea.”

“To relocate my stuff?” I spun in a slow circle, scanning the room.

My lip balm was gone from the nightstand along with my phone’s charging cord. My pillow was not on the bed. At a quick glance into the bathroom, my toiletries and toothbrush on the vanity had been replaced with three bulging travel cases.

“Jax.” I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Did he seriously move me out of this house?”

“Yes.”

I stared at the bed, wishing I could climb beneath the warm quilt. I would. Soon. But first, I had a man to strangle.

“I’ve never seen him like this,” Emery said. “He’s always been the guy who didn’t want a commitment. Even when he dated Robin when we were younger. I think he stayed with her for as long as he did because he knew it would be drama when they called it off, so he waited until they were in college and away from the bullshit here in town. He never acted like it was lasting. And with anyone since, he’s been checked out. Until you.”

“It’s the baby,” I said.

“It’s not.” She shook her head. “It’s you.”

Was that true? Did I want it to be true?

Yes, damn it. I wanted Jax for myself. I’d wanted him for longer than I was willing to admit. And after last night, there was no going back. There was no forgetting.

My stomach knotted.

What were we doing? I couldn’t ask him to pretend it hadn’t happened, not again. Not after last night. And I wouldn’t be able to pretend either.

But if—when—my heart was broken, if we hurt each other, our baby girl would be caught in the middle.

Besides, I was moving. I wasn’t made for Montana. The idea of another cold winter made my insides roil. Except how could I leave? How could I take a daughter from Jax?

I wouldn’t ask him to leave this ranch. I wouldn’t ask him to move away from his family. I sure as hell wasn’t going to live without my Josephine.

Here I was, stuck. Totally stuck for the next eighteen years.

This was it, wasn’t it? If I wasn’t going to beg Jax to move, if I wasn’t going to separate him from our daughter, then I was stuck here.

I lived in Montana.

Oh my God. I lived in Montana.

My heart sank slowly, like a feather floating to the ground. I lived in Montana.

Shouldn’t I be more upset? I wasn’t not upset. But I wasn’t freaking out either. Maybe that freak-out would come after eight to ten hours of sleep.

Huh. Montana was the last place I’d ever expected to end up. What would Eddie say?

“Sasha?” Emery put her hand on my arm. “Are you okay?”

Was I okay? “I don’t know.”

“Sasha.” Jax’s voice called from the living room.

I swallowed hard, blinking the world into focus. Then I marched out of the room, leveling Jax with a glare.

“Before you rip my head off”—he held up his hands—“hear me out.”

I stopped in front of him, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m listening.”

“This is just temporary. Emery and I will kill each other if we have to share a roof for more than a few days at a time. She’s a slob.”

“Hey,” Emery scoffed, coming up behind me.

He jerked his chin toward the kitchen and the mess from her baking.

“Whatever,” she muttered, snagging a cookie from the rack before retreating down the hall. Probably to unpack her stuff in my bedroom.

“What makes you think we can live together?” I asked.

“What makes you think we can’t?”

“Don’t answer my questions with questions.” I fought a yawn and failed. “How do you know that we won’t be at each other’s throats?”

He bent low, his mouth hovering an inch over mine before it drifted across the line of my jaw, dropping to my neck. “I’m hoping we’ll be at each other’s throats.”

His voice whispered across my skin, sending tingles down my spine.

My breath hitched. Damn it.

“No, Jax. This is a bad idea.”

“It’s temporary.”

Temporary. Like a sleepover. Sleep. I needed sleep. Tonight, I didn’t care where I slept. I just needed a blanket and a pillow. Tomorrow, when I wasn’t so exhausted, I’d argue with him about moving my stuff.

“Fine,” I muttered.

A low chuckle rumbled in my ear before he dropped a kiss to my cheek, then stood tall, grabbing my hand and pulling me to the door. “Night, Em.”

“Night!” she called from the bedroom.

“Did you really get all my things?” I asked as I stepped into my shoes and he put on his boots.

“Yep.” He grinned as he opened the door. “Even the air mattress.”

I rolled my eyes as we set off for his house.

“It only took me five trips. Walking, back and forth. You weren’t kidding when you said you didn’t have much.”

“Nope. I travel light,” I teased. I wasn’t sure if I was a light traveler. I hadn’t ever traveled. Moving from California to Montana was the longest trip I’d taken since high school. “It was easier to move here if I didn’t have a lot to haul. And I don’t need much.”

I couldn’t afford much.

California was expensive. My paychecks had been enough to cover my living expenses, but every month, there seemed to be less and less left over. My savings were nonexistent, and my parents hadn’t been wealthy. What I’d inherited hadn’t even covered the funeral costs.

Jax kept my hand as we walked, slowing his pace to match mine. “Be warned. I had a meeting with Indya and West today, and she’s already planning a baby shower. She doesn’t know how to throw a party that’s not over the top. That includes gifts.”

I groaned. “Isn’t that going to be awkward? She’s my boss.”

“This baby is her niece. She’ll spoil her without restraint.”

For my daughter, I kind of liked that she’d be spoiled by her family.

My feet came to a halt.

“What?” Jax asked, his eyebrows coming together as he stopped too.

Family. She was going to have a family.

An aunt. Uncle. Cousins. Grandparents.

Two parents.

She was going to have everything that I’d missed for ten years. Everything truly important in this world.

Lucky girl. My girl.

We weren’t alone. I wasn’t alone. And we lived in Montana.

Tears surged, either from the hormones or the exhaustion or one too many life-altering realizations in a single day.

All this time, I’d been so focused on being pregnant. I’d spent countless hours learning about what to expect during each trimester. What changes my body would experience. What would happen when I went into labor.

The details were terrifying. I’d been so focused on everything that scared me, I hadn’t looked far enough into the future.

I hadn’t thought about everything she’d have.

And everything she’d give me.

“Hey.” Jax’s hands came to my face, sliding into my hair.

“Sorry,” I blubbered, sniffling as he wiped beneath my eyes. “It’s been a long day, and I’m emotional and tired, and I cry over everything right now.”

“Cry it up, beautiful.” He kissed my forehead, then hauled me into his chest.

Leaning on him was dangerous, but I did it anyway, burrowing into his shirt until the sting in my nose was gone. “Better.”

He studied my face to make sure I wasn’t lying, then he dropped his mouth to mine for a kiss. A kiss that said hello and don’t cry.

It started slow and gentle, but with every heartbeat, the intensity spiked. Until the kiss was all-consuming, and the rest of the world faded to a blur.

Nothing about the way his lips and tongue moved was rushed. This kiss wasn’t a prelude. This wasn’t Jax rounding first base to chase toward second or third.

He kissed me like he was settling in to kiss me for the rest of my life.

It was a long, languid kiss. And it still ended too soon, just as the world flipped.

Jax gave me a soft, easy smile as he broke away. “Hungry?”

Such a simple question, like everything wasn’t turning upside down and right side up for the thousandth time.

Maybe someday I’d get used to the flipping. Maybe I’d learn to enjoy it.

Maybe I was already, just a little.

“Can you do something for me?” I asked him.

“If you ask me to sleep on that air mattress tonight, it’s a fuck no.”

I laughed. “It’s not that. Remember how you told me you’d make me fall in love with Montana?”

“Yeah.”

“I need you to do that.” Before the baby was born. Before October.

His smile widened as he took my hand, but instead of him leading me inside, we cut through the grass between the house and cabin.

The meadows beyond us were green and lush. The constant rain and drizzle from April had slowed as the days morphed into May. Every morning, dew sparkled on the grass. By noon, the sun had chased it away.

After a few minutes of walking, Jax stopped us, bending to pluck a white wildflower. Then he used the petals to tickle a line down my temple.

“Close your eyes.”

“Okay.” I obeyed. “Now what?”

“Breathe.”

“That’s it?” I popped an eye open. “Breathe is your master plan?”

“Close your damn eyes, woman.”

They drifted shut, a smile on my mouth. Then I breathed.

In and out. Over and over. Each inhale was a long and lung-straining breath. Each exhale washed away the stress from last night and a busy day at work.

A bird whistled a tune as it flew overhead. In the distance, cattle bellowed. The wind rustled leaves in the grove of nearby trees.

My shoes sank deeper into the earth with every breath, like I was finding my center. A balance I hadn’t felt in years.

Or maybe my feet were growing roots.

“Keep breathing, babe.”

Babe. Baby. Honey. Beautiful. Sweetheart.

Jax didn’t use a single endearment. He used them all. He seemed to tailor them to his mood. Babe, for the normal moments when we were just talking. Honey, when he wanted to be sweet. Baby, when we were in his bed.

“Smells nice, doesn’t it?” he murmured.

“Yes.” It smelled like spring.

It smelled like a fresh start.

The air was relaxing. The sunshine warmed my face. I yawned again, unable to stop myself.

The touch of his lips on my forehead made me open my eyes.

“Let’s go inside,” he said.

“Okay.” I yawned again.

It should have been strange, walking into his house after he’d moved me in without my permission. It should have been awkward, given how little time I’d spent in his home. But it just . . . wasn’t.

I did everything I’d planned to do at my own house. I found my clothes put away in his closet, so I changed out of my jeans and into my favorite sweats. I raided the fridge and found leftover lasagna, so I heated up a plate for us both.

With dinner scarfed, I went to Jax’s en suite bathroom, where my toiletries were in the top drawer and my toothbrush was in the holder beside his.

I washed my face. I tied up my hair. I climbed into bed, knowing Jax would join me when he was ready. And as I drifted off to sleep, I tried not to panic that Jax had made sure to clarify this, not once, but twice.

Temporary.

This was only temporary.

Eddie,

I wish we hadn’t moved. Everything changed when we moved. I was so desperate to start fresh, but it was a mistake. When did I start making all the wrong decisions? It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Except looking back, we should have stayed where we were. Even though we were fighting. Even though we were sick of each other. Even though every day was so hard. I wish we hadn’t moved.

S