Robofootball: Doublespin

FINAL RECOMMENDATION FOR THE TERMINATION OF THE SPORT OF AMERICAN FOOTBALL, A transcript report by Dr. Isabella Mendoza, CDC, joint session of Congress, December 7, 2018, Hearing #678-88-4004:

“We have now reached the 10,000 mark in terms of studying professional American football players with the help of the National Institute of Occupational Safety and Health or NIOSH as it is known, the research arm of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration, better known as OSHA. As you are aware, OSHA has a congressionally mandated responsibility to respond to requests from both employers and employees for investigations of potential hazards in their workplace. Aside from a demographic group that I can best describe as “Concerned Mothers”, we periodically receive requests from the NFL Players Association to investigate concerns with disease, injury, and even premature death rates.

Our initial data has only been gathered since 1959, the year that the NFL pension fund was established; thus, giving us a basis for the mortality rates of former players. Note that prior to 1972, the pension fund only maintained information on vested players, those with 5 or more years of direct NFL experience. From 1972 onward, records have been maintained for those playing at least one season. The results are not dissimilar to our past reports in that they are not only alarming, but in short, unacceptable. At this point, it is not our recommendation, but in accordance with OSHA, we at the CDC reluctantly agree that it is time to put an end to American football as we know it.

It is not an easy decision given the fact that it will be felt from both a cultural and financial standpoint; nevertheless, from a scientific standpoint, the game of football has become a disease, one that we wish to eradicate here at the CDC. Furthermore, OSHA has declared the hazards in the football workplace, and I quote, “Uncontrolled, Unabated, and Unacceptable.” Both OSHA and the CDC are now beyond the recommendation phase as we are instituting our Congressional and Constitutional mandates to protect the citizenry of this country by outlawing this sport. Several federal judges have already concurred and support our ruling, even an Act of Congress signed by the president could not overturn this mandate unless both the CDC and OSHA were disbanded. We do realize this matter will likely be appealed to the U.S. Supreme Court by the NFL, and, while we await that decision, have agreed in conjunction with OSHA, to allow the NFL and the NCAA to complete this final season. The various high school athletic associations at the state level will end with the completion of the 2018 season. After 2018 along with the January 2019 College bowl games, and the February 2019 Super bowl, American football will cease to exist with human players. Note that the Japanese have been developing robotic soccer players, we can only suggest that American do the same for football, perhaps as a viable substitute.

I will summarize some of our statistical findings here, but do encourage you to pore over our reports from the past several decades regarding football. First and foremost, the average age of death for football players is 62 years of age. Current life expectancy for the average male in America is now 81 years. Offensive and defensive linemen have a 55% greater risk of dying from heart disease than the general population, and three times the risk of dying from heart disease than other football players. Players in the largest body size category by weight, about two-thirds of all linemen, have a 6 times greater risk of heart disease than those within the proper BMI index. Mind you that the CDC stands for “Center for Disease Control” and prevention too. There is simply an irrefutable link between heart disease and football specifically when it comes to the obesity factor prevalent in linemen; it is no different from the link established between smoking and lung disease.

If there is any small consolation, player risk of cancer and death by violence or accident is smaller than that of the general population. We had based the latter two on the theory that football players are likely to be risk takers off the field as well as on; however, our research did not pan out in support of this theory. Nonetheless, aside from heart disease, injuries and nervous system disorders suffered by football players are also 6 times the rate of those suffered by the general population. As in the case of head trauma, concussions so to speak, such things as cerebral palsy, Lou Gehrig’s disease, multiple sclerosis, Parkinson’s disease, other neurological disorders, and even more basic nerve damage such as ticks or frayed endings, are all far more prevalent in football players, as are broken bones, ripped tendons, broken cartilage, torn ligaments, and so forth. In short, football has become a serious disease, one that will now be eradicated, at all levels.

Much of our research has been based at the professional level, but there are approximately 1.5 million participants at the high school level each year. Reported annual concussions at this level now exceed 100,000 annually and we estimate that at least twice that figure go unreported. A recent study titled “Functionally Detected Cognitive Impairment in High School Football Players Without Clinically Diagnosed Concussion” in the Journal of Neurotrama by several Indiana-based universities tracked 21 players through the course of a single season consisting of 48 combined practices and games. These 21 players experienced 15,264 significant collision events or an average of 15.5 collision events per player per organized activity. Four of the 21 were actually diagnosed with a concussion at some point. Others with no official clinically observable signs of concussion still exhibited significant functional impairments when given an MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) along with verbal/cognitive testing. It is obvious that on field tests for concussions are insufficient as those diagnosed, sometimes by unqualified personnel, have displayed neurocognitive deficits over time, that are only further exacerbated at the college and professional levels.

Out studies have not focused on a vast array of social problems from a psychological standpoint concerning football, everything from peer pressure to gambling addictions. High school coaches, like samurai warrior recruiters in Feudal Japan, target and seek out the biggest boys, and then relentlessly pursue them to join the team, using friends and family to apply additional pressure. Once they land a recruit, there are further demands made for increasing weight and building up muscle which leads to excessive eating and extensive weight training when young developing bodies are at times not prepared for this additional stress. Steroids and other synthetic performance enhancers from protein supplements to illegal drugs have been prevalent in football for decades. As far as gambling goes, there is no other sport that comes close to football and I am not really familiar with how point spreads, overs, unders, and the like are determined. The Super Bowl, followed closely by the big college bowl games experience enough betting to clear a good deal of the National Debt it seems. I am sorry for my digression, but getting back on track, the CDC can no longer condone the disease, injury, and long term negative effects suffered by football players. I understand that the sport has eclipsed baseball as our national past time, and that change and transition away from it will be a difficult one, but it must be done for the health and general well being of our country as a whole. The long term effects of those engaged in this sport, as our findings dictate, can no longer be sustained. I apologize again, but there is no easy sugar-coated way to put it, we are putting an end to football.”

“Going to college offered me the chance to play football for four more years.”

Ronald Reagan