Revolting

"William. I want you to train me." I demanded over Sunday brunch.

"What, you can't train. You are in a delicate condition."

"Pregnancy is not a disease, Will. Come on, I want to learn how to defend myself."

William squirmed in his chair. "I don't know Nina, training wasn't really my thing. I mean, I went, because I had to. But I'm not a teacher, like Shane." I grimaced at the mention of his name, but I tried hard not to let it show. My strange dual- attraction to Shane remained my dirty little secret.

"Look," I pointed my fork at him. "I'm a total beginner. Just start with the basics. I really want to learn."

"Me too!" Gabe piped up. "I mean... I'm a human, and I don't have all your superpowers, but I don't want to be like the weakest link."

"I'll train too," Daisy said brightly. As an omega, she had only gotten basic combat training. Omegas weren't trained as warriors, as their duties were generally domestic. When William gave her a dirty look, she shrugged. "Look, its just the four of us. We need all the help we can get."

"So that's settled," I said in my Luna voice. "William, what time will we be training?"

William groaned. "Nina, you are just as overbearing as my brother was." I knew he was only kidding, but I kicked him under the table anyway. "Mpphf," He grumbled as he reached down to rub his shin. "Alright... I'm not getting home until about 3:00 am from the club... I need time to sleep... Lets do an afternoon session. Lets say 2:00 pm?"

I nodded agreeably and returned to my eggs. Now that everyone knew I was pregnant, they were treating me like a princess. I still wanted to work and do my share, but my little pack vetoed it. "No. You can not look for a job right now." William had said, as though he had any authority over me. "Your job is to organize our pack, and keep that little pup healthy. With the three of us working, we have enough money." And when it came to working on the renovation projects, I mostly got shooed out of the way. "No, Nina, you can not hang drywall. The dust is bad for the baby." "No Nina, you can't paint. The fumes could be toxic." I felt frustrated, as a part of me knew they were right, and a part of me wanted to rebel. Three more months of this, and I was going to lose my mind. At least now I could look forward to training to break up the monotony of my day.

I had spent my time organizing our budget. Everyone was willingly contributing half of their net pay into the pack funds, including Gabe. Since Gabe was one of us, we had changed the agreement regarding the house and the bills. He now contributed funds to the pack, and the pack paid all of the bills, and the mortgage. There was electricity, internet, heating fuel, taxes... plus our grocery and supplies. I had to put some money toward our renovation projects, and then I tried to put as much away into savings as I could. Eventually we would have to find ways to expand financially and invest, but for a start I was satisfied that we were able to pay our bills and fix up our house.

But all in all I was bored. And despite being surrounded by my best friends, I was feeling lonely. I felt some essential piece of myself was missing. I went out walking every day, but even with my wrapped up knees, I didn't dare venture too far. When Daisy was off from work, I begged her to drive us out to explore different places. We wandered around the local shopping mall, we visited a nearby lake, we found the farmer's market. Daisy's all time favorite thing to do was to shop for baby things. I think she had a full-blown obsession with baby-sized shoes.

"Ohhh, look at these!" she picked up a miniature sized pair of work boots in one hand, and tiny ballet slippers in the other.

"They are cute," I admitted, "But Daisy, a newborn doesn't even NEED shoes. Its not like she's going to get up and walk."

Daisy pouted. "You are such a spoil sport." She sighed and linked her arm through mine. "Nina, tell me the truth... aren't you even a little bit excited about this baby?"

I rubbed at the now-visible bump on my tummy and looked away. I felt like such a bad person. What kind of mother was I that I didn't feel some kind of immediate spark and connection to my unborn baby? Wasn't there supposed to be some magical bond? Well, I didn't feel it. I felt responsible. I took my vitamins. I tried to eat healthily for the baby's sake. But when I thought of the little life inside me... I felt a whole lot of nothing. I remembered the horrible and painful way it was conceived. I remembered Nolan strangling me against the wall. I worried that there was something in his blood that would taint his seed... that my baby would be born as heartless and cruel as the father.

The truth was, I was NOT excited. I was alternately apathetic and terrified. But I wouldn't admit that out loud to anyone, not even my best friends.

"I still wish we could get you to a pack doctor," Daisy fretted, petting my swollen stomach reverently. It was no use going to a human doctor. They would be confounded by the growth rate and gestational anomalies of a she-wolf. And frankly, I didn't like the idea of anyone looking at me and poking around down there.

"Women have been having babies since the beginning of time," I assured Daisy. "I will be fine. And you are going to be a fabulous mid-wife." Daisy had been reading everything she could get her hands on in preparation of her newly assigned role of my mid-wife. I thought she was taking it all a bit too seriously. When it came down to it, all she had to do was catch. I would do the rest.

I had resigned myself to this baby. I let my friends drag me through thrift stores in search of baby furniture. They wanted me to buy brand new things, but I refused to waste our precious pack money on things that would really only be in use for a few months, or a couple of years at most. Piece by piece, we put together a nursery, although the nursery was just going to be squeezed into my bedroom with me. None of the pieces matched. There was a white crib, an oak-finished changing table with drawers for storage underneath, and dark stained little baby bureau. The little changing table was stocked with all the supplies for cloth diapering (because Daisy insisted it was better for the baby and better for the environment), and the little dresser was quickly being filled with miscellaneous baby clothes. There were boy clothes and girl cloths and gender-neutral clothes, because I still didn't know the sex of the baby. Every time someone found something they thought was cute, they bought it and added it to the collection.

For my part, I hadn't picked a single thing. I just wasn't ready.