Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Logan ~ ~

My guts crunched knowing I was well out of line, but it didn’t stop me from cracking the door open enough so I could listen in.

Listening in to what? Maddy and Jackson talking.

I had wanted to talk to Jackson first, but Maddy had shaken her head, pressing a hand to my chest and then followed him out. Behind me, Casey carried on with her baking, humming to herself and thankfully paying no attention to me or our escalating family drama.

However, I could tell as soon as Maddy started talking, Jackson’s walls shot up higher. His prickly tone was not interested in anything she had to say. And when I heard him ask the question regarding me and Maddy having sex, I should have felt relief, because it was finally out in the open. Not to mention I’d been too chickenshit to bring it up myself.

But it wasn’t relief I felt—not even close. Instead, it was more like one of the bullets from a shotgun was tearing through my chest, its pellets shattering my heart into pieces. And feeling lightheaded, my fingers tightened around the smooth door knob.

I’d hurt him, my brother.

Sucking in some air, my stomach was about to eject itself and although I heard him say it didn’t bother him. His lie soured on my tongue.

I knew my brother.

Goddammit.

I ran a hand through my hair, cursing myself and feeling as sick as a dawg for causing him more pain on top of all the other crap he was having to deal with.

Why hadn’t I waited? Just one more day.

This was all my fault. And now he was taking it out on Maddy. Hurting her by pushing her away. However, that wasn’t quite the truth. He’d been pushing her away for weeks. Me too.

But hearing we’d crossed that finished line was most likely the final nail in the coffin as far as Jackson was concerned. And I couldn’t exactly blame him for being bitter? Angry? Hurt?

No. His hurt feelings were all on me.

But standing here, It wasn’t just his hurt. Maddy’s heart was breaking in two and that had my hands clenching, fisting. I didn’t know whether I wanted to hug Jackson or punch him some sense in him.

But either way, I couldn’t stand here any longer. And I was ready to throw my hat in and go out there when Maddy’s words stopped me.

“Don’t do that,” she said, her voice much stronger than I’d expected after him just telling her he didn’t want to be with her.

“I’m not doing anything Maddy that isn’t the right thing to do. Go find Logan. Be with my brother.”

“The right thing?” she spluttered. “You call this the right thing, Jackson?”

He didn’t reply.

“All you’re doing is closing yourself off. To me. To Logan.”

“I’m not. I’ve never been thinking clearer.”

Yeah, right. I almost snorted, but Maddy jumped right in. “Yes! Yes, you are. You’re pushing me away because what?” she paused, and I waited. “Because I might leave you? Like your mama did? Is that it?” She sucked in air but it almost sounded like a wheeze.

Should I intervene now? But Maddy wasn’t done yet.

“You’re a coward, Jackson.”

Ouch! My breathing stopped.

“Coward? What the hell gives you the right to say that to me?” I heard his words, but I didn’t miss the uncertainty in his tone. There was no weight—no fight behind them.

“Because you’re not saying exactly what’s goin’ on inside that mind of yours.” I pushed open the door a little more, lending my ear. “Get angry with me. Yell at me. Tell me how disappointed in me you are. But quit lying to yourself that you’re doing the right thing here.”

Atta girl.

Maddy bulldozed on. “I’m telling you this right now, Jackson Reilly. If you think this fixes whatever crazy thoughts you’re having about us.” She laughed, but there was no humour in it. “Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you. I ain’t going nowhere. I love you and it’s as simple as that.”

Pride filled my chest. She didn’t need me to charge in there... yet.

Jackson remained quiet. And maybe now was the best time to head on out there and shake some sense into him.

“So this is how it is,” she started. “I’m sorry that you have it in that stubborn head of yours that there is a right way and wrong way for you to deal with our relationship. That you expected it all to be smooth sailing. I’m sorry, Jackson, but that’s utter bullshit. And you’re much too smart to hold such crazy thoughts and ideas.”

She paused and her her tone softened just a little.

“Relationships are like a battlefield. Bloody and painful sometimes. Even frightening. But it’s what happens out there on that battlefield that defines greatness. And our love story may have suffered a setback, but I always knew choosing this—with you and Logan would never be easy. And no matter what is thrown at me. I’m not quitting. Never.”

It was easy for me to picture the determined expression she wore right now, and I smiled. Our woman was freakin’ magnificent.

“So, I’ll let you have some space. Lick your wounds, if that’s what you wanna call it. But don’t think for one second that what we have between us is over. You listening to me?”

“Are we done here?” said Jackson, and I gritted my teeth. My brother could test the patience of a saint.

“Yeah. We’re done. For now.”

I had to jump back from the door but didn’t have time to shut it as it was almost ripped from its hinges as Maddy came storming on through into the kitchen.

She huffed out, slamming the door behind her. She didn’t even glance up at me or Casey as stormed out of the kitchen.

Casey turned, streaking flour onto her cheeks as her hand swept across it. “Jackson strikes again,” she said.

I didn’t have time to ask what she meant as my feet were moving, going after Maddy, hot on her tail. Catching her just before she ran up the stairs. No way did I want her to think she was alone in this.

“Maddy!” My tone was sharper than I intended.

She stopped dead, her hands fisting and un-fisting by her side.

“Maddy,” I said, softer this time.

Slowly she turned around, head hung low, her eyes hidden from me.

“Look at me, Princess.”

Her eyes climbed up to meet mine.

And my heart damn near stuttered. Her chin quivered and her eyes filled with tears and pain. She obviously didn’t want to cry in front of Jackson. She wanted to be strong, but seeing me caused it all to come out in a rush.

I pulled her into my arms and sighed with utter contentment, feeling her warm body tucked into mine. Not only could her touch light me on fire, but just holding her brought such immense comfort when I felt emotionally troubled, tossed out at sea.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she repeated.

I didn’t know why she was apologising. Or maybe I did. She was somehow wanting to take all the blame for us taking that giant step. Sex. Without Jackson.

I rested my chin on top of her head. “No, Princess. The one who is sorry is me. I’m sorry that I didn’t think about the consequences.” I drew slow, comforting circles over her back as she sucked in a quiet sob. “He doesn’t mean what he said. I know my brother.”

“But it is my fault. He’s being off with you because of me and he thinks I’m just like your mama because I didn’t tell him how I felt that day.”

“He’s just stubborn and scared, Princess. But I know he wants you just as much as he’s ever done. We just have to be patient with him.”

“You heard what I said to him?” she whispered, her damp cheek pressing against my chest.

“Yeah, sorry, it was kinda hard not to. I was worried ’bout you. About you both.”

Moving my hands, I eased her back to cup her cheeks. Her tear-filled eyes almost broke me. “He will come around, Princess. I promise you that.”

She grazed her bottom lip with her teeth, slowly nodding her head.

I sighed. “I think Casey might need some help to clean up. So why don’t you go upstairs, freshen up and then give her hand before Jody arrives.” I rolled my eyes. “Or else she’s likely to threaten to move in again.”

Maddy gave me a shy smile, and I dipped and captured her lips. And I was glad she wasn’t reluctant to return my kiss. Or that she wasn’t pushing me away whilst this thing with Jackson sorted itself out.

“Go on. Get,” I tapped her backside as then she walked off, only turning back around once to smile at me.

I stood there for a moment with my hands planted on my hips, wondering how best to deal with this. But in the end, deciding there was no wrong or right way. However, there was something in the study he needed to see, and it was about time he read it. Heading there, I picked it up, grabbed my hat, and made my way outside.

Jackson didn’t acknowledge me as I came outside, or he didn’t hear me, but either way, I was doing this.

Moving to stand in front of him sitting on the rocking swing that I’d help build with my pa. He still didn’t acknowledge me, just stared off into the distance. “Care for some company?” I asked, not waiting for an answer I sat next to him.

“Seems I can’t stop you?” his tone was gruff.

“Nope.”

We sat there for a few minutes as I waited, hoping he might start this off. But it was me who cracked first. “What are you doing here, Jackson?”

“Last time I checked, they called it sitting, taking the weight off your feet.”

Smart-ass. I grumbled, taking my hat off and resting it on top of the small journal I’d brought with me, now sat beside me. Sighing, I ran my hand through my hair. “Quit deflecting.”

“Deflecting brother? And here was me thinking I was the one they dragged to therapy.”

He was making this difficult.

Jackson huffed. “But if you’ve come outside to get me to change my mind. Then you’re wasting your breath, brother.”

“More stubborn than any wild horse out there.” He took after our pa that way, another reason they always butted heads. “And I’ve come outside to say my piece, brother.” And get you to see sense, I wanted to say.

He huffed again.

“Well, get it over with, and then we can both get on doing something else,” he quipped.

“First off. I’m sorry. Blame me for what happened between me and Maddy. I know we had an agreement between ourselves about how things should go down, and I was a selfish asshole. Jumped the gun.”

He stayed quiet, but I felt him tense beside me.

“But don’t take it out on, Maddy.”

Still quiet.

“And quit talking out your ass saying you don’t want her or that she’s better off with me bullshit. Because you can’t sit there and not tell me you don’t feel your soul pulling you towards that woman...our woman. I know you. And I know it to be true because it’s how I feel too.”

He still had that wall up around him. “You should be happy I’m doing this. Stepping away to let you two be happy together.”

Happy? “How does any of this make me happy? Or make Maddy happy? And I’m damn sure you’re not happy. And have you thought about what’s gonna happen long term?”

This time, he turned to face me, his brow furrowed. “Long-term?”

“You think she’s gonna be happy with just me? She’s gonna think she’s driving a wedge between us?”

His jaw clenched.

I carried on. “You know as well as I do. She always told us she would never choose, and now you’re choosing for both of us. She will walk away.”

Jackson hiked up his chin, all defensive. “Bullshit!”

“Call bullshit all you like, brother. But it’s gonna happen.”

He turned his head away from me. It was time to fight this from another angle. “You know what Pa told me years after our ma left us?”

“What?”

“Nine months and seven days was exactly how long it was for the gossip to stop after our Ma ran off.”

“So?” His face scrunched. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Do you not realise people are gossiping about what goes on out here between the three of us?” His head slowly turned back to me and I could see the cogs turning inside his mind. “I’ve watched people turn up their noses at her, turn away and I’ve seen the hurt that’s caused her.”

I’d noticed it happening more often. The whispers. Snide comments. Dirty looks. It was hard not to take the bait and give them a piece of my mind. Only three days back, she’d come out of a shop having gone in to buy new shoes saying she’d had a change of heart. But I knew different. They’d told her to leave. I asked her to tell me what happened, what they’d said, but she just brushed it off, saying it didn’t matter.

“That’s on us, Jackson. We did that.”

He stayed quiet.

“She’s risking all that to be with us because I know she thinks loving us is worth how people think of her. Treat her.”

I swore I heard him gulp.

“Now tell me, that isn’t a sacrifice.”

I hoped I was getting through to his thick skull. I pushed off the chair, lifting my hat and the journal. “Here!” I tossed our ma’s journal onto his lap.

“Read it Jackson and deal with whatever issues you have because our woman does not deserve to be—” I pointed at his lap. “Compared to her—to what happened in the past.”

I was about to turn and leave when Jody’s words came to mind—the last thing she said to me before she left yesterday. Don’t treat him any differently. He’s not broken.

“Oh, and by the way, when you’re ready, there’s a stack of ranch paperwork that needs handling inside.”

“What!? What the hell.” His grey eyes bugged out of his head. “I ain’t doing no paperwork.”

“Well,” I scoffed. “Sorry to bust your bubble. But we all pull our weight around here and I ain’t working all day out there then to come home and do all the paperwork as well.” I cocked my head. “So until you’re back on a horse, you can make yourself useful.”

His face was a picture of anger and frustration... but then the mask slipped and with it, I saw his raw, unfettered vulnerability and it tugged at something inside me. Call it our twin-link or whatever you like. But I could feel his pain.

“What?” I asked. “Talk to me, Jackson.”

I watched his Adam’s apple slowly shift and had to wait another minute before he spoke. “I’m afraid Logan.”

I slowly sat back down next to him, waiting for him to continue.

“I’m so scared that I won’t be able to get back onto a horse or never rope again.” He held his left hand up. “Because I don’t have the strength I need.” He inhaled a breath. “Look at it. I’m too damn weak to whip a gnat!” His head dropped. I moved my hand to his shoulder, squeezing.

“Jackson. You’re three months into this fight. You will get back on a horse and be fixin' to do all those things that you fear losing.”

He didn’t lift his head, but he asked, “How do you know?”

“Because I know you, brother. You ain’t a quitter.” I half shrugged. “And I reckon me being older kinda makes me wiser.”

His head lifted and there I saw it. He smirked, and it was damn good to see his cocky expression aimed at me. “And that smile right there makes dealing with whatever that ass-crack mouth of yours throws at me more bearable.”

He scoffed a laugh.

I pushed up again, adjusting the belt on my jeans. “I’m gonna head out. But I want to you think on this.” I had his full attention. “Allow life changes to make you better not bitter. And don’t throw away love.”

He nodded slowly, and I hoped, just maybe, he had listened and taken my advice. I slipped my hat onto my head and turned to leave. Walking away a few steps, I chanced a look over my shoulder.

He was reading my ma’s journal.