Shadows Of Desire

Rowan opened his eyes to the soft hum of voices speaking beside him. At first he wasn’t sure what they were saying but as the fog of sleep slowly lifted and his mind cleared, their words became more intelligible. His first impression was that there were two women. However, a third voice broke into the conversation and Rowan realized that there were at least three women speaking. He remained quiet, pretending to sleep still as he strained his ears to listen.

The voices sounded familiar, at least two of them. The third he honestly had never heard before but the first two voices he knew from somewhere. He continued to listen to their conversation for another several minutes until he suddenly realized where he knew the first woman’s voices from. He sat up in surprise, eyes wide, as he stared at the trio of women who were sat upon three tree stumps not far from where Rowan had been lying, asleep. He knew in an instant that he must be dreaming.

“You really should have told him the truth.” The first voice Rowan had heard said, speaking to the woman at her side. The woman who, from what Rowan could see of her, as her back was to him, had long, flowing, raven hair that twisted and curled down her back, nearly reaching her seat. The speaker, was a young maiden with fiery red hair and and a personality to match. She was lively and animated as well as fiercely beautiful. She stood, walking around as she spoke, turning every so often to gauge the reaction of her companions.

The third woman, who had so far remained silent, was older though still uncommonly beautiful. She, like the second woman, had long black hair that was pulled back into a braid and draped over one shoulder. She sat silently, listening to the others speak, while working on a piece of embroidery. Rowan had never seen this woman before but she looked oddly similar to the painting of Morrigu that Una had been working on earlier.

“I always knew the truth would be revealed to him, eventually.” The second woman said softly, her voice barely rising above a whisper. “It was only a matter of time.”

“But you should have prepared him.” The red haired woman said, frowning.

The raven haired woman sighed and looked up, addressing the first woman. “He had to find out the truth on his own. It was necessary for him to follow the path that was laid out for him.”

“And now? The poor child has more questions than he does answers.”

“Perhaps, it would be best to allow the boy to speak for himself.” It was the third woman who spoke now. The others stopped and turned to look at her. Rowan could tell that the woman’s words held weight with the others as they seemed to regard her with total reverence. “I believe that he is finally awake.”

The red haired woman as well as the elder then turned to look at Rowan. He sat up, no longer able to feign sleep, and slowly rose to his feet. Rowan bowed respectfully to the women and then waited for them to address him. Honestly, he had no idea what to say to them. He wasn’t sure why they were there or why he was dreaming about them. All he knew was that they had been discussing him for some reason though why was still a mystery to him.

The woman with the red hair smiled and stepped forward. She looked familiar to him. Her face, her hair, even the warm, friendly eyes that were now focused on him. Looking into her eyes, it finally dawned on him why she looked so familiar. “Folen?” He whispered with uncertainty.

The woman touched her heart as she looked at him. “Sweet boy.” She said, looking at Rowan with love and affection. “My name is Brigid.” She walked forward and touched the side of Rowan’s face. “I have been watching over you since the moment of your birth. We all have.”

Morrigu stood, setting her embroidery aside and joined Rowan and Brigid. “This is my sister, Morrigu.” Brigid introduced her. Morrigu stepped closer then kissed Rowan on the cheek. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for a long time.” She said, smiling at him.

“I-I’m honored.” Rowan stammered, awe struck by the two women standing before him. He hadn’t noticed as Morrigu spoke to him, but the third woman had risen from where she had been sitting with her back to Rowan and turned now, facing him. She walked forward and both Brigid and Morrigu moved to the side to allow Rowan to really see her for the first time.

“I do believe you know who I am.” The woman smiled at him warmly. For a brief moment Rowan had lost the ability to speak or even move. He was overcome with shock and bewilderment but also a profound feeling of love and grief, happiness, and sorrow all mixed together in one confusing ball of emotion. As soon as he’d regained control of his body he said the first word that he could think of, the first word that rested on his parted lips. “Mother.”

Ellarian stared at her son, her eyes filled with tears and she opened her arms to him. Rowan ran to her and the two collided, wrapping their arms around each other so tight that Rowan could barely breath but he didn’t care. He wanted to stay in her arms forever. He knew this was all just a dream but it felt so real. She felt real. Her arms, her hair, the skin of her face as Rowan pressed his face against hers, was all so real. Even the sweet, flowery, scent of her perfume was real. “I’m dreaming.” He whispered into her hair. “I’m dreaming and, I never want to wake up.”

***

“I never want to wake up.” Rowan repeated as tears spilled down his cheeks.

“But you have to wake up, eventually.” Ellarian told him. “For now though, we will talk, the four of us.” She led Rowan to the three stumps where she and the others had been seated earlier and to Rowan’s surprise and amazement realized that a fourth stump had appeared. “Sit.” His mother instructed and Rowan obeyed.

Ellarian as well as Brigid and Morrigu sat around Rowan so that each of the three women were facing him. “If this is a dream...” Rowan asked once the others were sitting, “why does it feel so real?”

“Just because it’s a dream doesn’t mean it isn’t real.” Brigid giggled.

“It was the easiest way for all three of us to meet with you.” Morrigu explained. “We are in the place between. Between dreams and reality. It exists in all realms and so we were able to reach out to you without leaving our realm. Of course, Brigid enters your realm regularly. As she said, she’s been watching over you your entire life.”

Rowan looked to Brigid then, narrowing his eyes in confusion, he asked, “If you’ve been watching over me why have I never seen you before? Why have you waited until now to show yourself to me?”

Again Brigid laughed. “My child, you have seen me, many times, in many forms. I was your old nurse who vanished once you went to live in the castle. I was the owl that followed you through the forest at night when you were lost as a child and the lamb you rested your head on and slept before the guards found you. Recently I appeared as your trusted servant and friend and even after you left my side with Bhalor that night, I was watching over you in spirit.”

Rowan’s eyes went wide as he listened to Brigid explain to him who she was and what she had done for him over the years. She had always been there, in some form or another, always watching over and protecting him. He smiled, laughing softly as he stared at her. “I knew it.” He whispered, rising from his seat and moving towards her. “When I first saw you. You are Folen!” When she nodded in affirmation, Rowan flung himself into her arms and hugged her tight. Brigid wrapped her arms around him and held him, rocking him back and forth gently, her hand cradling his head as though he were a small child.

“We’ve all been there with you, at one time or another.” Ellarian told him. “Watching you, guiding you, offering protection when you needed it. All to get you to where you are now.”

“To Pickaway village?” Rowan asked. “Did you bring me here just to learn the truth? Why did you not just tell me yourself?”

“You were so young.” Ellarian said. Her voice cracked with regret as she spoke. “I was afraid of what the truth would do to you. Your father was never a kind man, but you needed his protection until you were old enough to escape him. I knew that my time was coming to an end and I would no longer be able to shelter you and keep you safe. I’m sorry for all that you had to suffer and endure living under your father’s rule but everything that you’ve survived up until this point has shaped you into the man you are now and, helped to prepare you for what is to come.”

“What do you mean prepare me?” Rowan narrowed his eyes as he stared at his mother. “What’s coming?”

“A terrible trial.” Morrigu spoke up now. Her expression was grave and troubled. “You will be tested, both physically and mentally. You will have to face your biggest fears if you are to survive and, survive you must. The fate of our people now rests on your shoulders.”

Rowan returned to the stump he’d been sitting on earlier. He exhaled a deep breath then looked up, meeting Morrigu’s eyes. “The fate of our people? You mean the Shee?”

“The Shee, the Fae, even the Elven Kingdom will look to you for help and guidance. You will lead them into a new era where vampire’s no longer rule them or threaten their way of life.”

“As the only male heir of King Desmond it is your place.” Ellarian placed a hand on her son’s shoulder as she tried to reassure him. Rowan however shook his head, refusing to believe what he was being told.

“I can not.” He told them. “The heir? It’s not possible. No vampire would accept me as their King, I am nothing. Worse than nothing, I’m an omega. How could I possibly lead anyone? My purpose in life is to have and raise babies. An omega is good for nothing else.”

“Those are your father’s words.” Brigid frowned hearing how lowly Rowan thought of himself. “Your father believed that women and omega’s were good for nothing more than filling a man’s bed and birthing his children but he was wrong. The ability to create life is perhaps the greatest power there is. It takes great strength and sacrifice to bring new life into the world and it takes a loving heart to raise and nurture those children. How could you possibly think that you are nothing, child, when you are everything.”

“Me?” Rowan laughed bitterly. “I think you’ve placed your faith in the wrong man. I’m not strong or brave and I am certainly no leader. Nor do I want the responsibility. All I want is to live a peaceful life with my mate and my children. That is why we came here, to this village. To live in peace. Besides, my father is dead. His tyranny would have died with him. There is nothing left to fight against.”

“That is where you are wrong.” Morrigu said. She stood and moved to stand in front of Rowan, looking down at him sternly. “The Queen he left behind is just as bad, if not worse, than Desmond ever was. She wants not to enslave the Fae but to eradicate the entire race and make vampire’s the most powerful race in all the realms. Her darkness will spread far and wide and all will suffer if she is not stopped. Your dream of a peaceful life will wither and die because if the Queen succeeds in her plan, there will be nothing of our people left. No village untouched, no safe place to hide. Everything will be destroyed, including the family you seek to build. If the Queen succeeds, nothing of our world will survive.”

Rowan sighed as he slumped forward, resting his head in his hands. “Why must the fate of our world rest on my shoulders? Why not someone more worthy?”

“Because it has always been your destiny, my son.” Ellarian wrapped her arms around Rowan and held him close to her. “Since before you were born, it has been your burden to bear.”

***

As the dream faded, Rowan once again found himself laying beneath the tree he had earlier fallen asleep under. The tree that he now knew as mountain ash or, the rowan tree. There was a reason that one sat in the forest of Pickaway village as well as his mother’s garden. It was truly a magical tree of protection that warded against evil and dark magic. It was also a doorway between both worlds, hidden away from all but those who possessed the magic of the Tuatha. When Rowan fell asleep beneath the tree and found himself in the between, he was finally able to see those who had passed onto the next world, the world where the Tuatha now reside.

He was able to see them because he too was a child of the Tuatha. He knew that now. With that knowledge also came the burden that his mother claimed he had been born to. The burden of protecting his people. He sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he yawned and tried to reorient himself to his reality. Such a heavy burden was already beginning to weigh on his thoughts and for a brief moment he felt like crying.

No. He told himself. I have to be strong. I have to be brave. Though, he wasn’t sure how to be either of those things as much of his life he’d felt like a coward, hiding away in the dark halls of his father’s palace, turning a blind eye to the suffering of the Fae people, his people. How could they trust him now? Him, the son of their enemy? The son of the man who had enslaved them? How could they follow him when so long he had done nothing?

It seemed as though an impossible task had been set before him and he had no idea where to even begin. What would he say to Thaden? Would Thaden believe him? And what of Tally? He had promised to protect her. She was his daughter now but he couldn’t take her to Basmorte. It would be far to dangerous for a human let alone a human child. Could he really abandon her now, just when he’d promised her a family? More now than ever he wished that he were not the one chosen for this task. Certainly there was someone more worthy, someone more capable of leading his people out of the darkness and back into the light.

Rowan was not a leader, or a warrior. He wasn’t a trained knight. He wasn’t trained in anything. Not even in how to use the powerful magic that he supposedly possessed. He was completely unprepared and ill-equipped to do what he was tasked to do. Without help, he would surly fail. There was no doubt in his mind about that. He needed help and he needed it now, before more of his kind were slaughtered by the mad Queen who had apparently made it her mission to destroy the Fae race. The problem was, Rowan had no idea where to get the help he needed. What army would agree to not only lend assistance but also be led by a vampire?

“I’ll speak to Thaden.” Rowan said aloud as he rose to his feet and brushed the leaves and small twigs from his robes. “Thaden will know what to do. He won’t like it, but he’ll know what to do.”

***

The walk back to the village took longer than before. Maybe it was because Rowan wasn’t in all that much of a hurry to get back. He loved Pickaway village, and he loved Thaden and Tally, and all of the new friends they had met so far but, he knew once he’d returned, he would need to tell Thaden about his dream and Rowan just wasn’t ready to do that yet. He wasn’t ready to face his responsibility to his people or the physical and mental trial he was meant to experience. Maybe, there was also a part of him, a small part, that wondered if any of it had even been real or, if he were just going mad. Either way, he had to face it eventually but still he dragged his feet, frightened of what was to come next.

Rowan had always known that being born a Prince meant he’d have certain duties to his country and people that he’d have to preform. Even if his only duties consisted of planning parties and approving the menu as was expected of any Queen who stood by her husband. He ruled the country while the Queen rules the Palace and all affairs therein. While other Prince’s such as Thaden were instructed in fighting, strategy, warfare, and the ins and outs of ruling over a people, Rowan was taught how to be the perfect hostess. He could make a perfect cup of tea, set a table like no other, and knew never to allow a man’s plate or goblet to go empty.

Of course the servants saw to such things most of the time, but Rowan knew there would be a time when his future husband would entertain local dignitaries, nobility, or even royalty visiting from neighboring realms. In such formal settings it was customary for the Lady for the house to serve the guests rather than the servants. Such customs were as sign of respect for those visiting and, an act of good will between both parties. Rowan always knew that his status as omega would someday require him to preform such tasks. He was prepared for these things. Prepared, to always be in the shadows, catering to the needs of others, but never fully stepping into the light. His teachings had not prepared him for what he was to do now though, and it terrified him.

***

As the village came into the view, Rowan stepped out of forest and casually made his way along the path that led through the garden and back on the main road. The path had brought him between Tearlach tavern and Dior’s bakery. During the day all kinds of sweet scents and the smell fresh baked breads would come wafting through the door and opened windows of the bakery. Rowan loved passing by the bakery and would often stop to inhale those aromas. It was dark now and the bakery had closed some time ago but yet, a small trace of that smell lingered. It was a comforting scent and, one that Rowan had become accustomed to in the short time he had been in the village.

All around him were things, sights, and sounds, that had become familiar. Children laughing as they played games or chased each other along the road, men and women engaged in a friendly argument over the price of meat or eggs. Of course, no money was ever exchanged. They bartered in services and goods. Food was rationed out between the families but an extra chicken or a sweet roll could be traded for a skillfully made blanket or piece of jewelry. Often times children would sweep the door step and porch of one of the businesses for a bit of candy or a cup of cider. It was a good system of trade and one that meant no one within the village went without.

Even at night the village didn’t shut down entirely. The Tavern was usually full of men and even some women, drinking, singing, and enjoying the respite from a hard days work. A game of cards or darts was usually going on or, a friendly game of chess between two of the elders of the village who always seemed to occupy the same table. If one walked further into the village, past the animal stalls and the familiar sounds and smells of live stock, past the blacksmith’s shop, and the butcher’s shop, you might come upon a fire and around it a gathering of night guards would be sitting, drinking mead while engaged in deep conversation. Most discussed their families, the younger ones would talk of potential mates. It was all very common and didn’t change much from night to night.

The newest gossip in town was of the three strangers that wished to join the village. Many were all for it, others had their doubts, but no one in the village really had much of a problem with them. They seemed to acclimate easily within the village and Rowan in particular seemed to belong, as though he were always a resident there. Of course, there were concerns about his being a vampire and, there were some that feared him, though those fears were slowly being dismissed the more people got to know him. He wasn’t like any vampire that they had encountered in the past and there really didn’t seem to be anything dangerous about him. He was just a boy, searching for a better life with his family.

Rowan’s exceptional hearing allowed him to pick up on many of these conversations, as he was able to pick up on many of the sounds around him, and he smiled when he heard the positive things said about him and his family. He began to really think that they had a chance here. He began to feel like he was finally home. Of course, none of that seemed to matter now. Not since Rowan’s encounter with his mother, Brigid, and Morrigu in the forest. Now, it seemed as though his plans for a new and happy life were going up in smoke.

Rowan wrapped his cloak tightly around his body to shelter himself from the cold chill of the night. He moved like a shadow through the street that seemed a little too empty, a little too dark. He noted also that the normal sounds he expected to hear were eerily silent. There was nothing of the night birds, or crickets chirping in the distance, and he heard no sounds of merriment coming from the local tavern. There was a stillness in the air that seemed almost...unnatural. He felt as a deer might feel, entering a clearing only to feel the sharp eyes of a predator watching it drawing closer, until it was in range to strike.

Rowan took a hesitant step forward then stopped. He raised his head and sniffed the air then hissed. His claws extended as every instinct he had told him that he was in danger, real danger. And so was every single resident of Pickaway village. As he crouched low, ready to run, a familiar figure stepped out of the shadows and stood in front of Rowan, mere feet away from him.

“Greagor.” He sneered.

Greagor stared back at Rowan, his eyes wide with disbelief. “You.” He spoke low, his voice quivering as he tried to process what he was staring at. “You...” He said again, as though he couldn’t quite comprehend what his own eyes were trying to tell him. “You’re...alive?”

Rowan sighed, the tension in his body drained. He retracted his claws and nodded. a single tear slipped from his eye and down his cheek. “I am.” He whispered. Understanding settled on Greagor’s face mingled with something of regret as he bowed to Rowan.

“My Prince.” Greagor said, his voice tinged with sorrow. “It is unfortunate that I’ve found you here. The Queen will not be pleased.”

Rowan sucked in a deep breath, raising his head as he stared at the Captain and said, in his most authoritative voice, “Then say nothing of my presence here. Go back to Basmorte and leave this village in peace. They are a peaceful people and are no threat to the Queen.”

Greagor shook his head slowly. “I cannot.” He said softly. “I am under orders and, as much as it pains me to do this, I must take you back. The Queen has demanded that any threat to her be destroyed and, my Prince, I’m afraid that means you.”

More guards stepped out and stood behind Greagor and, Rowan realized that he could not fight them all. “Promise me one thing.” He said as he raised his hands in defeat.

“What is that?” Greagor asked. He motioned for the other guards to move in and apprehend Rowan. Rowan did not fight them, to do so would be foolish. They would most likely kill him anyway so fighting would be pointless but, if he could spare the lives of the villagers, he would go willingly and meet his fate.

“Take me, but leave this village in peace. They are good people and they have suffered enough.”

“That is not possible.” Greagor told him. “The Queen has heard that a child born of the Tuath is destined to destroy her. She has ordered us to take captive the tribe of the Shee in order to discover the identity of this child, and destroy them.”

Rowan narrowed his eyes as he stared at his captor. Suddenly, everything his mother and the others had told him began to make sense to him. It was him. His destiny was to destroy Caroline and reclaim the throne. Everything had been leading to this moment.

“Then you have no need of these people.” Rowan exhaled a shaky breath as he locked eyes with Gregor. “I am the one you seek. My mother, Queen Ellarian, was born in this village. Her mother was the Goddess Morrigu. I am the child of the Tuatha. I am destined to destroy the Queen. Take me and leave this village. They are innocent.”

Greagor nodded, though his shoulders slumped as he rubbed his temples in frustration. “Put him in irons.” Greagor commanded. He turned his back as though unable to look at Rowan any longer. “We’ll take him to the Queen. She will decide his fate.”

The guards did as they were told, putting iron shackles on Rowan’s wrists and ankles. He was then led to a caged cart and thrown into the back. As the door was slammed closed and the lock clicked into place, Rowan looked out at the village that he had come to love. Somewhere in that village Thaden and Tally awaited his return only, Rowan would not be returning to them. Would they know what had happened? Would they know that he was taken or, would they think that he’d abandoned them? He rested his head against the bars of the cage and tried to force his tears away. At least they’ll be safe. He thought. His sacrifice would ensure that.

As long as his family was safe, Rowan knew that he could face what ever was to come, as long as Thaden and Tally lived, Rowan would endure but, he wasn’t ready to just lay down and die. He’d bide his time until he was brought before the Queen and then...he wasn’t sure what would happen then but he wasn’t about to give up. He’d fight as hard as he had to and for as long as he could. He’d fight for himself and for the life growing inside of him. Caroline would not win. Not this time. Rowan would find a way to stop her. Even if he had to kill her with his bare hands, he would find a way. He had to. It was his destiny after all. It was what he had been born to do.