Soul of Shadows

Two Days Later…

Seth

An ear-piercing cry split the otherwise too-silent room in the Old Dela Palace, the mood a mixture of sombre and joyful, Merry and Mira throwing their arms around me as Jason lifted a tiny bundle away from Destiny, whisking her away and into an adjoining bathroom, the smell of passionfruit drifting out. It struck me across the face, the scent eliciting tears, my brother and his fiancee holding me tighter. I remained on the bed, simply holding Destiny’s hand, which was still warm thanks to Jason’s talents, the world whirling by me, Cain offering me a quiet congratulations, knowing the pain I was going through.

‘How did it all go so wrong, Des?’ I whispered into the back of my mind, the connection a snapped threat between us; solid on my end, drifting aimlessly on hers. She wasn’t there, no reply making its way back, but I wanted to keep talking to her. Maybe she could hear me, or would, one day.

‘How do I forgive myself for being a little bit happy today?’ Because I was. My daughter having taken her first breaths only minutes ago, now gracing the world with her presence. I was a dad, now. And Gaz’riel would not have her mother present.

The grief and happiness swirled all at once, accompanied closely by shame and guilt. How could I let myself be happy when it was only two days after Destiny’s death?!

“She would want you to enjoy this moment,” Cain murmured under his breath, a gentle reminder to focus on the positive rather than the negative. But how could I? How- A captivating scent flooded the room, Jason striding out of the bathroom, the bundle in his arms, which was so, so small compared to Tally when she’d been born, now wrapped in a deep purple blanket. The Vampire-Fae Shaman strode over to where I sat on the bed, rather than Cain, my brow furrowing. Why me?

“She’s yours, little brother,” Merry whispered in my ear at my confusion, remaining seated beside me, Cain hovering on the edge of the group, desperate to see but not wanting to intrude. She’s yours. Wait. He was right. Reni was my daughter. Destiny and I’s daughter. She was the child we shared together, half my Connected, half me.

Jason, giving me a smile, lowered her into my arms, Reni letting out another wail that cut off halfway the instant my daughter came to rest against the bare skin of my chest- an idea Mira suggested early this morning, when Destiny’s body began attempting to expel Reni. Babies liked skin-to-skin contact, she’d assured.

She smelt so good, and she was so, so… little. An instinct that I wasn’t entirely sure was all Demonic, to protect what was mine, flooded through me, Merry watching on in awe.

There was a small amount of hazel-coloured hair over her tiny head, her blue eyes blinking up at the world, the exact same shade as my own. Des would have loved that, the fact that our daughter was born with my eyes. Her ears were pointed, her skin the same as her mother’s.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I whispered to her, wondering if a part of Destiny could see our daughter through my eyes.

Jason was already working on her body, sewing up the wound from where he’d cut into Destiny’s abdomen in a procedure known as a C-Section.

“Wait,” I begged the Vampire-Fae Shaman, knowing he was going to take Destiny’s body away for a long-awaited burial, “Let me say goodbye.”

He nodded, his face softening again, Mira steering Merry and Cain out of the room, Jason following close behind with his assistants. When Reni and I remained, my powers closing the door, I shuffled carefully down the bed until I was laying beside my Connected, pressing a kiss to her temple, holding Reni out over her. Positioning Destiny’s arms, I nestled Reni against her chest, my vision fogging with tears as I choked, “This is our daughter, love. I know you’re not… really here, but I thought you deserved to hold her, so…” Huffing a humourless, pained laugh, I added, “I guess this makes me a little insane, huh? How am I meant to do this without you? How do I run a city and raise a child and all the rest of it without you?”

A small breeze ruffled my hair the same way Destiny used to, the smell of passionfruit filling the room, and I sat up, whispering, “Is it you?”

Nobody replied, the room still once more.

Maybe it had been her, and she was telling me she’d heard me… The thought, however insane it may be, comforted me somewhat, and kissing Destiny softly on the lips, I whispered, “Goodbye, Destiny Maladur. I promise, from this eternal night to forever, to protect you, to help you, and to love you with everything that I am. I promise to look after Reni, and to protect her and love her as much as I loved you, and when you come back in a hundred years, you’ll see her, and I’ll get to see you again.” I scooped Reni up again, my daughter cooing happily.

The door clicked open, Cain hesitating, more tears slipping down his cheeks, likely having heard every word, and his gaze dropped to Reni.

“May I?” He whispered, holding his hands out, lowering himself onto the floor, taking a seat there, his back resting against the wall. Giving him a small smile, I handed Reni over, feeling strangely empty without her in my arms now.

Rocking his niece, since I’d followed in Destiny’s footsteps and named Cain Reni’s uncle, I heard him coo, “You already look so much like her… This is for you. It was your mother’s, but I resized it just for you.” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small box no larger than the size of my hand, flicking it open with his thumb, revealing a silver bracelet. It was made from one of Destiny’s necklaces, a single sapphire pendant on it, and on either side of that sapphire- there was a black diamond, and a white diamond, to match my Connected and I’s wedding rings.

Destiny and I’s family.

Unclasping it, he placed it around Reni’s wrist, gently doing it up, the baby giggling at the sensation of the chain, shaking her wrist, hearing it jingle quietly, the metal links rattling.

There was a knock on the door, the both of us looking up to see Tatiana standing there, a soft, sad smile on her face when she regarded Reni and I, Destiny behind me on the bed. In her hand were three letters, written on plain pieces of parchment paper, rolled up and sealed with- Cain sucked in a sharp breath, Reni letting out a hiccup of surprise at the noise. That was Destiny’s seal on the letters.

“These were with Destiny’s will. There’s three. One addressed to each of you.”

Cain closed his eyes, a tear slipping out, Tatiana placing it in his outstretched hand.

“Who is the third letter to?”

“Reni, when she’s old enough to read it,” Tatiana said gently, “The second one is for you, Seth.”

I didn’t think I had the strength to read it.

But if this was a final goodbye from Destiny, I needed to. I needed the closure; a goodbye worthy of my Connected, rather than watching her fade away in Cain and I’s arms.

Taking the letter, I tore it open instantly, not wanting to hesitate, staring down at the handwriting in front of me, my hands shaking so hard they blurred into one big blob.

Cain kept his sealed, tucking it into his pocket, wanting to open it in private.

To my dearest Connected,

I know you’re probably mad at me. More than mad, actually, and you have every right to be. I betrayed you, and it’s okay for you to hate me for that. I lied, more than once. The truth is, I’m walking into this final battle knowing I’m going to die. I’ve known for months now, and honestly, I’m a little scared. I don’t know what’s going to be waiting for me when I’m finally resurrected, if I ever am. I know I told Tatiana and Lucifer to burn my body to prevent any of this from ever happening again, but I can already tell you would sooner kill them than allow that to happen.

I have no idea when you’ll get this letter, if it will be hours after my death or months, but I wanted to write this to you, since I’m not sure we’ll get to say goodbye.

Thank you for making my life a joy every step of the way, and for showing me what freedom looks like; what love looks like. I spent centuries believing I had it all; the glitz, the glammer, the money, until I met you. I thought I could live a life without true love and a family.

When I met you, I realised I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t live without love, and maybe that made me the world’s shittiest Assassin, but damn it, Seth, I was going to chase you. And I did.

But you chased back. You loved me just as wildly as I did you, and I am so, so sorry we didn’t get more time together. I wanted to spend every day with you, living the life you described- I wanted a family, and a house, and to get drunk with you and Cain- I wanted it all, Seth! I truly, truly wanted that. I need you to understand that; that I didn’t leave because I was scared to be a mum or to love you, but because I had no choice. I want you to take care of Reni. She’s going to have a bit of a rough life, my love. Her power makes her a World-Killer, and people will hate her for that just as much as others will love her.

Take care of her. Love her for the both of us. In one-hundred years, I’ll come and join you, no doubt. Thank you for teaching me that life is worth living for the beautiful moments. Keep living life for those beautiful moments, so you can tell me about them when I’m back.

I love you forever, Seth Kadmiel Smith.

Yours,

Destiny Rosalia Maladur.

I collapsed forward again, the letter fluttering to the floor, the bed shaking with the force of my sobs, and Cain continued to hold Reni, giving me the space and time I needed to break down and mourn my Connected once again.

When I lifted my head again ten minutes later, the pain was dulled somewhat, the world seeming just a little bit clearer.

I was going to hurt for a long time, possibly forever, but for now…

For now I think I’ll be okay.