Reckless Faith

“The texts came from a burner phone.”

Jace scowled as he leaned toward his brother. “You’re serious?” They were sitting in Eastern’s office at the sheriff’s station, and his brother had just traced the unknown number that was texting him. “You’re saying someone purchased a fucking burner just so they could send me these texts?”

“Looks like it. I’m sorry, man.” Eastern frowned, quiet for a beat, before he said, “You didn’t tell me you lost someone.”

He knew asking for Eastern’s help would lead to him having to share what had happened to Dean. He’d done it anyway. Probably because he was so pissed after what had happened at the bar last night, and he needed something in his life to make sense.

“His name was Dean. He was the newest member of our team. Young but enthusiastic. He died during a mission. The rest of my team survived, but Dean was shot in the back of the neck.”

At what point did that story get easier to tell? Or did the pain just remain a permanent part of him?

Eastern’s features remained completely clear, but Jace knew that didn’t mean he didn’t feel anything. Eastern had been a Navy SEAL—he knew how much losing a team member hurt.

“And why is this person saying it’s your fault?” Eastern asked.

“Because I was closest to him. Because he looked up to me. Because I took my eyes off him.”

“None of those things make his death your fault.”

That’s what people kept telling him. But it didn’t feel true. Not to him.

When Jace didn’t answer, Eastern leaned forward. “Who knows about what happened?”

“Just my team and his family.”

“So, it’s one of them.”

“My team wouldn’t do this.”

Eastern frowned. “Give me Dean’s details and I’ll look into his family.”

Jace clenched his teeth. He didn’t want to think it could be any of them, either, but then, he didn’t know them. “Thanks.”

When Eastern continued to study him too closely, Jace bit back a curse. He knew what was coming.

“Are the texts all that are bothering you or is there more?” he finally asked.

Jace scrubbed a hand over his face.

“What happened?” Eastern asked when he didn’t respond.

“Elle walked into the bar last night and thought she saw Molly kiss me.”

Eastern raised a brow. “Did she?”

“No. Hell no. I wouldn’t have let that happen. I was distracted by the text, and she tugged my head down, but we didn’t kiss.”

“Did you tell Elle that?”

He could have laughed even though there was nothing remotely funny about this. “Of course I told her. She said it didn’t matter if another woman kissed me or not. She reminded me that I cut contact with her. And that before that, I dated other people over her.” A pulse beat in his temple at the memory of her words. At the pain in her eyes. The way she’d barely been able to look at him. “She said she’ll always care about me, but it has to be from afar.”

What the fuck did that even mean? They lived in the same small town. Worked at the same damn place.

Eastern frowned. “I’m sorry, but I have to ask, why did you lose contact with her?”

“Because I wanted more for her.” The words were out before he could stop them, like little explosions of truth detonating between him and his brother.

“Why didn’t you think you could give her more?”

So many fucking reasons. “I’m not like you, Eastern.”

“What does that mean?”

“I messed up a lot as a kid. I gave Dad hell. I wasn’t good at school. And people around me had a tendency to get hurt. So I stuck to relationships I knew wouldn’t last and had a plan to get out of here and make something of myself, like you and the rest of our family.”

“Jace. Dad was just as proud of you as he was of the rest of us. We were all proud of you.”

He shook his head. “It didn’t feel that way. I felt like a fuckup. While Elle was…God, I don’t even know how to describe her. She was kind and generous and funny, even though she’d experienced both her parents walking away from her. I didn’t even feel like I deserved her as a friend some days.”

Eastern frowned. “And now?”

“Now, I still don’t feel deserving. But I also don’t feel capable of staying away. But I might have fucked it up too much to finally have her anyway. A part of me wouldn’t be surprised if I lost her completely. I seem to be really good at losing people. Mom. Dad. Lawson in high school, now Dean.”

“Hey. Stop talking about yourself like there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t, and Elle knows that. She just needs some faith that you’re in it for the long haul. Show her.”

He ran his fingers through his hair. “It might be too late.”

“When the hell does Jace Walker say something’s too late and not pursue what he wants?” Eastern lifted a brow. “Go to her. Make it right. Make her see that you’re in this.”

“Oh my gosh, Elle, that sounds intense.”

Elle’s fingers tightened around her iced coffee at Sadie’s words. They were sitting in Sugar and Spice, and Sadie was taking a break while the shop was quiet and her grandmother was behind the counter.

Elle gave her friend a small nod. “It was intense, and I’m not sure I handled it very well. I just…panicked. I saw them together, and I felt like an insecure sixteen-year-old again.”

Unwanted. Undeserving.

“But he said he wasn’t kissing her?” Sadie asked.

“He did, but by that point I was too far gone. It just hurt so much, and it hit me…what am I doing? He could have chosen me so many times, but he didn’t. Time and time again he chose other girls over me, and now…what? I’m just going to trust that he finally sees me? Trust that if I fall in love with him all over again, he won’t break my heart?”

“You really think he’d break your heart?”

“As far as I’m aware, he’s never been in a long-term relationship, and I don’t know if it’s a risk my heart can take.” That much was true. If she let herself believe that she could have Jace, that he was hers, she might not survive the aftermath if it turned out to be untrue.

Tears she couldn’t control pressed at her eyes, but she blinked them back.

Sadie reached across and set her hand on top of Elle’s. “You can cry with me. God knows I came to you enough about Eastern.”

She shook her head. “No, I can’t. Six months after he cut contact with me, I cried for him. It wasn’t the first time, but I promised myself it would be the last. So I don’t want to cry.”

“Then don’t. Let’s curse and yell instead.”

Despite everything, she laughed. “That I can get onboard with.”

Sadie frowned. “You said something before. You said he would date these beautiful women.”

“Oh my gosh, they were gorgeous.”

“So are you.”

She ran her finger up and down the straw in her cup. “I used to look a bit different, and that affected my self-esteem. Of course, now I look back and my heart hurts for the teenage version of myself, because she was beautiful, she just didn’t know it. And even after I lost the weight, nothing changed immediately. It took me a long time to realize that my body is the only home I’ll ever get, and it’s my job to look after it and love it, not someone else’s.” She lifted a shoulder. “I still struggle a lot of the time, but self-love is something I’ll forever be working on.”

Sadie’s eyes softened. “I think we all have days where we struggle with self-love. I’m glad you feel better about yourself now though. You are beautiful, inside and out.”

“Thank you.”

“Sadie?”

They both looked up at her grandmother, Mrs. Sandler, who had three people in front of the counter. “Sorry, dear, but would you be able to take the cookies out of the oven in the back?”

“Sure.”

Elle stood with Sadie. “I need to get going anyway. Thank you for the chat. I really needed it.”

“Of course.” Sadie tugged her into a hug. “Thanks for coming by. Let’s catch up again soon. Ooh, let’s try that new yoga and Pilates studio that just opened up in town.”

Elle frowned. “There’s a new yoga and Pilates studio?”

“Sure is. It’s only a street over from here.”

“Sounds good. Text me the time and place.” Not that she’d done much yoga or Pilates in her life. Quite the opposite.

Elle waved to Mrs. Sandler before stepping outside.

Today was a rare day off, which she was grateful for. She’d woken up feeling like crap after what she’d said to Jace last night, and a quick catch-up with Sadie was exactly what she’d needed.

The midmorning sun hit her skin as she headed down the street. One thing she loved about where she lived was that she could walk to so many places from her apartment. But thank God she’d driven to the bar last night. If she’d walked, she was sure Jace would have walked her home, and with her being on the verge of a mental and emotional breakdown, that would not have been a good idea.

Was she being ridiculous? Was she letting fear rule her life?

She had no idea. All she knew was that she was scared because Jace had the power to hurt her like no one else.

She passed Meridian, her gaze lingering on the spot where she’d parked last night. The place where she’d word-vomited to Jace every fear that lived inside her. Every pain and heartache. A part of her had been wondering if he’d text or call today. So far he hadn’t, and she wasn’t sure if she was happy or disappointed by that.

When a car drove past, she frowned, only noticing it because it drove so slowly. Her gaze caught on the man behind the wheel. He was bald with a sleeve of tattoos down both arms, as well as what looked like a snake tattoo on the side of his head—and he was looking directly at her.

She dragged her gaze away, ignoring the uncomfortable pit in her belly.

She’d taken a few more steps when the car pulled over to the side of the road a block ahead.

Her steps slowed as the man opened the door. She wasn’t generally a scared person, but right now, there were alarm bells going off inside her head. Because he looked a bit rough? Or because of the way he’d been looking at her? She wasn’t sure, but an inner voice yelled at her to turn and run.

He rose from his car and shut the door, his gaze flashing to hers again, only for a second, before he shoved his hands into his pockets and started directly toward her.

Screw it. She spun around and moved, almost running toward Meridian before pushing against the door handle.

Shit. It was locked.

She pounded her fists against the wood, probably looking like a psychopath to anyone who saw her but not caring. The panic was alive inside her as every second brought the man closer.

“Cody? Harper? Hello? Is anyone there?”

They might not be. They didn’t live above the bar anymore, and the place was closed on Mondays.

The man was only a few yards away, a couple more steps and—

The door opened and she all but fell into Cody’s arms, just as the guy passed the bar. Just strolled on past without even looking at her.

He wasn’t after her. He didn’t even care about her.

Cody frowned. “Hey. Are you okay?”

She blew out a long breath. Insane. She was totally and completely insane. “No. I don’t think I am.”