Some Mate You Are...

It had been a couple of weeks since Kiara’s birthday party and I had kept my word. I had not spoken to or even been in the same room with Enzo since that night. I knew that I would not be able to avoid him forever, he was going to be my Alpha after all, but I was determined to do it for as long as possible.

Maybe I was being a bit juvenile about this, but I could not help it. I was angry, angrier than I had ever been in my life. The words that he spoke to me that night replaying themselves in my mind, like a record stuck on repeat. He was not even sure if he wanted to reject me or not! I could not get over the pain that had been caused by those words. The earth shattering, heart breaking, soul ripping pain that he had caused me. Not that I was sure that he would care if he did know.

He had tried to speak to me, several times, but I ignored him. He had even used the mindlink to try and reach out to me, something he had never done before, but I blocked him out. He was not yet my Alpha and I had every right to ignore him. Though, now that I thought about it, maybe he would never be my Alpha. Alphas needed a Luna in order to take over their pack. This was a part of pack law. He could not take on his title without me.

Then I was struck by a horrible thought. If he was planning to reject me in order to put off becoming the Alpha. What would happen when he decided that he was ready? Would he try to come for me? Even if it was years later and I had started another life? Or would he forget about me altogether and take another as his Luna?

I was not certain how this would work as I had never heard of a situation like this before. Alphas were usually desperate to take their mate. Their natural dominance and possessiveness making it difficult for them to know that something which belonged to them was out in the world, unprotected. Not my Alpha. Apparently my Alpha had no desire, whatsoever, to see me claimed.

I wondered who he would choose to replace me with. Probably someone like Cora. Someone who was easier to deal with. Someone who would be happy to just sit by his side and look pretty. Someone who would not put her nose into his business.

As angry as I may have been with him in that moment, I could not help the jealousy that began to bubble within me. The thought of him with another was difficult enough when I merely had a crush on him. Now that we were mates, I was livid at the idea. I did not want to care, but I simply could not help it.

I kept thinking back to the night when Alpha Harm had visited the pack. I had gone to the dinner as Alpha Harm’s date, but I did not know who my mate was. Enzo had brought Cora as his date and he had been very much aware of the fact that we were mates. If I had not inadvertently made him jealous by flirting with Alpha Harm, would he have finished his date with Cora by having sex with her? Would he sleep with another knowing that we were meant to be? Could he really do something that low?

The thing that had truly upset me about all of this was that I could not answer that question in a way that made me comfortable. I could not honestly say that he would not sleep with another. I did not even know if he would remain faithful after we were mated. I did not know if I could trust him at all. If he was willing to hide the fact that we are mates from me, then what else would he be willing to hide?

My blood boiled with rage and I was struggling to keep my wolf under control. The animal inside of me needing to lash out at someone or something for the pain that I was feeling. I ran out into the woods behind the house as quickly as my feet could carry me. I shifted so fast that I did not have time to save my clothing. This angered me more. That too was Enzo's fault.

I ran through the forest snarling and barking as went. I was snapping at the air and destroying any plant life that got into my path. I had never felt this kind of anger coursing through my veins. I was pissed and someone or something needed to pay.

I knew that I had to get myself back under control. I could not run around, shifting, every time that I was mad at Enzo. I knew that I needed another way to get out my stress. So, I did the only thing that I could think to do. I threw myself into training. I focused more and more on building my strength and stamina. I would be faster, stronger, better than any other warrior in the pack. It was the only way that I could think to handle my pain.

Luckily for me, Tyrus was currently in charge of the warrior training program, so I was able to continue avoiding Enzo. I worked out harder than anyone else during those few weeks. I pushed myself more than anyone would dare try. Instead of running once a day, I ran twice, in the morning and then again in the evening. Instead of only training during the assigned time, I put in extra practice on my own.

I knew that my parents were beginning to worry about me. I had grown distant and that was not like me. We had always been fairly close. But I just needed time to myself. Time to think. I did not know how long I would keep this distance for and I was sorry that it was hurting them. But I could not bring myself to focus on much else than my situation with Enzo. My whole body had been consumed by it. I was far too ashamed to admit to my parents that I was being rejected. It was the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to me. My mother would have been devastated and my father would have been angered.

I had chosen to confide in Kiara and Aida about what had occurred that night, but they were the only ones. I told them, nearly, everything and I could not keep this from them. Not like I had much of an option anyway, everyone in the Wolf’s Den had seen Enzo and me all over each other. Most had just assumed that we "finally" hooked up. No one suspected that we were mates, which was fine. I did not want everyone to know that he was on the fence about accepting me as his mate. They would all assume that there was something wrong with me that they did not know about.

Kiara and Aida had felt extremely sorry for me, but I did not care for the pity. I had told them for their support, not for their sympathy. I quickly informed them that they needed to cut it out. I wanted to be angry not sad. For that reason, they had been joining me in a few of my extra training sessions. They did not want me to be alone. Plus, like the true friends that they were, they were pissed too. They did not care for how I was being treated. I, personally, had to stop Kiara from trying to go after Enzo to defend my honor.