Revolting

I didn't see Nolan again for the whole week leading up to the wedding. He didn't take his meals in the dining room with the family, something that really annoyed his mother. And we never passed in the house or on the grounds. I can't say I was sorry he was avoiding me. Being close to him, smelling him, looking at him all the time while knowing that he didn't want me... well that would have just made a horrible situation that much worse. William was kind to me, and Daisy was fast becoming my best friend. I talked to my sisters a few times on the phone, but I wasn't really comfortable telling them all the details of what was going on. I was very vague. Yes, the house was beautiful. Yes, the Luna and Alpha were kind to me. What was my fiancée like? Well, I followed Daisy's diplomatic answer and told them truthfully, "He's very handsome."

Like all things that I dread, the new moon came at me too fast. I didn't sleep well the night before, my mind was busy ruminating over all the horrible possibilities of this marriage... and I woke up looking like the bride of Frankenstein. My eyes were puffy, my face was pale, my hair was doing crazy things. As I looked at the dark shadows smeared under my eyes, I thought... I should just show up at the alter just like this. If I didn't like and respect the Luna so much, I might have done it. Before I got finished in the shower, her team of stylists and miscellaneous useless people descended on my room. She flitted around giving orders, and it was obvious that she was delighted with her new role of wedding-planner and soon-to- be mother-in-law. "Oh no no, that color is atrocious," she told the manicurist, "Something soft, feminine and understated..." A mean woman came with hot wax and reshaped my eyebrows. I winced as she ripped the waxed cloth off my brows. "Geez, really?" I growled.

"Enjoy it my dear. You only get married once." Luna laughed.

Enjoy it? Seriously??

My sisters sent me a box of pretty lingerie to wear under the wedding dress. The strapless bustier pushed my breasts up and cinched my waist, giving me the illusion of an hourglass shape. The lacy underwear connected to garter belts that held up a pair of opaque stockings. My mother's dress fit almost perfectly, and a couple of quick stitches fixed the bust that was a little too big. A hairdresser and a florist went to work on my mess of hair, curling and weaving miniature sunflowers and other delicate flowers and baby's breath into a crown around the top of my head. Then the makeup artist pounced on me. I was afraid with all her palettes and brushes she would make me look like a clown. But she was really quite good, and the end effect was subtle and alluring. My eyes looked bigger, my lips soft and full, my cheeks naturally flushed... and the dark circles had been expertly hidden.

"Oh Nina, you look absolutely ravishing," Daisy generously sighed, her clenched hands under her chin.

I looked at myself critically. I wouldn't say I was ravishing. Or even beautiful. But under the skillful hands of the Luna's beauty team, I at least looked passably pretty. I even fancied I looked a little bit like my mother. "Its time dear. Are you ready?"

No. No I would never be ready. I would give everything thing I own just to be able to cancel this day, and go home, go back to my normal, quiet existence. But it wasn't an option. I pushed my shoulders back and raised my chin, and did my best to look confident and self-assured. "I'm ready."

So the Luna and my little entourage of people escorted me out of my room, and unfortunately, down the stairs. To my surprise, my father was waiting for me at the bottom. Somehow, I hadn't expected him to make an appearance. Not the way he had signed away my life and then sent me off without even saying goodbye. But there he was, in a sharp black suit. He is black hair was shot through with grey now, but he still stood straight and handsome, and when he looked up at me on the stairs, I thought I saw the glint of tears in his eyes. But I think I must have imagined it. The only day I ever saw my father cry was the day my mother died.

I miraculously navigated the stairs in my long dress and stopped in front of my father. I waited for him to say something. Like, "Hi." or "How are you Nina?" Or better yet, "Are you sure you want to do this Nina?" He said nothing. Luna Caydence patted me on the back. "We will see you outside, dear. It will be fine, don't worry." She and the others went out to take their seats on the lawn. My father stuck out his elbow, and I grasped it. I didn't just hold it lady-like, but actually used his strength to help support my weight so that I wouldn't hobble as I walked. Daddy knew my problem. And he knew how to walk with me so that it didn't actually look like he was supporting my weight. I wasn't happy with him, but he was still my Daddy.

We approached the back lawn which had been all decked out with white and turquoise ribbons, balloons and bouquets of sunflowers. As soon as we appeared, everyone turned in their chairs to stare. God, I would never get used to that. I glanced over the crowd and then focused my attention on the gazebo, and my heart flopped over in my chest.

There he was, my groom to be... Looking absolutely delicious in a black tuxedo. His long hair was tied back into a pony tail at the nape of his neck. I could smell his scent wafting on the air... that smell of cedar and musk that literally made me salivate. I felt the butterflies in my stomach and that dizziness and silliness that made me want to run right to him and jump on him. I felt my cheeks heat up, but I figured no one would really notice under the expert make up... and if they did, they would just assume it was new-bride jitters, right? If he felt anything, he hid it. He stared right at me with his cold grey-blue eyes, his face was set in a neutral, serious expression. His hands were clasped behind his back, and his feet were planted like a soldier at-ease.

I shifted my weight to brace my legs. I straightened my back, squared my shoulders, and lifted my chin. If I had to do this heinous thing for my father and for my pack, I was going to do it with my pride and my dignity in tact. The cello player cued the music, and my father began to walk me slowly down the aisle between the chairs toward the gazebo. I kept my eyes on Nolan. I looked him straight in the eye. I would not cower before him. I would not submit. My father stopped us in front of the gazebo. He turned me to face him, and took my hands in his. He leaned close to my ear, so that what he would say could only be heard between the two of us. He whispered, "I chose you, because you are the only one strong enough." He squeezed my hands, and then kissed my forehead. "Be brave and courageous, my daughter." He passed my hand into Nolan's and retreated to his seat.

I don't know why we even do a traditional human marriage ceremony. Our lives and our culture are so different, what is the point of a piece of paper that says we are legally married? I know there are some packs that don't bother with the governmental formalities. You mark your mate, and that's it, you are married, until death do you part. But Gold Mountain wanted all the trappings, right down to the cello soloist and the Justice of the Peace who read the familiar vows. "Do you, Nolan, take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife? Do you, Nina, promise to love, honor and cherish him, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, so long as you both shall live?" What a bunch of rubbish. I didn't feel right standing up there saying promises that we both knew were total lies. There was no love or honor between us. There was just a mate bond that neither of us wanted, and a political agreement forged between our fathers. I tuned out the officiant and reworded the vows in my head. "Do you, Nina, promise to do what is required to uphold the treaty agreement, for as long as such agreement remains in effect? Do you honor the terms of the contract which bind you to this man? Will you get out of this arrangement as soon as doing so will cause no harm to the people I love?"

With those amended vows in my head, I looked Nolan right in his cold, calculating eyes. I even smiled a little as I said a firm and resolute, "I do." He raised one arched eyebrow at me as he slipped a simple gold band on my finger. I cringed as the JOP happily proclaimed, "I now pronounce you Man and Wife. Nolan, you may kiss your bride."

Somehow I thought we would skip this part. Nolan gave me a wicked, knowing grin, as he snaked one arm around my back, and tipped my head up with his other hand. I felt the sparks everywhere our skin touched. Then he leaned down and kissed me. I expected a perfunctory peck on the lips. Instead I got my mouth ravished. I've never been kissed like that before. His lips were so demanding that he was bending me back over his supporting arm. Good lord, if he moved that arm I would have tipped right over. I never had a kiss make me hot with desire before. But then I had never been kissed by my true mate either. He straightened up, and there was whistling and applause from the crowd. I peeked around him to see my father and my sisters. My father's face was a little red, a frown was crinkling up his brow. Did he know? Could he tell there was a mating bond between myself and my arranged husband? My sister's were so blissfully unaware of everything... they smiled and clapped and hooted. I suppose they were feeling happy for me. Their poor lame sister had found a husband. Well, she had a husband assigned to her. And he was apparently handsome AND a good kisser. Nolan took my hand and practically crushed it in his. I wanted to wipe the feeling of his lips off my mouth, but instead I pasted on my fake smile while the JOP announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. and Mrs. Pierceson." I swallowed something bitter in my throat. Our hands were sparking, at the same time I knew he was purposely trying to hurt me by squeezing the life out of my bones. I looked at him with my fake smile, tipping my head just a bit... and dug my thumbnail into his skin as hard as I could. Fire flashed in his cold grey eyes, but there was no time for our little battle of the wills, as we were being swept down the aisle, people were congratulating us, strangers were hugging me, men were clapping Nolan on the back. And it was all so... fake. Didn't they know this was just an arranged marriage? Why was everyone acting so damn happy? When I looked through the crowds, I saw my dad, and Nolan's dad were the only two people who had the appropriate serious and skeptical expressions on their face. The only two people who knew this was all a sham. Well, Luna Caydence knew also, but she was enjoying the farce. She was all caught up in wedding fever. The entire party moved venues, from the back yard down to the great meeting hall. The crowd in the yard had been exclusive to the most prominent pack members, the elders, the leaders, warriors and important folk. But the party in the pack hall was open to the whole pack, and its visitors. And Gold Mountain was a big pack. We were ushered up onto the raised platform, seated side by side in gilded chairs as though we were a king and queen. There were white and turquoise streamers and balloons and explosions of flowers, tables covered with matching table clothes, and mountains of food. But before the festivities began, there was another ceremony to endure. The official presentation of Nolan as the new pack Alpha. Alpha Bernhard stood up on the stage, and Nolan stood beside him... and Bernhard made a speech. It was a really long and boring speech about responsibility and servitude, and the qualities of good leadership. I squirmed in my chair as he went on and on. Even Nolan was shifting impatiently from foot to foot.

"And so, it is the greatest pleasure and honor that I transfer the title and responsibilities of Alpha to my son, Nolan Pierceson." Nolan stepped forward and took an oath to serve and protect the pack. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. This was the prize. This was his reward for agreeing to our farce of a marriage.

Next Luna Caydence stood... my new mother-in-law took me by the hand and pulled me from the chair. Her speech was a lot shorter. "Today Nolan has married this young woman. My beloved pack, I present to you, your new Luna, Nina Boyton-Pierceson. You will show her all the honor and respect that you have shown me."

I stood before this faceless mass of people. We hadn't rehearsed this part, and I felt my throat close around my words. I knew I had to say something. I had to swear my oath of allegiance to the Gold Mountain pack. "I, Nina..Pierceson.." It was hard to say the new name. "Do hereby pledge to serve and nurture the Gold Mountain pack. I am honored to be your Luna." That was it... just half-strangled words... but with that oath, I officially became a member, and the pack link was opened to me... and I was bombarded by too many thoughts at once. They were mostly congratulatory and welcoming, but it was just too much, too overwhelming, and I had to close the link before my head exploded.

I felt a bit shaky as I returned to my seat. With all the official business finished, the party started to ramp up. A table was spread before us, food was served, gifts appeared. Nolan was surrounded by men. I didn't know any of them, except for his brother William. I figured they were his age-mates, his fellow warriors, his friends. William glanced over their heads and gave me a thumbs up. I suppose that was meant to be encouraging... or congratulatory...whatever. I could only bob my head, as I was feeling a little sick.

My sisters appeared. They hugged me, and cried a little over mama's wedding dress. I hugged them back fiercely. I loved them with all of my heart. I was a little jealous that they got to go on with their happy lives, but on the other hand, this was a gift I had given them. I had spared them from a life-time of misery with Nolan Pierceson. I had lost out, but at least they would still have a chance to have happy, normal lives. Somehow seeing myself as their sacrificial lamb and savior made me feel a little bit better about everything. My life sucked, but I had saved my sisters. We took some pictures together, our happy sister-selfies, just like we used to do, and I had the sinking feeling that this would be the last time we would all be together like this. Even me, I got caught up in the moment and the atmosphere... I forgot this was all political, and for a few minutes I just enjoyed it, and I laughed and I smiled and I had the tiniest taste of how happy and fun it must be to have a real wedding, to somebody you actually loved and WANTED to marry.

All those good feeling scattered when I felt him stalk toward me. I didn't even have to turn my head. Not only did I feel him through the mating bond, I felt his negative energy like an ominous black cloud. He grabbed my wrist in his brutal and punishing grip, and growled at me. "Let's go."

I stared at him stupidly. "Go where?"

"To consummate our marriage, my dear." He snarled coldly.