Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Maddy ~ ~

Riley Jo giggled, waving her hand all over the darn place whilst she pulled another clean plate from the dishwasher, explaining in graphic detail how she’d helped deliver a foal with their vet, Calvin, who was new to Lockwood Creek.

My eyes shifted when Adam walked into the kitchen pressing a finger to his lips, not signalling to Riley Jo that he was about to surprise her. He grinned at me before wrapping his arms around my sister’s expanding tummy.

Riley Jo and Adam hadn’t been married long. He was older than my sister, not that it mattered. Love didn’t care about age. Adam was a doctor...a surgeon. And they were expecting their first child. My nephew or niece, and I was so happy for them both.

Riley Jo gasped. “What have I told you about creepin’ up on a pregnant lady?” Her head twisted around, looking up, smiling.

Adam kissed her nose. “You were too busy talking to notice me.” He spun her around and my sister glanced up at her husband adoringly and my chest tightened.

That was how love was supposed to be.

Tender. Sweet. Real.

Three things I couldn’t associate with my marriage.

He whispered something and Riley Jo’s cheeks bloomed as she playfully slapped his bicep. “I need to shoot off.” He snatched another kiss and then patted his pockets. “Keys?”

Riley answered with an eye-roll. “By the door, Doctor.”

He turned to me. “Nice seeing you, Maddy.” He picked up his phone from the table. “Don’t be a stranger. You’re always welcome.”

Both my sister and Adam had been so nice to me. More than I deserved since she came out of the hospital following being assaulted in her own home and nearly dying in a fire.

“Give me a second?” Riley Jo walked him out, returning a few moments later. “You ready to see the foal?” she asked, rubbing her tummy in small circles.

“Is the sky blue?” I beamed.

We stepped out onto the wraparound porch of their newly built large ranch house and headed around back. Adam had bought the land from the Reillys and built their house in record time. I only realised how wealthy his family was when he hired every workman available within a hundred miles and paid them double time to get it done fast.

It was a beautiful home and now Riley was living our childhood dream of running her own horse and rescue sanctuary. I was so proud of her and yeah, maybe a little envious.

“So how are you feeling?” I asked her pointing at the cute round belly.

Riley Jo grumbled, lifting a shoulder. “Tired a little, but good overall... well, apart from these.” She cupped her breasts. “They just keep growing.” Giggling. “Not that you hear my husband complaining.”

“Well, if you have some spare, throw it my way.” I’d lost weight since I’d been married and my breasts now resembled nothing more than two bee stings.

“You need to stop losing weight!” she chastised as I kept my face facing away from her but still felt the weight of her stare and I knew what was coming next.

“Talk to me, Maddy. Tell me what’s going on with you.”

“Nuthin’. I’m fine,” I lied. “You don’t need to be worrying ’bout me.”

“Nuthin’ my ass,” grumbled Riley, adding, “I know you’ve been avoiding me.”

That was true. Riley Jo had a way of worming information from a person and the last thing I wanted was for her to know my life was a complete shambles.

“Can we not talk, and just enjoy today?” My voice was desperate but it was also the truth. Cooper didn’t want me to spend any time with Riley Jo.

She eyed me warily but then sighed. “Fine, but we’re gonna have to talk about it sooner or later.”

Later...much later.

Thankfully we arrived at the barn and Riley Jo flung open the door and we walked inside. “Welcome to the foal nursery.” she happily announced.

It was warm inside and the scent of fresh hay tickled my nose. Looking around, my heart leapt from my chest as the little foal’s head lifted and then struggled to her feet and hobbled toward Riley to bury her snout in her throat. It was quite clear they had already formed a bond, but then again, everyone loved my sister.

Well, maybe not everyone, but she didn’t seem to mind much that Mama pretended she didn’t exist.

For the next two hours, I helped muck out all the horses and get to know the new addition to Riley Jo’s family. By the time we’d finished, I was sweating buckets. “Damn, Riley Jo, how are you managing all this on your own?” I swiped a hand across my brow, smiling even though exhaustion ran rife through my body.

She looked up, her rosy cheeks flushed redder, blowing her fringe from her damp forehead. “I know Adam’s been getting on at me, too.” She sat on a haystack, fanning herself whilst rubbing her tummy. “Hey,” she sat up straight. “Don’t suppose you want to work here?” Her face lit up. “With me?”

My stomach churned. What would Cooper think? His wife mucking out horses. Not fitting for the wife of a Stanton.

Riley saw my hesitation, the smile on her face falling. “It was just an idea.”

It was the best idea I’d heard in months...but. “You know I would in a heartbeat if it was just my decision.”

Her eyebrows drew in. “What, so you need permission from Cooper?”

I chewed on my lip. “He likes me being around.”

Riley Jo scoffed. “Bet he does.”

I didn’t want to upset her. Walking toward her. “Let me talk to him.” I sat down beside her. “I would love to work here with you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

She seemed satisfied with my answer.

“Do you want to head back and I’ll make us some sweet tea?” Riley pushed up from the hay bale.

“Sounds good to me.” She held out her hand and pulled me up.

Back inside the house, Riley insisted I sat down whilst she busied herself. “You stayin’ for lunch?” she asked.

There was no reason I couldn’t. Cooper was with his father all day. They had business two towns over. “You cook now too?”

Riley laughed. “Believe it or not. I could cook before I got married.”

I never knew that. There was so much about my twin I didn’t know.

How terrible was that?

Overwhelmed by feelings of guilt. I didn’t deserve someone as good as Riley Jo to care about me.

“Hey, you okay Maddy?”

I felt myself sway as I pushed away from the table and I watched everything as if it were occurring in slow motion. Heat rose up my cheeks and my chest started rising and falling at an accelerated rate.

No, no, no. Not here, I cursed.

My vision blurred, forcing me to clamp them shut. Riley’s hurried footsteps came to my side as the blood thrashed inside my ears, pounding. “Put your head between your legs!” she said, taking hold of my upper arm, which made me hiss and flinch away from her.

My stomach clenched tight, and I hoped she didn’t notice.

“Breathe Maddy, count with me.”

Head now upside down between my legs, I felt her crouch in front of me, resting her hands on my spread knees. “Hear my voice...one...two...three...breathe.”

I listened to her voice, hands trembling.

Minutes went by with Riley Jo talking to me calmly, reassuringly.

It wasn’t my first panic attack. The first time I thought I was going to die, and it wasn’t till I told my therapist that she explained what it was.

Finally lifting my head, I blinked through watery eyes. The first thing to come into view was the concern on my sister’s face.

“What can I do to help, Maddy?”

A long tense moment later. “Water?” My voice was hoarse as I licked over my dry lips.

She pushed to her feet and dashed over to the cupboard, grabbing a glass and filling it with water from a jug out of the refrigerator.

I took a long cool drink, resting the glass on my lap. “How did you know?”

Riley pulled a chair alongside me, sitting. “Cynthia, my boss in New York, suffered panic attacks.”

I arched my brow; the question flying from my mouth. “Why don’t you hate me, Riley Jo?”

“Hate you?” She shook her head, squinting at me. “Why would I hate you, Maddy?”

“For everything I said.” My finger stabbed my chest. “Everything I did.”

Riley’s expression softened. “I already told you. I forgive you.” Tilting her head, she continued to watch me.

I didn’t understand how she could be so forgiving.

Riley’s head dropped and then lifted slowly, meeting my gaze. “There is one question that keeps buggin’ me.”

“Go on...” I encouraged.

She took a deep breath. “Why didn’t you believe me when I told you what Cooper had done in the barn... that night?”

When my mama had told me what Cooper had said happened. I was ashamed to say I believed it until I saw my sister’s face and heard the truth in her words. But I was too angry and hurt... and that hurt and anger didn’t come from what had happened with Cooper. It was something else...someone else. “I was angry at you.”

Riley pulled back, about to speak, when I held up my hand. “Not about Cooper, Riley Jo.” I shook my head, sighing. “It was never about him.”

She straightened her spine with an almost violent snap. “Then what? Tell me?”

I chewed my lip. I’d seen Logan that morning and just like his brother, Jackson. Logan had begged me not to marry Cooper and choose him. He’d said he’d do anything for me.

Asking Logan the same question I’d asked Jackson that night about hurting his brother. And how could he expect me to choose between them? Logan had looked so pained and I watched as his hurt flipped to frustration. He started pacing up and down, saying if I knew what Jackson had done, I wouldn’t want him either.

I demanded he tell me what Jackson had done. And when he told me I froze, listening with my heart erupting into such a demented pace it surprised me it didn’t burst through my chest.

“You never told me who your first was Riley Jo?” I didn’t mean to sound accusing or sharp, but it still came out that way.

“First what?” And then it dawned. “Ooh, you mean...” Guilt shone in her gaze and I heard her gulp. “Who told you?”

“Logan.”

Riley Jo cursed, looking down at her lap. “It was at the Timberfell party. I found him and Logan fighting.” Her head lifted. “Over you.”

I knew it was over the barn incident and me running away.

Riley Jo continued. “I got between them and dragged Jackson away.” Pausing. “It’s no excuse, but we’d both been drinking and...” She sighed. “You don’t need me to draw you a picture.”

Her confession made me sick to my stomach. But did I have any right to be angry at her? No. I’d repeatedly told Riley Jo I had no feelings for them. Lying to myself and her.

“I’m so sorry Maddy. It should never have happened.”

We both sat in silence until she broke it. “Are you mad at me?”

I shook my head. If I could go back. I wouldn’t have run away that night. I’d have taken what I wanted—still wanted. “No.” I gave a small shrug. “I was jealous, that’s all.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think I rocked his world. He fell asleep on me.”

A small smile lifted her lips, and I burst out laughing. Almost giggling hysterically. And Riley Jo joined in. “You forgive me?” she asked.

“Yes.”

We stopped laughing and a serious expression fell across Riley’s face. “Why did you marry Cooper, Maddy?”

My mama had point-blank refused to believe Cooper was capable of any wrongdoing and we’d argued when I’d told her I was gonna call off the wedding. I wanted to tell the Stantons what their son had done and try to convince them to give us time to find the money. Although my mama had never actually said we owed them money or how they were gonna help save our family from ruin.

We yelled at each other for hours and that was the first time my mama slapped me. She screamed I was selfish and ungrateful for everything she’d done for me and it would be my fault when Nana Em lost everything, sayin’ it would kill her.

She then said I only had to stay married to him for two years and then I could be free. She’d asked me what was two years compared to my family losing everything.

“Maddy?”

I looked down at my finger where my wedding ring sat, taunting me.

... Fourteen months to go.

I looked up. “It doesn’t matter, Riley. It’s done. No changing it.”

She looked dismayed at my answer. “Trust I know what I’m doing.” I took her hand.

Riley Jo changed direction, throwing me a curve ball. “Logan asks after you all the time.” He did? I thought he might hate me by now... both of them. “It’s almost like the man is in love with you.”

My heart stuttered as I pulled back in my seat, dropping her hand.

She added, “I honestly thought you and him...or you and Jackson would have...you know...” She wagged her eyebrows, hoping I’d fill in the blanks.

I slowly shook my head.

“No? It never crossed your mind?” she asked.

Oh, it had crossed my mind all the damn time. That and regret.

Her eyes widened. “So, Cooper was your first?” A hint of pity flashed across her face but then was gone.

I wanted to laugh. How could I tell my sister I’d almost been married an entire year, and I still hadn’t had sex with my husband. Couldn’t have sex with him.

It was the reason I was seeing a therapist.

My shoulders sagged. “Can we talk about sumthin’ else?” I pleaded.

“I wished you’d trust me enough to talk to me?”

I trusted her more than she would ever know but what good could come from her knowing the truth?

“Please, Maddy.” She squeezed my upper arm, and I flinched, the pain shooting down my arm.

Riley Jo dropped her hand. “Look at me, Maddy!” she insisted, her tone clipped.

I looked up. “Is he hurting you?” Her eyes darkened to a deep green. I could see the anger in them. “Because if he—”

“—No.” I interrupted, stating firmly. “He wouldn’t dare!”

Lie. Lie. Lie.

“Why do you flinch every time I touch your arm?” She tried to move the sleeve on my T-shirt. “Let me see.”

I pulled away. “No!” Heat stung the back of my eyes and the telltale sign of tears pricked my nose. Don’t cry! “It’s nothing. The wind caught the barn door and clipped my arm and shoulder.” The lie came easily, but my stomach knotted.

Riley Jo’s eyebrows vanished into her hairline and didn’t come back down.

I never was good at lying and I thought she was gonna push me to tell her the truth, but she surprised me. “You’re stronger than what you think, Maddy.”

Strong? Me? Ha. S’Mores had tougher guts than I did.

“Leave him. You can come and live here with us.”

I knew she was serious, but there was something else I’d not told her. That night of the fire, I’d heard Cooper on the phone to his best friend, Clay Henderson. He was supposed to meet him. And although they didn’t mention Riley Jo by name, my instincts told me he was planning something bad.

And that was the first time I slipped the pills my therapist had prescribed me into his coffee and our evening meal. I went a step further and also added an allergy pill to his whisky. He was out cold before we got to dessert.

In truth, I’d thought I overdosed him and panicked. But all that panic faded when a message came through from Clay saying he was at Riley’s Jo house and was excited to get his hands on my sister.

I’d bolted out of the house and headed over there, but I was too late. My sister was being taken away in an ambulance and her home was destroyed. I’d sat in my car outside the hospital for hours before I got the courage to go inside.

Cooper had woken whilst I was talking to Adam and when I’d got home, he showed me exactly what he promised would happen if I ever disappointed him, all the ways he would hurt me.

He hadn’t been lying when the first punch landed, knocking me to the ground. I’d never known pain like it as I curled up on the floor, hoping each punch would be the last.

I’d never hated anyone in my life until that moment. And the bruising to my body may have faded, but the emotional scar would never heal.

And I wasn’t sure it ever would.

Riley was watching me intently as if trying to read my mind. I forced a smile. “So, didn’t you offer me lunch?” I sassed. “Or I am expected to cook my own?”

“I did.” She rolled her eyes, but I’d distracted her. “Let’s see what we have in the refrigerator.”

We both stood and Riley wrapped her arms around me, her small protruding tummy bumping into mine. “I love you, Maddy. I’m here. You remember that,” she whispered, and I blinked back the building pressure behind my eyelids.

Working on lunch, I washed some greens as Riley Jo heated some leftover ribs. We chatted about babies and her plans for the nursery.

Full to bursting, I leaned back in my chair. “So, you and Adam fixin’ ongoing to the town celebration?” It was Lockwood’s bicentennial in two days.

Riley Jo pushed her plate away, reaching for her glass of water. “Sure am. Connor and Max invited me to tag along with them, seein’ as Adam’s working.″ Mischief flashed through her eyes. “I’m sure Mama’s face will be a picture when she sees me there.”

She wasn’t wrong about that, and I didn’t even try to hide my grin.

Finished with lunch, I helped tidy up, and then it was time to head back. I would need to call in for groceries for tonight’s dinner. “I’m gonna head out. I need—”

Riley Jo cut me off. “Please Maddy, don’t go back.” She came to stand right in front of me. “You might think I sound crazy, but I’m scared Maddy—scared for you.”

I pulled away and plastered a smile on my face. “Riley Jo, what has got into you? It just takes time for a marriage to settle. Get used to each other.”

She didn’t believe a word I was saying. “They say the first twelve months are the worst.”

Sweet Jesus, had I just said that?

“Swear to me he ain’t hurting you?”

How could I swear it? I squeezed past her. “I’m okay Riley Jo. You need to focus on yourself and my niece or nephew.”

Riley Jo huffed. “You’re as stubborn as any of those damn horses I have out back.”

I believed her, but I wouldn’t risk any harm coming to her or the baby.

Saying my goodbyes and promising to take care of myself. I called in at the store and then headed home. As I drove down the driveway, I was listening to music and singing to myself. I slowed the car before I reached the house. I could see Cooper’s car sitting out front. And not only that, his father’s car was there too.

My stomach fell away as a groan climbed up my throat and I sluggishly pressed my foot on the accelerator, continuing, parking right next to Cooper’s car.

I prayed he was in a good mood.

Fourteen months to go...