SWNOVELS P.S. I’m Still Yours: Chapter 21
CAL
Are you going to the bonfire tonight?
Cal’s message is the first thing I see when I grab my phone out of my locker after the most miserable shift of my life.
Normally, I don’t mind working doubles. More hours equal more money, but I’ve barely slept all week—thanks to Kane’s obsession with sneaking into my bed after everyone’s asleep and burying his face between my legs.
To make matters worse, Jamie handed in her notice last week. She and Shay decided to make the most of the last few weeks of summer and rent out a van to go on a cross-country road trip together.
Yesterday was Jamie’s last day at the restaurant, and I’ve been covering her shifts while Fred looks for a good replacement for us—I won’t be here much longer either. We’re moving into my mom’s condo next week.
All those late nights and early mornings are starting to take a toll. I spend more time at work than I do at the beach house most days, which is torture considering what’s waiting for me at home.
I knew, from the moment Kane led me out of the Maze after fucking me into a desk, that there was no way I could walk away from us.
A sentiment he seemed to share because not even an hour later, he had me moving out of Jamie’s place and back into the beach house.
We’ve shared a bed every night since the fair, although we haven’t had sex again for no other reason than I’m exhausted by the time he’s done with me.
I swear this guy doesn’t get tired of making me come. Sometimes I think he likes it more than the actual fucking part. It’s like he has no interest in having sex unless I get off first.
We’ve only had two weeks together.
Two perfect, painfully addictive weeks. We laugh, cuddle, give each other nonstop orgasms, have deep talks about everything and anything, and shit, I’m so ridiculously in love with him it’s alarming.
I climb into my car a few minutes past 6:00 p.m. I’m supposed to be meeting the girls at Jamie’s place so we can get ready together before the bonfire.
At first, the bonfire was meant to be a going away party for Jamie and Shay, but it eventually turned into a going away party for all of us.
Soon, our little group will disassemble.
Everyone will leave Golden Cove and go back to college—except for Kane, who’ll go back to LA to try and salvage what’s left of his career.
I may never come back to this town, and it’s likely that adulthood will pull us all in different directions.
I climb into my mom’s car, toss my phone onto the passenger seat, and speed out of the restaurant parking lot without answering Cal.
He should know I wouldn’t miss what could be my last night with my friends for the world.
“Wait… so you haven’t had the talk yet?” Jamie asks when we settle around the firepit in her backyard.
I snort at the term she chose, taking a quick sip of my wine. “We’re a little old for the birds and the bees talk, don’t you think?”
Jamie rolls her eyes, wrestling a smile. “No, I mean the ‘can we sleep with other people’ talk. You’re not really exclusive until you’ve had it. Just like you’re not officially dating until you’ve told everyone.”
There’s a hint of worry in her voice, which suggests that she’s trying to spare me heartache by reminding me that Kane and I are not technically together.
I shrug, feigning indifference. “We’re taking things slow.”
Maybe Jamie has a point.
Technically, Kane hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend.
Not word for word, anyway.
He also doesn’t want anyone in the house to know about us. When I asked him about it, he said Drea and Jamie know, and that’s enough for now.
Shay and Drea join us seconds later, the two of them jogging down the patio stairs.
They’ve just grabbed a seat when Drea snorts. “From what I heard this week, they don’t do a lot of talking.”
Kill me.
Kane and I have been trying our hardest to be quiet, but Drea’s bedroom is directly across from mine. That and Drea’s a super-light sleeper. Thank God my mom’s and Evie’s rooms are on the first floor.
Scar’s room is also on our floor, but Kane told me you could play the trumpet directly in his ear and he still wouldn’t wake up.
I lift my palms to my face and groan, “I’m so sorry.”
She chuckles. “What? Don’t apologize. I’m just glad Kane finally pulled his head out of his ass and stopped lying to himself.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Please. I’ve known the idiot was obsessed with you since the day we got here. I don’t know what you did to get him to stop fighting his feelings, but respect, girl!”
Drea’s spent half a decade with Kane. It’s her job to know how he thinks and make it so that he doesn’t say or do the wrong thing publicly.
She knows him better than almost anyone.
And she’s right about one thing. He might’ve stopped running from our connection, but in the beginning, there was something stopping him.
He avoided me, tried to make me hate him, pretended like he never cared about me.
He insinuated more than once that we couldn’t be together.
But then we hooked up.
And everything changed.
It’s like his resolve snapped.
Like his resistance was blown to pieces after we gave in to each other.
At first, I thought he was just being a typical guy, freaking out about commitment and his feelings for me, but now?
I’m thinking there has to be more to the story.
Drea’s eyes flare with realization. “Oh, and we need to start working on a way to tell the world you’re dating.”
My stomach twists into a big knot.
I’ve always known we’d have to deal with the media eventually, but I was hoping it wouldn’t be anytime soon.
Drea contemplates our options for a moment. “We might want to wait until the trial’s over. The last thing we need is more drama. Not to mention everyone thinks he was dating that Tate chick like two minutes ago, and we don’t want people thinking you’re the rebound.”
It’s surprisingly easy to forget, when Kane and I are hiding in Golden Cove, that our relationship will never be just ours.
Once the world knows about us, people will make our business their own. The media will surely make up all sorts of ridiculous rumors and scandalous headlines.
There’s also the issue of whether I even want to be famous—even if just by association. I always dreamed that I’d get recognized for my art one day. Not once did it cross my mind that people would know my name because of a guy.
I guess… what scares me the most isn’t being known as “Kane Wilder’s girlfriend.”
It’s losing my identity in the process.
We show up to the bonfire two hours late.
Blame it on the tequila shots and Jamie insisting that we play a drinking game before heading out to meet the guys.
I check the group chat as Shay, aka our designated driver, parks Jamie’s car into the beach house driveway.
OZZY BEAR
Who the hell changed my name in the chat???
I snort at Scar’s message.
Did I mention we had some fun renaming the guys between rounds of Drunk Jenga?
OZZY BEAR
How do I change it back?!
VINNY THE POOH
They’re late AND fucking with our names. The audacity of these girls.
I chuckle at Vince’s reply and the nickname I picked for him. I’m especially proud of myself for coming up with that one.
CAL-IFORNIA GIRL
No shade to Katy Perry or anything, but at least pick a recent song.
Our name for Cal is boring, but we stopped putting in effort around shot number six. Kane’s name isn’t our best work either. We argued for a bit but settled on Candy Kane. It was either that or Kane-dall Jenner.
OZZY BEAR
I knew we shouldn’t have put them in charge of booze and snacks. I’m fucking starving.
VINNY THE POOH
Ladies, respectfully, hurry the fuck up before Scar tries to eat the firewood.
I scroll down to the last messages in our conversation.
Scar sent a meme of a skeleton sitting on a chair, covered in cobwebs, with the words “STILL WAITING.”
I notice I have a text from Kane just as I’m exiting the chat.
KANE
Not to sound clingy, but I’m gonna need you to get your cute little ass to the bonfire right fucking now.
The biggest smile dances on my lips.
I text him back quickly.
HADLEY
Almost there.
We climb out of Jamie’s car and empty her trunk, which is packed with alcohol and all the ingredients needed to make s’mores, before aiming for the backyard, grocery bags and booze huddled up in our arms.
We decided to have the bonfire on the private stretch of beach near the house. The beach in Hillford tends to be crowded on Fridays, and we wouldn’t want to risk someone recognizing Kane when he’s managed to stay under the radar this long.
We jog down the wooden stairs leading to the beach and immediately spot Kane, Cal, Vince, and Scar sitting on towels and foldable chairs in the distance.
The boys form a circle around the fire, which is already going strong.
The flames show no sign of slowing down, but as mesmerizing as the fire is, it doesn’t hold a candle to the green-eyed boy sitting next to it.
It’s as though Kane has some sort of Hadley radar because he looks up the next second, noticing me before the rest of the group does.
Our gazes connect, and his entire face lights up, the curl of his lips sending my heart into a frenzy.
His smile might look sweet, but his eyes puncture my skin like a thousand needles.
Dear God…
We’ve seen each other every night this week, but he looks at me like he’s gone months without touching me. To be fair, it has been a while since we did it.
“Thank the fucking Lord. We might not starve after all,” Scar rejoices at the sight of us.
Vince joins in. “What took you so long? Just so you know, the only acceptable answer is that you were busy having a naked pillow fight.”
His absurd fantasy makes me scoff. “Yeah, sorry about that. We were trying to figure out how much bleach to put in your drinks.”
Everyone laughs. Except for Vince, who gives me a shit-eating grin before rising to his feet to lend us a hand with the grocery bags. Cal, Scar, and Kane take the hint, making their way over to help, too.
Kane heads straight for me, his eyes never leaving mine as he takes the heavy bags I’m carrying. I crack a timid smile, which he returns.
His eyes drop to my lips for a fleeting moment, and I almost expect him to kiss me.
Until… he stops.
His gaze darts to something behind me, and I flick my head to find Scar staring at us with a furrowed brow. He and Kane make eye contact.
Then Kane turns to leave.
He doesn’t kiss me.
He doesn’t say hi.
He just walks to the cooler with the bags as though I’m a complete stranger rather than the girl falling asleep in his arms every night.
I’m reminded of what Jamie said earlier.
“You’re not officially dating until you’ve told everyone.”
Well, then I guess…
We’re not dating.