SWNOVELS Savior Complex: Chapter 13
Dinner last night was a test of my patience. I spent all yesterday watching Javier, shirtless and soaked by the sun, putting together my deck. The way he made opportunities to hang back with me, put his hands on me, tell me how sexy he thought I was…sigh. It fucking drove me crazy.
Worse—better?—he’d taken the lead and helped the other guys when they had questions. Watching him teach Ant how to float, seeing how it impacted him…goddammit.
Last night at Rebel Sky, however, he sat at the opposite end of the enormous dining area from me while getting flirty with the ranch’s throuple.
Joaquin, Colt, and Wick are hot as all get out, and I was, to be perfectly honest, envious. First of all, Javier and Joaquin should never be allowed in the same room. That is too much fucking sexy in one space and is, at the very minimum, a fire hazard.
Second, I’d convinced myself Javier’s been exaggerating his affection for my body, but the way he lit up when he saw Colt made me dig my fingernails into my palms with jealousy.
Colt is taller, broader, and has a way larger belly than I do. This led to a bonkers moment of feeling deeply inadequate in the belly department until I remembered how he palmed my tiny belly, calling it perfect as he kissed it over and over the one hot night we were together.
Not that I need his approval.
I may have been spying on them when Warwick walked up and gripped Javier’s shoulder while inviting him to the Rebel Sky bunkhouse for “a little extracurricular fun.” Joaquin joined the conversation, eyeballing my man like he had the right.
A weird sort of strangled sound came out of my throat. Javier turned, quirking his lips at me. Whether that influenced him or not, he smoothly rejected the trio’s advances, thanking them for the opportunity.
Fucking thanked them.
After that, he basically ignored me for the rest of the evening, and I stewed in my own juices. I know what he’s doing. I can totally see it from a mile away. He’s driving me insane, hoping I’ll lose my composure and throw myself at him.
I slept in my trailer again last night. Because it’s my house and where I’m planning to live full-time. And not because I didn’t trust myself to resist sneaking into Javier’s room and impaling myself on his stupidly massive cock.
Gotta be honest, as he drives up to my trailer in his little beater truck, I have a hard time convincing myself I made the right choice last night.
“Buenos dias, chulo,” he says, holding up a Thermos of coffee.
Good morning, cutie.
This. Fucking. Guy.
“You are the worst,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest as if I could possibly protect my heart.
He looks down at himself, confused. “How am I the worst? I’m showing up here early in the morning, helping you with your deck. For free. According to my calculations, that makes me the best.”
Javier’s pleased self-important smile kills me. It’s clear he has demons, which is way too fucking sexy—yes, I’m a therapist. Yes, I know it’s not right—but his self-confidence is intoxicating.
He hands me a paper cup for the coffee, and I take it with a disgruntled expression. The coffee is, of course, perfectly brewed, sugared, and creamed.
“Fine. But you’re just okay. Not a jot more.”
“I do not know this word jot.”
“It means the tiniest, smallest, most insignificant amount,” I say, holding my thumb and forefinger barely a millimeter apart to demonstrate my feelings on the matter. “You’re not even a tiny bit better than just okay.”
Scratching his beard, he smiles broadly as he imitates the tiny gesture. “Are you sure you don’t mean this much?” he asks, expanding the gesture to both hands, approximating—rather accurately—his impressive…whatever.
I scowl, and he sets his cup on the hood of his truck. He then takes my cup, sets it next to his, and pulls me close. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he kisses my forehead.
“Just okay, huh?”
“You ignored me last night.”
“You stalked me last night.”
“I wasn’t stalking you. I only happened to be there when Warwick and team invited you to the Rebel Sky sex dungeon.”
“I’m pretty sure it’s a bunkhouse, not a sex dungeon. Also, since you were spying on me, I know you saw me reject their advances.”
“Sure. Though…who knows what you did after dinner.”
I grimace as soon as the jealous words leave my mouth. I’m not allowed to be jealous because this is fucking casual.
Was fucking casual.
Gah.
“I went home, which you would know if you had joined me,” he answers, kissing one cheek. “I took another shower.” He kisses the other cheek. “I jerked off to the thought of burying myself in that perfect ass of yours.” He kisses my forehead. “And then I went to sleep, happy I’d be seeing you today.”
He hovers near my lips, waiting.
Seriously, fuck this guy.
I close the distance on a whimper. I should be annoyed that he’s smiling through my sloppy, needy kisses, but he fucking played me like a fiddle. No doubt satisfied that he’s won, he takes charge, deepening our kiss as he pulls me closer.
“You are so fucking sexy,” Javier whispers, licking the shell of my ear before diving in for another round of kisses. “Maybe you can believe me now.”
My cock swells, and I push it against his hard length, groaning into his mouth as he works his hips against mine.
He leaves my lips to kiss a hot trail down my neck, ripping off my tank top as he peppers kisses along my collarbone.
“Heavy gauge. Naughty boy,” he says, bringing his thumbs up to pinch and pull on my nipple rings while he continues frotting against me, rough and certain.
“Fuck, I’m going to come,” I grit through my teeth.
He drops to his knees, leaving my nipples alone for a moment as he pushes down my shorts. My dick springs up, and he immediately buries his nose in my pubic hair, inhaling appreciatively.
Grabbing my cock, he licks the glans, tugging on my piercing with his lips, firing up every nerve ending as he pushes and pulls on the bar running through the head.
Bringing his evil fingers back up to the weighty nipple rings, he delicately pulls and twists while he sinks down to the root, taking me apart with each suck and swirl of his tongue.
I don’t know why I thought I had a chance against him. I stand no chance against this. Throwing my head back, I open my eyes, looking at the blue sky through the green leaves as he pulls ecstasy after ecstasy from my body.
Oh God. What the fuck am I doing?
Shut the fuck up, Levy. Enjoy this for what it is.
Before my brain can wander off into questions that’ll only ruin my day, he pauses to suck on his middle finger, then drops that hand down to my sac, cradling it in his palm as his middle finger taps against my back entrance. Diving back down on me again, he presses gently, insistently against my hole.
Bearing down on Javier’s finger, I lose my breath a little when his finger breaches me. Sliding in a bit farther, he crooks it and finds the exact right…fuck…spot.
“Close,” I warn, putting my hand on the back of his head. He smiles around my dick. Fucking asshole. So smug because I can’t resist his charms. Holding his head in place, I fuck into his mouth, and it fazes him not one bit. He takes me all the way to the back of his throat, sucking and swirling while continuing to destroy my sanity with his middle finger deep inside me.
Within seconds my body lights up, and I shoot hard, nearly biting my tongue as he swallows every drop of me, increasing suction at the end until I’m a jerking, shivering mess.
Crooking his finger with a grin, he elicits another jerk and moan from me. He finally pulls away, rising to tower over me as he tucks his shorts under his nuts. Grunting, he strokes himself, striping my belly as he pushes his forehead to mine.
Fuck me sideways.
Javier returns to his knees, lapping at my belly, licking me clean of his cum as he kisses and worships the soft flesh.
“Fuck,” he breathes against my belly. “Everything about you just turns me on. I like being my age, except for in this one moment, where I would give anything to be able to go after you again.”
I laugh, pulling him up and back into a kiss, making out with him like it’s the only thing we need to do today.
“Something tells me you’ll be able to go again later today. Which is good because I have a lot of shit to get done.”
He rolls his eyes, dragging his teeth over his bottom lip as he looks into my eyes.
“You are dangerous,” I say, letting my eyes drift to the side.
“Hey,” he says, touching my jaw. “Look at me.”
I do it because, well, who am I kidding? I don’t really have any choice in the matter.
His eyes, which were passionate and adoring just seconds before, turn serious.
“I don’t know what this is, and I don’t want to hurt you, but staying away from you doesn’t feel like an option.”
I let my eyes land on his broad shoulders, shaking my head as emotions roil in my chest.
“Definitely not an option.”
“Hey,” Javier repeats, lifting my chin with the tips of his fingers. “Look at me.”
It’s harder to do the second time.
“You told me who you are. What you need in life. I’ve had similar conversations with other lovers and ran very far very fast. I’m not running, and that has nothing to do with my nephew. I’m here with you today because I can’t imagine being anywhere else. I don’t know what that means, but I’m desperate to find out.”
I blink fast and manage to rein in all but one stupid tear. He smiles and cups my jaw, kissing it away with soft lips and the tickling scrape of his beard.
“Please don’t pretend you’re in it only to get in bed with me,” I beg.
He steps back from me.
Straightening his posture, he raises his brow. “I would never do that to someone, especially not you.”
Needing his skin on mine, I step toward him and bury my face in his chest. Fuck, he smells so good.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
His arms come around me and his hands glide up and down my back. “Let’s get some work done. Keep our hands busy so our minds and hearts can work out whatever this is, yes?”
I nod and stretch up for another kiss.
He pushes me back against the truck, and we make out for a while longer. Not to titillate, not to turn us on, but because it feels so goddamn good.
We finally separate, and he helps me set up the misting system. It doesn’t take long once we’ve got it figured out, and we set up poles at the four corners of each deck, stringing the misting line between the two, along with round, weather-resistant light bulbs. We do a quick test run, and all the misters, save one, work perfectly. Javier gets up on a ladder and figures it out somehow.
With the last details done, we step back from our work, shirtless, with sweat dripping down our bodies in rivulets.
“I didn’t think the trailer could get any more beautiful, but the deck and the trees bring everything together so perfectly,” Javier says, gesturing at the finished product.
“I had a vague idea of what this lumber would look like with the trailer, but I didn’t realize it would look this nice.”
“Plus, you’ve got flowers and green plants,” he says, pointing over at the pallets of greenery off to the side.
“Yeah. A friend of a friend is a landscaper. I worked with him to come up with the design, but like an idiot, I insisted on doing it myself to save a little cash.”
“Do you have the design with you?”
“Yeah, it’s inside though.”
“Let’s eat lunch then and see how far we can get.”
We rinse off with the hose, then go into town and pick up fast food for lunch. Rather than eating there, we come back and eat in the truck, enjoying the whole hidden forest aspect of the place.
After an intense make-out session ending with mutual hand jobs, we get back to work, setting up the greenery against the trailer with the various flowers radiating out from there. By the time we’re done, we’re both covered in dirt and even more sweat.
Javier sends me an evil grin as he grabs his waistband, pushing down his shorts and underwear in one go.
Look, the male form is absolutely stunning, and I love a good, hard—enormous—cock as much as the next guy. More than that, I love these intimate moments where the one you’re with isn’t hard and raring to go but rather soft and simply standing there, natural in the shade-dappled sunlight, dripping with sweat, caked in dirt.
“Levy?” he asks, cocking his brow.
“Sorry, got distracted,” I say, not sorry in the slightest.
I push down my shorts and underwear, then walk up to him, snuggling in against him. He snakes his long arm down my back and palms my ass.
“You fit so perfectly against me.”
I tilt my chin, accepting his kiss before following him down the path to the creek. We carefully make our way to the middle and sink in, the water covering our shoulders. I tip back, letting the creek wash over me, wetting my hair and beard, washing away the sweat and grime. He does the same, and…wow.
Javier on dry land is devastatingly handsome. Javier in the water, looking at me with a fiery passion in his eyes…well…I don’t think I’ve ever been with somebody so beautiful.
With a broad hand, he pushes my hair off my face and rakes his blunt fingers through my beard before pulling me into a kiss. He tastes like fresh water and sunshine. Our cocks touch as he hoists me up, tapping my thighs, and I follow his request, wrapping my legs around his middle.
The cool water makes my ass chilly and keeps us soft, but kissing him keeps my front warm. The combination of textures, temperatures, and sensations gives everything a dreamlike quality.
“Why is making out with you so good?”
He hums, thinking about it. “We’re both good kissers. Very, very good kissers,” he assures me, plucking at my lower lip. “You’ve got soft, plush lips hidden by all this beard, so it’s a surprise when you come in for a kiss.”
“You calling me scraggly?”
He laughs, nodding. “A little bit.”
“Want to help me clean it up?”
“I would love to.” His eyes drift to my lips, to my shoulders. “I should clarify, however, that I also like you a little scruffy. So don’t feel like you have to do this to get my attention. You already have it.”
I disentangle myself from him and stand in the water, holding out my hand. He takes it, and we carefully make our way back up to the trailer.
Leading him past the small living area and kitchen, I open the two doors in the small hallway, one to the world’s tiniest bathroom and the other to the world’s tiniest shower.
He whistles under his breath. “This is beautifully renovated but so damn small.”
“One thing at a time,” I say, grinning.
We take turns in the shower closet, leaving the door open so the other can take advantage. Javier manages to keep his hands busy in the best way while I soap up and shampoo. I do the same when it’s his turn, playing with his foreskin, loving how his cock looks when it’s half-chubbed but not yet hard.
I grab my shaving kit, and he follows me back to the living area, where I pull out the fold-away table and set out the supplies.
He whistles at the clippers and the straight razor. “This is a very high-quality set. I’m surprised you don’t use it more.”
I shrug. “I’ve been busy. Haven’t exactly been taking time for myself.”
He clicks his tongue at me. “You should always take time to care for yourself.”
“Honestly, I’ve been hesitant to do it myself after the last shaving tragedy.”
“Hm. Understandable, I suppose. Do you trust me to do a good job?”
I smile, my shoulders creeping up. “Yeah, I do.”
“Ay, Dios…let’s get started while I still have some self-control.”
He kisses my hand again, then uses the clippers to take down the sides of my beard. I take a deep breath when he pulls out the very sharp shears to refine the shape, but when he pulls out the straight razor, I hold up my hands.
“Do you know what you’re doing with that?”
He lowers his chin as if to hide how much he’s laughing at me.
“Shut up,” I grump, crossing my arms. “You know blood makes me faint.”
Javier’s trembling shoulders still and he sets down the razor. He cups my jaw as his expression softens.
“This is about the accident that took your parents?”
I scrunch my face, then nod. “Yes.”
Leaning over, he kisses my forehead. “I’m sorry that happened to you. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
Lifting my shoulders, I answer, “I don’t mind so much. When Bram and I went to college, we always went home for the summer, and Mom and Dad would take us on vacation before dropping us off.”
“Sounds like a lovely tradition.”
I smile, thinking through some of the places we’d gone. “We didn’t have a lot of money, so it was mostly camping at national parks, but…I dunno. We always had a good time with each other. Anyway, we were on our way to college, and my father had been following the construction signs on the road, slowing down and letting people into our lane since the left lane was about to end.
“Despite the fact we were still going highway speeds, the driver of the eighteen-wheeler behind us was unimpressed with my father’s generosity and hit the horn a couple of times. With only a few feet to go, the driver jerked the entire rig into the disappearing passing lane. My father immediately slowed down and let him pass us just before he ran out of room.”
“That must have been so frightening,” he says, sitting next to me. I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
“It was more annoying. Like, we didn’t know what the big rush was. We were all in that shitty traffic together, you know? Thing is, in all of his maneuvering, what neither my father nor the driver had seen was that the traffic directly ahead of us had stopped. Bram and I found out later that the driver of the eighteen-wheeler pulled his emergency brake.”
Javier’s hand goes to his mouth and he tightens his grip on me. I continue, “And because he’d cut us off, we flew right into the back of him.”
I breathe through the memories. The sounds. The smells.
“Did he hit the car in front of him?”
Javier’s voice brings me back into the moment.
“He did. Family van. Severely injured everyone in the van. Pretty sure the little girl ended up in a chair. But they all survived.”
Unlike my family.
Playing with his pretty collarbones, I tell him the worst part. “I never lost consciousness, so before our car disappeared under the back of the truck, I saw everything.”
Javier’s sharp inhale somehow makes me feel more seen than a thousand hookups. “I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”
What I don’t say is that the underride guards, the metal that hangs down under the back of an eighteen-wheeler, failed. They save a lot of lives by preventing cars from going under eighteen-wheelers in rear collisions. Unfortunately, they don’t hold up at highway speeds.
Given what it had done to glass and metal, my parents’ mortal bodies were no match. We slammed to a stop with the rear of the eighteen-wheeler inches from Bram’s and my faces.
“So, yeah. I had severe whiplash, but I was otherwise shockingly fine. Physically, at least. Mom and Dad, however, were gone. Crushed under the back of the truck.”
I leave off the part about Mom’s blood filling the foot well.
“Bram was bleeding so badly from his head wound I assumed the worst for him too.”
“I can’t imagine how awful that was for you,” he says, sympathy and understanding marking his features.
“I have never felt more alone than I did in that moment. Even as other drivers approached the vehicle, I could only register their words as distant chatter.”
“How were they able to get you out of the car?”
I flinch, remembering the percussive whine of metal as the Jaws of Life were used to peel away my door.
“That’s where it gets a little weird, actually. Guy called himself Ed. Said he was a retired firefighter. Cut open the door and asked me if I was okay.”
“What did you say?”
“I just lost my whole family. So, no, I’m not okay.”
Another Javier kiss on my forehead.
I savor the contact. “Ed pointed out that my brother’s chest was rising and falling, despite all the blood. He said the ambulance was here, and they were gonna do everything they could to save him.” I rub Javier’s chest, grimacing. “I appreciated that he didn’t try to act like my mom and dad had a chance. I never did get his last name, and when I tried to track him down, there weren’t any Eds, Eddies, or Edwards on the police report either. I sometimes wonder if I hallucinated him.”
“Either way, he was your guardian angel.”
“Yes, he was.”
“What happened to the driver?”
“He was arrested. Later found out he’d been rushing to be with his wife, who had gone into early labor. The DA talked to us about the kinds of charges she could bring. Vehicular manslaughter would have been a much longer, drawn-out process with a trial and everything. We didn’t want that, so he lost his commercial license and did six months for criminally negligent homicide.”
Javier takes a deep breath.
“And now you and your brother help people.”
“Yes. We do.”
Running his fingers over my brows, Javier leans in, kissing me softly. “Want to go snuggle in bed?”
Eyeballing the straight razor, I shake my head. “Go ahead and shave me. I trust you.”
“Okay.”
Kissing the tip of my nose, he rises and sharpens the razor on the leather strap that came with the kit.
“Thank you for your trust. Just so you know, I would sooner slit my own throat with this razor than cause even the slightest nick on your skin.”
Gulping at the sincerity in his eyes, I nod, letting him spread the shaving foam on my cheeks. With a few expert passes, he shaves me down to the skin, creating a perfect beard line.
“Head back,” he orders, grabbing the foam brush again.
Shit. Swallowing thickly, I do as asked and try not to laugh when the brush tickles the delicate skin of my neck. I manage to eyeball him, and his concentration is even sexier with a lethal implement in his hands.
I shift my eyes to the ceiling. The cool steel is more sensual than I anticipated and the sound of the razor across my skin gives me goosebumps. Within a few minutes, he’s wiping off the excess foam, smiling as he admires his work.
Standing, he goes to the sink to rinse off the blade, then finds a washcloth. He runs the cloth under the steaming water before wringing it out. Bending over me, he wraps my face in the hot cloth, leaving it on for a few moments.
When he unwraps me, he’s holding a face lotion I’d forgotten I even had, and he applies it carefully. If the hot towel wrap relaxed me, his fingers on my face render me boneless. Grabbing the beard oil from my kit, he applies it vigorously, letting the tip of his tongue hang out while he completes the process.
I grab his extended hand and stand, letting him guide me back to the bathroom.
“Holy shit.”
Looking at myself in the mirror pings the part of me that feels weird about having survived the accident unscathed. It’s a weird association, but I know it’s because I’m ambivalent about having nice things. Letting myself get a little scruffy seemed like it was what I deserved.
Being a therapist, it seems, doesn’t exempt me from having to deal with the sneaky impacts of life’s traumas.
He gently tugs the knotted towel from my hips, and I watch in the mirror as his hands drift over my chest, catching my nipple rings on the edges of his fingertips before dipping down to palm my inked belly.
I’d allowed myself to become almost unrecognizable, but looking in the mirror, I see myself again. Me. With Javier’s arms wrapped around me, I feel sexy. Desired.
And maybe—just maybe—I finally see what Javier sees.