Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Jackson ~ ~

My aunt, Jody, puffed out her chest. “If you don’t get that, then I’m gonna,” she warned, pointing her wooden spoon in my direction. She was talking about my phone, which was vibrating on the table for the third time in so many minutes.

“Who you avoiding anyhow?” Her dark eyebrow rose suspiciously.

I knew the caller was Logan. I’d spoken to him when I’d just finished my session with Jordan, my physical therapist. He asked that I be home on time as Maddy was cooking up a storm, making my favourite for tonight’s dinner.

Not in the mood for an argument, I told him I would be there.

But honestly, the idea of a family dinner, sitting there smiling and pretending to be happy, was the last thing I wanted to do. Especially after my gruelling day. Jordan had pushed me harder than before, working on my balance and coming to the end, I’d taken a tumble.

Now, the logical part of me knows it’s still progress. At first, I couldn’t feel where my left leg and foot were and using my vision to compensate was exhausting. And I still had to use my stick to ensure I didn’t slip. But I was walking further now. Able to walk and talk at the same time.

Two steps forward and one step back is still one step forward. Jordan had repeated to me and I know he’s right.

But climbing into the truck, Jody offered me to stay for dinner and I happily accepted.

And yeah, I should have told Logan. But honestly, I didn’t think it would be a big deal.

My phone vibrated again.

“Last warning, Jackson?” Jody huffed, opening the refrigerator door to pull out her Buttermilk pie.

“Fine,” I gritted out, eye-rolling.

“I saw that!” she said, closing the fridge door with a swipe of her hip.

What? She had eyes in the back of her head now.

“And quit the attitude or you can find your own way home.”

Keeping my sarky reply to myself I looked at my phone. Three missed calls and a deluge of messages.

Logan: Everything okay?

Logan: Where the hell are you?

Logan: Why ain’t you answering your phone?

Logan: You better be in trouble or something.

Logan: I ask you to do one thing! ONE THING!

Logan: Fine. I’m guessing you’re hiding your chickenshit ass at Jody’s. I’m calling her now!!!

Ah, shit. I didn’t want Jody involved so I quickly fired a message off: I’ll be home soon; it read.

He fired one back just as quickly. It read: I told you Maddy was cooking. I said it was important. Did you not understand that?

A storm surge of feelings—too much, too fast hit home. These last few weeks I’d made myself numb, by choice, but even I had to admit it was a dick move and I couldn’t believe I was letting him make me feel bad.

“I will need to take the pie to go,” I told Jody, who was shaking her head. And no doubt about to lecture me when my phone rang.

Two guesses who it was.

I pushed up from my chair, grabbed my stick, and made my way outside before I answered it. I didn’t get a word in before Logan growled down the line. “I told you to be home. Why would you go and do something like this?”

“I don’t see what the big deal is. Y’all were there.”

“No Jackson. We wasn’t.”

I gripped my stick tighter. “What do you mean?”

Ignoring my question, he asked another. “Are you at Jody’s right now?”

“Yeah, I am, and I’m pretty sure I can eat whatever leftovers there are tomorrow. Tell Maddy I’m sorry.”

“Tomorrow?!” he yelled down the phone. “Are you kidding me right now!? You want me to apologise—for you!”

I didn’t see the problem.

“It was just you and Maddy for dinner. She wanted—” he stopped and cursed out.

“She wanted what?” I asked.

Logan inhaled sharply. “It was just the two of you. She wanted to do something—a surprise. She’s tired of waiting on you to get your act together, so she planned a special night for you—just the two of you.”

“Well,” I blustered. “Why the heck didn’t you say so?”

“Why didn’t you say you had no intention of coming home?” he barked back.

Gritting my teeth. “I’ll head home now.”

“You better.” He muttered something under his breath. “Just go home and make it right, you hear me, Jackson!?”

“I said I was headin’ home, didn’t I?”

He disconnected the call without another word. Shoving my phone in my back pocket, I headed back inside.

“I’m guessing you should have been home, right?” She didn’t look up, but I could hear her disappointment.

“You okay to drive me back?”

“C’mon.” She held out a Tupperware container filled with pie. “Before you piss anyone else off.”

The drive back was quiet, and I was grateful that Jody wasn’t asking me questions or lecturing me. As the truck came to a stop, she ruffled my hair like I was still a kid. “Be nice.”

Not sure how to answer, I opened the door, set my stick down and got out. Jody reached over into the back and got the pie. “Here, you don’t want to forget this. And there’s enough for everyone.”

Smiling my gratitude, I closed the truck door and watched her drive off. Making my way round back, I opened the door. My eyes landed on the table. They laid it out all posh, with candles and napkins. I didn’t even know we owned candles.

Pushing the door wider, I stepped inside, nudging the door shut with my stick. Maddy was sitting at the table, her food hardly touched. She looked up as the door clicked shut.

“I’m guessing you’ve already eaten?” Her eyes dropped to the tub in my hand.

Fuck. And I felt like an ass. “Sorry, I forgot, and Jody asked if I wanted to stay for dinner.”

Maddy tipped her head toward the tub in my hand. “You got some left-over pie there?”

I held the box up. “Yeah, it’s her famous Buttermilk Pie.” My eyes dropped to what looked like a Texas Sheet Cake, sitting in the middle of the table. It was one of my favourites too.

Maddy’s shoulders sagged. “It’s most likely better than mine, anyway.” She pushed out her chair and started clearing away the plates and cutlery. It was then I noticed what she was wearing. She looked beautiful in a dress I’d not seen before. It differed from her usual style. A deep red colour with tiny straps, and hugged her lithe body to perfection.

My cock sat up appreciating the sight.

“That new?” I asked, attempting conversation. “The dress.”

“Oh... yeah.” She scraped her plate into the waste disposal. “I was saving it for a special occasion.”

“What?” My eyebrows rose. “Tonight was a special occasion?”

“I wanted it to be.”

“Why?”

“Why?” She flipped around with the plate in her hand. “Do I need a reason to want us to spend time together? To get past this?” She looked exasperated. “And—”

“And what?”

She didn’t answer me. “And what Maddy?”

She put the plates down and pulled her shoulders back. “Do you still feel the same way—that you don’t want me to be with you, Jackson?”

Her question cleaved me in two. “I thought you said you’d give me space.”

“I did, and I meant it. But you seem hell-bent on putting an entire state-size space between us. I feel you pulling further away from me, every day.”

I knew I was being unfair and Maddy’s given me space and yet still been there on the sidelines with her hopeful glances. How she was still waiting was beyond my comprehension. I knew she and Logan had cooled it too and I couldn’t explain to her, or even myself, why I was doing this.

It made sense a few weeks back, but now I felt stuck. But Logan was right. None of us were happy. And this whole idea of space suddenly seemed a terrible idea. Colossally stupid.

Maddy stood there waiting for me to say something—anything and I was trying to find the words to make this right.

“I’ll eat what you cooked for me tomorrow,” I offered.

Her lips parted, and she blinked. I think that was the last thing she was expecting me to say. Waiting for her to get angry and yell at me, instead, she sighed and carried on clearing everything away.

“You want any help?”

“No thanks. I got this,” she replied, not sparing me a glance.

Feeling the ache in my legs become uncomfortable, I drifted toward the table. Maddy was quick to pull out a chair for me. Always thinking about me first.

“Thank you,” I said, relieved at taking the weight from it as I placed the pie down on the table.

“Here, let me put that away.” She took the container of pie and put it in the refrigerator and then returned to the dishes.

Watching her, the silence between us stretched out. It was almost as uncomfortable as my leg. “Where is everyone tonight?”

“Out.”

Her one-word answer chipped away at my guts, so I sat there and went back to watching. And when she’d finished, she started toward the door, heading out of the kitchen. “Where are you going?” I asked.

Her steps paused, but she didn’t turn back around. “I’m tired Jackson.”

Shit. I closed my eyes, pissed off with myself.

“See you in the morning.” And then she was gone.

Sighing, feeling the tension in my shoulders drain to nothing, I rested my elbows on the table and hung my head in my hands, muttering to myself. A part of me—a huge part, wanted to follow her upstairs.

But it’s better left till morning now. Apologise and start afresh.

In my back pocket, my phone vibrated, making me grumble. I ignored it. But no sooner had it stopped ringing, a message was hot on its heels. Ugh. I pulled it out and read the damn thing.

Logan: SO HELP ME GOD. PICK UP!

I knew he wouldn’t quit till he’d said his piece, so when he tried to call me again, I answered.

“Jackson!”

“Brother...” I drawled.

His voice was a mix of hissing and snarls. “What the actual fuck, Jackson?” he started, instantly getting my back up. “This time you’ve gone done it.”

He stopped to take a breath, and I jumped in. “Quit hassling me, Logan. I came home and Maddy was tired. She’s gone to bed. I will fix it in the morning.”

“Oh, right, fix it, will you?” Mumbling something else under his breath, he added. “Tell me this, Jackson. How are you gonna do that when she won’t even be there, huh?”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“She hasn’t gone to bed, Jackson. She’s upstairs right now, packing her shit up and going to stay with her sister. Is that what you wanted? You happy now?”

His words winded me. My chest emptied, hollow and throbbing with the weight of my actions. “I’ve not asked her to leave.” I could hear the panic in my voice.

“Do you even know what she had planned for you? Why she looked fucking beautiful tonight?”

“She said she wanted us to spend time together.”

“It was more than that. She was gonna put herself out there even though she was nervous as hell and try to seduce you.”

“Seduce me? What? As in sex?”

“Yes, As in sex. She was out to show you how much she wants you. YOU! No matter how you feel about yourself and your road to recovery. She still wants you. It doesn’t matter to her. Hell, you could have no legs and only one arm and she would still want you, Jackson!” He noisily exhaled. “And that was the whole point of tonight—for her to show you that.”

Oh. Ooh. Fuck.

And call it pathetic but my chest puffed out with the idea she was gonna do that even though I knew it would be outside her comfort zone because although Maddy was beautiful to me, she had very little body confidence.

Logan huffed a breath calming slightly. “I don’t know how it feels to be you, Jackson. I’m not in your shoes. But this—what you’re doing...” he didn’t finish.

“I gotta go,” I told him and ended the call before he could get another word in.

I’d let agitation and bitterness build inside me, and I was taking it out on those who loved me. I’d been a total asshole. But I could put this right. She hadn’t left yet.

Knocking on her bedroom door, I waited, putting more of my weight on my good side. My body felt so tired right now.

No response, but I could hear movement from inside her room.

Rapping my knuckles on the door again. “Maddy, I know you’re not asleep. Can I come in?”

I heard footsteps, and the door cracked open and I smiled with the minor victory that she’d opened the door to me.

Only Maddy’s head peeked around the door and my victorious smile melted the instant her eyes found mine. Hers were raw and anguished. “You’re crying?”

“What do you want, Jackson?”

She’s upset and pissed off. Not a good combination. “I’m sorry I didn’t come home for dinner.” I reared back, doing some mental gymnastics, trying to remember what Logan had said to me. “I didn’t know what you had planned.”

She made a non-committal sound like she didn’t believe me and even to my own ears my explanation came across as lame, and Maddy took a long time to respond.

“Tell me something, Jackson. Did Logan not tell you I was cooking your favourite? And all you had to do was be home on time?”

I nodded. “Yeah, but—”

She cut me off sharply. “And yet knowing that you still chose not to come home?”

I nodded again. “Yeah.”

“So answer me this. Would you have still made the same choice if you had known it was just me and you tonight?”

It was best to be honest. “I don’t know, Maddy.”

Her chest rose and fell. She didn’t even look angry with me, just defeated. “Good night Jackson,” and she closed the door on me.

Shit. Well, that didn’t go how I expected.

Standing there, I had a sinking feeling that we’d reached a point where I needed to move past this or risk losing her...forever. I’d clung to the idea like a desperate man that she would wait until I was in a better place, both physically and mentally. Where I could be the man she needed. Deserved.

But since I’ve got back home, all I have done is fight against myself. I jerked off every damn day thinking about her. All the things I want to do to her—and with her. And I’m damn tired of denying myself the real thing. All because I’m too damn stubborn.

Losing Maddy wasn’t an option.

And before I combusted on the spot, my hand decided for me and I reached for the handle and flung open the door.

Actions speak louder than words.

Maddy pivoted around, hands planted on her hips. “What do you want now, Jackson?”

My eyes did a sweep of her body. She’s gotten changed into a pair of shorts and a vest and she wasn’t wearing a bra. And I knew I should look up into those blue eyes full of anger—for me, right now. But I couldn’t tear my eyes from her hardening nipples under that vest. And if I hadn’t been struggling hard enough to keep my erection at bay every time, she looked my way.

Then I was damn sure if she looked down, she’d see how much I wanted her.

She did, however, follow my gaze, glancing down too quickly, and her cheek pinked up nicely as her arms shot up to fold over her chest. “I asked, what do you want, Jackson?”

I blinked and swallowed. “You’re leaving?” I knew Logan had said as much, but seeing it made it more real.

Dropping her arms, her head flicked over her shoulders to eye up her half-full suitcase lying on the bed.

“Why?”

Her head flipped back around, but she wasn’t looking at me. Her head was down. “I’m not doing any good here. You seem so angry with me all the time. Don’t even want me near you.”

“What about Logan?” Avoiding asking if she’ll stay...for me.

Her shoulders drop, shaking her head. “I won’t choose one over the other. I know it might seem like I did with him and me having sex first, but it wasn’t like that.” She half shrugged. “I kinda hoped it would mean if I had sex once, then when it came to me and you—our first time, that I wouldn’t be so nervous, and relax enough to fully enjoy it and know what I was doing.” She fiddled with the hem of her shorts. “Not that I didn’t enjoy it with Logan, but I couldn’t switch off my thoughts, worrying, y'know?”

Oh. I guess that made some sense. “I’ll admit, it hurts. You and him.” I couldn’t hide the anger in my voice.

Lifting her head, her eyes softened. “I’m so sorry, Jackson. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do.”

We stood there in silence and irritation lit a fire inside my veins—not with Maddy or Logan. With myself.

Maddy took my silence to mean I was still mad at her and her head dropped for a second time. “Maddy, look at me.”

She peeked up at me from beneath the fringe of her lashes.

“No. Straighten up and look at me.”

She did it immediately, and a depraved part of me got off on it, and I wondered what else she might do if I asked her. Her tongue darted out over her bottom lip and her cheeks coloured up even more, spilling down her throat.

My cock liked it too.

“I’m sorry for how I’ve treated you, but you need to understand this has nothing to do with you.”

“Nothing to do with me? How is it nothing to do with me when you avoid me? Hardly speak to me?” Her voice cracked and her eyes glazed over. She looked so damn vulnerable right now. It’s written all over her face.

Letting go of my stick, it clattered onto the floor. Maddy went to pick it up, but I stopped her. “No. Leave it.”

She froze. “But—”

“No, Maddy.” Her eyes go round. “I said, leave it where it is.”

She looked like a deer in headlights right now. She always wanted to help. Make things better. But she needed to understand something. “I’ve been furious with the hand dealt me. I feel like I’m not enough for you—” I held up my hand to stop her from jumping in.

“—And I know that might seem stupid, even crazy. But I kept asking myself, was it right to tell you I’m fine when I don’t know if this might happen again? So I kept my distance to keep my sanity—you understand me?”

I could see her confusion. “But, Jackson, how long do you plan on waiting? Wasting time. None of us know what’s around the corner a week from now. A month. A year?”

It’s hard for anyone to understand. I feel like a broken toy. Damaged goods. Logan isn’t. He’s healthy. Strong. I dragged a hand through my hair and looked away, not knowing what else to say. But she was right to call me a coward. And I’ve acted like a total jerk since—well, even before then.

Maddy moved slowly toward me. “I miss you, Jackson,” her voice was gentle and her small hand reached out, her dainty fingers wrapped around my wrist, making the pulse pound harder, but nowhere near as hard as the one that was rioting inside my chest.

“I’m here Jackson, asking you to show me how much you want me and only hope it’s at least half as much as I want you.” Her thumb rubbed little circles on the back of my hand. It’s a small thing but means so much and I want nothing more than to wrap her in my arms and hold on tight.

And just this small gesture soothes me, makes me love her more. She’s oblivious to how much I want her right now.

But she deserves my truth. “Maddy, never think I don’t want you, because I do.”

Her thumb stopped moving, and her lungs emptied on a gasp. “Then stop holding back on me.”

“Look... I’m sorry.” I reached out and touched a lock of pale golden hair that had slipped across her cheek.

Maddy stepped closer, her face tilting up. “Don’t be sorry, just let me love you. Show you.”

Her eyes sparkled in the dim light of the room, making them look so much darker, but still soft and alluring. Her soft pink lips parted, just begging for me to lean closer and kiss her.

I should tell her she means so much more. Everything. That she’s the person who gets me out of bed most days. My bright spot. My eternal sunshine.

I let my thumb drift along her cheekbone, the smooth softness of her skin. Gods, I missed touching her. The things I want to do to her. I brought our faces closer, hand cupping her chin and pressed a gentle kiss beside her mouth.

“Show me, Princess.” My voice cracked uncharacteristically, thick with the emotions I’ve been holding back.

I heard the sharp intake of air from between her lips.

I’m ready for more.

So much more.

And my heart thumped hard. Waiting for Maddy to make her next move.