Robofootball: Doublespin

“HAL? Like the damn freak computer in ‘A Space Odyssey’?” Lenny asked. He always had a little trouble focusing on the issue with Dr. Isabelle Mendoza, her looks were always a welcome distraction. She was short, barely 5’1” tall, perhaps a little thick in the middle with strong child bearing hips that would never come to pass, but it was her long dark hair, matched by dark piercing intelligent eyes, all wrapped up in a caring, unblemished light cinnamon cocoa brown face with white teeth and a soft lyrical feminine voice. He may not have given her much of a second glance, until she smiled, and then her beauty radiated forth. She was the exact opposite of his fellow panel member, Senator Margaret Leahy, who just looked mean, sarcastic, venomous, intimidating, and big too. Big was not a complimentary adjective for a woman and usually out of bounds; after all, the stores never advertised for ‘Big and Tall’ women. Lenny looked elsewhere away from Dr. Mendoza to steady his thoughts. The general public was not taking it very seriously that football was in dire straits, and that the end was near. The NFL laughed it off, but the power of the CDC when it came to disease, and OSHA when it came to safety, was something within their mandates. It would take nothing short of constitutional action to save football.

“No sir,” answered Dr. Mendoza. “It stands for Human Assisted Limbotics, a Michigan-based robotics corporation. If I recall, but please don’t quote me directly, HAL in the movies was simply based on IBM, just take the preceding letters from the company name, H before I, A before B, ….”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Lenny was a little flustered, she was smiling damn it! “Tell us more then about this new version of HAL.” Freshly minted U.S. Senator Leonard “Lenny” Wilson had gotten himself a promotion from House Representative and was now leading the investigative committee in what seemed like a significant tangent from the violence in football agenda. It was as if Mendoza was already sure it would indeed be banned and was suggesting alternatives. Senator Leahy had shrewdly turned the chair position over to him, but she remained on the committee. Lenny was handsome in a rugged sort of way with thick hair and a good physique that had only softened slightly with age from his football playing days at Penn State. When he walked in a stately manner all suited up with a designer cane, it only enhanced her agenda to destroy football.

“HAL’s main product is a full body artificial external skeleton that allows paraplegics and some quadriplegics, or basically those bound in wheelchairs to walk by themselves, albeit with motorized limbs. From what I gather, even stairs and steep inclines can be tackled with these devices. They are made of lightweight plastic composites that are strapped to the body and contain relatively small computer controlled servo motors at all the key joints, namely the ankles, knees, hips, elbows, and wrists. A typical full body suit runs about $100,000 and weighs less than 100 pounds.”

“What does this have to do with outlawing football?” Lenny inquired.

“Please bear with me sir, one alternative we at the CDC are considering but have not wholly endorsed, is the use of better equipment. These new exoskeletons can be beefed up to protect vulnerable spots such as the aforementioned joints. Granted, these exoskeletons are currently used by people with reduced mobility including the elderly along with those suffering from such conditions as spina bifida, multiple sclerosis, and cerebral palsy, some of which have been induced by playing football I might add.”

Mendoza continued, “The latest walker model by HAL contains sensors that are connected to a computer. The central processing unit not only monitors all systems, but also sends direct signals to all of the internal motors adapting to the person it is connected to. The person can use a joystick or voice commands to run the system. Some of the sensors are so specialized that they rest directly on the user’s skin; thus, allowing the system to mimic muscle movements where muscles may no longer exist. In short, it is an intuitive system and basically functions as a programmed robot with a human host.”

“My god, you are suggesting that human football players don full robotic body suits?”

“It is only one possible alternative, but definitely not recommended by the CDC. We still have not been able to successfully crash test the head protection to our safety satisfaction. The impact from these robotic-like exoskeletons would be far too great to a human head, especially with existing helmets.”

“What do you suggest then?”

“For head protection?”

Yes.”

“At the moment, we do not have a solution. HAL, along with some of its competitor’s worldwide, produce hydraulic limbs where extra muscle is needed, but in a good way, outside the realm of sports.”

“For example?”

“Anyone who could really use a little extra muscle. Hospital staff, firefighters, and even soldiers could use an extra boost. Nurses need to lift heavy bodies constantly during the day if even just to clean bed pans. Firefighters often have to carry bodies out of burning buildings during emergencies. A 300+ pound football player is not easy or can be impossible for one man to carry. Soldiers not only carry wounded comrades, but are often bogged down with supplies, weaponry, and ammunition. We have already seen limited use of full exoskeletons for soldiers though some of that information I am told is classified.”

“All right,” said Lenny, “Let’s get back to football. Football players aren’t stopping bullets like soldiers.”

“Head gear for soldiers is a weak point too. Standard head gear might resist small arms fire, but it is inadequate for heavier weaponry along with concussive forces, much like those present in football.”

“So, if the exoskeleton is not a solution, what is?”

Dr. Mendoza sighed, “As I’ve stated repeatedly in my previous reports through the years, my opinion nor that of the CDC has changed, our recommendation remains to ban the sport for human players.”

“If I may pose a question?” Senator Margaret Leahy jumped in.

“Yes, absolutely,” said Lenny. “The senator may speak, thank you mam.”

“If your opinion is banishment, then why all the talk about exoskeletons and robotics Dr. Mendoza?”

“The ultimate or perhaps the only solution to save the game of football is to go entirely robotic.”

“Come again?” Lenny interrupted.

“Take the human factor out of the equation, or at least off of the playing field. Aside from HAL, robotic design, engineering, and technology have been made great technical leaps, both here and abroad. The Japanese have already developed what they refer to as a “Generation One” or “Gen 1” model that can play soccer. These Gen 1’s can be adapted to run, kick, and even throw a ball.”

“Football? With robots? Sounds like something out of ‘The Jetsons’?” Lenny was more thinking aloud than voicing an official question.

“Yes, that’s exactly it,” answered Dr. Mendoza. “Football is a huge cultural phenomenon in America as you are all well aware. We at both the CDC and OSHA are only suggesting an alternative that would no longer endanger human life, but somehow preserve the sport.”

Lenny sat back in his desk, sighed, and swung his head in both directions to his 5-member panel which consisted of 2 other U.S. Senators and 2 U.S. House Reps. “Anything further from anyone? The floor is open.” His eyes met Margaret Leahy’s, and she gave him a slightly perceptible smirky arrogant nod. It was no secret that banning football had been her personal agenda and life’s work for over two decades, and her dream was closer than ever to being realized.

“She may have something there,” Lenny stated. “It might be the only way to halt human injuries in the sport,” he conceded and unconsciously rubbed his broken knee.

“I normally run the 40-yard dash in 4.9, but when a 280-pound guy is chasing me, I run it in 4.6.”

John Elway