Shadows Of Desire

Thaden awoke just as the morning light began to spill in through the small window of the tiny room they had rented at the inn. Tally was asleep beside him, curled up on her side, the new night shirt that Thaden had bought for her was wrapped around her tiny legs, the hem so long it nearly covered the tiny toes that peeked out from beneath the billowing, white fabric. Her hands were very nearly swallowed by the lace that lined the cuffed sleeves. All he could see of her hands were her dainty fingers, curled around the soft blanket that she had apparently kicked off in the night.

He smiled, touching the soft, downy hair that spilled over her shoulders and onto the pillow where she lay her head. She murmured something in her sleep then drew her knees up closer to her chest as she tucked her legs into her. Thaden pulled the blanket back up over her then sat up on the side of the bed, stretching and yawning. After taking a couple minutes to wake up and adjust to his surroundings, he looked around the room then frowned. Rowan wasn’t there.

Panic gripped him suddenly and he quickly threw on his shirt. Next, grabbing for his belt and scabbard he secured it around his waist and then pulled his boots on. Leaving Tally sleeping in the bed he careful crept out of the room and into the hallway. He passed four other doors, all leading to rooms that were, at the moment, vacant and hurried to the bar area of the inn. At this time of day the bar and lounge area was mostly empty though Thaden could detect the scent of fresh ham being cooked and he could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. He went to the bar and called out for whoever was working.

A moment later, a stout, middle aged woman with blue tinted hair appeared behind the bar. She was smiling as she wiped her hands on her apron and walked over to Thaden. The woman was small, despite how round she was, reaching maybe four feet, if that. Her small stature didn’t phase Thaden though, he’d seen smaller creatures in Rosegate. Gnomes and Brownies tended to rise as high as his knees and those were the adults. Pixies and sprites were even smaller. Pixies being so small that one could not even see them with the naked eye, only the orb of light that surrounded them like an aura. Though they tended to stay near Ansonia and the neighboring villages, Thaden had actually seen a few of them in Rosegate from time to time.

Thaden greeted the woman as she approached him, though declining when she asked if he wanted a drink.

“I’m looking for my husband.” He told the woman. “He wasn’t in our room when I awoke this morning. Have you by chance seen him recently?”

“The vampire?” The woman asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes.” Thaden told her. “His name is Rowan. Has he been here, at the bar?”

“No.” The woman folded her arms over her round belly as she shook her head. “I haven’t seen him, but I did remember hearing someone in back, by one of the outbuildings.”

“Thank you.” Thaden said, depositing a coin on the counter for the woman’s troubles. He then rushed out the door and around the side of the building to where the outbuildings were located.

No sooner had Thaden turned the corner when he saw Rowan walking towards him. He had his hood up over his head, shielding him from the sun and he looked paler than normal. He moved with a slow gate and seemed tired like he had no energy left in him. Growing more concerned for his mate, Thaden went to Rowan’s side and put an arm around him protectively.

“Are you alright?” Thaden asked him.

“I’m fine.” Rowan smiled but Thaden could tell that it was forced. He wasn’t alright. He seemed weak and much more frail than normal.

“You need to feed.” Thaden said suddenly. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? You need to feed.”

Rowan frowned, shaking his head. “Gods no. That’s the last thing I need.”

Thaden narrowed his eyes and sighed. “Rowan, I know the idea isn’t appealing to you but it’s not healthy to go against your nature. If you need blood...”

“No, it’s not that. I’d hunt if I really needed to it’s just...” Before he could even finish the sentence, Rowan suddenly clamped his hand over his mouth, groaned, then turned and ran straight for the outbuilding again. He had nearly made it to the door but stopped abruptly as the contents of his stomach came rushing up and he suddenly retched all over the ground.

Thaden was at his side in an instant. He held Rowan’s hair back with one hand while rubbing Rowan’s back with the other as he looked on in concern. Too weak to stay on his feet, Rowan had lowered himself to his knees and shivered. Another bout of vomiting had left Rowan’s stomach empty and he spent the next several minutes dry heaving. When it seemed like the renching had finally stopped, Rowan leaned back against Thaden with a whimper. He wiped tears from his eyes and sighed. “That’s the worst feeling in the world.” Rowan muttered hoarsely. “I have no idea how mortals deal with illness.”

“You’ve never thrown up before?” Thaden looked at him, confused.

Rowan shook his head. “Vampire’s don’t get sick. The only time I’ve known one to vomit was when ingesting something toxic to us.”

Thaden took a moment to allow what Rowan was telling him to sink in. The realization of Rowan’s words had finally dawned on him, Thaden smiled, his eyes wide. “Rowan, are you...”

Rowan held his hand out to Thaden and Thaden helped him to stand. Rowan gave him a slight smirk then turned back towards the inn. “I’d like to lie down a bit before we leave.” Rowan told him. Before Thaden could say anything else, Rowan had walked away, headed back to the inn. Thaden followed closely behind him but his mind was suddenly a flurry of different thoughts and emotions. He knew that there could be a possibly that Rowan was with child but now his current condition had made that possibility seem more real. It was more than a possibly. Now, it was almost a certainty.

Rowan walked into the inn, going right past the bar and down the hallway towards their room. Thaden followed closely behind him and watched as Rowan kicked off his boots and removed his cloak. He then slid into the bed beside the still sleeping Tally. Thaden closed the door then walked to the bed and sat down next to Rowan. He looked over him, studying every detail of his mates face. Thaden’s heart was suddenly filled with pride and boundless love for Rowan. It nearly brought tears to his eyes.

“Do you need anything?” Thaden asked him, keeping his voice low as to not wake the sleeping child.

Rowan yawned. “Just sleep.” He told him with a smile.

Thaden nodded. He learned forward and kissed the top of Rowan’s head. “Alright. I’m going to go and gather the supplies we’ll need. In the meantime you can rest. I’ll let you know when we’re ready to go.”

“Do you need any help?” Rowan looked up. Thaden could tell by the look on Rowan’s face that he was exhausted. Still, he was willing to help if Thaden needed him, despite not feeling well.

Thaden shook his head and smiled. “I can manage.” He said, kissing him again. “Rest up. We’ll leave when you’re feeling up to it.”

“Alright.” Rowan smiled up at Thaden. “I love you.” He whispered as he yawned again and closed his eyes.

“I love you too.” Thaden whispered. “You are my whole world.” He stood up, taking one last look at the two sleeping forms in the bed. His ready made little family. It was all he’d ever wanted and suddenly he realized just how empty his life had been just a few weeks earlier. Now he had a mate, a daughter, and possibly another on the way. The words he had spoken to Rowan were true. This little family they had made together, it was Thaden’s entire world and he knew in that instant that he would do whatever he had to just to keep them safe. They meant everything to him. This was his life now and he couldn’t be happier.

***

Thaden had managed to find a small cart with one of the residents of Ansonia and bought it for a fair price. He figured it was worth the cost when he considered the supplies he would have to carry plus the added weight of Tally that Shadow dancer had to bear. Though he had no idea what they would do once they reached Pickaway village, Thaden had a basic idea of what they might need to get them started. Food for one thing. Winter wasn’t far off and anything they planted now wouldn’t survive so he had to think about what would sustain them through the winter.

He had bought two bushels of varied vegetables, a couple bags of grain, dried meats, flour, honey, and he’d refilled his wine skins. He had also purchased a bow, arrows, and some fishing line and hooks. If they ran out of meat (and they would) Thaden could hunt and fish. He was skilled with a bow and had gone fishing a couple of times with his brother so he was confident in his ability to provide for his family. When they reached Pickaway village and found a house, Thaden could then inquire about live stock. Particularity a cow or goat that was giving milk. Rowan could definitely use the milk now and Thaden wasn’t sure if they would need it when the baby came. Now that he was almost certain that Rowan was with child, he had to think about the future of his infant.

Being the first vampire omega in centuries left many uncertainties. Thaden didn’t know if Rowan would produce milk to feed the child or not. He also didn’t know what Rowan needed in order to grow a healthy child so, Thaden just had to play it by ear. He would treat Rowan as he would any pregnant woman and go from there. Any obstacles they faced in the future would be met together and they would solve them together. Thaden would do whatever he had to do to care for his family. Whether it be fight a mountain or orcs or work grueling hours all day as a blacksmiths apprentice. He could do it. If it meant keeping his family safe, he would do anything.

Once he had the cart filled and attached to Shadow dancer, he went back into the inn to settle the bill and gather his mate and their adopted child. As soon as he had entered the lounge area, Thaden found Rowan and Tally sitting at a table near the bar. Rowan looked up and smiled when he saw Thaden enter.

“I hope you don’t mind.” Rowan said softly as he glanced over the table. “Tally was hungry.”

Thaden looked to the young girl who was greedily scarfing down what food was left on the plate in front of her. Before Rowan, sat his own plate of food that, so far, had remained mostly untouched.

“Of course I don’t mind.” Thaden told him with a chuckle. He then walked to Rowan and kissed him on the lips. Tally giggled through her mouth of food. “Eat up, my loves. I’ll go and pay our bill.”

Rowan nodded but as Thaden walked away, he noticed that Rowan only sat at the table pushing his ham around the plate with a fork. Once Thaden had paid, he returned to the table and sat next to Rowan while he waited for his own meal that he had just ordered. He picked up the goblet of ale that he’d brought over with him and took a drink as he watched his mate.

“Is your stomach still upsetting you?” He asked, placing a hand over Rowan’s as he looked him over, sympathetically.

Rowan shrugged. “A bit, but not as bad as before. I suppose I’m just a bit scared to eat anything now. Getting sick was a terrible feeling and I don’t want to repeat it.”

Thaden sighed then wrapped an arm around Rowan’s shoulder as he attempted to sooth his mate’s worry. “I know it wasn’t a pleasant feeling but you can’t starve yourself because of it. It’s not healthy for you and it certainly isn’t healthy for the life that might be growing inside of you.”

“I know.” Rowan smiled wanly. His hand slipped to his belly as he stared down at the food and frowned. He was actually really hungry but the fear of getting sick again was too much. Having never experienced anything like it before, Rowan at first was confused when he felt the cramping sensation. The fear of losing the life that he and Thaden had created was at the forefront of his mind as he was now certain that he was with child. That fear quickly dissipated as the first of his stomach’s contents had come up and he realized what was happening.

The relief was short lived though as the constant heaving and retching made him wonder if he himself were dying. When it had finally ended he felt exhausted and drained of energy. His throat was sore and his chest ached. But, the worst part was the total loss of control over his body that he had felt. He felt as though he were at the mercy of his biology and he knew there was nothing he could do but give in. As soon as Thaden had left their room, Rowan had used the pitcher of water on the end table to rinse the sour taste from his mouth then he returned to the bed and cried himself to sleep. The worst of it was now over but he was not eager to repeat the experience.

“I don’t know how women do it.” He said finally, keeping his voice low so that only Thaden could hear him. “And over and over again. They’re much stronger than I.”

“I think the joy of holding your child in your arms that first time out weighs all the discomfort of the pregnancy.” Thaden told him. “Why else would so many couples have multiple children?”

“Gluttons for punishment?” Rowan snickered.

“Perhaps.” Thaden answered, then he gave Rowan a sly wink. “Or perhaps, they just like doing what makes the babies.”

Rowan blushed. “Thaden!” He scolded his mate. “There’s a child at the table.”

Thaden chuckled. “She’s more invested in her meal than our conversation.”

“Be that as it may, you’re going to have to start watching what you say. Especially if we really are going to have a little one soon. Children are most impressionable while learning to talk.”

“So, do you know for sure yet or are we still only guessing?”

Rowan thought the question over for the moment, unsure of how to really answer it. “If I were human or even just a woman, I’d say that no, I’m not sure. Not until I had been examined by a midwife. But, being what I am, I have no other explanation for the symptoms I’m having. My heat should have lasted longer than three days. I haven’t eaten or drank anything that would cause me to become sick. I’ve also been feeling so tired lately and not just during the day. And, then there’s the headaches.”

“Headaches?” Thaden narrowed his eyes as concern crossed his face.

Rowan nodded. “I’ve never gotten headaches before. It’s not something common in vampires but I’ve heard pregnant servants complaining of them. I used to listen to the servants who were expecting talking with other servants about their symptoms. I was always just curious, knowing that it could happen to me someday. I’ve always wanted children but was a little scared by the idea of it. Mostly because there’s no information in Basmorte about male pregnancy. I just didn’t know what to expect. I still don’t. Not really. All I have to go on is what I’ve heard others discuss.”

“I can see where that would be scary.” Thaden put an arm around Rowan and pulled him close, hugging him. “If you are with child, I want you to know that I will do whatever I can to help you through it. You won’t go through it alone.”

Rowan smiled and kissed the side of Thaden’s face. “Good.” He said softly. “Because I have almost no doubts now that we’re going to have a child. I’d like to have a midwife confirm it but I would be truly surprised if I weren’t.”

“All the symptoms do seem to point to it.” Thaden agreed.

Rowan nodded. “And it’s not just the symptoms either. I don’t know how to explain it really, but it’s almost like I can sense it, in a way. Like my body just knows. It probably sounds silly but it’s almost like I just...feel it.”

“It doesn’t sound silly at all.” Thaden said. “You know your body better than anyone. I would think you’d be the first to notice a difference.”

Rowan laid his head against Thaden’s shoulder. “So, are you okay with this? I know you weren’t planning on us having children this soon...”

Before Rowan could finish, Thaden slipped a hand under Rowan’s chin and turned his head up so that they were looking at each other, eye to eye, then Thaden captured Rowan’s lips and kissed him, deeply and passionately.

“I am more than okay with this.” Thaden told him. “In fact, I’m over the moon. I can think of no greater honor than having you carry my child. You, the man I love more than anything in this entire world, have given me the greatest gift of all. You’ve given me a family.”