Remembering You

I was lost for the longest time. With every taste of alcohol, I slowly forgot the way your lips tasted.

I just wanted to forget how much I missed you. I wanted to forget the memories we made as children, and how much it hurt leaving with a trace. I wanted to forget the way you ran your fingers through my hair when you kissed me. I wanted to forget the moment I knew I loved you.

The first day I met you. The third grade when we were at one another’s throats. I wanted to forget what it was like to love someone. I have been stuck in a trance of comparisons. They will never taste the same as you did. Be able to calm me as quickly as you did. They will never be able to make my heart feel so full.

They were not as tall as you were. They did not have your eyes; those were always my weakness. I never understood how someone with such dark eyes could hold the only thing I loved the most in them. It was as if the reflection of time itself sat there controlling every moment that passed. I never thought they would be filled with the galaxies and the slightest sliver of a moon. You carried my pain with you through it all.

I found you when all hell broke loose in my life, and you chose to stay. It was easy to compare you to someone else; they never stood by me. I was their second option through and through. They wanted to believe that they could love me; but even after everything, it was me that could not love them.

You left at the peak of our story, as if it was the plot twist everyone was waiting for. I never got the chance to introduce you to my family. I never got the chance to show you my school and the friends I finally made after leaving. You knew my brothers, but they never noticed how you felt about me. They passed you off as someone who was just temporarily in my life. A boy who walked me home just chatting with me, that is all that they saw you as. You were more than that. You were the one thing I never had. You were home.

For five years now, I have never felt so broken. I have constant memories that flood back at the worst possible time. I zoned out and forgot for a second. I forgot you were gone, but that has been happening lately. A piece of me let go the day I lost you. The day your heart stopped a part of me stopped living.

You were the one I would compare other’s to, but it never lasts with them. They do not have the eyes you did. The one’s that made me feel safe, feel happy, and feel lost in the moment. I have yet to find the eyes I want to get lost in.

I forgot the taste of your lips against mine. Was it sweet with a bitter punch? Or was it like death awaiting your last moments? Did you have a reason for the way you kissed me? Or was this all a dream? When did our last kiss turn into a forgettable memory?