Reckless Faith

The ringing of Elle’s apartment buzzer cut into her sleep, making her groan and roll onto her belly.

Go away.

She was exhausted. It had taken far too long to get to sleep last night, thoughts of Jace, of that damn kiss, rattling around in her head and making her stomach do all these wild somersaults. She’d tossed around in bed for so long she’d wondered if she’d ever fall asleep.

The buzzer sounded again, this time followed by her intercom.

“Elle Marshal! Wake up! I brought breakfast and I’m starving.”

Oh, Jesus…it was Jewel. Anyone else, and she’d have a chance of them leaving if she ignored them long enough. Not her aunt. The woman had once camped out at the entrance of the building for hours because she was worried when Elle didn’t answer, but she hadn’t even been home.

With a sigh, she rolled onto her side and pushed out of bed. Her gaze flicked to the clock.

Six a.m.? Really? Good God, could the woman not have waited until a decent hour to harass her? Because it was harassment when you made a person get out of bed before the sun had even risen.

“Elle, I know you’re there. Let me up or I’ll start singing the theme song to Happy Days.”

Despite the hour, Elle laughed, because her aunt absolutely would do that and had done it before, knowing perfectly well that Elle despised that show. She reached the door and pressed the intercom. “I’m going to kill you. You know that, right?”

“Well, you’d need to let me up to do that.”

Not true. She knew where the woman lived—that was all she needed.

“Come in.” She pressed the button to let her up and flipped her lock before retreating to the kitchen. She opened her fridge, only to groan when she realized she had no milk. None. Not even a drop. Heck, she didn’t even have juice to give her a morning hit of sugar.

Goddammit.

She filled a glass with water and sipped. It did nothing to wake her up.

The door to her apartment opened. “Good morning!” her aunt sang.

Elle wrinkled her nose. “It should be illegal to be so cheery at this hour.”

Jewel crossed her apartment and set a paper bag on the counter. “Oh, don’t be so dramatic. Plenty of people are up and about at this time.”

Yeah, plenty of crazy people. She opened her mouth to tell her aunt just that when the woman pulled out two Styrofoam cups.

Elle groaned and grabbed one. “Oh my gosh, yes. I need coffee in an IV.”

“It’s not—”

She sipped the warm liquid, only to almost spit it right back out. Not coffee. Not even close to coffee. “What in the ever-living hell is this?”

“Herbal tea. It’s good for you.”

“It’s not good for my mood. Or my taste buds. And it’s definitely not good for my exhaustion.”

Her aunt tapped her arm. “It’s hibiscus tea. I read that it helps lower blood pressure, and by the look of you, you could use it.”

Oh, Jesus, she was not rested enough for this. “Please tell me you have a bagel with egg and bacon in there.”

“Better.” She pulled out two containers. “Gluten-free granola and coconut yogurt topped with blueberries…the perfect way to start your morning.”

She should have stayed in bed. Maybe she could “accidentally” break the intercom and bell, turn off her phone, and this would never happen again. “I need to sit down.” Or just die on the couch.

In the living room, she lowered to the sofa, taking another sip of the herbal tea. Christ, it got worse with every sip. It wasn’t that she disliked tea, just that the liquid was in a cup typically reserved for coffee. It was like a cruel mind game.

Jewel crossed the space between them and settled on the couch beside her, handing her one of the containers of granola. “Did you have a good evening last night?”

Elle frowned. She hadn’t told her aunt about her date with Art because she knew she’d get a million questions, but right now, the woman was looking at her like she already knew. “Yeah, I had a good night. Why?”

“Funny you should ask. I received a call from Marie Alvaro last night.”

Oh jeez. Marie was a single mother whose entire life seemed to revolve around small-town gossip.

“And,” Jewel continued, “she mentioned she saw you.”

“She saw me?”

“Mm-hmm. She was eating at Thida Thai with her daughter and said you were in the same restaurant.”

So that was the reason for the early-morning wakeup. Lord grant her patience.

Carefully, Elle set the herbal tea on the coffee table before opening the container of granola. “And what exactly did she say, Jewel?”

“That you seemed to be on a date with a very nice-looking man. Then Jace Walker joined you on the date.”

“It’s true.” She scooped some granola and yogurt onto the spoon and placed it in her mouth. Interesting. It wasn’t terrible. In fact, it was actually quite good. It just wasn’t bacon or coffee.

At her aunt’s silence, she looked up to see her staring with a lifted brow.

“And?” Jewel pushed.

“And what?”

“Elle Marshal. You know what I’m waiting for. I want the story behind what happened last night. You’re like a daughter to me.”

Guilt hit her in the chest. She was right. Jewel had raised Elle since she was eight; she was as close to a mother as Elle had. “There’s not much to tell. I was on a date with a guy I met online. Jace saw us together and decided to join.” It was the semi-truth. Or at least it sounded better than what actually happened. Better for Jace anyway.

A small smile played at her aunt’s lips. “He was jealous, wasn’t he?”

“What?”

“Jace. He saw you on a date with another guy and decided he couldn’t leave you alone with him.”

She pushed the granola around the container. “He’s ridiculous.”

“Ridiculously into you.”

Memories of their kiss last night slipped into her mind, and her cheeks heated. For so long, she’d dreamed about the prospect of getting close to him like that. Touching him. Kissing him. And that kiss had lived up to every one of her fantasies. Hell, it had been better.

Her aunt straightened. “What’s that?”

“What’s what?”

“You’re blushing. Something happened, didn’t it?”

Shit. “Jewel—”

“If something happened, you tell me right now!”

She wanted to lie, but she’d never lied to her aunt, and she didn’t plan to start now. “We kissed.”

Jewel’s eyes widened. “Who? You and online dating guy, or you and Jace?”

“Me and Jace.”

Her aunt’s scream was so loud, Elle almost jumped off the sofa. “Jewel! Shh, my neighbors are still sleeping!”

“You kissed? You finally kissed?”

“Yes. Or he kissed me.”

Suddenly, Jewel flew across the sofa and threw her arms around Elle. She barely had time to swing the granola to the side.

“I am so freaking happy for you, baby,” Jewel cried, sounding overly emotional.

“It was just a kiss.”

The older woman pulled away, visible tears in her eyes. “With a boy you’ve known since you were a kid, it’s never just a kiss.” She sat back opposite Elle. “Where were you when you kissed?”

Elle glanced at the wall beside the door.

Jewel followed her gaze. “Here? In your apartment?”

“Yeah, he walked me home.” And touched her and called her beautiful and set off a million butterflies in her belly.

She shoved more granola into her mouth.

“I’m so happy for you,” Jewel gasped. “And I knew it would happen. I always knew you two would end up together.”

Elle pushed a blueberry around in the yogurt. “I’m scared.” Crap, maybe she shouldn’t have admitted that out loud.

“Why are you scared?”

“Because this isn’t some random guy. This is Jace. The boy I spent basically my entire childhood in love with. The boy I forced myself to accept I would never have.”

“And now you’re scared he’ll hurt you.”

“No, I’m terrified he’ll break my heart.” Because if she let herself believe that she could have him, and he left…it would destroy her. “He was never with the same girl for long.”

Jewel lifted a shoulder. “Maybe you’re both different people now.”

Old insecurities crawled up her throat. About not being pretty enough. Outgoing enough. She didn’t voice a single one of them.

“You know what motto I like to live by?” her aunt asked.

Elle’s lips twitched. There were many mottos her aunt lived by, not many of which aligned with Elle’s. “What?”

“If you risk nothing, you gain nothing.” Jewel leaned forward. “Besides, I’ve always had this reckless faith in you two. I think you should go for it.”

Jace pumped his arms as he jogged through the mountains, the cool morning air gliding over his face. Fuck, it felt good to move his body. He liked to get outside for a workout every day, sometimes twice a day. He was used to pushing his body to the limit as a Tactical Controller. To having a team pushing themselves beside him.

His gaze shifted toward the mountains. Even after fifteen years away, the familiarity remained. Like this forest had weaved itself inside him, becoming a part of him. How often had he gotten lost out here as a kid? Hidden in the trees and run around with his brothers?

Every damn day.

But today, it almost felt like he was running away from something. The taste of Elle on his tongue. The feel of her skin on his fingertips.

Her skin had been so damn soft and warm. And the way she’d reacted to him, her soft groans and hums…they’d replayed in his dreams over and over again last night.

Was he done running from his feelings for her? Was he finally ready to accept that he couldn’t stay away from the woman?

With a growl, he sped up his jog. Being back, being around her, made him feel weak. Made him want to take something he’d never allowed himself before.

Her.

And kissing her, holding her in his arms, had just intensified his lifelong need for Elle. It felt like he’d finally been exactly where he was meant to be.

He pushed his body so hard that his chest began to tighten and his limbs ached, but he didn’t stop or slow. He liked the burn. The pain. It reminded him that he was alive. That he was home.

When he finally reached the house, sweat ran down his forehead as he unlocked the front door and stepped inside. The eerie quiet surrounded him. The house had never been quiet growing up. With six kids, the home had been loud and warm and busy. He had a hundred memories in every room. A hundred sounds from past moments that rang through his ears.

He stepped into the master bedroom off the hall. There were five bedrooms upstairs, but the master and his old childhood bedroom were the only ones on the first floor. It had made it easy for Elle to sneak inside when she came over.

He smiled at the memory. The lock on his window had broken when he was fifteen, but he’d never told his parents, because a part of him had liked that Elle had had access to his room whenever she liked. Was it still broken or had the previous owners fixed it? He hadn’t checked yet.

He pulled his shirt over his head as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He tugged it out to see a text from his brother.

Eastern: Please tell me Sadie misinterpreted last night and you didn’t crash Elle’s date.

Jace: I didn’t crash Elle’s date. I prefer to see it as being a welcome guest at the table.

Eastern: Jace…what the hell were you thinking?

Jace: That I didn’t like her dating another guy.

Eastern: She’s allowed to date whoever she wants. Unless you’re going to date her?

Jace scrubbed a hand over his face.

Eastern: If you came back for her, tell her. Otherwise, don’t go crashing her dates.

His gaze caught on the tattoo on his hip bone, in the mirror. You’re too loved to lose. Her words, in her handwriting. And every time he read them, he heard her voice in his head. It had given him hope during his deadliest missions. It had allowed him to breathe when sometimes breathing got too hard.

Jace: Thanks for the advice, big brother. And thanks for letting me crash your family night.

Eastern: You know you’re always welcome. Just be careful with Elle. You could both get hurt if you’re not.

Didn’t he know that? Wasn’t that the exact reason he’d denied himself for so long?

Jace: When am I not careful?

He dropped his phone onto the bathroom counter and gave the tattoo one more glance before stripping off the rest of his clothes and stepping into the shower. The warm water beat down on his shoulders, and the second he closed his eyes, memories came back to him. Of missions that had been so difficult and dangerous, he’d wondered if he’d make it out alive.

Throughout it all, his team had kept him sane. His team had kept him alive…but he hadn’t done the same. Not for everyone.

He squeezed his eyes closed as memories of that day flashed in his head. Of the whisper of steps from behind. The flash of movement before gunfire sounded.

Jace flattened his hands against the cool tiled wall, breathing through the guilt that tore at his chest. The pain at the memory of turning away from the enemy to see Dean drop to the ground.

He’d been right there…right beside him. And he hadn’t been able to save him.

Fuck.

When breathing became too hard, Jace turned off the water and stepped out of the shower, suddenly needing something, anything, to calm him. He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist before lifting his phone. He had to text her; the one person he knew could help get air into his lungs.

Jace: Come out with me tonight. Meridian. Let me buy you a drink.

When Elle didn’t immediately reply, he sent another text.

Jace: Please. Eight o’clock. I’ll be there. And I hope you will too.

His gaze remained on the screen for another beat, and even though she didn’t write back, his heart still started to slow and his skin felt less clammy…just at that small connection with her. That’s what she did for him.

He’d just dried off and thrown on some jeans and a T-shirt when his phone vibrated. He lifted it, expecting to see a text from Elle. It wasn’t. The text in front of him was from an unknown number—and it made every muscle in his body lock.

You didn’t protect him. You’re the reason he’s dead. And I hope that knowledge plagues you for the rest of your worthless life.