Shattered Hearts A MFM Love Story

~ ~ Maddy ~ ~

Finally, alone. And to be honest I was happy for the time alone. I hadn’t dealt with the shock, yet, and I wanted the solitude to process what happened. Still a little shaken I was determined not to let it ruin my evening with my sister.

A little later having napped and showered and dressed, it was time to head over to Riley Jo’s. Unfortunately, she already was aware of the earlier events, having called me to tell me she had my purse, and that was the moment it had hit me and I’d burst into tears. She’d wanted to drive over to Cooper’s and do god only knows what—most likely murder him.

I felt terrible for upsetting her a second time and did my best to reassure her I was okay and the tightness in my chest eased when she relented.

In the mirror’s reflection, my eyes darted to the door, hearing a rap of knuckles. “I’m decent,” I called out, brushing my hand over my dress to smooth it out as the door opened wide and Logan stepped inside.

His eyes went from wary to heated as they wandered over me. His long strides brought him flush against my back, and my heart skidded to a stop.

“Damn, you look beautiful, Princess.” Resting his hands on my hips, a fire licked across my tummy, and for once, I didn’t dampen it down.

“You think so?” My attention returned to my reflection. It was a dress I’d bought before my engagement to Cooper, but my mama had hated it on sight and I’d put it to the back of my walk-in closet. It had spaghetti straps and a floral pattern that swirled loosely around my bare legs, hitting at mid-thigh. Though I was slightly sad at the fact, I had to pair it with a textured crew neck short-sleeved cardigan to hide my bruises.

My eyes flicked up to his and his smouldering look made my legs wobbly and my body heat up.

Hell, bells! How was I going to manage living here with these two? I’d kissed Logan this morning and then, a few hours later, Jackson. Well, technically, they kept kissing me, but I hardly put up a fight.

Logan leaned down. His warm breath tickled my ear, and I tried to ignore the leap in my pulse. “I won’t ever lie to you, Princess.”

I believed him. “Good to hear.” Swallowing down my rush of giddy nerves.

His tone changed. “You gonna be okay tonight? Because I’m sure Riley Jo would understand if you’re not up to going out.” His gaze roved over my face in the mirror's reflection like he was memorising every detail. It lingered when he reached my lips and my mind supplied in vivid detail our earlier kiss.

Snap out of it.

I quickly tossed that thought out as I looked away. “Me...pfft. I’m doin’ fine. Honestly, you don’t need to be worrying ‘bout me.” I tried to be convincing. “And look at it this way. I guess I have something else to talk about in therapy.”

I clamped my mouth shut—why the hell had I mentioned my therapy?

“You seein' someone, a professional?” His eyebrows rose in surprise.

Stiffening, I cursed my stupidity. My doctor had been a godsend, letting me cry on her shoulder more than a few times and never once telling me I was stupid to marry Cooper. “Yeah.”

I hoped that would be the end of the discussion, but I could see his troubled eyes. “If I knew what was going on. I would have walked right into the bastard’s house and thrown you over my shoulder and brought you back here, home.”

Home...A warm feeling spread across my chest. Such a simple word, yet it had so much meaning. And I didn’t doubt his words as I stared into the fathomless depths of his dark gaze as the awareness swept through me. I wanted to lean into him, have his warmth wrap around me.

“It’s over now and I’m sure he got the message.” I smiled. “No one messes with Aunt Jody!”

He nodded. “He better, for his sake.”

I waved it off, stepping out of his hold, glancing down at the floor surrounded by pumps. “Now, which do you think would go best with this dress...hmm?” I pressed a finger to my bottom lip.

Logan scratched his head for a moment. “I like the baby blue flats.” He said with certainty.

“Yeah? You think?” They would go with the dress.

“Yeah, reminds me of your eyes. Pretty. So yeah.”

More heat. “Blue it is.” I slipped them on. “Right, I’m ready.”

We pulled up outside of Adam’s and Riley Jo’s home. Jackson opened my door offering his hand as Logan climbed out of the driver’s seat coming around to my side of the truck. Both rested a hand on my lower back protectively.

I’d barely made it up the porch steps when the front door opened and my sister was wrapping her arms around me tightly, pressing me up against her bump. “I’m okay, Riley Jo, honestly.”

She loosened her grip and shifted her head back. “Oh, puleeze! Don’t you be lyin’ to protect me.” Her eyes narrowed. “That man is a menace and should be locked up...and I should know.”

They’d never been able to pin Riley Jo’s attack on Cooper, but I didn’t doubt for one second he’d instigated the whole damn thing.

Riley Jo exchanged a glance with the twins. “You boys better protect my sister, you hear me?” she half threatened.

“We’ve already said he’s a dead man if he steps one foot on our property again,” growled Jackson, with Logan nodding.

“Well, good.” Riley glided toward Logan, hugging him. “I’m happy she has you both to look out for her...and that you came tonight.”

Logan hugged her back. “Wouldn’t miss it and you’re looking well, Riley. Marriage and pregnancy suits you.”

“Thank you, Logan. Sometimes I feel like the happiest person alive.” She smiled and moved past me to hug Jackson. “Hey there, stranger.” It was the first time she’d seen him since he’d returned to Lockwood.

And it was the first time I’d watched my sister and Jackson interact since learning they’d had sex.

Stiffening, my stomach dropped with an unease that sure didn’t sit well.

“Wow. You look beautiful, Riley Jo. It’s true what they say about pregnant women glowing.”

Heat rose up my sister’s cheeks as she playfully punched his arm. “Not lost any of that charm, I see?”

“Charms my middle name, darlin’.”

And if my body could have stiffened any more, I would surely have snapped in two like a twig.

Was he flirting with her?

Something inside me shifted. It was dark and ugly, making me want to get the hell outta there. But I couldn’t leave, so I did the next best thing and moved away from Jackson, shifting closer to Logan who rested his hand on my hip as I leaned into him.

It was jealousy pure and simple. He thought she looked beautiful? Did he still have feelings for my sister? Jackson turned as if he knew I’d moved away from him and raised his eyebrows in confusion.

I twisted my attention to a familiar face. Conner, my sister’s best friend, filled out her doorway. “Hi there, Chica, ’bout damn time you got here.”

“Hey Connor,” He moved toward me and hugged me, lifting me from my feet.

Setting me down, he stepped to my side. “Have you met my wonderful husband?” he said proudly.

Max stepped out the door to greet me. “Great seein’ you, Maddy.”

He was always a man of few words. “Hey, Max.” I returned his smile.

“Well, c’mon y’alls, let’s head inside,” ushered Riley Jo excitedly.

Following behind her. “Where’s Adam?”

Talking over her shoulder. “He had some emergency surgery.”

Oh. Inside the house, it smelled of mouth-watering biscuits and fried chicken, and my appetite stirred a little, having not eaten since breakfast.

Riley Jo led us through to the large dining room and told us to sit. She planted me slap bang in the middle of Logan and Jackson and I didn’t miss her witty quip of, “play nice and share boys,” winking at me.

I narrowed my eyes at her, hoping she could see the warning in them. “What?” she questioned with guiltless eyes and a smile wider than the Mississippi.

She was as subtle as the breeze.

Dinner was superb. And it was lovely to catch up with Conner and Max and listen to them talk so warmly about their wedding and Riley Jo’s. Although it was mixed with a little sadness on my part, having missed both occasions. It was one of those regrets that would always weigh heavily. But I happily accepted Connor and Max’s invitation to their home for next week and it felt good making plans and not having to worry about asking anyone’s permission to go.

I was free. Fee to live my life however I wanted.

It wasn’t long before I was pushing my empty plate away. “That was amazing, Riley Jo. You could easily give Stella a run for her title of best chicken and dumplings.”

Grinning. “I used her recipe. I can give it to you if you like?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna give it a go myself.” I looked toward Logan, who placed his hand over mine. I didn’t move it, but I was hyper-aware of Jackson’s eyes staring into the side of my head. He’d been trying to get my attention during dinner and every time he’d tried to talk to me I’d given him one-word answers.

I knew it was stupid and childish of me. But I couldn’t help it, it was eating me up on the inside knowing that he’d been the one to take my sister’s virginity and I kept picturing him and Riley Jo, kissing... touching. Naked.

I thought I’d let go of all those feelings I’d had when Logan had first told me. And when Riley Jo had admitted it, I knew she would never have hurt me intentionally and at the time I’d been adamant that nothing was ever going to happen with them. So the logical part of my brain knew it had no right to be angry about it.

So why was I letting it upset me so much?

“Whose for dessert? I made a Peach Cobbler.”

“That’s my favourite. Sign me up,” smiled Jackson.

Of course, it would be his favourite! “Let me help you clear all this away,” I said, getting up from my chair.

“Nah-ah,” said Riley Jo, pushing up from her seat.

“Here, let me help.” Jackson was also up out of his chair. We reached for the same plate and our fingers touched and goosebumps shot up my arm. I looked up and caught his tentative smile.

“No. I got this,” I said with a bite in my tone. “I said I’d help my sister.”

Riley Jo’s face pinched as she looked between us. “How’s about you two sit yourselves down?” Her face morphed into a challenge. “I invited you here as my guests, so relax. Enjoy. I got this.”

“You shouldn’t be on your feet, Riley Jo. It’s not good for the baby,” said Jackson.

And since when did he know so much about pregnancy? I bit back a snarky remark, but it sure ruffled my feathers.

Riley Jo squared her shoulders. “I’ll have you know, Jackson Reilly.” Bristling with indignation. “I’m pregnant, not sick.” She cast her eyes my way. “You think I’m sick, too?”

I shook my head, and Jackson held his hands up, grinning. “Fine—only tryin’ to do the right thing.”

Riley Jo smiled in triumph as I reluctantly sat down. “Fine,” I repeated.

And I knew Jackson was only trying to be thoughtful and kind but it stirred the jealousy, igniting it, like having self-destruct wiring in my head, making my body go all crazy. I needed a time-out before I said something I might regret. “Can I use the restroom?”

Riley Jo stopped what she was doing, lifting her eyes with a quizzical expression. “You don’t need permission.”

Instead of answering, I was up out of my chair, hightailing it from the room. And a few minutes later I was standing, washing my hands, looking at my reflection. “Quit being crazy,” I muttered to myself. “He doesn’t like Riley Jo that way.” I hoped saying the words might make me believe them.

Drying my hands, I stood with my eyes closed for a moment. Opening them, I took a calming breath and twisted the door handle. Startled, I stepped back. Riley Jo greeted me with her hands on hips, looking at me like she could read what was on my mind.

“Scare a girl, why don’t you!?” My hand pressed to my chest. “Something wrong?” I tried to keep my tone upbeat.

“Something wrong?” She blew out through her nose. “I don’t know—how’s ’bout you tell me?”

“Nothing wrong with me.” My tone said otherwise.

“Right—that does it.” She moved closer, and being shorter she had to angle her head up. “You have two choices.”

“Choices? What the hell has got into you, Riley Jo?”

She ignored me, holding up a finger. “One. You can spill the beans.” She held up a second finger. “Two. We get into a throw-down and I sit my heavy ass on you till you confess what’s goin’ on inside that head of yours.”

She held my surprised stare till we both burst out laughing and her features softened.

“C’mon Maddy. You know you can’t hide anything from me.” She flicked her head. “Sit with me.” She took my hand and led us to Adams’ study.

“Won’t the boys notice us gone?”

“Nope. Talking about baseball.” She sat down and pulled me down next to her. “Right. Lay it on me.”

I wasn’t sure where to start.

She sighed when it was clear I didn’t know what to say.

“Is this about Jackson? Is there something wrong, and is it my fault?”

I chewed on my lip.

“I knew it. It’s about what I told you.” She rubbed a hand over her bump. “Is that why you’ve practically ignored him all night?”

Again—what could I say?

“Have you talked to him ’bout it?”

I shook my head. “I’d shoved it out of my mind until tonight.”

“Why tonight?”

“I dunno.” Shrugging. “I guess seeing you two together and the way he looked at you.”

She looked taken aback. “How did he look at me?”

I stood up and began pacing as Riley Jo waited for me to continue. Throwing both hands in the air. “I don’t know,” I said, exasperated with myself. “When he said you looked beautiful, I just lost it.”

She kept quiet.

“And now all I see when I look at him is someone who took your virginity.”

Riley Jo sighed, softening her tone. “Maddy, I already told you it was a mistake and neither of us look back on it fondly. I’m not even sure Jackson remembers it.” She pushed herself up and walked toward me. “I’m sorry, and if I could go back and change it, I would.”

My eyes fell to the ground.

“I never wanted to hurt you.” She sighed regretfully. “And you know Jackson is a flirt and I can tell you right now, he doesn’t like me in that way. Never did.” She reached down and took both my hands in hers. “You gotta let it go if you want a relationship with them.”

“Them?”

Riley Jo rolled her eyes at me. “Let’s stop pretending here, Maddy. You know they both like you, right?” She didn’t stop there. “And the way they both look at you like you’re their moon and stars.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes. “They do not.” My cheeks heated.

“Deny it all you want, but actions speak louder than words.”

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing can ever come of it.”

“Why the hell not?”

“Riley Jo, relationships have two people in them—not three.”

“Says who... Mama?” She scoffed. “And don’t even go down the God road, because you ain’t no churchgoer—just like me.” She tugged me back to the sofa. “Look, I know you’ve always done the right thing. Always tryin’ to be perfect.” Her eyes softened. “Wanting and loving two men at the same time, won’t make you a bad person, Maddy.”

How had she figured all this out? “Have they said something to you?”

“Nope.”

There was no point in trying to deny I had feelings for them both. My eyes dropped again. “It’s not that easy. There’s more to it.”

“Maddy, it can be as hard or as easy as you choose it to be.”

She didn’t understand. With a slight tremor in my voice. “There’s something wrong with me.”

“I’m not following. What’s wrong with you?”

I sighed. Gods, this was embarrassing. “I can’t have sex.”

Her head pulled back and her eyebrows rose and stuck. “What do you mean, you can’t have sex?”

My voice rose. “It means I can’t have sex.” How else could I say it? “There’s something wrong with me.”

“What? Like something physically wrong?”

I shook my head, shrugging. “Kinda. Sorta. It’s more what’s in here.” I tapped my forehead. “My therapist says it’s a condition brought about by extreme anxiety.”

Riley Jo looked down, then up. “So how did you and Cooper...”

I slowly shook my head.

On a gasp. “You and he didn’t...” She stopped like it sounded crazy to her too. “What? So, are you still a virgin?”

I grumbled. “Yeah, that ’bout sums it up.”

She blinked and then blinked again. “I don’t know what to say.”

What could she say?

“Is it fixable?” She reached for my hands. “I don’t mean to make that sound like you’re broken or something. I just meant with the right person could you maybe, I dunno relax enough—if you say it’s linked to anxiety?”

She was asking good questions. My therapist said it was possible, and we’d been working on strategies and relaxation techniques, but I’d not been able to try them—well correction. I’d not wanted to try them with Cooper, as he was the last person I wanted to have sex with.

An ominous smile crept across her face. “I bet it pissed Cooper right off?”

“Yea, he wasn’t too happy ’bout it.”

Her face fell. “He didn’t hurt you or try to, you know.”

He had hurt me and tried to force himself on me when he’d drank too much, but I would not share that with anyone. “No.” That one word left a bitter taste in my mouth and the look she gave me was dubious at best, but she didn’t push it.

“Well, let’s look at this positively.” Riley Jo always looked on the bright side. “It means that you get to share that with someone you love.” Smiling.“...Or someones.”

I pulled my hands free. “I think it pretty much goes without saying that if I can’t have sex with one person, then it definitely won’t happen with two.” And saying those words knocked the heart in my chest sideways. “When they find out something is wrong, then they won’t want me, anyway.”

Men wanted sex. And from everything I’d read about men, it was all they thought about.

Riley Jo gasped. “Maddy Lockwood. Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“They’ve been in love with you since forever and you think that would stop them from wanting to be with you?”

Err, yeah.

“I’m telling you right now. They would do anything to help you.” She shrugged. “And I’m damn sure that means waiting no matter how long it takes.”

Would they?

“When you planning on telling them?”

Gods, the thought had my stomach flipping and not in a good way.

“My advice. Better do it sooner than later.”

She made it sound so easy. “Work through this together—your first challenge as a threesome.” She sucked in her bottom lip. “Nah, threesome sounds all kinds of wrong, and maybe a little kinky.” Her eyes lit up. “Triad,” she blurted out. “Although I think it has a formal name, but I can’t for the life of me think what it is.”

“I think you’re rushing ahead of yourself.”

“No. I think you’re not moving quick enough.”

“I just got out of a relationship. Hell, I’m not even divorced.”

“I’m just pitching an idea here—Can’t it be annulled if you haven’t actually done the deed?”

Was that a possibility?

“We could speak to Connor,” she said excitedly, clapping her hands.

Hell no. That would mean I would have to tell him. Telling Riley Jo was embarrassing enough. “Nah-ah.”

“We don’t have to say it’s you. I could just ask it as a general question.”

Yeah, right? Like that would work. “Riley Jo. You never could keep a secret from Connor, not even if your life depended on it.”

“You might be right. Okay. Don’t worry, we can figure something out. I’ll ask Connor about a good divorce attorney, and then we ask them.”

Phew. I could do that.

She stood up and held her hand out to me. “Sesame Street didn’t prepare us for any of this huh?” She grinned pulling me into a hug. “But I’m serious about Jackson. It meant nothing. Talk to him.”

I would. Tomorrow.