Ruled by the Blaze (The Unwanted Marriage)

PATRICIA'S POV (Alone)

I really hate goodbyes.

People who left I considered as one of heartbreaking moment in someone's life. When someone leaves your life... the pain is different. You feel like you can't be made up again but you have to trust.

One of the things I've learned in life is that you always have to be prepared. Because not all the people you are used to being by your side will be with you forever.

That is probably how my family feels right now.

"Patricia, take care of yourself. I will miss you..."

I bit my lip when I heard mommy's trembling voice.

Bumuga ako ng hangin at binitawan ang mga bagahe ko. Nilapitan ko si mommy at niyakap siya.

We are here at the airport because I am leaving now. My family is complete and also my friends, Jess and Tyrone. Umabsent pa nga si Jess ngayon sa school para lang maihatid ako. "Gosh, stop crying, mom..." I caressed her back when I felt her crying. "I thought you won't cry?"

"I-I just can't help it," she removed from the embrace and wiping her tears.

Hinawakan siya ni daddy sa balikat at si Jordan naman ang lumapit sa'kin.

"I just wish you comfort and happiness there," aniya at niyakap ako.

"So...we will see you every Christmas and new year, then?" si daddy at lumapit para halikan ako sa ulo. "We won't let you be alone there. Expect us there every occasion we celebrate," "That's a good idea, dad. Thank you for letting me go..."

Nangilid ang luha ko nang yakapin ko sila lahat. I really hate this but it's for my sake though, so I need to be strong. I need to be independent.

Bumaling naman ako kay Jess na umiiyak na ngayon habang inaabutan siya ni Tyrone ng panyo.

"Jess, babalik pa naman si Patricia" natatawang sabi ni Tyrone. "We can still see and talk to her through video call. Stop being emotional,"

"Kahit na! Hindi ako sanay na humiwalay sa kanya!" iyak ni Jess kaya nilapitan ko na siya.

"Still a crying baby..." I teased and hugged her.

Mas lalo siya'ng umiyak ng malakas. "Mamimiss kita! Basta kapag bakasyon susubukan kong puntahan ka roon!"

Bigla tuloy ako'ng nahiya dahil ang ibang tao sa paligid ay tumitingin samin dahil sa lakas ng boses ni Jess. Umurong tuloy ang luha ko at napalitan ng pag tawa, kahit sila mommy ay natatawa sa inaasta ni Jess. Niyakap ko na rin si Tyrone at ibang pinsan na nag hatid samin nila Beatrice at Joan.

Our flight already announced so I quickly held my things.

Kahit mabigat sa dibdib, nagawa ko pa na ngumiti sa pamilya ko. I looked around for some unknown reason. There's no trace of him here.

How funny, Patricia. You still thinking of him after you pushed him away.

I smiled bitterly before finally entering inside.

-

"You okay?"

Hinawakan ako sa braso ni Beatrice habang nandito na kami sa loob ng eroplano. Magkatabi kami, ako ang malapit sa bintana. Si Joan naman ay nasa harap namin katabi ang mommy niya. "Ang bigat sa dibdib, Bea..." malungkot kong sabi at bumaling sa bintana.

Ngayon pa lang ay miss ko na agad sila mommy. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam na mawalay sa mga mahal mo.

"Na'ko, ganyan talaga sa una. I already experienced that but as the years goes by, you'll get used to it,"

Ngumiti ako ng sapilitan.

"Wait, alam ba ng mga Velasquez na aalis ka na ngayon?"

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Nilingon ko siya at umiling.

Her eyes widened. "Really? You didn't informed them?"

"No, I don't have to," I scoffed. "Callum know that I'll leave anyway,"

Suminghap si Beatrice. "He didn't even mind to check on you, huh? How irresponsible. It's really a good thing that you'll leave. To forget about everything he did," Mapait ako'ng ngumiti.

Kahit alam niya na aalis na ako, hindi na siya nag abala na puntahan ako. But I don't care anyway. Mas mabuti nga ang ganoon. But when I think about leaving the Philippines, I can't help but think that even once...I almost had my own family. And that is what I consider to be the most bittersweet thing that happened in my life.

-

"We're here! Patricia, welcome to America! Where people go to move on!"

I opened my eyes and saw my cousin's grinning face.

"Nandito na tayo! Let's go!"

Hinintay namin ang announcement bago kami lumabas. Nang makarating kami sa mismong labas ng airport, nakita namin si Tito Benedict na nakasandal sa itim na sasakyan. Siya ang susundo samin ngayon. Kusa ako'ng napayakap sa sarili dahil sa lamig ng hangin. Luminga ako sa paligid at nakita ang mga matataas na building.

Nandito na nga talaga ako. Now I need to sink in my mind that I left my family.

"Tito Benedict..." I greeted and kissed him on cheek.

"It's so nice to see again, Patricia. You really grown as a beautiful woman,"

I smiled when he hugged me.

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"Your cousins will definitely be glad that you're already here..."

Pumasok na kami sa sasakyan at saglit kong nakalimutan ang lungkot.

Kinamusta kami lahat ni Tito Benedict at hindi muna kami dumiretso pauwi.

We went first to a fancy restaurant to eat and Tito Benedict treated it for us.

"Do you want me to accompany you inside the house, Patricia?" Tito Benedict asked when we stopped in a very familiar house.

"Uh, ako na lang po, Tito" nahihiya kong sabi at lumabas na ng sasakyan ganon din sila Beatrice at Joan.

Kinuha na namin ang mga bagahe bago nagpasalamat kay Tito.

"Thank you for the ride, Tito..."

He gave us a small smile. "Enjoy staying here. If I have a free time, I'll visit you here, Patricia,"

He then waved and bid his goodbye.

"So...let's get inside our house and rest?" Tita Marjorie said, Joan's mom.

Ngumiti ako habang pinanonood silang pumasok sa kalapit na bahay. Magkakatabi lang ang bahay namin, kay Beatrice at Joan.

Nang makapasok na silang lahat, lumapit na ako sa pinto ng bahay namin. Ipinihit ko ang doorknob ng itim na pinto na medyo nahaluan na ng alikabok. This house is quite big. I clearly remember the last time we went here, it was more than 10 years ago.

Nang makapasok ako ay katahimikan ang bumalot sa'kin. Doon ko lang napagtanto na mag isa na talaga ako. Tiningala ko ang bawat sulok ng bahay. The design is still humiliating. Narito parin ang ibang appliances namin. Ang alam ko ay binibisita ito minsan nila Tito Benedict kaya hindi ito masyadong marumi.

Dumiretso agad ako sa second floor kung nasaan ang mga kwarto. Malinis na ang mga ito kaya humiga agad ako.

I texted my parents and friends first that I got here safely at after that, I let my eyes closed and rest my body from a tiring flight.

At some point, the silence in this house added even more to my sadness.

I know this is just the beginning of my being alone.