Revolting

Shane's POV

Weeks had gone by, and Nina was still missing. I felt her absence like a canker sore in my soul. To know I had a mate that was out there, but I couldn't reach her, was gnawing me up inside. But I think it was even worse for Nolan. At first I thought he was going to go stark-raving-mad. He lost his shit a dozen times a day. He yelled at everyone, including me. He broke things. He handed out punishments like candy. He pushed everyone to train longer and train harder. But as the days passed with no sign of her, his rage diminished into melancholy.

If he pushed and punished the pack, it was nothing compared to the way he pushed and punished himself. He was up before dawn, and out running. He picked at his food and rarely sat through a meal. He would steal down to the gym and lift until he was thoroughly exhausted. He would pound the punching bags until his knuckles bled. A couple weeks into his grueling routine, and he was starting to look rough. There were dark circles under his eyes. His mouth was set in a perpetual flat line. He had dropped weight, which made him look more ripped and more scary. He had apparently lost all pleasure and interest in whoring around. He took little interest in women, even when they overtly threw themselves at him. Some of the more notorious gold-diggers in the pack had seen Nina's defection as an opportunity to attach themselves to the Alpha. But if they thought they could tempt him, they were sorely disappointed. He pushed them aside with cold derision, and went about his business.

And as for Julia Paige? He had her thrown out of the pack.

He never stopped looking for Nina. He had called every pack within 500 miles to put out inquiries. He had distributed her photo and even offered a reward for her safe return. But nothing turned up. He even hired a private investigator, but the PI had still not produced anything.

At night he shut himself into the office. He poured over the pack paperwork and the files just to distract himself. And when that didn't work, he pulled out the bottle. He poured himself a shot of expensive aged whiskey and then pushed the bottle across to me. I declined. I never drank, as a rule. "You were right," he said morosely, after the 5th shot. "I was a fucking moron." He dragged his hands through his shaggy hair, and stood it on end. He hadn't shaved in several days, which added to his mad-man look. "I thought if I accepted her, it would make me weak." He admitted. "I thought... if I gave in to the bond, it meant I didn't have a will of my own." He poured a sixth shot. "But it turns out... she was my strength. And she took it with her when she left. She fucking rejected me, Shane."

"She rejected you?"

He nodded miserably. "It felt like my soul was ripped in half. It felt like I was being fucking gutted. I couldn't even get off the bed to go after her."

I raised an eyebrow at him, and took a cruel dig. "Do you know that you did that to her, every time you screwed around?"

He let his head drop to the desk with a loud bang. I winced. "Fuck, yes." he mumbled. "I had to show her... didn't need her.." He mumbled into the wooden desk top. "But the truth is I needed her all the time. Every time I laid eyes on her, I wanted her. She made me feel out of control... and I hated her for it. I wanted to punish her for making me weak." He balled his hands up into fists. "But no matter what I did, she'd look me in the eye and smile, and I just knew she knew... I am a piece of shit."

I felt a thrill at knowing that she had rejected Nolan. I also felt a stab of guilt. He was my friend, and he was suffering... but I couldn't feel too bad, because he really had caused his own misery. Fate had dropped this perfect woman right in his lap, and he had ruined everything because he was so hung up on power and control. His loss was potentially, my gain. Assuming I ever found her again, which seemed to be more and more unlikely with every passing day. How was it that three people had completely fallen off the face of the planet in this day and age when everything was monitored? Our last glimpse of them had been on the video surveillance at a gas-station about 2 hours west of the pack territory. William had used the family bank card... and then burned it. After that they had just disappeared into no-where. The tracking system was disabled in the SUV they took, so once they pulled out of the service station, we didn't even know which direction they headed.

What would I do if I found her? I was torn between my allegiance to Nolan as his beta, and the siren-song of my mate. I had made a mistake, holding on to my loyalty to Nolan from the start. I should have run away with her. It should have been me to come to her rescue, to drag her away from Nolan. I could have been with her now, protecting her, loving her, if I hadn't been such a fucking coward. I was just as much a moron as Nolan. Maybe I was even worse, because I knew what a treasure Nina was, and I had still let her slip away.

Aunty Caydence had been dull and withdrawn since the incident. She had lost not only her daughter-in-law, whom she was already very fond of... but also her favorite son. No one dared mention either of them in her presence, or she was apt to burst into tears. But then one day, she appeared at the breakfast table, and she was absolutely glowing. Her eyes sparkled, her lips kept twitching into a smile, and she was once again as charming and animated as ever. I watched her suspiciously and wondered why no one else had noticed the sudden change in her demeanor. I knew at that moment that she knew something. If I had to take a guess, I would bet that William had found a way to contact her in secret. Aunty had always been very kind to me. She had treated me like her own son. I began to plot and plan... I had to figure out a way to get Caydence to reveal what she knew... and to reveal it to me alone, not to Nolan or anyone else in the pack.