Standing Out

Distressed about my situation with Jessabelle, I’ve been talking to Jeanne more often.

“You just need to be open to change. Some friends aren’t really friends. When you discover this, you will also realize that there are other people out there for you.” She had assured me.

I wasn’t convinced. “There are people better than Jessie?” When Jessabelle left me for her other friends, I was really hurt. She was the only friend that I had, my only real friend.

“Of course there are. What kind of person leaves you just to save their position in social hierarchy?”

I didn’t know what “hierarchy” meant, but I was sure that whatever it was, Jeanne was right. But then, something struck me. I stared my sister right in the eye. “You had left me to save your status at school.”

Jeanne hesitated. “I’m sorry, Mya. I just thought that it might ruin my chances of staying popular if I hung around with you too much. Please forgive me.”

Although suspicious, I had agreed. “Thanks.” Her eyes were relieved. “Anyway, I’m sure that if you’re outgoing enough, you should make better friends.”

These words echoed in my head as I looked around at recess. Maybe someone would play with me, get to know me. Scanning the playground, I spotted Evelyn sitting alone on a bench. She had her notebook out, clearly writing. Maybe she’ll want to play?

I strolled casually over to her, feeling rather awkward. “Hey, Evelyn,” I spoke softly.

She glanced up at me, distraught. “I prefer Eve.” She remarked coolly and went back to writing.

“I’m sorry. Do you want to do something?”

“I am doing something.” Her eyes shifted pointedly to her notebook and pencil. “Can’t you tell?”

“I just thought that you might enjoy doing something other than that.” I replied defensively.

“No, I wouldn’t. I’m perfectly content with paper and pencil.” She stared at me in disgust as though writing was actually entertaining. I wouldn’t have gotten along with her anyway.

After looking around again, I noticed Sara playing with Cynthia. Cindy is nice. Maybe she’ll be okay with me? Reluctant, I took in a deep breath and walked over there. Jeanne had been working with me when it came to my fear of being rejected. She told me that “anyone who rejects you isn’t worth it.” Thanks to her, I was beginning to feel a lot more confident in myself. “Hey, Cindy and Sara, over here,” I called out to them.

Sara muttered something inaudible to Cindy and then said to me, “What do you want, freak?”

Cindy glared at her friend. “Don’t call her that.”

“Why side with her, Cindy?” Sara was genuinely astounded.

“Why shouldn’t I?”

“Because I’m your friend and I’m not a freak.”

“Just give her a chance.” They continued to squabble until Sara sighed and muttered, “Fine, we’ll let that creep follow us around.” Satisfied, Cindy stopped arguing.

“Hey, Mya, you can play with us!” Cindy called to me invitingly, Sara only grunted. For the rest of recess, we played hopscotch and tag. I won hopscotch and didn’t get caught during tag. Even Sara admitted I was fast. “Man, I just can’t catch you.” She had panted.

Cindy looked at me with benign eyes. “Why don’t you sit with us at lunch?” Sara, who had despised me for so long, slowly nodded. “You’re not bad at all.”

As we all lined up to go into the cafeteria, I couldn’t help but smile. I had finally made friends! They even wanted to sit with me! I wouldn’t have to sit at the Weirdo Deposit Area any longer and eat in silence. I had Cindy and Sara now.

Single file, we walked into the red Mulberry Intermediate Center building and hung up our coats on the rack. Eager to eat, we all rushed in, pushing and shoving to get in line. Although I wasn’t a fan of salads, I got into the short salad line and got my food quickly. Once I had paid for my meal, I moved to go and sit with Cindy and Sara. Unfortunately, I was blocked by a few students. “Where do you think you’re going?” They jeered at me. “You belong at the Weirdo Deposit Area.”

“No, I don’t!” I protested. “I belong at Table 4 with Cindy and Sara!”

“Don’t fool around with us. We know a creep when we see one.” They all erupted into laughter. “We also know that Sara in particular can’t stand people who are different.”

Head down, I shifted my trajectory. No longer hopeful, I sat my tray down and sat alone at the Weirdo Deposit Area. I pushed my food aside and began to cry, waiting desperately to hear the lunch bell ring to dismiss us. To my surprise, I heard voices belting in anger behind me. One of the voices belonged to Cindy. I strained curiously to listen and turned toward the direction of the voices, watching as Cindy stood her ground.

“Let her sit with us.”

“Why would you want to sit with her?” The bullies were confused.

“She’s my friend.” Her words shocked me. I couldn’t believe that she considered me a friend.

“Um, okay then.” One of the bullies came up to me and bellowed, “Well, get moving.” I stood up, grabbed my tray, and walked over to Sara. She glared at me as I sat down beside her. “Don’t embarrass me, okay?” Her voice was low.

I stared down at my platter nervously. “Okay.”

Cindy plopped down next to me, sighing. “I had no idea that they treated you so poorly. I’m really sorry that I didn’t help you sooner. Don’t you feel the same, Sara?”

Next to me, a shadow was cast over Sara’s expression. “Whatever you say, Cindy,”

“Is there something wrong?”

“I’m tired of you speaking for me. I have my own voice, you know?”

“What is it that you want to say, Sara?”

“I don’t want to have her follow us around. It’s weird and people are starting to look at us differently.”

“So what,” Cindy growled. “Who cares what they think?”

“I care. I care a lot, actually.”

“Well, if you have such a problem with being around my friend, you can certainly leave and join Jessie over there.” She pointed to Jessabelle and her cronies.

Sara shivered. “Never mind,”

“That’s what I thought.”

I knew that I could count Cindy as a friend, but I wasn’t really sure about Sara. She appeared to want to be around me, but she also seemed too concerned about her social status. I wish I wasn’t such a burden. If I was normal, then Cindy wouldn’t have to keep standing up for me and Sara would feel more comfortable around me. I shook the thought away. I was lucky to have friends that accepted me for who I am. I was truly fortunate to know people who cared about me, the creep that no one wanted to be around.

As we made a beeline for my new teacher’s room, Mr. Ashworth, Cindy and Sara stayed close by me. It was nice to be out of the Special Needs classroom and have friends. I finally felt secure at school.