Shadows Of Desire

Tally sat in the cart, nestled against a bag of grain with her tiny legs stretched out and her shoes pointing towards the sky. Shoes! She giggled as she looked at them. She just couldn’t believe it. She actually had shoes! Not just any old shoes, they were brand new black shoes, shiny and clean. Along with the new shoes, the elf man called Thaden had also given her a new dress. It wasn’t anything fancy, not like the pretty dresses that the ladies in the big stone house had worn but that didn’t matter to Tally. What mattered to her was that it was new, it was clean, it actually fit, and it was hers.

She had squealed with delight when the nice elf man had given it to her. It was a light blue, like the flowers she had seen in the fields on the way to Ansonia. The fabric was so soft she thought at first that it must have been made of clouds. The other man, Rowan, the vampire, had helped her change into it and they both laughed as he threw her old dress into the fire and they watched it burn. Tally spun around in circles, watching the hem of her dress swirl around her. She imagined herself a mermaid swimming around in a pool of beautifully clear, blue waters, and then without even thinking, she threw herself into the vampire man’s arms and hugged him.

It was strange. She’d never met a vampire before but she had heard the little people in the neighboring villages talk of them. They described them as hideous monsters with pale, gray skin, sunken eyes, long, bony, claw-like fingers. They said that vampires came out at night and snatched up little children that they took back to caves in the mountains so they could feast on their blood. The little people had also said that vampires would soar through the air with bat like wings and swoop down, killing anyone or anything they could find. They ripped the throats from their victims, slaughtered their live stock, and burned their homes.

Tally had been terrified of vampires. They were like demons. Terrible, evil, demons that thirsted for blood and loved to kill. Denmari, the little old woman that had once cared for Tally told her that should she ever see a vampire, run. Run for her life. Denmari was a kind old woman and had done her best to keep Tally safe. She had given her the old, weathered, dress she had worn earlier. She brought Tally food when she could, and she had taught her many things, especially how to survive on her own. That’s why she trusted what the old woman had said and never questioned her.

Denmari had told her to remember all that she had taught her and to take her warnings to heart. “I am old.” Denmari told her. “Too old now to be of much use to anyone but I have done my best to prepare you, child. I shan’t return to you after this day. My old body just won’t allow it.” She had hugged Tally then turned from her and shuffled back into the forest. True to her word, Denmari had not returned and for the first time in her life, Tally was completely alone. She had tried to seek help from the tiny villages around but the villagers had chased her away. They had called her the most horrible names and thrown rocks and old bread at her.

She wandered around for a while, hungry, cold, and frightened. That was when the traveling merchant with the funny little pointed hat had found her. He’d fed her and cleaned her up a bit then he took her the place he called Ansonia. She thought he was a kind man and that he would care for her but those hopes were soon squashed when she realized that he’d brought her there to sell her. An old woman and her husband had bought her and she thought maybe they might be kind to her. The old woman reminded her some of Denmari. Tally’s heart ached when she thought of poor, old, Denmari. She missed her so.

Without protest, Tally had gone with the old couple, hopeful that they would take care of her the way Denmari had. Even if they weren’t as kind as Denmari, living with them would certainly be better than being on her own, wouldn’t it? She soon found out the answer to that question as she was taken to the old couples tiny cottage and they explained to her what her role in their house would be. Where she expected a soft, warm, bed of straw or grass, she was given a hard, cold floor to sleep on. When she was fed, it was only stale bread and scraps that she was given. If she wanted to eat, she had to work for it, and work she did. She would scrub the floors, sweep, dust, wash dishes, and did the laundry.

The old woman, Moira, had tried to teach Tally to cook but that was something she just never got the hang of. Most of the time she would burn the food which earned her a sound beating. Moira would curse her, tell her she was stupid, and slap her anytime she made a mistake. After she had tripped and spilled the mop water, Moira had beaten her so badly that she lost consciousness. She awoke later, locked in the root cellar. She didn’t know how long she had been there but it felt like weeks. Every other day she would be given a chunk of stale bread and some water to drink then, she would be left, locked in darkness once again.

Tally laid of the dirt floor, crying, as she begged to be released. When she realized that they were not going to let her out, she began to pray for death. She was so hungry, her mouth was dry, and she had cried until there were no tears left in her. She closed her eyes and waited to die. She welcomed death. It was the only way, she realized, that she would be released from this hell. Hours, maybe even days, later, she was awoken abruptly when Moira had come into the cellar and thrown a bucket of icy water on her. Tally opened her eyes, startled to see the old woman standing over her. “Get up!” Moira spat at her. Tally did as she was told, pushing herself up to stand on weak and wobbly legs, and she followed Moira up and out of the cellar.

Tally thought she would be forced to resume her duties of cleaning and cooking but instead the old man, Dragle, forced her into a cart and then drove her out to a field far beyond the boarders of Ansonia. He ordered her out of the cart, handed her a small sack with a bit of bread and cheese, then left her there. He drove off without saying a word, giving no explanation, not even giving a backwards glance. He’d just abandoned her. Tally sat in the field, clutching the bag to her chest and waited. She wasn’t sure what to do. By nightfall she knew that he was not coming back for her and she was again on her own. She was seven years old and once again had been cast out into the world to fend for herself. Oh, how she missed Denmari. She wondered if she would ever see her again.

Laying in the back of the cart now, Tally thought about what Denmari had told her and the lessons she had tried to teach her. Denmari had much wisdom but Tally began to realize that not everything she’d been told had been the truth. The first time she had seen Rowan she knew there was something different about him. He looked human but didn’t. His dark hair was a sharp contrast against his pale complexion and his eyes, green like a cat’s, were otherworldly. But, he didn’t look like a monster, so she wasn’t sure what to make of him at first. It wasn’t until she had heard the elf man refer to Rowan as a vampire that she finally understood what he truly was.

Denmari had told her to run if she ever encountered a vampire. They were dangerous, they killed. But, Rowan didn’t look dangerous and he wasn’t hideous. If Tally were being honest, she would say that he was actually quite beautiful. He had a calming sense about him that made her want to instantly trust him though she fought against her desire to just run into the man’s arms. He didn’t have bat-like wings and he didn’t have cold, sunken in eyes. He didn’t try to snatch her up or drink her blood. In fact, he was quite gentle as he approached her. His smile was warm and inviting and as he knelt down before her she saw only kindness and compassion in his eyes.

The elf man told her that she had nothing to fear from either of them and for some reason, Tally believed him. They had shared some of their food with her and then Rowan, the vampire, had decided to bathe her in the stream. The water was cold but also so refreshing and she laughed and played as the vampire scooped hand fulls of the cool liquid over her head and used a shred of cloth to scrub her face and arms. He took such care with her and even splashed the water on her playfully, laughing as he did so. Tally thought to herself, no, this vampire would never hurt me. He’s kind. He’s loving. He’s like Denmari.

Tally was a bit worried when she saw that they were headed back to Ansonia. For a brief moment she wondered if they were going to sell her like the merchant had. Was that why Rowan had cleaned her up? Her faith was restored though when Rowan spoke back to the King, admonishing him for considering that Tally would be kept as a slave. She could feel the anger coming off the vampire and for a moment it had frightened her. She wasn’t scared of Rowan though. She was more scared of what the King would do to Rowan for being rude but then the Queen had told the King to give Rowan and Thaden whatever they wanted and Tally knew in that moment that none of them would be harmed. The Queen had said that Rowan was blessed by the Goddess and apparently that meant something special.

When they had left the Palace, Thaden took them to the inn. They had eaten a good meal. A hot meal. Something Tally had never had before and them for the first time ever, she had gotten to sleep in an actual bed. Not a cold, damp floor, or even a pile of hay. It was a real bed with a mattress and pillows and a blanket. She didn’t think life could get any better than that. It was more than she could have ever dreamed of but then, that morning, she’d eaten real eggs, and ham, and bread that wasn’t stale or starting to mold. It was the most amazing thing she’d ever tasted. Even better than the stew they had had the night before. She had felt truly blessed just to be given the hot food and warm bed but when Thaden had given her the dress and shoes, she felt like a Princess.

She didn’t understand how these two men, whom she barely knew, could be so kind to her but, she was grateful for everything they had done for her. For the first time in her life she felt like she actually had a family. A real family, with parents who loved her. She knew they weren’t her parents. Her real parents were human. Denmari had explained that to her and explained to her why should go never go back to them.

They were probably dead by now anyway because time moved different in the human world then it did for the Fae. Tally was sad that she would never get to meet her real parents. She often wondered if they missed her or even knew that she had been taken. Had they raised the changeling, never knowing the truth? She supposed it didn’t matter now. She had Rowan and Thaden to take care of her. Still, it would have been nice to have seen her parents at least once. If only to know that they were okay without her.

Thaden had helped Rowan up onto the horse, being extra careful with him. Tally wondered why. Had Rowan hurt himself? She suspected that he wasn’t feeling well because he barely ate any of his breakfast and he just had this look about him. Tally knew that look. Once she had been so sick that Denmari was afraid she would lose her. For a full week she could barely keep any food down and Denmari said she had something called a fever that made her feel really hot. She got better though, thanks to some herbs that Denmari had made her eat. They tasted horrible but Denmari said they would heal her so she did as she was told and swallowed them down.

Maybe those herbs would help Rowan. She made a mental note to tell him about them later. Once Thaden was seated on the horse behind Rowan, they headed out of Ansonia and towards a village that Thaden said would be their new home. Tally couldn’t remember the name but the way Thaden talked, it seemed like a nice place. Thaden had said they were about a days ride and they would stop only once, around noon, to eat and rest. That was fine with Tally because she had a nice comfortable seat in the cart where she could just lay back and watch the sky above as the cart was pulled behind the horse. Her excitement built as she imagined a tiny cottage with Thaden and Rowan. Her first real home ever.

Thaden and Rowan spoke to each other softly as they rode. Their voices were low, like when they were talking at the inn, so Tally couldn’t really hear what they were saying but, she knew it wasn’t anything bad. Rowan was smiling and he even giggled every once in a while. Thaden had one arm wrapped around Rowan’s waist and Tally saw him pull Rowan back as if hugging him and then he kissed his head. They kissed a lot. Tally thought that was funny. No one had ever kissed her but she knew what kissing was. She had seen the Fae people kiss and hold each other and she was old enough to realize that there were different types of kisses.

There were kisses that mother’s gave their children, kisses between good friends, and then there were the kisses between sweet hearts. That was the kinds of kisses that Thaden gave Rowan. Tally remembered Thaden calling Rowan his mate but she wasn’t entirely sure what that meant. She assumed that it meant they were friends but now she was beginning to see that they were much more than that. They acted like mommies and daddies act, even though they were both men. Though, from what she knew of Rowan so far, he seemed much more like a mommy than a daddy. He was definitely more the affectionate type and Tally loved it when he hugged her. She felt safe in his arms.

She felt safe with Thaden too and he could be affectionate at times. He definitely was with Rowan but with Tally he seemed too rigid, almost like he was scared of children. Tally had to giggle at that. A grown man like that, scared of a little girl. When he’d given her the shoes and dress she had wrapped her tiny arms around him and given him the biggest hug she could and he hugged her back but he was too gentle, like he was afraid he might break her and he seemed nervous. He smiled at her though and genuinely seemed pleased that she was happy with her gifts.

There was kindness in him too but also a strength that radiated off him that made Tally think that he could be fierce if he needed to be. He carried a sword too so Tally figured he was warrior of some kind. The fact that Thaden knew how to fight put Tally at ease as they made their way through the forest. Both of these men would keep her safe from whatever was out there, both of them would protect her because she belonged to them now. Not the way a slave or a servant belonged to someone but the way a child belonged to their parents. Neither of them had referred to Tally as their daughter but that’s how she felt. Especially after Rowan had told her that she was going with them to live in their new cottage. She wondered if eventually they would allow her to call them her parents. She hoped so.

Rowan glanced back a couple of times to make sure Tally was doing okay. Tally smiled, told him she was doing fine, then waved her feet back and forth so she could see the sunlight bounce off the shiny leather shoes. Rowan smiled and chuckled then whispered something to Thaden and he laughed too, giving Tally a quick glance. After that, Rowan laid his head against Thaden’s chest and Thaden kissed him again. They sure kiss a lot. Tally thought to herself, but it was nice to see. They must really love each other. Maybe one day, they would love her as much. It would be nice to be loved by somebody. Tally wasn’t sure if Denmari loved her or not but she liked to think that she had. It felt good to be loved.

Tally had dozed off and on in the back of the cart. The bumpy road and jostling of the cart had lulled her to sleep pretty easily. It wasn’t that she was really that tired, at least she wasn’t when they had started out, but there was just nothing to do during the ride. For a while she looked up at the sky and tried to imagine the clouds in animal shapes. Then she watched birds flying around and lighting on trees. After awhile though, all she could see were trees. Many different trees with their colorful leaves of browns, reds, and yellows. They were pretty to look at but very soon they began to bore her as each tree looked identical to the last. With nothing else to do, Tally yawned and closed her eyes and soon she was sound asleep, softly snoring with her head resting against a bag of grain.

Tally had no idea how long she had been asleep but when the cart came to a slow stop and she heard Rowan calling her name, she opened her eyes and slowly sat up, looking groggily around. They had come to a small clearing in the forest, not far off the road, and Rowan was urging her to wake and climb out of the cart as Thaden fed and watered the horse. Rowan helped her down and she stood next to him while he lifted a basket from the cart. She hadn’t seen the basket before because it had been covered by a green and blue, knitted blanket.

Her eyes went wide as she watched Rowan slide the handle of the basket over his arm. He put his finger to his lips, smiled mischievously, then put the folded blanket into Tally’s arms and cocked his head to the side, indicating that she should follow him. Tally nodded, clutching the blanket to her chest, and did as she was told, following behind Rowan. She did her best to keep up with him, her short, tiny, legs hurried through the grass attempting to walk in time with his long, graceful strides. Once she stumbled and almost fell but was Rowan was there, a strong and protective hand reaching out and catching her before she fell.

He steadied her, then took a look back at Thaden and grinned. “Hurry now.” Rowan whispered.

“Yes Sir.” Tally responded automatically.

Rowan frowned and for a moment Tally’s heart stopped. Had she done something wrong? She was instantly calmed though by Rowan’s soothing voice. “You needn’t call me Sir.” Rowan told her. “Rowan is fine or, if you want...” He paused, looking down at her. He touched her sun colored hair and smiled and when he smiled Tally saw something in his eyes that she had never seen from anyone before. Not even Denmari. She couldn’t give it a name but it was something that made her want to cry happy tears and throw herself into his arms. “If you want.” He continued, “You can call me Papa.”

Tally did cry then. She couldn’t help it, the tears just came and she couldn’t stop them. She dropped the blanket then rushed forwards, wrapping her tiny arms around Rowan’s waist and hugging him as tightly as she could. Rowan sat the basket down on the ground and knelt before her, hugging her back. “Why do you cry, little one?”

Tally shook her head. “I don’t know.” She said. Her voice was so soft and light that someone without the sensitive hearing of a vampire probably wouldn’t have heard her at all but she knew that Rowan had heard her because his grip on her tightened and his hand went behind to cradle the back of her head. ” I never...I never thought I’d ever have a real family. No one has ever wanted me before but, you and Mr. Thaden, you’re both so kind...Is this really for real? You really want to be my Papa?”

Rowan smiled at her again and his smile was one of genuine affection. “Yes, it’s really real.” He told her. “Thaden and I both want to be your parents, if you’ll have us. We want you to be our daughter. Would you like that?”

Tally’s eyes widened, and her lower lip trembled. No one had ever extended such a heartfelt offer to her before. All she could do was nod as happy tears continued to fall. “Yes.” She was finally able to speak though her emotions were overflowing and she threw her arms around Rowan, burying her face in his shoulder. “Yes, I would like that.” She squealed, a sound coming from her that was something like a mix of a laugh and a sob. “I would really really like that.” She said.

Rowan stroked Tally’s hair soothingly, his heart was breaking for all the pain this child has had to endure. He never wanted her to feel alone again. He wanted her to live a life where she felt loved and wanted and cared for as any child should. He could give her that, he knew it. That, and so much more. He’d give her the world if he could.

When Tally pulled back, her eyes sparkled with a newfound sense of hope and belonging. She had never expected to encounter these two men traveling through the outskirts of Ansonia that day. In all honesty, she was frightened of them when she first saw them but something about the pair had sparked her curiosity and so she followed them. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt like she needed to know more about them. It was like a tiny voice in the back of her mind was urging her on telling her the two strangers would never harm her. She wanted to ignore the voice at first but the more she ignored it, the more persistent it became. She was glad now that she had listened and not run away. Whoever that voice was, she thanked it with all her heart. It had given her the best advice of her life.

Rowan wiped at Tally’s eyes, then kissed the top of her head. “Come, my little sun flower.” He said, and she giggled at the name. She liked it. Tally picked up the blanket as Rowan retrieved his basket and together they walked further into the clearing, to a spot where the sun broke through the trees and embraced the entire area in her warm light. Rowan sat the basket down then pulled his hood up to shield himself from the sun. Tally hated seeing his face half covered the way it was but she understood the need for it. Rowan was a vampire and exposure to the sun was uncomfortable for him. Tally, on the other hand, adored the sun. She loved the way it warmed her face and lit up the world.

Tally helped Rowan lay the blanket down on the grass and then he sat the basket in the middle of the blanket. Tally’s mouth watered as she watched Rowan taking different foods from the basket and arrange them on the blanket. He had an assortment of fruits and berries, apples, and nuts. There was of course bread and a large chunk of cheese. Rowan unwrapped a small bundle of dried meats and then, to Tally’s utter delight, Rowan lay open a bit of cloth that contained three sweet rolls. She could barely contain her delight when she saw the sweet rolls. She’d seen them in the bakers hut many times but had never had any money to purchase any.

Looking up at Rowan she squealed in delight. “You packed a picnic!”

“I did.” Rowan chuckled. “Are you surprised?”

Tally nodded. She couldn’t wait to dig in. Everything looked so delicious she couldn’t even decide what she wanted to eat first. She had to contain her impulse to devour everything in sight though. Before they could eat anything they had to wait for Thaden, though the wait wasn’t too long. Once he had finished taking care of Shadow dancer, he joined them, carrying the wine skins and a small jug of what Tally was told was cider.

Thaden sat next to Rowan on the blanket then looked over the spread before him. “So, this is what you were up to when you ran off to the market alone.” Thaden gave Rowan a wink.

“I wanted to surprise you both.” Rowan blushed. “I thought a picnic lunch would be a good respite on our journey.”

“Well, it’s a wonderful surprise, my love. And a very appreciated one.” Thaden looked at the spread and honestly, he couldn’t have been anymore pleased with his mate if he tried. It was such a wonderful gesture and after the morning that Rowan had had, Thaden appreciated it all the more. He just couldn’t imagine Rowan, as sick as he had felt, going to the trouble of putting together an entire meal and without help. When Rowan had asked Thaden for some money, Thaden had thought that he wanted to buy something for their new home when they found one, or perhaps something for Tally. Seeing now what Rowan had done, Thaden’s heart swelled with pride.

“I want to be a good mate to you.” Rowan told him. “I want to be a good husband and a good father. I just want to make you happy.”

“You do make me happy.” Thaden smiled as he touched the side of Rowan’s face. “You’ve made me the happiest I have ever been in my life and this...” He waved his hand in front of him, looking from Rowan to Tally, “This family we’ve created means more to me than anything. No matter if we live in a grand Palace or small cottage in a tiny village, as long as we’re together, I’ll be the happiest man in all the world.”

Tally watched the two embrace and kiss and she smiled. She shared Thaden’s feelings because she couldn’t imagine being any happier than she was in that moment. Everything was perfect. Her new family was perfect. It was more than she could ever have wished for.