Satan's Hunger

Kaitlyn wasn’t even tired. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep. All she wanted was to hold Jacob—but his warm arms were gone.

Satan was quiet as he sat facing the fire, the lizard skin of his chair shimmering against the flickering firelight. All she could see was his right hand gripping the armrest. She felt strange, her mind a tumble of thoughts, her emotions in turmoil. Sister Beatrice’s words kept echoing in her mind: All of this terror could end through one simple act of bravery.

Kaitlyn couldn’t get the image of that murderous mother out of her mind. She’d killed her own children.

She’d killed her own children.

As the chair swivelled around, all Kaitlyn could see was that mother’s face interposed over Satan’s.

All of this is the work of the devil.

Satan leaned back in his chair as he watched her, dressed in his robe, legs crossed, both hands gripping the arm rests. ‘Back so soon?’ His eyes shone. ‘At least you’re wearing clothes this time.’

Kaitlyn should be afraid. She’d shoved him. She’d made him stumble. He was angry. He could hurt her like he’d done so many times before. And yet …

She felt nothing.

His eyes narrowed. His robe was open at the chest and she could see the hard muscles of his pecks. Again, she felt nothing. The desire she’d come to know so well was utterly snuffed out.

‘What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you afraid? Why are you so quiet?’ His voice echoed authoritatively around the room. ‘What’s going through your mind, Kaitlyn?’

Kaitlyn blinked. She could feel the compulsion to speak. She could feel it like a tug at her tongue, like a push in the small of her back. At first, Kaitlyn tried to resist, then stopped herself. Why? Why fight it? Who better than Satan to talk with? Who better to unburden herself to? Despite all his power, he could do nothing about it, stuck down here in hell.

It was such a startling realisation—and it made her feel powerful.

He could do nothing. Nothing.

‘What’s going to happen if I join with you?’ she asked steadily.

Satan smiled. ‘Are you interested, Kaitlyn?’ Uncrossing his legs, he leaned over his lap, his hands clasped between his knees. ‘Are you finally seeing sense?’

Kaitlyn didn’t respond.

‘You know what’ll happen.’ He leaned back and gave a casual flick of his hand. The curtain covering the window drew open, revealing hell’s lashing fires. At a second flick of his hand, the window itself slid open and the sound of the Damned’s screaming filled Kaitlyn’s ears.

‘Cities will fall. Mountains will crumble. Rivers will dry up. Everyone will know the heat of my hellfires.’ His eyes gleamed. ‘Mothers will weep for their dead children. Grandmothers will grieve for their lovers. Families will be ripped apart. People will starve, thirst and know only pain and suffering. So exacting is my vengeance.’ His eyes bored into hers. ‘You know this, Kaitlyn.’

‘Why do you tell me such things? Aren’t you afraid it’ll turn me away?’

He laughed. ‘When has it ever?’ He smiled at her. ‘Besides, I’m never afraid. I’m not afraid because the prophecy tells me that you will be mine, Kaitlyn. Some way. Somehow. You will come to me.’ His blue eyes trailed over her body. ‘Somewhere down in the depths of your soul where it’s dark and lonely and angry, you will find something you can share with me. I only need wait.’

‘Are you responsible?’ Kaitlyn said before he could speak further. ‘Are you responsible for all the shit that goes on the world? All the terrible acts. Mothers murdering their babies. School shootings. War. Murder. Rape. Is it you that causes this?’

He held his smile. Gripping hard onto the arms of his chair, he stood and approached the window. He leaned his arm against the frame as he looked outside. ’Humans—always wanting to find an excuse, always shifting the blame to someone or some thing else. Never taking responsibility. Children,’ he spat. Outside, the fires lashed. The Damned screamed. His golden hair blazed like a crown against the torchlight. ‘I’ll tell you a secret that no other human knows, Kaitlyn.’ He turned to face her. ‘I have as much control over a man’s heart as I do over the gusting wind.’

He waited for her to say something but Kaitlyn remained silent. The skin creased between his eyes. ‘I do not like your face. You still haven’t told me what’s going through your mind.’ Leaving the window, he walked towards her with long, powerful strides, the same powerful strides that used to make Kaitlyn tremble. With lust. With fear.

Used to.

Kaitlyn didn’t react as he grabbed her chin in his long strong fingers and looked deeply into her eyes. ‘Even with all my power, I don’t know what you’re thinking. It’s frustrating.’

Kaitlyn was surprised by how calm she felt. ‘I’m going to be brave.’

‘What?’

‘I said, I’m going to be brave—for once. For Jacob. For me. For all those I love. For all those innocent people who deserve so much more than a lifetime of horror.’ She took a step back.

Satan released her, his lips pursed in a tight frown. The crease between his eyes deepened as he searched her face. For the first time he looked worried. Kaitlyn’s heart lifted.

He was worried!

’You were right … Lucifer. I had the power all along. I just didn’t have the guts to use it.’ Kaitlyn felt her chest swell as she became more certain of her decision. She took another step back as she lifted her chin. ‘I won’t be seeing you again.’

His eyes widened as he caught on. ‘You won’t do it.’

‘Won’t I? Look at me. Didn’t you say I’m a terrible liar? Am I lying now?’

‘You believe you will but you won’t. The prophecy …’

‘The prophecy.’ Kaitlyn scoffed. ‘What a joke!’ She took another step back.

Satan whipped out his hand, seizing her wrist. His eyes were wide. His nostrils were flared. His hand was trembling.

‘Don’t do it,’ he said. ’You can’t. I need you.’ He stepped in close. The lines in his face smoothed out as he touched her cheek. ‘Don’t leave me. I couldn’t bear to have you gone.’

‘Of course you couldn’t.’ She wrenched away.

‘And what about Jacob?’ he said. ‘You’re just going to abandon him like this, after all he’s done for you? After all he’s sacrificed?’

‘You must be desperate if you’re using Jacob as a reason to keep me here.’ She sounded tough; she felt tough. Her veins thrummed with the thrill of her newfound strength. ‘He could be with God again. He could go back to the way he once was. Things can still be as they should. Besides,’ she swallowed down the lump in her throat, ‘I’ll see him in heaven.’

‘Kaitlyn …’ he said in a deep, seductive voice.

‘No,’ she snapped. ’Stop it. It’s not going to work anymore. You’re going to lose. You’re going to lose.’

And she turned and marched towards the door.

‘No!’

Kaitlyn staggered as he grabbed her around the waist. ‘No!’ he hissed in her ear. ‘You’re not going anywhere.’

‘You can’t keep me here forever. Soon, I’m going to wake up. Very soon. I’m not even tired.’

’I won’t let you go. I-I can’t.’

Kaitlyn looked over her shoulder, surprised by the choke in his voice. He was pale. His lips were pressed so tightly together they were white.

‘Don’t do it,’ he said.

‘I must. You know I must.’

He shook her. ‘Don’t do it!’ His voice boomed around the room. A shadow scuttled across the floor with a terrified shriek. There came an orange flash through the window as a volcano burst its top. It made the floor shake.

‘You can’t stop me,’ Kaitlyn said calmly. ‘It’s over. It’s done.’

With a snarl, he pulled her against him, crushing her against his chest as he kissed her mouth, passionately, desperately, hungrily.

Kaitlyn gave him his moment before pulling out of his arms. Satan let her go, eyes wide with shock, shoulders heaving as he gasped for breath.

‘Where is Jacob?’ he suddenly cried. ‘Where is your angel lover?’ He spun around as he glared up at the ceiling. ‘Jacob! Where are you, you fool? Stop her! Stop HER!’

Kaitlyn watched him numbly. Turning away, she walked towards the door. He didn’t follow.

She stepped through it.

Kaitlyn woke in Jacob’s arms. Bright sunlight was pouring through the window. It was quiet and still, no screaming Damned, no shouting Satan. Just her and Jacob and the warmth of his embrace.

Kaitlyn released a breath as she very gently pulled from his arms. He didn’t wake. He was exhausted. It made her feel guilty, but she was going to fix things now. Was it true that Jacob could go back to God if her plan was successful? She’d just made that up. They’d never spoken about it. And yet, Satan hadn’t denied it. It made her hopeful.

She had to have hope.

She slipped out of the bed. Still, he didn’t wake. She stared at him for several moments. He was so beautiful. So wondrous. If all he’d said was true about heaven, then they would meet again just like this.

The thought made the tears swell in her eyes. She turned and hurried towards the door before she lost control. She clicked it shut behind her. The adjoining room was blurry against her grief. She sucked in a shuddering breath, then released it. She took in another. Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths. This has to be done. It’s going to work. You know it. Even Satan knows it.

Briefly Kaitlyn imagined what he was doing down in hell. Was he still screaming for Jacob? Was he compelling his dark forces to search for her harder? If he was, he was too late.

Slowly, her eyes cleared and as they did Kaitlyn saw something that made her take pause. In the middle of the table, beside the bowl of fruit, was a knife. Large. Sharp. Glinting brightly in the daylight. It looked like a butchers knife. Not something one would use for cutting fruit. Kaitlyn glanced towards the door leading to the hallway.

Sister Beatrice.

Kaitlyn licked her dry lips as she went over and picked it up. It was surprisingly heavy. There was no going back now. There was no excuse. Her eyes moistened again until the tears dripped down her cheeks. The knife trembled in her grip.

Closing her eyes, Kaitlyn breathed in and out.

One simple act of bravery.

She opened her eyes again. She looked around the room. Where to do it? Her first thought was the bathroom. She could lock herself in. But what if Jacob got up? What if he found her before the deed was fully done? The next thought she had was of the garden—it would be nice to be out in the sunlight. But what if a priest found her?

She didn’t know this place at all and she couldn’t leave to go outside. What if Catherine or one of the others were stalking the halls? What if they saw something in her face or sensed something in her heart? What if they caught on?

She had no choice. There was only one option.

Kaitlyn’s hand trembled as she opened the bedroom door and gently closed it behind her again. The bathroom door was open. She glanced one last time at Jacob. He was still deeply asleep, utterly oblivious. She went inside and shut the door, making sure to lock it.

She needed to do it quickly. No more wasting time.

The tiles were cold against her backside as she sat on the floor of the shower. It was the best she could do without a bathtub. Should she turn the water on? It would wash the blood away. But what if it woke up Jacob? No. She couldn’t take the risk.

Holding the knife in her right hand, she looked down at her left wrist. She already knew how to do it. It wasn’t the first time she’d contemplated suicide. She’d researched it while young just after her parents had died. The cut had to be deep, long and quick.

No hesitation.

Gritting her teeth, Kaitlyn braced the tip of the knife just below the base of her palm. She sucked in a breath as she made the cut, swift and sure. She didn’t look. She didn’t allow herself time to feel the pain before she did the same to her other arm.

The knife clattered to the floor. Leaning her head back against the wall, Kaitlyn closed her eyes with a grimace as she tried to control her breathing. She could feel the pain now. The sting of it. She was careful to keep her hands to her sides so the blood could flow away. Jacob would find her eventually and the last thing he needed was to see her drenched in blood. She felt the warmth of it as it trickled down her hands. It tickled her palms. It made her fingers twitch. She heard it drip down the drain. It seemed so loud.

Strangely, the last thought she had wasn’t of Jacob but of her mother.

Kaitlyn’s heart swelled. It would be nice to see her again. It would be nice to hug her again. It would be nice to go back to old times before her life had turned to shit.

She closed her eyes.