Rejecting the Alpha

Kylie

His hand left my body, and the sound of his belt buckle was loud in my ears. I tensed, knowing what was surely coming next.

"Be calm. This won't hurt much."

His words had the opposite effect on me, and I began to second guess my plan to go ahead with this. It had felt good, but—

Completely naked, his weight came down on top of me and I instinctively tried to squirm away, although with no success. "Please, Alpha—"

His mouth stopped my words and even I wasn't sure if I was begging him to stop or to hurry.

His hands were on my breasts, and his mouth moved to my neck, sending heat spiralling downwards again. Again his fingers moved against me and my hips searched for his.

He pulled them out, and I felt something larger pushing into my entrance, slow inch by inch, then fast. It did hurt, and I whimpered as he sank in until our bodies were completely flush.

As the pain subsided, he began moving again in smooth slow strokes that teased me, and then harder, strong strokes that made me feel as claimed as the mark on my shoulder did.

Over and over he thrust, and I hated how much my body loved it.

Finally, he reached between our bodies and plucked in front of the spot where we were joined, and I combusted around him.

A few more times, and he stilled on top of me, and I felt the rush as he filled me. He was still for a long moment, and then he rolled off me and onto the bed.

I struggled to think what I should say. The reality of where I was and what had happened hit me hard. I felt empty, nothing like I had once dreamed it would be like with my mate.

He got up and walked into the washroom. The water started running. Fluids seeped out of me as I searched for my discarded clothing and pulled them on.

When he came out he looked at me for a long moment before turning towards the bed. I scurried to the washroom, trying not to cry and locked the door behind me. When I was finished, I stood there for long moments, imagining just curling up on the floor in the corner and staying there forever.

Forever, or until he broke down the door at some point.

I sniffled. I couldn't just fade away, anyway. I needed to convince him to let my people out of the dungeons and then I would be able to figure out what to do next for myself. This changed nothing.

With a deep breath, I pushed the door open. On the other side I found him already in bed, his eyes closed as if I were of no consideration at all. His breathing was deep and even, so I tiptoed out, not wanting to wake him if he was asleep. I slipped under the covers. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of because what more could he do at this point? He had done what he had done and I would do what I could.

I hoped I wasn't pregnant. It wasn't very likely since I wasn't on my heat, but it wasn't impossible. Fear shot through my stomach at the idea. What would I do if I was carrying a pup?

"What's wrong?" he asked, not moving or opening his eyes.

I fought to calm my racing thoughts, to tamper my turbulent emotions. "It's just...everything."

"The full moon is in a week and you'll join the pack then, and you'll be introduced to the pack as soon to be luna tomorrow night."

My anxiety spiked. It was too real, too soon.

"There's nothing to fear."

Wasn't there? I had seen what he could do.

His voice was calm and cold, although I imagined that he intended reassurance. "No one will challenge me."

As if it were the others I feared.

Somehow, I managed to fall asleep again that night. I woke up alone the next morning, once again locked in his room. Was this going to be my life as luna? Locked in his room for him to breed, allowed out when he deemed it to be appropriate? Maybe I wouldn't be able to help my people because I would not even be able to help myself. Perhaps we would all die at the hands of this monster.

The only thing that stopped my grief from overtaking me was the swirling angry terror. I lay on the bed, staring at the ceiling, while I tried to come up with an idea on how to manage the alpha. Maybe if I just went along with him...

But didn't I already do that? And what had it gained me?

I needed him to trust me. But could he? Would whatever was wrong in that head of his make it impossible for me to make any inroads with him? If he really could not care about me, love me, what was the mate bond but a trap that turned me into a functional breeder?

And what if I did give him pups? What would their lives be like with a father who didn't care?

I was still crying when there was a knock on the door. I hastily wiped my tears and called, "Come in."

Marie was carrying my breakfast tray. "Oh, Luna," she said when she saw my poorly hidden emotional state.

The look of sympathy on her face did nothing for my shaky control. She set down the tray and came to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"

I sniffled. "He..."

She didn't push me, just rubbed my back.

"He slept with me."

"Slept with...? Oh."

More tears poured out.

"Did he hurt you?"

"Not really. Just a bit at the beginning. It wasn't bad, but..."

"He might not have hurt you physically, Luna, but after everything that happened that was very soon. It's normal for you to feel all sorts of things. It would be strange if you weren't conflicted."

I sniffled. "Aren't you loyal to him?" How did someone so caring support that monster?

"I am loyal to my pack, and he is my alpha. That doesn't make him infallible, though," she said with a smile.

"Won't he punish you for what you're saying?"

She smiled again. "Only if it causes him difficulty. He won't put up with disloyalty, of course, but he knows I'm not going to do anything against him."

I had trouble reconciling the alpha who killed my people with the alpha who allowed opinions. How could they be the same man?

"Alpha Gavriel's not that difficult to handle usually. He may not show affection or amusement, but unless the pack is crossed and his wolf takes over, he also doesn't get angry. He can be reasoned with. You'll just have to learn how to do it."

I nodded, thinking of a life going forward in which I was mated to little better than a sentient object, one who was responsible for my trauma. "I'll never be loved then." It was not as if I really wanted him to love me after everything, but it might make things so much easier.

Marie paused. "I can't say for certain. His wolf certainly cares for you though, he'll feel affection and possessiveness."

And that was the truth of it. My future would be of living with a robot with the intent of a wolf, but no human to be my partner. It was dismal, and it renewed my desire to escape.

"So why am I always locked in here?" I asked.

"He believes you'll try to escape," she said.

I frowned. He was right. Could he feel that in my emotions, or was it just a reasonable assumption? I would have to learn to shield it all from him, or even better, to show him only what I wanted him to think.

Newly determined, I escaped harsh reality into sleep.