Race to the Next World

I laid in bed for a while, not wanting to get out of it. Sirus was gone so I was alone. I kept sighing to myself as I thought about a number of things.

We aren’t that far away from the new Galaxy system. We were supposed to make it first but it doesn’t seem like that will happen; there’s so many different forces around us and now its going to be a real fight. Africa isn’t happy with Japan. Russia is a complete mess. Japan isn't happy with us, because they wanted to take Russia out. We’re trying to be neutral but we’re going to have to start picking sides. I thought this wouldn’t be so harsh on us, but it is.

Its terrible.

Sometimes I wish that we could all just get along. Then we’d be able to get there together without killing more people and fighting. With how things were before though, that won’t happen. Whoever gets there first has more power. That’s what everyone is fighting for. I will never understand.

I rolled out of bed and started to undress. I was fed up with everything that’s been happening lately. I don’t have the patience to keep going. I took off my shirt and tossed it behind me as I searched for something else. I don’t want to wear my suit, I don’t want to prepare for anything to happen. Today, I was going to pretend that I’m not here because I really don’t have the strength to keep going with all this.

Is that what Sirus feels? Is that why he hates alliances? Nothing good ever comes from them. I see it now. He’s been angry for days but he’s not the only one. I know he’s not the only one.

I stared down at the white sheets as I continued to think. What are we going to do now? Will we really fight? Can we fight back? I’m tired of being neutral, we have to do something.

I sighed quietly and looked around. I should really get dressed just in case Sirus comes back, I don’t need a fight with him because I’m taking my clothes off.

He came back.

I clenched my teeth down as I kept in my outburst. I shouldn’t have waited this long, I should’ve known this would happen if I didn’t get dressed. He just walked in, and then he stopped when he saw me. There was the biggest smile that crept on to his face.

“Well, well, you should have told me you would have been waiting for me.” he said slyly as I heard him walk towards me.

“I’m not waiting on you, Sirus, I have somewhere to be.” I said quickly as I backed away from him, hitting the wall. I can’t go any further.

He kept his smile on his face as he stared down at me. Does he think I wanted to do something? I’m not as obedient as he thinks I am. Sometimes I go along with what he wants, but my world doesn’t revolve around him. I’m not going to wait on him.

“You’re such a liar.” he smiled as he came closer, already knowing that I was on the verge of a mental break down.

“Can we-”

“You can do whatever you want, Aurora.” he said as he put his hand up on the wall. He says that but he really isn’t going to let me do anything. “But that’s after I do what I want with you.” he said.

“Sirus-”

“Admit it, you love it.” he said lowly.

“That’s not true.” I said quickly.

“Oh. I don’t think you believed that. You always beg for it.” he said, his knee making it between my legs.

That’s it.

“Come on, stop playing innocent and make that dirty face for me, baby.” he said as he rubbed me. I felt my cheeks burn brightly as he teased me. I hate it when he taunts me, its unfair.

“Sirus-”

“That’s right.” he said, liking the sound I made when I cried for him.

Its been a couple days. All I have to do is get through it. I closed my eyes and bit the inside of my lip, trying to find peace to not lash out and try to hit him.

Its been a couple days.

That’s it. That’s all I was going to tell myself. I found myself moving my hips into his knee more. I was giving in. Now I really wanted it. Sirus can easily tell when I’m “lying”, I was just hoping that he wasn’t going to indulge in his vulgar comments about me.

“I told you, you can’t lie about how you feel.” he said, smiling down at me.

Sometimes I wonder what Sirus would be like if he wasn’t like this, if he wasn’t constantly so sexually frustrated and using me to ease that feeling. Would he be nicer to me? He probably wouldn’t bother me as much as he does now.

I opened my eyes and glared at him and he began to laugh a bit at my expression.

“I’m just helping. Or is this not enough?” he asked, moving his hand inside my clothes. He groped me, his fingers playing around. I grabbed his wrist tightly but I couldn’t get him to let go of me. This is not how I wanted to start my morning.

He bit my ear just as he kept stroking me through my pants. His hand kept moving on me, making my hips go along as he rubbed me. I was really giving in now. There was so much heat in me, and I can’t just go out there feeling like I’m burning up. This makes me feel so ashamed. One day, I will have the strength to cut his hands off so he would stop touching. I’ve never been so annoyed.

I felt so bad that I was going to have to beg him to stop cause the only thing he likes listening to is me begging. “Sirus, p-please, s-stop it.” I don’t think I’m going to last long. He laughed at me, his hot breath reaching my skin, making me more sensitive than I was before.

“You’re only wasting your breath by asking.” he laughed.

“I-I’m...I’m begging.”

I really was.

“You’re still playing innocent.” he wasn’t satisfied with me. What am I supposed to do? Just be like him? I can’t do that. Who does he think I am? His other hand moved behind my neck, pulling at my hair so he could bring my head back. “Tell me how much you love it.” he said, looking me in the eyes.

Its times like this I get confused. I didn’t know what to think. There was one part of me that wanted to hit him so I wouldn’t have to see that smug face of his. Then there was that other part of me I hated so much that wanted to tell Sirus that I was dying and I wanted him to...well...do something. Just looking into his black eyes made me give in. I don’t know what it is, but I wanted this.

“I l-love it.” I said quickly, giving into him. I should have kept my mouth shut, but then Sirus would find his way to get it out of me. He smiled widely, liking the sound of my cry for him.

I don’t. I hated it. He just wants to embarrass me.

“What do you want, Aurora?” he asked me, testing me as his hand made it into the fabric of my clothes. I gritted my teeth but he kept touching me and I heard my low moans even though I tried my hardest to stop.

There are times where I really want to hate Sirus like I used to.

“I w-want you inside m-me.” I said, getting nervous as he smiled.

“That’s right. You want it.” he said, grabbing me harder, making me tense more and cry out louder. And what made it worse is that he still made me look him in the eyes. If his grip on my hair wasn’t so tight, I would’ve gotten out of it.

“P-please, just...” I couldn’t even finish. He kept touching me, his fingers actually making it further and getting inside me. I tensed more, moving off the wall.

“There’s that pretty face of yours.” he said, liking how I looked. I bet it was shameful. I couldn’t hide my face no matter how much I wanted to. It bothered me how I wanted Sirus to keep going. “You like it when I play with you here.” Sirus said lowly in my ear as his fingers moved inside me.

He bit my ear harder as he moved his fingers faster, making me tremble and tense. He was going to make me cum this way if he doesn’t stop doing this to me. I grabbed his arm tightly, feeling my body ripple. I had no control anymore, what can I do? I clenched my teeth as I closed my eyes.

I let my hips move into his hand as his fingers felt inside me, rubbing quickly and making me cry out loudly. I couldn’t take this anymore. I moved my arms around his neck, my fingers finding the zipper to his suit and pulling at it. I wanted this off him now. He laughed at my attempts, finding it funny but also challenging.

He knows what I want.

He shrugged out of his suit as he kissed me, his lips moving sloppily over mine and making mine wetter. His tongue had even made it in my mouth, making me hotter the way it moved and licked me. I didn’t stop him. I moved my tongue the same way, tasting his skin and hot breath on me. But I was basically breathless. I gasped for air whenever I had the chance to.

His hot skin met mine before I knew it. He was already ready to violate me, but I should have known he would prepare this fast. He rubbed against me, and that made me move my hips back, not wanting to cum this quickly. I felt like that might happen if he does this to me. But he didn’t stop.

His fingers moved out of me slowly, as he was about to replace them with something bigger and hotter. I whined quietly when he made me wait for it. He knows how impatient I get when he does something like that. I leaned my head on the wall, already tired from moaning and crying out so much.

“You should see your face.” he laughed at me, making me turner redder from embarrassment.

“Don’t tease me, Sirus.” I said breathlessly. He was slowly rubbing on me, but he won’t push inside me. He was just having fun.

“You like it.” he said, his hand gripping tightly at my thigh as he lifted my leg up. I put my hands on the wall quickly as he lifted me up.

“W-wait- Not so rough. H-hey!” I couldn’t stop him from how he handled me.

He didn’t wait on me, but its not like I would wait on myself either. He started moving his hips faster, his hand tightening on me as he moved. I felt him inside me so easily but he moved so roughly. I liked it anyway, I guess I might as well tell myself that. But the way I sounded gave it away, and the way I begged and pleaded for him. It was all a dead give away.

Why does he like it so much? Why does he like doing this to me? Why does he like touching me, or playing with me, or laughing at me? Why?

“H-harder.” I moaned as he pulled on my hair, making me move my head back further.

“I knew you’d like it.” he said, laughing lowly as he gave me what I wanted, making me cry out louder. My throat was hurting from the constant pleasure filled sounds. My hands balled up against the wall more as I heard his vulgar comments.

Sirus always makes me lose my patience. What he called people when they did this might have worked for them, but not for me. I kept my hands down on the wall because if I had moved, I would’ve hit him. He knows I would too, that’s why he kept saying it.

He gripped at my thigh and I knew he was going to leave a mark. I put my head on the wall, holding myself up as he moved without mercy. My body burned from feeling him fill me up inside me like this. He doesn’t ever hesitate to do this. And this is where the cycle begins; after a couple days, Sirus is always coming back to me non stop, taking my clothes off. He loves it so much. I didn’t, not as much as he does.

I tried my best to quiet down my moans but when he does this, its harder to control anything. Sirus makes this so difficult. I hated that I was struggling.

His other hand gripped my hair, bringing my head back. I wanted to tell him to not pull so hard, or grab at my leg so hard, or not move so roughly. If he was gentler, this would go by more smoothly. He shouldn’t be able to spread me like this; if he was gentler, I wouldn’t have any problems, but this was too much for me. I could feel all of him inside me, moving so deeply, rubbing the places I liked so much.

I was slowly losing myself. I felt like cumming, like I couldn’t hold it. I didn’t want to. The heat swelled in my body and I was having a hard time controlling myself. I always hate admitting this but I think Sirus is really good at...well...whatever this is for us.

“Sirus.” I moaned uncontrollably. He liked that, he really liked that.

“Come on, baby, say it for me louder.” he said, his hand moving over my neck as I opened my mouth wider.

Why do I please him? Why do I just give in to him? I want to say because its just in the moment. That I wasn’t going to be resistant because Sirus would be rougher to get me to speak out. Its not that I was giving in just to do it for him. I had to admit that I did...like this. So why not indulge a bit?

“O-oh please, Sirus, h-harder,” I cried.

I will not do this again.

I was begging him to do more, to push me harder against the wall, to pull on my hair, to make me scream his name. He doesn’t understand how much I want this. It was unbelievable.

Even then, its not like my moans would stop anyway, my voice hitched more as I felt the overwhelming pleasure that was going to make me cum. My hands balled up on the wall as I tried to restrain myself.

Sirus got deeper and deeper inside me, his cock throbbing as he moved, making me move with him. I moaned as he got to where I like it, a shiver rolling down my spine as I really started to feel good. He twitched inside me, and I wondered if he was going to cum.

His hands gripped tighter on me as he moved. My body was shaking as he held on to me; I could feel myself leaning more towards him so he wouldn’t let go. He was making me feel so good. He’s going to leave marks on my skin. I’m just grateful that no one would notice. The two of us are the only ones that knows where he touches me, how hard he grabs on to me, how he makes me feel.

I couldn’t hold it anymore.

He stroked me quickly, making my body tense, I wasn’t even sure how much more of this I could take. My knees were getting weaker by the second, I couldn’t hold myself up like this. His hand moved faster and faster, stroking me as I felt more and more of this pleasure that I usually despise so much. His thumb pressed on the tip of my cock and that really did it for me.

I came, my body jerking forward; I kept my hands pressed against the wall to hold myself up. He came inside me, and as much as I hate when he does that, I didn’t say anything. My body continued to shake as I felt warmer at my stomach. He didn’t pull out, he kept his grip on me, as he released everything inside me.

“You’re so loud.” Sirus said, his grip loosening on my leg; he let go and I finally had control over my body again. His grip on my hair stayed tight though. I’m surprised Sirus is complaining about me being loud. We both know how much he likes it.

“That’s y-your fault.” I gasped as he moved me more against the wall. I closed my eyes as he moved inside me slowly, not pulling out.

He kissed my neck lightly, then he kept doing it and doing it until he was turned on again. I felt him getting bigger again inside me and I should have known he would be a selfish animal. I thought he was just going to mess around, but he was actually about to keep going going. I opened my eyes quickly and pushed back on him so he would let go of me.

I can’t do this again.

“N-no more, I can’t take it.” I complained breathlessly. He ignored my comment, moaning in my ear as he still moved for his own pleasure.

“I’m not done yet.” he said, his arms moving around my body.

“...Sirus.” I said quietly.

Why is he so attached?

I let him have his way, just like always.

He moved my hands higher on the wall, keeping them there as he moved in me, sliding slowly as he bit my neck. I tightened my hands under his as I tried to control myself, I don’t want to try and stop him, I was already too tired for that. He kept me on the wall, just as he moved with me. I bit down on my lip, chewing on it as I moaned.

I was hard again.

For some reason, I want him to be rough with me, pull my hair, give me bruises, talk dirty to me. I don’t realize it until after. And usually, I just want to redeem myself because the shame overwhelms me. The things he’s able to make me feel, the way he does it, I don’t know how to respond after so many months of it.

I don’t get it.

I try to not let it get to me.

It took hours for me to get out of his trap. It was so hard to get his hands off me after so long. Sirus has the strength to go on for hours but I don’t have that kind of time. My tracker had been vibrating for an hour while Sirus had his fun, and finally he let go so I could get dressed. My face was flushed, and I did my best to calm down. I was still hot and nervous and it showed. Sirus was laughing and that wasn’t helping. I feel bad that he doesn’t get flustered like I do.

I kept my hands over my cheeks as we walked. Sirus was trying to provoke me, calling me vulgar names and telling me things he would do to me if we didn’t have to go somewhere and do work. He had this really bad habit of doing that the first couple weeks we got together. I didn’t think he would come back to that. I just glared up at him as he continued to speak down to me. I don’t know if he thought it was supposed to turn me on but it didn’t. I kept patting my cheeks as I kept my glare on his face.

It doesn’t work like that. I’m not into all the things he’s into and he can’t force it on me.

We walked into Picses’ command room, a few other pairs of Coordinators and Flyers patiently waiting. I wonder what we were doing. I hope its not some evaluation. Surprise tests are not fun. I was hoping that it was something easier to bare.

Sirus leaned closer to me. “So maybe later you should totally give me h-”

“No.” I said as I dropped my hands from my face. “You got your way earlier, you should be satisfied with that and leave me alone.” I told him and looked straight ahead. He was still going to bother me.

His fingers moved to my face, pinching my cheek roughly. I slapped his hand away and tried to hit him but he grabbed my wrists quickly, laughing to himself. Now my face was red again, and this time its because I’m angry. Sirus always does this!

I yanked my hands away from him, and rubbed my cheek where he hurt me. Picses had walked inside the room, this time by himself.

“Cadets, I need you to do me a favor.” Picses said.

This is going to be terrible.

Favors are always the worst.

“We aren’t allowed to get on Russia’s ship for various reasons, one of them being that they don’t trust us despite what we did for them...” Picses trailed off, looking somewhere else, then he snapped out of it. “I need you to go and infiltrate their ship.” he said.

No! We did that once before and we almost got killed!

“But-”

“Don’t get in trouble. I know there was a minor complication last time.” he said, smiling at us. Is he doing this on purpose? Why would Picses put us through something this constantly? I watched him walk off, in shock as he went. I can’t believe this.

“Well isn’t all this bullshit.” Sirus said bitterly.

“We aren’t doing this, are we?” I asked. Is there a chance we could stand up to Picses and say enough is enough? I know he’s Commander and all, and we have to be loyal, but this is too much. Why should we go to infiltrate Russia’s ship?

Does Picses want something from them? What are we looking for?

Is this revenge for what they did to us last time? If Picses really wants to instill fear in them, he’d send all the Flyers down there to reek havoc.

“Looks like we have no choice but to.” Someone said, just as angry. Russia will kill us.

“We might as well get going before Japan sniffs us out.” Another person said. I forgot about Japan. Pisces is sending us on a suicide mission.

I trudged on behind Sirus, following him and the other four to get our helmets. Sirus is into this sort of stuff but not when its asking to be killed. I know he wants to go and destroy stuff. That’s why he loves this. But going over to Russia and having them on our backs while Japan is after us is not a good thing. We really could get hurt.

Picses didn’t tell us exactly what we’re supposed to be doing, Carsus had to come over and tell us. Apparently, Picses likes finding out secrets. Russia is developing things, and Picses wants to know what. So he’s going to get his answers.

We have to go in, snoop around, figure out what they’re planning.

None of the Flyers wanted to unless they got to break things. Carsus said no.

Sirus said he’s going to do it anyway.

These are things that get us in trouble. This is the behavior that makes it hard for me to keep him on a tight leash. He’s going to go wild when we get there, and we don’t need that. We really don’t need that.

The last place I wanted to be was on their ship. I was there before and I was almost killed. Japan almost obliterated us without a second thought as if it was fine but I’m not okay with that. I wish they weren’t a problem. I don’t like being anywhere else except in my comfort zone.

Their computer system is still hacked by ours, we could still be in places that might be restricted to others. We found that out the second we were able to get in. Their system wasn’t working well enough for it to take over. For now, we’re safe under our system so we had time to walk around and find things.

Russia has heavy artillery and they do use all this on their ships when they fight us. They like bringing out the big stuff. We don’t have many casualties but when we do, its because Russia showed no mercy. It gets harder with them because they take the time to make new things that our computers don’t have enough time to scan. I didn’t like being around all the weapons, it was making me a bit weary.

They kept a bunch of guns out, and I wondered why they would need them inside. Its like they’re preparing to fight us as if we chose to raid their ship. Or maybe they’re getting ready for when we get to the new planet. The second they get there, do they plan on unleashing hell?

I walked around, getting chills.

“How come we have none of this?” Sirus asked bitterly as we looked around, walking in the dimly lit chamber. I sighed and kept walking, heading for another door as he kept moving around.

“Stop touching everything, Sirus.” I hissed at him. He shouldn’t be playing with these guns as if they’re toys. Next thing I know, he accidentally shoots me, or himself.

“Oh come on, what’s going to happen? We get caught? There hasn’t been another Russian fighter for thirty minutes, I think we’re okay.” he said, ignoring my paranoia. He always does this. I gripped tighter on my helmet as I kept in my anger.

“All you do is make a mess.” I complained as I walked forward.

When I didn’t hear a snarky remark, I turned around. He was gone. Instead he was walking a different way, ignoring me and my struggle to get him to come back. I ran after him as he walked to a white door, one that had a very guarded system.

We might need an official password for this.

There was a smile that crept on his face as he put in a password. What did he think was inside? A mega weapon? I hope he knows we can’t steal any of this. What would we do with it? Where would we put it? We don’t need all this.

It opened into a white room, and in the center was a large bowl of something red. Sirus groaned as he walked over to it. It wasn’t what he thought it would be. I looked over my shoulder, wondering if this was a good idea or not. He didn’t trip off any security system, so I guess its alright. I took a hesitant step forward, and when nothing happened, I went right over to him, looking into the red bowl. In it were small red chips. It was the same ones they used to blow up Berz’s ship. I know it. I remembered seeing one of them near the thrusters of Sirus’ ship.

Why was there so many?

I picked one up, looking at it between my fingers. They modified it since last time. Its smaller, but if I were to snap it open, I knew something would happen. I could smell something...acidic. What chemical did they use to make this? Is the reaction what makes it blow up?

“This is dangerous.” I said.

“Wow. Oh my goodness.” Sirus said sarcastically, waving his hands around. I glared up at him, this is not the time for him to mess around.

I have a feeling that the heat is what powers the reaction. The hotter it is, the faster it goes. The thrusters’ power is enough to get this going. “None of these can get near a heat source. They will blow up what’s around it.” I said.

“Aren’t they those things you found last time?” he asked.

“Yep.”

“So if I had started my ship...”

“You’d be dead.” I finished his sentence for him.

If Russia was sure about this as a weapon, they would have used it more. Is this not a finished product? If its heavily guarded, then it has to be. This chamber was cold, to keep the chemicals from reacting. The smell was pungent. I’m surprised they’re using something as basic as acidic chemicals to blow up enemy ships.

I dug my hand in the bowl and took a hand full of them. Someone brought a bag with them so I can just put these in there. Room temperature isn’t enough for them to react. And they certainly won’t go off in space. I might as well bring some of these back to be scanned or maybe even used. Picses gets his answers and we don’t have to keep snooping around.

“So its okay for you to steal something, but I can’t?” he asked defensively.

What?

“I can fit this somewhere! How are you going to hide a large gun?” I asked quickly.

“I could just bring it with me.”

“And do what?”

He groaned and stomped around. “This not fair. No one ever wants to give us stuff to play with.” he said angrily and walked out of the white room. Why is he being so childish for? If he’s going to get that angry, I’ll just make him a toy gun to play with.

It was still empty around as we walked, but I could clearly hear some Russians yelling in English and their native language. We just got in easily and now we’re leaving as if nothing had happened or we weren’t even here. Now we really had to go. They know we’re here. Sirus walked in front of me and I wanted to believe that it was just in case someone might come, he’d be able to fight them before they touch me. He’s been waiting for his chance to do damage.

We met up with the others who had clearly stolen some other things. Sirus was angry because he was the only one that hadn’t taken a souvenir. We don’t have time for him to go back and grab something random. The voices around us were getting louder, and we had to get out before they come for us.

We didn’t have that much trouble getting back. Every nation was quiet in space. Even Russia didn’t come after us even though they know we were in their ship. We all handed our stolen goods to Carsus who just handed it off to Picses without a word.

Now what?

Are we going to do anything with those? Are we finally fighting back? Its about time we start doing something. We’ve been getting hit so hard by other nations, and now we’re doing something. I’m glad Picses came to his senses about it.

Later on, he called me and Sirus back. It was just us though, no one else.

“I have another assignment for you two.” Picses said to us as he walked on.

Again? Now what?

Sirus hissed beside me and this time I didn’t correct him for bad behavior. I was just as angry as he was.

Picses had picked up two black weapons, big ones we don’t typically use in the ship, which means we will be going in space. I cringed. Lately, that’s where I’ve been going and I don’t like that at all. We were just there hours ago, is he not going to give us a break? Why am I constantly going out into space?

I can’t stand it.

“I need you to get rid of Japan.” he said as he gave us the guns.

What? What does that mean?

I stared at him plainly. I don't think the shock hit me for a second because he said it so casually.

How are we going to do that? Japan is...a massive nation. I don't think he knows what he's asking us to do. We can't just get rid of Japan. You don't just get rid of an entire nation. Is he insane? And he's only sending the two of us out there. They will kill us and everything we stand for. We can’t just get rid of Japan. That doesn’t happen. Is Picses out of his mind?

“You're mental.” Sirus wouldn't take it. "Like hell am I going out there by myself to take down a Mother ship. You're out of your fucking mind." Sirus let it all out and he planned on leaving.

"I wouldn't if I were you." Picses warned him.

"Or what?" Sirus turned back to yell at him. "You're going to write me up? Put me on probation? Kick me out of the force?" he doesn't take threats lightly.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop him. He was right to say something. I couldn't do it.

Everything just rushed passed me. I couldn't hear anything except my heart beating in my chest. The two of them were arguing, Sirus more so than Picses, but I stopped listening. My panic set in and everything just...slowed down.

I wasn't thinking.

Picses was serious about what he was asking us to do.

Somehow he got Sirus to listen. I looked over to Picses again slowly when my anxiety settled. I had missed most of what happened.

“...its the Captain’s orders, and its about time we start being aggressive.” he said.

Aggressive doesn’t mean become killers! I bit my tongue. I’m not supposed to speak.

I have to obey everything that Picses said because he’s Commander. Its just that I don’t agree with what he’s doing.

“In these guns are the red chips that you gave me. You should be able to shoot them to Japan’s thrusters easily with this.” he said.

I found my voice. “We’re blowing up their ship?” I asked, and it sounded like I was confused but I...I think I had to make sure. There’s so much I wanted to know, like how are we going to get away with this? What’s the point? I know we’re enemies but why are we going as far as to destroy their ship? There’s more but then there’s the big question. “But what about their civilians?” I asked.

“That’s been taken care of.”

Well that’s extremely vague.

What did he do?

If he’s not going to tell us, that just means he’s lying. It hasn’t been taken care of. We’re going to kill them all aren’t we. Were going to destroy so many nations and kill millions of people. Does Picses understand what he’s making us do? Is he that mad that Japan would choose to let Russia drift in space without any help? Is that revenge on their behalf?

They raided us!

We should be fighting for ourselves.

If Picses wants to go back on a treaty, that's fine. But we shouldn't be doing this.

As much as I don’t like Japan, I don’t want to be the killer of millions of people. I bit hard on my tongue because I can’t just disobey him. Not only could I get in trouble, I could lose my ranking and be taken in for treason.

And when I realized that's all I cared about, I had to dig deep inside myself because that just showed the problem with me.

I cared so much about a ranking instead of standing up to Picses.

Even then I didn't say anything.

I didn’t want to go out there, especially to destroy a ship.

Picses ordered us to get ready to leave the ship. I wanted to complain but I couldn’t find the right words. I had gone silent. I was scared, I was anxious, I was getting sick. My hands were shaking as my fingers held the black gun.

I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to do this. By far, this is the worst part about being on a fighting force. I have never hated what I am, but today changed that. I can’t believe I’m associated with this.

I’m about to kill millions of people.

“What’s wrong with you?” Sirus asked me as we waited in the elevator to get down to where we’ll be leaving.

I didn’t answer him as I looked down at the ground. I wanted to speak but I couldn’t find my voice. Would Sirus listen to me if I started complaining and freaking out?

Sirus jammed that red emergency button like he did last time. The elevator stopped. We’re trapped here. He’s going to make me talk now.

“Sirus, why-”

“You look like hell. What’s up with you?” he asked. I didn’t answer again. I’m scared and I wanted to tell him but he’d just say something like get over it.

When I didn’t talk, he got closer to me, putting his arm up on the wall as he looked down at me, waiting on my answer. He kept me cornered and he would stay like that until I had something to say.

I cracked.

“I don’t want to do this.” I said quietly, my voice shaking. “I don’t want to be a killer. All those people are going to die because of us. And its like Picses doesn’t care.” I felt worse. "He's out of his mind."

I was scared.

Sirus didn’t say anything to me as he stared down at me. Sirus doesn't get scared like I do. That's why he didn't know what to say to me.

I looked away at the ground again, wanting to get all this over with so I can come back.

I can’t even believe that I’m doing this.

Before I knew it, Sirus was coming closer to me, and he pressed his lips to mine, kissing me unexpectedly. This was making me feel worse. I was about to start crying and panicking and Sirus was just here kissing me.

What is going on today? Its a mess. Sirus kissed me softly, and I thought it meant something. I just didn’t know what he was trying to say.

He pulled away from me, but his face was still close to mine as he breathed on my skin. He’s been doing this a lot now. Why was he still so close to me? Why would he kiss me?

He moved his arms off the wall and turned away, telling the Computer to move the elevator. My fingers were shaking as I held the gun in my hands. Sirus didn’t say anything about what he just did.

We stood in silence as the elevator moved.

We’re about to put an end to millions of people.