Skinned

It was quietude that first greeted me in my wake, along with the empty side of the bed. My arms were wrapped around a pillow that carried Killian’s unique scent, and I buried my nose deeper into the pillow, completely enamored by his smell alone.

I couldn’t bring myself to leave the bed, as if the comfort of its mattress mixed with the lingering traces of Killian bound me down into place,

They felt like shackles, but the only difference was that they were the type of restraint that I was more than willing to indulge in.

And I frowned at myself, realizing that I was never going to be able to sleep in my room when I knew that my peace lied only on his bed.

I allowed my hazy eyes to go through the contents of his bedroom, and came to notice how the wall in front of me had been covered by the maps of our territory with a few locations marked by circles and his handwriting, most of them residing only in the Northern part of the land. Around the maps were his pinned notes and sketches, all of which were done in different types of paper.

From there my interest was piqued, and I slowly crawled out of bed and let my feet take me closer to the wall that held the rest of his mind’s concerns.

I found myself tracing the red lines with a finger, noticing how he marked the exact place where he had been discovered, up until it passed through our border.

He had been trying to figure out his origin, but based from the maps that were presented in front of me, he was far from finding it out.

Other markings were of color blue circled around various locations and scattered around the borders of the land, and I figured that they were connected to the recent intrusions occurring around the area, making me wonder if he had found resolve to the many times the pack’s border had been breached since he took position as an alpha.

I went on to the notes and sketches around the maps, some of them a drawn image of delicate flowers, and I grinned at how he made sure that he captured every detail that met his eyes. But then I noticed a drawing pinned below it, my mouth parting in astonishment as I quickly realized what he had managed to portray.

Me.

My dark brown hair was long and framed my features, eyebrows drawn into a concentrated frown that equalled to the glare of my brown eyes. He had drawn freckles, dotting them along my cheeks as well as the bridge of my nose, and captured the exact curve of my parted lips. He even set a shadow that emphasized my cheekbones and the cut of my jaw, completely capturing my expression at a brooding character.

Each detail of my features had gone unmissed by his keen sketch, and I found myself lost of words upon realizing that he had memorized me so well.

But I felt my heart stop upon noticing the bite mark drawn at the side of my neck.

“Valerie,” Killian called out as he suddenly appeared at the open door.

I jumped away from the wall and dropped my hands to my sides as my head quickly snapped to his direction with widened eyes, and I noticed how his features flushed, his eyes nervously shifting to me and the picture he had drawn.

“There’s—,” he cleared his throat, “There’s breakfast in the pack house. I was going to ask if you’re going to come with me or I’ll bring the food here.”

I blinked at him, taking his offer into consideration, and ended up dropping my gaze in shame.

I didn’t think anyone in the pack would want to see me. The number of judging eyes I was going to meet in that room would only contribute to my shame.

I shook my head and tried to swallow down the familiar ache in my throat, “You can bring my food after you’re done with your breakfast.”

“Okay,” Killian nodded, his eyes thoughtful. He didn’t need to ask to know what was going through my head, and his expression alone told me that he knew exactly why I couldn’t bring myself to face the members of the pack.

“Your sketches,” I mentioned as he was about to turn around and leave, and I returned my gaze back to his sketch, “I admire the depth you put in them, it’s not everyone who bears that much talent.”

Killian looked down, his eyes meeting the floor for a moment before going up to regard me, a hesitant smile reaching his lips in a silent show of gratitude.

And I noticed that he didn’t seem as tense after I told him that.

“Look, Killian,” I sighed and turned to regard him properly, my eyes failing to meet his own, “I’m sorry for last night, I didn’t mean to cause you—“

“It’s fine,” Killian cut me off and I looked at him to see his features void of any condemnation, “You don’t need to apologize, you were scared.”

I pressed my lips tightly together as I recalled my nightmare from last night, the image so vile that it felt too real.

“I just don’t want to add more to your concerns.”

“If it happens again, don’t hesitate to come to me,” Killian said, his eyebrows drawn together as he completely brushed off what I said.

“I’ll come back as soon as I can,” he said, giving me one last reassuring look before finally making his leave.

As soon as I was alone again, I made sure to arrange Killian’s bed before finally leaving to get back to my room.

I couldn’t help but allow my eyes to linger at the corner of my bedroom as I made my way to the bathroom, the sense of paranoia somehow still seated at the back of my mind.

As I turned the faucet and let the water fill the tub, I looked anxiously at the door in silence, my eyes zeroed onto the gap at the bottom. And I couldn’t help but stand up and lock the door to reassure myself.

After stripping off my clothes, I slowly lowered myself into the tub and basked in the warmth of the water surrounding my body. And I watched the water ripple around me as I ran my hands along my arms, feeling as if the blood of murder was still sticking to my pores.

I gritted my teeth and reached for the bath scrub, my hand curling tightly around it as I began the attempt to clean something that seemed to have made its home underneath my skin.

And for an hour, I made sure that I had gone over every part of my body until my skin was burning red from the harsh repetitive glide of the scrub.

I was already dressed and walking down the stairs when Killian finally got back, and he was holding a paper bag in his hand.

“Mashed potatoes and meat,” Killian informed me and held out the bag to me. I took it from his hold, and his hand quickly retreated inside the pockets of his jeans.

“Did you give them my thank you?”

“Yes, and they were looking for you,” he smiled softly, yet it didn’t reach his eyes.

And it only took me a moment to notice that there was something he wasn’t telling me.

I frowned curiously, “Like who?”

“Heath was the first one to ask how you’ve been doing,” he said, and I noticed the edge to his voice at the mention of his Beta’s name, “and then his brother, along with Maliha.”

I smiled in gratitude and made my way to the kitchen where Killian followed behind. I stopped in front of the dining table and reached into the paper bag to take out two separate Tupperware that held my sustenance.

I looked up at Killian, “Did you tell them I was alright?”

“I told them you’re doing good,” He said, and I caught his eyes go down and narrow at my forearm.

I followed his gaze and noticed an angry graze at my skin, and I quickly lowered the sleeves of my sweater to hide the damage from his brooding eyes.

I chuckled sheepishly and shook my head, “It’ll heal. Don’t worry about it.”

Killian looked at me thoughtfully as he stood by the doorway, “Okay.”

The tension lacing my shoulders disappeared, relieved that he didn’t try to question me, because I knew to myself that if he asked me to bare my truth, I would; I simply could never defy him even if I wanted to.

By noon, Killian made his leave once again to attend to his duties around the pack, and he made sure to send over a pack member to deliver my food, all if which were too afraid to even meet my eyes, only handing the packed meal before lowering their heads respectfully and making their leave.

No words thrown whatsoever.

Killian was gone until midnight, and I had given up on waiting for him by heading to bed to try and get some sleep.

I was already laying down and tucked in when I heard the front door open from downstairs, and I easily picked up on the sound of footsteps moving slowly,

Almost calculated.

I couldn’t pick up the scent, which meant that it didn’t belong to the pack nor was it human.

I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end as I heard it circle around the room downstairs, and I began to hear the alarm going off in my head upon realizing that it wasn’t Killian who had just entered our den.

My wolf bristled in response to the intruder, her claws slowly sinking into the surface of me as she prepared herself to break out in defense, and I clenched my teeth as I tried to reel her down beneath me.

The low creaking sound of the intruder taking his first step upstairs was caught easily by my ears,

And my wolf was quick to release a low guttural sound that easily forced through my throat, its threat loud enough to be heard by the person intending to go further up our location.

The movement stilled as soon as my wolf made her sound warning, and I stared at the crack beneath the closed door with widened eyes, dreading for what was about to come.

The familiar chanting of onslaught rang harshly in my ears,

And my eyes began to water as I desperately tried to keep my wolf tethered close to me, knowing very well that another step from the intruder could trigger my nature into breaking free.

My body began to increase in temperature as my wild surged close beneath my skin, its whisper of attack plaguing my conscience as I laid quivering on the bed with my heart beating at a quickened pace. M wolf was daring the enemy to come closer, and I was afraid that she wasn’t going to hesitate on shedding blood in the very place that I had considered my haven.

She had killed before, and she didn’t mind doing it again.

I slowly sat up, my physique strained as I kept a hard look on the crack beneath my door. And I glanced at the mirror settled on my left to see my eyes shifted to a glowing gold, my wolf already close to breaking through my skin.

I waited, dreadfully looking for a shadow to appear right in front of my door with my jaw set tight.

I remained still for a few minutes, until I felt everything go still from outside.

I carefully stood up from my bed and walked over to the door, my hand circling around the doorknob, and when I opened it and took a step outside, I looked down at the bottom of the stairs to see the front door swung open, its lock meticulously broken down, and the intruder already lost within the darkness of the forest.

Killian was scarily silent as he stood in the living room, his features stoic while his eyes harbored a quiet rage. Leaning against the open door was Heath, his arms crossed above his chest as he glared at the floor, completely lost in his thoughts.

It had only been an hour since Killian returned and saw me at the far end of the stairs. And he didn’t need to ask what had happened when his eyes noticed my distraught figure, and down at the broken door. He had his fists curled so tightly that his knuckles had turned white while his form vibrated from the spiraling chaos in his mind, and he failed to keep the menacing growl from reaching his throat upon realizing that his pack had been breached.

Rage filled the silence of the room as I sat on the sofa with my knees pulled up against my chest, my eyes barely meeting the two men. Tension hung heavy in the air as Heath and Killian struggled to keep their inward storm at bay.

It was then that Reed entered the room, his features grim as he looked at his brother.

“Two of the border patrols are missing, Peter and Owen,” Reed informed.

The muscles on Killian’s jaw worked as he looked at the former beta, “Where were they assigned?”

Heath blew a breath, his eyes pointing at the Alpha knowingly, as he prepared to answer the question himself, “North.”

Killian’s posture noticeably tensed up upon hearing the information, a conclusion quickly forming in his head.

“I managed to find this in the exact location they were assigned, it was left on the ground,” Reed placed a dart-like object onto the coffee table, and I slowly leaned in to the very weapon that deemed our downfall.

“Wolfsbane,” Heath quickly assumed upon picking up the dart, his eyes narrowed at the small tube that held a small amount of crimson substance.

“It’s not just wolfsbane, Heath,” I mumbled, “Wolfsbane is blue and fluid, it shouldn’t be red and viscous.”

“They’re fucking with us,” Heath gritted out, “They left this shit on purpose. It’s a fucking threat.”

“I’ve sent out groups of search parties, but I don’t think there’s any chance of gaining any lead,” Reed told Killian, “The abductors didn’t leave a trace, it’s like they weren’t even there at all.”

“They don’t have any scent,” I mumbled.

“I think they found a way to mask it,” Reed added, his features overcome with worry as he crossed his arms above his chest, “They can finally catch us off guard, and the only option we have right now is to stay alert at all times.”

Heath snarled, his features brimming with contempt, “I’ll double the lookout around the borders, we’re not just dealing with any kind of hunters here.”

Killian’s jaw locked tight as the two brothers waited for his confirmation, after a moment he finally gave them a nod, “Go. Valerie and I will have to move to another location, this place isn’t safe anymore.”

“I think it would be better if you stayed closer to where most of the pack members are settled. It’s not a good idea to set yourselves farther from everyone else,” Reed said, to which his brother agreed with a short nod.

“He’s right,” Heath mumbled.

Killian looked at me, unsure.

I released a breath, “It’s the best option we have.”

Our new den was small and simple compared to our previous one. Like every pack members’ den, it was made up of one bedroom and a bathroom, with the kitchen and living area combined into one and furnishing only limited to what was necessary. It was not built with the aim to be homely, but only for the purpose of being livable.

“Everything okay?” Killian questioned as he walked into my new bedroom, his eyes going through the tight space thoughtfully.

Upon noticing his weary features and tense physique that begged for a much needed rest, I thought to myself that I was supposed to be the one asking him that question.

It was clear, in his tired eyes, that he was deprived of the peace that he deserved.

As I plumped up the pillows, I looked outside the window and pressed my lips tightly together upon seeing sections of home surrounding our new den, before giving Killian a curt nod.

“Yeah,” I muttered, “but I’m not so sure if they’re okay with me living among them.”

“They are,” he said, the tone of his voice lacking of doubt, “Anyone who says otherwise will hear from me.”

A sad smile appeared on my lips as I shrugged and dropped the last pillow into my bed.

“If anything goes wrong, I’ll be outside,” Killian told me, to which I replied by giving a nod.

“Goodnight, Killian,” I told him as he turned around to leave. He stopped at the doorway to send me a small smile with eyes already halfway closed, and It was almost a struggle not to pay too much attention at how innocent he looked when he was at the brink of falling asleep.

“Goodnight, Valerie,” Killian said before making his leave and closing the door behind him.

As the night set deeper, I remained laying on my bed with my mind on guard. Despite my desire to fall sleep, my eyes refused to close themselves as they continuously scanned around the room, my paranoia completely rendering me restless.

Killian was just outside and asleep on the couch, and I was struggling with myself from disrupting his slumber with an intent to sleep in his arms.

I didn’t want to acknowledge the underlying need to be close to him, my nature completely leaning into him more and more, but it was beginning to become a struggle for me to deny him.

I was starting to indulge more into his affection, and it meant that I was building up the bond that tied us both together,

I was molding an attachment.

Before I knew it, my feet had began to take me to Killian. The soft sound of my footsteps slowly dragged him out of his sleep until his eyes noticed my hesitant approach.

Just one more night.

“Come here,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse and inviting.

One last night, and I’ll stop.

And like before, he caged me into his arms, the familiar sense of solace greeting me as he took my leg between his own and reached for my other leg to hike it up his waist.

Warm and snug.

The feeling alone had me releasing a soft sigh, submitting to the warmth of his body that easily seeped into my skin as I easily began to feel drowsy beneath his comfort.

Killian settled his chin on the top of my head, and I couldn’t help but allow my eyes to drag up to his exposed neck. I didn’t miss how his throat bobbed when my breath hit at the exposed skin, and I slowly closed my eyes as I allowed myself to fall into a peaceful slumber.

But what I had promised to be my last, became my routine.

Each night, I would wake up during the night only to sleep on the couch with Killian. I couldn’t catch any sleep without him anymore as I had become reliant to his comfort; I sought for him more frequently.

But I would close my eyes on him laying with me, only to open them and realize that he had gone for his duties.

Killian had become more busy during the day, most of his time dedicated to building more security around the pack. He would arrive back home late at night, tired and tense as I would hear him go into the kitchen for water before crashing onto the couch to fall asleep.

“You’re still up,” Killian mumbled as he entered our home and saw me at the dining table fidgeting with my fingers.

He couldn’t bring his eyes to regard me as he wordlessly opened up the fridge to grab some water with his back facing me.

“I just finished cleaning the kitchen,” I explained.

Lie.

I was waiting for him to come home.

“You should get some sleep, Valerie,” he told me.

Hollow.

His voice sounded hollow.

I let my eyes burn his skin as I looked at him worriedly, trying to figure out how I was going to clear the chaos that burdened him.

I watched as Killian placed the empty glass into the sink, and I stood up from my seat and approached him from behind, my hand reaching out to tug at his shirt.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” I mumbled.

Killian’s back was tense as he refused to turn around and acknowledge me, but I remained persistent by tugging more onto the back of his shirt. He slowly turned around to face me, and he looked down at me with an expression that harboured the entirety of his shame as his fingers curled around my hand that had been clinging to his shirt.

“I can’t keep this pack safe,” Killian said, his features pained as he let his thumb brush against my knuckles, “I know they’re after me, and I can’t let this pack pay the price for my freedom.”

“What are you talking about?” I frowned.

“I’m saying that if it goes down to me surrendering myself in order to spare this pack,” he trailed off, “I would.”

I felt my heart drop upon his words.

Deep down, I knew the root cause of the intrusions around the borders. Whoever made Killian was threatening him, pushing him to the tipping point where he gives himself up only to be taken away. It was a sick game to play, and it was starting to wear him out.

“They’ve been leaving severed limbs around the borders, all of which belonged to the two missing border patrols,” he said.

They butchered them.

“Heath’s been forceful with the pack’s protection ever since, and he changed the number of patrols around the boundaries from a pair to a group of five werewolves.”

“And you? What have you been doing?” I asked him, and I noticed a look quickly pass over his features.

“Mitigation,” he simply said, and I frowned in suspicion from his filtered reply.

“I failed to keep this pack safe the moment someone managed to infiltrate our den. If I can’t even keep you safe, then how can I do the same for the everyone else in this pack?”

His hooded eyes avoided my gaze, his expression completely giving out his crumbling tenacity as he bared his shame to me.

I didn’t know what to say.

Killian hesitantly put my palm against his cheek, leaning into my touch with a depleted sigh as he closed his eyes for a short, indulging moment.

“Will you sleep with me tonight?” I mumbled, and a lazy smile formed on Killian’s lips as he gave me a nod.

And as we laid on the same bed with Killian in my arms, I fell asleep to my fingers tracing delicately along his back, enjoying the sensation of heat that would stick to my fingertips every time they met his skin.

The sound of someone knocking on the door forced me to pry my eyes open with Killian already standing up from bed hurriedly as he slid on his shirt before disappearing into the living room.

“Heath,” I heard Killian greet from outside my room.

I sat up from my bed with my ears still focused on their conversation, and I was taken aback by the sudden ache that occurred in my head, placing my hand against my temple as I prepared myself to stand up.

“A group of patrols from the East reported another lead left in the woods, just at the edge of the border. This one’s a lot more different,” The beta trailed off, as if he was unsure himself, “I thought you would want to see it yourself.”

I pushed myself out of the bed and walked outside to see Killian standing at the front door with Heath outside, and I froze as soon as the beta’s eyes shifted to me.

“Valerie,” Heath greeted, the serious expression on his face changing to become grateful.

I smiled, “Beta Heath.”

“Haven’t seen you in a while,” he cocked his head to the side, “You need to go out more. You’re losing your tan.”

Killian scoffed and turned to me, “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I nodded, and immediately put my hand over my mouth as the sudden feeling of nausea dug into my throat.

“Valerie?” Killian looked at me worriedly.

“You can go, Killian. It’s important,” I told him, trying to force down the bile from pushing through my throat.

“Let’s go,” Heath jerked his head to the side as he urged Killian to leave.

I smiled at them reassuringly, until Killian finally decided to leave by giving me one last look before heading to the East with Heath.

And as soon as the door clicked shut upon their leave, I ran to the bathroom and sunk to my knees in front of the toilet where I heaved a couple of times before completely purging the contents of my stomach.