Shadows Lurking

August 15th, 2005 - Monday, 6:35am

Navigating this school and the obnoxious kids in it hasn’t been easy. Everyone stared at me after the incident in the admin office. Apparently, Professor Kerum didn’t do a very good job at keeping all of the students back and some of them seen me- seen me struggling to keep from shifting. It’s been great. I’m the gossip of this school too now. I’m not sure what I was expecting coming here, but I was a fool to think that I could escape the judgement of my peers.

The only ones that seem to be keeping their mouths shut with opinions on yesterday are my littermates.

Smart kids.

My pants have started to soak from the morning dew on the grass under me. The sun has just started to rise over the trees lining the property. The sky slowly becomes a sun kissed orange against the dark green of the bushy leaves attempting to reach it. Staring up at the sky, whether at night or in the early morning hours, is something I’ve grown to appreciate. Here, in this hour were the times I could be myself and let my guard down when Noah was alive.

The sounds of students bustling about in the hallways back at the school catches me off guard. Hearing things I shouldn’t be able to hear will still take some getting used to, but I’m trying. There are some things that I’m realizing I won’t need to get used to, because they’re already habit. Like sneaking out of my own room to watch the sunrise.

Percy has been hovering over me since the office incident, but he was asleep when I left the room, or the den as he calls it. God, this place is weird. Everyone here seems to be in collective agreement on certain things that I just haven’t even begun to grasp yet. They call our rooms dens, our roommates are littermates, and we even have assigned play times. I’ve yet to experience this play time and I’m not too beat up over it either.

The sound of crunching leaves causes the hair on the back of my neck to stand on end. Flipping over and standing on my feet, I face whoever is coming closer. Stopping in his tracks, Nicholas King holds out his hands in a friendly gesture, his smile not entirely reaching his cheeks. He seems nervous almost. Good. I don’t want him near me. Godfather or not, I don’t know this man.

“I just wanted to see how you were adjusting so far.”

“How are you here right now? Aren’t there, like, security people or something?”

He smiles now, a genuine smile that looks anything but sinister. “This may be a school for lycans, but it is still just that- a school.” He motions towards the open spot next to my feet and I move over more to the right. He takes that as an invitation and sits next to me. “You know, I used to come out here every morning with your mother and our friends. We would watch the sun rise and even watch it set from time to time.”

Tossing the guy a bone, I sit next to him, but you could easily fit three people in between us. “I don’t know much about her- my mom.”

“I can only assume Noah never spoke about her?” I shake my head. He lets out a deep chuckle, not an amused one though. “Ah. No surprise there. Noah was never fond of Emmy. He always thought she was a bit out there, and to be fair, she was. She was the strangest, but most kind woman I’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. When she had you- Gods, if only you could’ve seen the way she would light up a room when talking about you. Out of all of us kids, she was the one destined to be a parent. Always went on and on for hours about how your future would look. Your name, your looks, which one of our friends’ children would be your littermates.”

“What was she like, you know, as a person?”

“Emelia was smart, smarter than anyone I had ever met. She could read circles around you and would never once apologize for it. If there was one thing she was the best at, it was being the smartest person in the room.” His eyes seem to shine in the rising sunrays. “Emmy was my best friend, someone who never turned her back on me, even when everyone else did. My family, they never were very accepting of things like change or equality, at first, but your mother changed their hearts with her own. Your father on the other hand-“ He takes a deep breath, clearing his throat as well. “-well, he was a piece of work. I always told your mother she deserved better, but she was adamant that she could change him. It became her downfall.”

“He- He killed my mom?” My fists collect clumps of dirt now in between clawed fingers. Noah is the reason I never knew my mom, the reason I never knew what it would be like to be sung to sleep, to be held after getting hurt. He ruined me. “I should’ve killed him slower, or at least controlled myself enough to remember ripping him apart.”

“Rylan.” Nicholas’ voice is stern, very adult-like now. “Us Lycan’s, we don’t take lives when it can be avoided. Even from someone like your- Someone like Noah Evans.”

“Why!” I stand on my feet now, anger coursing through me. How could he defend someone like that monster. “Why shouldn’t a scumbag like him die? You have no idea what he put me through!”

“You’re right, Rylan. I don’t know what you’ve been through, but-” He holds his hands out in a calming gesture. “-if you would talk to me about it, we could find a way to get through it together. I’m here for you. Lenora and Kerum are here for you. There are people here at this academy who would give their last breath for you if you would ask it of them.”

“I- I don’t want anyone’s help. I don’t need it!”

Shoving past him, I leave him standing in the yard all alone. I don’t need this right now. I just want to be left alone. Anytime they tell me that I’m not alone, that I’m cared for, my insides burn like someone’s lit a fire in my chest. No amount of crying seems to dampen it either. The fire only grows until I eventually pass out from the intenseness of it all.

Maybe one day I’ll learn to trust someone other than myself, but that day is not today. Today, I’ve got to find a way to control the monster inside me so that I can avoid angering the other monsters surrounding me.

Monday, 1:00pm

Nurse Kim is a peculiar woman with black hair that’s been cut nearly to her scalp. Her ruby red lips are pencil thin and her brown eyes sit slanted on her face. Her whole demeanor has her seeming like she’s some fragile school nurse, but if she’s here then she’s most likely a monster as well.

She finishes bandaging up a random kid’s leg before ushering them off to class. Those tilted brown eyes land on me and I freeze up. Professor Dawes had warned me that Nurse Kim would need to touch me in order to give me a proper physical. Being reminded of it doesn’t seem to help, but I’ll need to be on my best behavior. Professor Dawes repeatedly informed me that physicals were yearly and required.

“Come on, Rylan.” Nurse Kim pats the doctor’s table with a new white paper sheet on it. I hop up on it with reluctance. “There we are. Now, I’ll need you to remove your shirt.”

Immediately, warning bells begin ringing in my mind.

She’ll see them.

No one can see them.

I have to leave.

I need to get out of here.

Two hands smack me back up onto the table, and I turn to face her with what I’m sure is a shocked expression. Yeah, she’s definitely a monster like me.

She finally chuckles out, “You’re not as strong as you think, pup.” Nurse Kim pats my shoulder once before ordering me to take my shirt off again. “And this time, no bolting. I don’t feel like sticking a sedative in you, but I will.”

Obeying her demand, I slowly strip the plain black tee off with no other sign of protest. I don’t like needles. I can hear it, her gasp as the shirt falls to the floor. There’s no confusion about what she might be seeing back there. Evidence of Noah’s extended abuse, six years’ worth of being whipped by that- that chain. It wasn’t even a heavy chain, but a simple silver chain with small links. Something that he easily disguise as a bracelet when we were out in public.

Noah always said that bad little boys needed to be kept on a leash, and that was mine.

“My Gods,” she breathes out. Her hand just barely brushes against one of the lashes, causing a deep and hollow noise to rumble from my chest. “Does it hurt?”

Head shaking, hands trembling, I finally breathe out, “Not physically. Not anymore.”

The rest of the checkup goes by quietly. No questions are asked, no comments are made by either of us. She just gives me a smile with pity in her eyes before sending me off to lunch. And I go without a second thought. The last thing I need is for her, or anyone else, to show me pity.

The hallway leading from her office to the main hall is long and covered in moss, cracks, and portraits. Each one seems to be of a different man and woman. They’re all hand-painted, very fancy. I wonder how old this place really is. It’s got to be over a hundred with how many cracks there are and missing stones in some places. Do they not have money to renovate it?

To the left of the hallway there are large stone pillars that let fresh air in from the courtyard, no wall in between them at all. The academy seems to have an open-living approach to things. There are barely any rooms in this place that don’t have an opening in the wall for a natural window. And by window, I do mean a hole in the wall with no glass or structure.

Maybe that’s why they do it though. Being in places like my old school before this, trapped in a building with no way out- It was almost nerve wrecking. Here though, there are no anxieties of what the outside would be like, because I can clearly see it at all times.

The sun has finally completely taken up its rightful position. The sky is now bright with no clouds in sight. I would give anything to just curl up under one of those tall oaks that line the property, but I doubt I could get away with skipping classes on my first day.

Not looking forward while walking proves to be a terrible idea when another body collides into mine and I’m landed on the floor. Looking up, I see the other person is a girl. Her copper hair is in two long braids, reminding me of Pippi Longstockings. She even has the same freckles dusting her rosy cheeks, but no large front teeth. Her simple t-shirt and jeans were thrown out of the ordinary category though when I noticed the band logo on her front.

Green Day.

“You like Green Day?”

The girl looks at me with surprise before nodding slowly. “Uh, yeah. I actually got this as a gift from a friend of mine. Well, I’m not completely sure I’d call him a friend. More like we’re study partners, and he tolerates me because of my somewhat-okay taste in music.”

“Cool.” I stand on my feet now, ignoring the growing nervousness in my chest. “BOBD.”

“Boulevard of Broken Dreams.” She beams at me now as she finishes dusting herself off. “You can quiz me more, if you’d like.”

“Nah, you pass.” I know what I should say, but it feels too hard. “I- Well, I’m-” My hands begin sweating. “I’m, um, s-sorry.”

“It’s no big deal,” she laughs out. “I was too busy reading to even notice that someone else was walking this way. Who’s to say I shouldn’t be the one apologizing to you, right?”

“Uh, right.”

She extends her hand and I instinctively step back. Her smile begins to falter before she nods to herself. “Right, you don’t like to be touched. Rylan, right?”

Great. Everyone in this school knows now that I’m some sort of freak who hits others when they touch me. I mean, I’m glad they’ll keep their distances, but this girl seems innocent enough though.

“It’s-” I stare at her hand before sucking in a breath and shaking it firmly. “It’s fine.”

“Amaya Porter,” she says proudly while releasing my hand. “If you ever need anything while here, just let me know. I know a lot about this academy and the losers attending it. My best friend, Minnie, is the central hub for gossip, thanks to her older sister. So, if you ever need the scoop, we’re your girls.”

“Uh, thanks.” It feels different to be talking with someone and not have that overwhelming feeling that they’ll reach out and touch me at any moment. She seems like she understands my need for space. “I think I might actually be a little lost.”

“I figured. Where are you supposed to be right now?”

I let the paper with my schedule fall into her hands and she gladly takes it from me. Scanning it for a moment she finally smiles up at me. “You have Mathematics with me. We’re learning about the Pythagorean Theorem now.”

“Sounds thrilling.”

“Hey, don’t knock it. I actually love math.” My face contorts into one of doubt. “Come on, don’t give me that look. Math isn’t that bad. I’m sure you’d like it if you had the right teacher for it.”

“Well, who teaches that class?”

Her smile widens as her deep blue eyes brighten. “Professor Dawes. She’s the absolute best. I’m sure you’ll like her.”

Great. I’ll be seeing more of her throughout the day then, I guess. The last thing I need is some old lady trying to charm me into being a well-behaved boy or a sappy little kid who blubbers and cries on and on about their past. I guess the alternative is that they beat it out of me, but I doubt anything they have could compare to Noah’s forms of torture.

“Well, look at this, boys.” An almost nasally voice that I’m not familiar with comes from one of the open pillars that lead outside to the courtyard. “Looks like Porter found another boy to add to her ever-growing list.” A guy with short blonde hair, spiked in the front, walks closer to us. “You gonna have this one following you around like a lost pup too, Porter? What would the mutt’s think?”

“Don’t you have an exam to fail somewhere, Finley?” Amaya shoots the guy back with a firm voice. “No one needs your foul attitude today. Find someone else to bully.”

So, this Finley guy is a bully. Good to know. I despise bullies.

He steps forward, eyes narrowing on Amaya, and I step in between them as best as I can without being touched by either of them.

“Back off.”

The threat sounds worse with the growl leaking from it, but that was accidental. Maybe training to not kill people really would be a good idea. Perhaps a change of heart might be a good thing right now. I’ll have to talk to Professor Dawes before class starts. I'm not exactly ready to add more bodies to my resume.

“Aw, look at that.” Finley begins laughing out, “Porter picked one that submits to her charm easily. What are you, huh? Are you a grey like the mutt’s or are you a real Lycan?”

My eyes narrow on him now. Nothing about what he just said makes any sense to me, but I feel offended by it, nonetheless.

“Hey, if it isn’t Fletcher ‘Fumbling-Balls’ Finley.” Corey comes running up to meet us from the main hall area. James and Mattheo trail behind him a bit farther away, talking with one another in a deep conversation. “How’s your mother- still tongue kissing her cousin?”

Finley only smirks at his comment. “You still making out with King in your free time?”

Does Corey have something going on with my godfather? I knew something was wrong with that Nicholas guy. I think I’ll be staying here at the school over breaks.

I stare between Finley and Corey now as they seem to be at a stalemate when it comes to insults to hurl between one another.

Mattheo walks up behind Corey and casually places an arm around his shoulder. “Why- Are you jealous?”

I don’t miss the distinct look of disgust on Finley’s face. Something about the idea that he looks ready to strike at the boys causes a deep heat in my stomach. Anger.

“You mutt’s aren’t even worth my time,” Finley mutters while focusing his grey eyes on me alone. “Come on, guys.”

The three boys then walk back through the open pillars and out into the courtyard. Mattheo and Corey seem to be wrestling with one another in the grass just outside of the hallway. Both are laughing and acting as though they won some unknown victory. They must find being belittle by this Finley kid a normal pastime. James moves past me, just barely in my personal space, as he rushes to Amaya’s side now.

“Are you okay, Amaya?” He rushes the questions out.

The other two have stopped fighting near us and are now watching the exchange from beside me. Both seem just as surprised at seeing their friend worry over Amaya.

“I’m fine, Sutton.” Amaya rolls her eyes, then turns to face me. “Are you okay, Rylan? I didn’t think Finley would target you since you’re new.”

“I’m fine,” I grunt out, ignoring the glare that James is giving me. “I could’ve taken him.”

“I don’t doubt that,” Amaya giggled. “But I also don’t doubt that you’ve been warned to not shift while in the building.”

“No, not really.”

“Strange,” she mutters while stroking one of her braids. “I really thought that Professor Dawes would have warned you about that. The academy has a type of barrier spell on it; No wolves in the building. If you try to shift while in here, you’ll only experience the pain from shifting, but no release because...”

"No wolves in the building." I finish for her.

She smiles while nodding her head enthusiastically. "Correct! See, you're learning the Lycan way."

So, not only are werewolves real, but so is something like magic. And the teachers have put some witchy spell on the school to keep us kids from shifting while indoors. That seems a tad bit over the top, but it also makes sense in a way. A whole bunch of hormonal kids that get angry easy, all under one roof- I think that things would be bad if we were all able to shift whenever we wanted. Not that I can shift at all without being angry. At least I won’t have to worry about shifting and killing anyone while I’m in the school.

“What about outside of the building?” I asked her.

“That’s a different story.” She motions behind me, just over my shoulder, and I turn to see the outside. “As you can see, we can very much shift outside of the academy walls.”

Standing tall outside of the hallway and in the courtyard is a grey wolf. The head comes just to my ribs and its paws seem as big as my hand, if not bigger. I’ve never seen a grey wolf in person, but I guarantee they’re not normally this big. Muscles seem to bulge in its legs as it bounces from one paw to the other, seemingly finicky.

“Quit showing off, King.” Amaya places her hands on her hips while the wolf only continues prancing. “You’re going to get in trouble if Professor Helman sees you goofing off.”

The wolf now faces us while stretching out, its front claws dig into the earth while its rear end lifts into the air, tail swinging wildly. The eyes are what catch my attention now though. Dark green eyes that pierce into me and pin me in place just like they have every other time I’ve seen them. And just above one eye, a notch of fur is missing, showing off a sliver of pink skin.

“Mattheo.” I barely whispered the word, but they all heard it.

The wolf slowly starts falling to the ground as bones begin rearranging themselves inside its skin. After about thirty seconds, Mattheo stands in front of us, and with his clothing intact.

I don’t even realize that I’m just staring at him until he clears his throat. My face feels flushed, hot and ready to explode from embarrassment. I must seem like an idiot, staring at Mattheo as if I've never seen a Lycan before. I'm out of my element in this place, completely behind the other students from not being raised knowing what I was.

“How- How did you do that and still have clothes after?”

Mattheo quirks his brow at me now. “Uh, this.” He points to a ring that’s been placed on a black rope necklace. “It’s a channeling ring. It keeps us from losing our clothes when shifting. Generally, you’d get one from an elder.”

“An elder?”

“Yeah, you know, someone who teaches you how to shift and gives you advice afterwards. Their usually parents, uncles, aunts, or even older cousins.” Mattheo stops now, staring at me with wide eyes. The silence surrounding us seems to grow and become more awkward by the second. “But you didn’t-”

“Have that.” I stare at him with a hardened expression now. “I get it.”

Walking away from them, I make sure to keep my anger seated deep inside myself. The last thing I need is for my body to try and shift while in the building. Unbearable pain that will just keep going until I choose to not be angry anymore? The days of being tortured are over.

August 19th, 2005 - Friday, 5:15pm

My breathing comes out in pants as I’m tossed through the air once more. Professor Kerum hasn’t even broken a sweat. My back meets the grass and I struggle to keep myself from getting angry. He’s been tossing me like a ragdoll for the last two hours. I don’t know exactly how much more I can mentally take. Physically, this is a walk in the park from what I’m accustomed to. The dark haired and brown eyed professor doesn’t seem to care much whether or not I’m alright with being tossed around. A part of me is thankful for it though. I don’t want nor need pity from others and I’m glad that he understands that.

Professor Dawes, Nurse Kim, and all the other adults keep looking at me like I’m some broken thing that they need to fix. I’m not. I’m just a kid who got dealt a really bad hand. But I’m going to keep playing though.

Standing on my feet, I begin rushing back towards the towering man. My hands tighten into fists before swinging one up at his face. He easily catches it while sweeping my legs out from underneath me. I fall to the ground with force, and it takes a minute for air to find its way back into my lungs.

Maybe I was wrong, maybe I’m not cut out for stuff like this; training, shifting, playing the cards. I can barely fight against another person without nearly losing my temper. My temper is the key in all of this, but it’s as if I have no control over it anymore.

“I’m never gonna get this!” I slap the ground with frustration building up. “You might as well just put me down.”

Professor Kerum begins chuckling from his spot in the field. “I believe that you’ll find Rienridge is a ‘no-kill’ shelter. With some training I’m sure you’ll have it within a month.”

“A month!” I throw my back against the ground now, staring up at the sky. The clouds are just barely drifting by against the pale blue background. It’s peaceful. “I don’t have a month. Everyone thinks I’m some kind of defect that can’t shift. And they’re not wrong- I’m a freak!”

The grass tickles against my exposed backside. Silence envelops me and the air thins out. Nothing seems to matter anymore. My feelings of anger, frustration, self-hatred, they just seem to have taken a nap. A sense of peace seems to be seeping into me, covering me in a warm embrace. Peeking up at Kerum, I notice now that he’s just staring at me.

Is he causing this to happen somehow?

“Uh, hey-” I sit up now, my arms wrapping around my knees to keep them closer. “Lycan’s can’t, like, control other people’s emotions, can they?”

The professor chuckles now before walking closer towards me. He drops down so that he’s sitting next to me. His black pants suit and white button up will most likely ruin while sitting down here, but he doesn’t seem to mind at all. Kerum has these warm brown eyes that make you feel comfortable even when you don’t want to be. Those eyes that never show me pity.

“Lycan’s cannot control emotions, however, elder Lycan’s can influence a pup so that their emotions can become stable enough to control on their own.”

“That’s what you did.”

Kerum nods. “Indeed. I noticed you struggling, and I helped you. This does not mean that you are being controlled in any way though. Us Lycan’s, no matter how elder we are, cannot control another. Everything we do, everything we say, it is all our choices.”

The thoughts that I never wanted to think about began resurfacing. If that were true; Did Noah do everything he did because it was his choice? I feel as though it would make me feel better had he done it while being controlled. It would’ve explained how he went from being so kind and fathering to being the cruel monster that he died as.

“Was my father a Lycan?”

The air grows thinner, colder. My throat refuses to expand while this subject is floating in the air so freely. I’m hoping that Kerum has the answers I’m wanting, but I know that’s not realistic.

“He was. He attended this academy alongside your mother. And yes, she was also a Lycan.”

“Will you tell me about them?”

The question seems innocent to anyone else, but to me, it’s an anchor. I’m tossing this to him in hopes that he’ll throw it back so that I won’t have to plant myself in these waters just yet. I still need to sail around a bit more, explore and discover myself. Learning more about who my parents were would only raise more questions than answers, but it’s only human of me to ask.

“When you’re ready, I will. Something like that would take a whole lot of time to break down. Your history is a complicated one, and I’m sure Emelia would want it told properly.” He pats my shoulder while standing on his feet once more. The strangest thing about it; I didn’t want to hit him for it.

The air seems to shift around us into something far more sinister. The ground vibrates as if there is a horde of horses approaching. Scrambling backwards now, I find myself next to Professor Kerum’s legs. Eight wolves, Lycan’s, come to a fast stop just before us. They’re huge, bigger than Mattheo was. These wolves tower over me, their heads easily looming over my small frame. One in the front is pure black while the others are a range of deep grey and light grey. A few even have splotch patterns of white or a darker grey in their fur.

The wolves shift down until they are men. Eight men that are slightly taller than Kerum. The professor is in his mid-forties, but for some reason these younger men tower over him. The one in the front, the black wolf, seems to be leaking with authority. The weight of it has me standing behind Kerum now rather than beside him. My body feels tiny compared to them, weak even. I don’t like it at all.

“Kerum.” The man with authority has an airy voice despite his stature. It’s as if he’s trying to prove he’s better than everyone else by acting posh. “Last I heard, you were in the mountains searching for new recruits but now you seem to be enjoying your free time training pups. What brought on this change?”

“The council needed someone capable of handling a rather rebellious pup.” Kerum smiles down at me warmly. Those doe eyes of his relax me just a bit. “You know how well I am at doing that, don’t you, Phineas? If I’m not mistaken, you were a rather handful, you and your entire litter.”

The man’s eyes widen in an innocent way before flashing a smile in our direction. “We grew out of it though, did we not?”

The professor only sighs now. “What is it that you need, Phineas?”

The man, Phineas, smirks before replying, “There is a rumor circulating the woods that you’ve taken in an invalid. The northern packs are worried that a child like that could ruin the reputation of the academy. Surely, these rumors are false.”

“They are indeed false. We do not accept anyone into the academy that is not able to shift.” His words worry me now. I’m the invalid their talking about.

“And what of this one-” Phineas’ eyes land on me now; cold, grey, and calculating. “He can shift?”

“Yes, but without proper training. He’s quite new to our world and how things work.” Professor Kerum places an arm around my shoulders, tugging my close to his side. I’d rather be hidden behind him still.

“A changeling?” Steel eyes widen now as he pushes his damp blonde hair off his forehead. “How surprising.”

What the heck is a changeling and why would that be surprising? I don’t like anything about this conversation or that I’m the center of it. Mainly that I’m the center of it.

“No, not at all. He was simply not raised in our ways, but we’ve found him, and everything is starting to connect for him now. I’m teaching him of our customs and training him to use his wolf properly,” Kerum assures the man.

“A grey?” The man asked with disdain.

“Yes, it would seem so.” Professor Kerum seems tense now. His grip on my shoulder relaxes a bit as he says, “But please do stop in to see Lenora before leaving. I’m more than sure she would love to update you on Fletcher’s classwork and behavior.”

Phineas nods now, a look of annoyance on his face. “Will do, Kerum.”

The group of men begin walking away, thankfully in their human forms. I’m not sure I could handle seeing them in their other form again just yet. I’ll never admit it out loud, but it was terrifying.

I wait just until they’re out of sight before asking, “Professor, who was that man?”

Professor Kerum seems reluctant but nods as he explains, “That would be Phineas Finley, the Alpha for one of the northern packs. He’s not a kind man, so do stay out of his way in the future.” He catches the glare and quickly says, “I know that you’ve done nothing wrong, but in Phineas’ eyes unless your wolf is a black-fur you’re of no use to our society. But he’s wrong, of course. Grey-furs are needed for a lot of things. Without them we wouldn’t have packs at all in the world.”

I’m starting to realize that this society might have a bit of a racism issue. And according to Kerum, I fall at the negative end of that spectrum. I’m a grey-fur and I’m assuming the guys are too considering Finley called them mutts. I’m guessing that’s a real insult in the Lycan world. Good to know for future encounters with Finley. I wonder if the boys could teach me more names.