Ruled by the Blaze (The Unwanted Marriage)

CALLUM'S POV (Wreck)

"Akala ko ba hindi ka na iinom?"

I looked at Austine with my drunk eyes. He's here in my office again.

"Well, I changed my mind..." I uttered and take another shot of whiskey. "Leave me alone,"

He gasped. "Look at you. You're being irresponsible now. Drinking inside your office with your paper works around? Really?"

Nilingon ko ang kabuuan ng office ko. Nag kalat ang mga papeles sa isa kong table at sahig, sa couch naman ay ang dalawa kong coat na noong isang araw ko pa isinuot. Dalawang araw na ako'ng hindi umuuwi sa bahay namin ni Patricia. Ayaw kong umuwi dahil hindi ko lang naman siya madadatnan roon. I felt so incomplete without her.

"It's been months since she left you yet you're still acting like that. Move forward, Callum. Just accept her decision-"

"I fucking can't!" galit kong sigaw. "Hindi ko matanggap na iniwan niya ako! I love her, only her! I want to build a family with her yet I'm the one who destroyed with that chance!"

Nabasag ang shot glass nang ibato ko iyon sa pinto.

"Pero-"

"Just leave me alone, please..." I brushed my hair frustratingly.

I saw Austine stood up and was about to leave when the door suddenly opened. Mommy rushes in, looking angry and flushing.

"Callum!" she shouted angrily and looked around my office. "What the hell! Is this still an office? What are you doing!"

Agad ako'ng sinalubong nang nag-aapoy niya'ng mata. Pagod kong tinignan si mommy dahil alam kong sesermonan niya na naman ako. I'm so tired hearing her words about what should I do.

"You're being irresponsible now," she uttered in a tired voice. "Hindi ka pumupunta sa meeting. Kanina? Mahalaga ang mga pinag-usapan dahil sa future projects natin 'yon!"

Nakita kong iritado niya'ng pinulot ang mga kalat sa sahig. Naaninag ko naman si Austine na nagmamadaling lumabas ng office.

I sighed at looked at mommy. "Just find another CEO if you want-"

She interrupted me by slapping me so hard.

Nag angat ako ng tingin. Umawang ang labi ko ng makita ang nangingilid niya'ng luha at hindi makapaniwala sa sinabi ko.

"Gosh!" she gasped dramatically. "What are you doing in your life? I didn't trained you like that! I told you to work seriously not to brag your being wreck here! Gaano katagal ka ng ganyan? Six months? Simula no'ng umalis si Patricia ay napabayaan mo na ang kompanya at ang sarili mo!"

I twirled my tongue, preventing myself from speaking.

"Callum naman...pinaghirapan natin na palakasin ang kompanyang ito at ayaw kong mapunta lang lahat sa wala. You witnessed everything. Our hardships. Please, wake up and get back to normal..."

Naaninag ko siya'ng pagod na umupo sa harap ko bago hinaplos ang aking mukha.

"You really changed. You're not the same anymore, Callum..." her voice cracked. "You're not sleeping and just drinking all night. Look at yourself. You lost weight and I don't want our some investors or business partners see you like this..." "You look...miserable"

My eyes started welling up so I brushed it.

I somehow lost my energy to work. I used to be motivated but when Patricia left, I don't know where my path leads. I disappoint her as a husband and a father to our supposed child.

"Anak, palayain mo na si Patricia. She already left but you still make everything hard for you. Don't bother her anymore-"

"I didn't stop her when she left, mom" I cut off. "This is the only way I know how to release my suffering that she also experienced because of me,"

"Pero hindi ka makakausad kung pati ang buhay niya sa abroad ay aalamin mo. How can you move on? Let her live her life peacefully!"

I gave her a questioning look. Don't tell me she know something?

"Yes, I know what you were doing!" she said straightly. "You paid a private investigator to look for her! Para alamin ang mga ginagawa niya roon o kung naka-move on na ba siya. Really, Callum?" Nag iwas ako ng tingin dahil ramdam ko na naman ang namumuong galit ni mommy.

Paano niya nalaman na nag hire ako ng investigator? Yes, I did that because I want to make sure that Patricia's doing well. I miss her. I miss everything about her. "Now you're guilty-"

"I'm not. I don't know what you are saying, mom-"

"Stop making way to denied your lies!" she shouted and threw a folder at me.

Lumabas sa folder ang ilang litrato ni Patricia. May mga kuha na nasa labas siya ng bahay at nag didilig ng halaman, may kausap na babae at nasa grocery store.

She looks happy. I suddenly had an urge to see her.

"Sa tingin mo ba matutuwa siya kapag nalaman ang ginagawa mo? Hindi! Kung gusto mo siya'ng bumalik ay ayusin mo ang sarili mo," mariin na sabi ni mommy. "You're not really like this, Callum. If you really love her...give her peace" I swallowed hard and held the bridge of my nose. I felt my eyes welling up.

"The question is...is she going back?" my voice almost cracked. "What if she chose to just stay there?"

If that ever happens, I will do my best to be deserving for her again. I will pursue her again. Hindi ako papayag.

"Maybe she will come back here but...not to you," saad niya sa maingat na boses. "Remember, Callum. The only thing you can do is show that you are strong even after she left you. If you want her to accept you again, fix yourself. Be a man enough and successful. Use her as a motivation to correct the wrongs you have done and that way, you will be deserving of her again..."

-

"Damn, I told you to stop drinking in that freaking bar!"

I want to drink more but Austine force me go home!

Gusto kong malunod sa alak pero nakita ko na lang ang sarili na hinihila ni Austine palabas ng bar at ngayon ay nasa sasakyan niya na ako, handa ng iuwi.

"I want to see Patricia," bulong ko at sinulyapan ang wallpaper ko sa cellphone. It was her picture.

Narinig ko agad ang pagmumura ni Austine.

"Fuck, you're fucking whipped!" he spat. "Well, there's no doubt..."

Huminto ang sasakyan at naramdaman kong inalalayan na ako ni Austine papasok sa bahay.

"I can walk!" apila ko at ibinagsak ang sarili sa couch. Mariin ako'ng pumikit.

Bumuntong hininga si Austine.

"Manang, paki-asikaso si Callum. Aalis na rin po ako dahil gabi na..."

My sight were a bit blurry but I can still see him walking towards the door. He's leaving.

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"S-Sir, kakain po ba kayo? May pagkain na po sa hapag..." biglang tanong ng isang maid.

"Just leave me alone,"

Pagtataboy ko at narinig na ang yabag niya papalayo.

Umupo ako sa couch at hinilot ang ulo. I'm not totally drunk. I let out a heavy sighed and tried to stand up and went to the dining area.

I saw some newly cooked food. I drank water and sat. I stared at the empty chair in front of me. I used to have a beautiful scenery every time we ate together and I'm watching every moved of her in front of me.

Pero ngayon na wala na siya, kahit pagkain ay hindi ko na ginagawa.

"Sir, narito na pala kayo," nakita kong lumapit si Nanay Linda at may hawaka na tasa. "Nagluto po ako ng paborito-"

"Just ate those foods," putol ko at malamig na tinignan ang mga nilauto nila. "I don't have appetite..."

Tumayo na ako at iniwan siya'ng nakaawang ang labi.

I missed her cooking. Kung narito lang sana siya ay baka hindi ako nalilipasan ng gutom. I got addicted with her cooking.

Dumiretso ako sa kwarto namin ni Patricia. I sat on the bed, staring at the ceiling and reminiscing all her memories here. There's a trace of her almost in every corner of the room.

I stared at our wedding photos that was hang on the wall. Her beautiful smile and angelic face that I miss so much.

"Why did you leave me, Patricia? When can I see you again?" I whispered and suddenly felt hot tears running down my face.

Napabaling naman ako sa side table kung nasaan ang isang picture frame. It was our picture on her birthday. I'm hugging her from behind and we're both smiling. I gently planted kisses on it before locking it in my arms for a hug thinking that I was hugging her.

Since she left this house, I can no longer feel that I'm at my peace. I'm always confused and wondering what I should do to get her back to me. About our child, it doesn't make me sleep every night.

I am wrapped in guilt so sometimes when I have time, I visit Agatha at her grave.

Humiga ako sa kama ng maramdaman ang matinding pagod. Kanina sa opisina ay nilunod ko ang sarili sa pagtatrabaho dahil kailangan kong bumawi. Pero maaga rin ako'ng umalis sa kompanya dahil dumiretso na ako sa bar kung saan ako madalas uminom. Hindi ko naman alam na makikita ako roon ni Austine.

I turned to the empty space beside me. I used to stare her at peaceful face before I go to sleep but now, she's the reason why I can't sleep well every night. She never leaves my mind and I almost go crazy thinking about her.

I then stared at our wedding ring that I still haven't taken off my finger. The fact that our annulment is no longer valid and we are still married makes me even more hopeful that I can get her again.

We just need to fix ourselves. I'm still her husband and there will be no one else.