Penned Sea Hearts

Ramos knew he should go to work. Yesterday’s signing had brought in more money than he could have dreamed of, and there were repairs the library needed to be negotiated with the local craftsmen.

But Ramos just couldn’t get himself to even get out of bed. He just couldn’t believe Kai had left just like that. He’d said that they would talk, but maybe he’d decided Ramos wasn’t worth the effort. Which would be fair.

It was all just horribly depressing. He hadn’t thought Kai leaving would affect him quite like this, but clearly, it had, and he wasn’t sure what to do with himself.

Which was ridiculous. He’d known the entire time that Kai would leave. He lived in the capital city. And definitely had many friends. The most Ramos could have hoped was sometimes sending each other letters, perhaps.

But he supposed it was foolish to hope for even that. And yet rationalizing it all didn’t help him get out of bed at all. In fact, he just huddled under his blanket even more, pulling his fin under it better.

His empty stomach gurgled, but that wasn’t going to get him to get up. He did wonder what time it was, but he refused to check, knowing he would feel even worse if he knew how much time he’d wasted.

So laying in bed and being unproductive it was.

Naturally, the very moment he thought that, there was a knock on his door, much to his annoyance. He never got visitors. So why now of all days?

Ramos turned over, more than content to ignore whoever wanted to talk to him, but then the person called to him.

“Rami? You in there?”

He groaned, pulling his blanket off himself. Ara. Of course. Who else would it have been? And given her usual stubbornness, he doubted he could simply pretend he wasn’t at home.

Though he couldn’t help but wonder what she wanted given that she’d almost never come to his apartment.

Tiredly and listlessly moving to the door, he mostly used the walls to pull himself to the door, not bothering to engage his tail much.

Ramos sighed as he pulled the door open, staring blearily at Ara, who was staring back with a notable amount of concern, her eyes wide, her eyebrows raised.

Ramos more than likely looked like a mess, which was not surprising.

“Hey, are you okay?” she immediately asked, looking him over.

Ramos shrugged, sighing. “Yes.”

Ara frowned at him harder, clearly not believing him for even a second. “I went to the library to check on you. You know, how the signing went. And you weren’t there. Did…did it go badly?”

Ramos sighed again, a heavy, tired gesture as he moved a bit away so he could swing the door open, inviting her in. She wouldn’t leave no matter what he said. He was sure of it.

“The signing went excellently,” he says flatly, swimming to the kitchenette in the corner of his living space.

The apartment was only two rooms, really, with the bedroom separated from the rest. But he didn’t mind how small it was given how peaceful it was to live alone. He enjoyed his peace and quiet. And he definitely didn’t want to live with anyone again. No.

“You don’t sound very happy about it,” Ara pointed out, making Ramos sigh again as he floated onto a chair, Ara doing the same opposite his kitchen table. “Seriously, what’s wrong?”

He stared down at the table as he finally gave her an answer: “Kai left.”

“Oh.” Ara frowned, looking confused if anything. “Already?”

Ramos shrugged, bitterness filling his heart at the question. “Yes. Yesterday.” He swallowed thickly, his eyes stinging a little as he says the next sentence. “Without even telling me.”

Ara stared at him with shock for a moment, but then immediately she scowled, her mouth drawn into a frown. “No way. He had to have something urgent he had to deal with. He wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

Ramos shook his head. He would love it if he could convince himself of that. But he couldn’t lie to himself like this. “It would make sense, wouldn’t it? He felt obligated to stay for the signing, but since I rejected him, there was no reason to stay afterward.”

Ara scoffed, making Ramos blink. He hadn’t expected that reaction at all. She was now frowning at him with something almost like annoyance, which is not an expression he’d ever had aimed at him from her. It shocked him.

“Look, neither of us has known Kai that long, but there is no way he’d just leave you without saying goodbye. He cares about you a lot, so something must have come up. He’ll return. Or contact you in some way. I’m sure of it.”

Her expression softened as she spoke, but Ramos refused to listen. She was just placating him, even though her words sounded logical.

“Maybe it’s better this way,” he sighed, staring at the table again. “I…I really liked him.”

Ara made a choked noise, which in turn made Ramos look up at her, only to see her bulging her eyes out. “You did?!”

Ramos frowns, not sure what he should be doing as he nods. “Yes?”

Ara groaned, letting her head fall back. “Gods below, Rami. Why did you reject him, then?”

“You shouldn’t have brought it up,” he huffed instead of answering the question. “I do not like being put on the spot.”

“But you do like him,” Ara pointed out, leaning forward against the table. “So why did you push him away?”

“Because….” He sighed, his ears drooping along with his gaze. “I can’t give him what he wants.”

Ara took an audible breath. Ramos knew he had a lecture coming, but he didn’t have the energy to even try to stop it.

“And what do you think he wants aside from being with you?” she asked in a very flat tone of voice. Also very strange for her. It made it very difficult to meet her gaze, so he didn’t bother.

“Well. You know…. That….”

Ara huffed, her arms folded. Ramos could see her tail flicking out of the corner of his eye. “Uh-huh. And how do you know that’s what Kai wants? Did he tell you?”

That time Ramos looked up, scowling. “Well, no, but of course he wants that. Why would he want to be in a relationship with me without sex?”

Ara stared at him as if she didn’t comprehend what he just said before scowling. “Why wouldn’t he? You’d want a relationship like that. Why can’t he?”

Ramos gaped. “Because…because he writes erotica!”

“Steamy romance,” she corrected him, making Ramos groan.

“The point is that he writes about sex, so—”

“So what?” Ara challenged, her scowl staying in place. Ramos hadn’t known she could stay like that for a significant amount of time. “It doesn’t mean anything necessarily.”

Ramos opened his mouth, but no words came out. He had no idea what to say to that. She was right, but he was most likely right about Kai.

“I don’t want to have my heart broken again,” he finally said, his eyes stinging with tears, trying to swallow down the sudden wave of sadness he was being hit with.

Ara’s expression softened again, now turning into one of sympathy. “You know, when I met Kai, I could tell he likes you based on how he talks about you. So I told him you don’t wanna sleep with anyone.”

Ramos gasped, blushing hard, feeling mortified. “W-what? Why would you tell him that?”

But Ara just raised a finger. “To avoid a situation like this. I thought he might lose interest. He didn’t. He’s fine with it.” Her voice is soft. “And you rejected him because of an assumption you made about him.”

“I just….” Ramos takes a deep breath through his gills, his tears mixing with the water around them. “I’m…afraid.”

His own eyes widen as he properly realized it himself at that moment. He was afraid of letting anyone close. It wasn’t about assuming that Kai would want to sleep with him and therefore they were incompatible. Not truly. It was about finding an easy excuse not to even try.

He groaned as he put his arms on the table and pressed his face into his forearm. He swallowed thickly, but it did nothing to get rid of his tears. “I m-messed this all up.”

He almost flinched when Ara patted his shoulder. “Want a hug?”

Ramos nodded without looking up, only to yelp a little as he was quickly pulled off his chair and into Ara’s strong arms.

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” she said as she patted his hair, which much to Ramos’ shock was actually very comforting. “He’ll come back. And if he doesn’t, I’ll march to the capital to yell at him.”

Despite everything, Ramos couldn’t help but laugh a little at that, sniffling, clinging to her. He’d spent far too long pretending hugs weren’t something he was interested in.

She kept hugging him until he stopped crying, which Ramos appreciated, though he was immediately embarrassed by his emotional outburst the moment he calmed down.

He didn’t get to apologize for it, though, as there was yet another knock on his door. Frowning he looked at Ara with a raised eyebrow. He hadn’t gotten visitors in at least a month and now this would be the second person today.

“Ooh, maybe that’s him!” she cheered, grinning, which only made Ramos frown harder.

Saying nothing, he swam to the door, hesitantly opening it, only to gasp.

“K-Kai?” he breathed, staring at the other merman in shock, almost not believing his eyes.

“Rami!” That was all Kai said before pouncing, wrapping his arms around Ramos, and hugging him as tightly as he could.

Ramos hugged back, not even thinking about it, his tail wrapping up with Kai’s as he buried his face in Kai’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry,” they both said at the same time, pausing and looking at each other right after.

“What are you sorry for?” Kai asked, baffled, while Ramos sniffled again.

“I….” He looked over his shoulder at Ara, who gave him a thumbs up. “For rejecting you. I…that’s not how I actually feel. I’m sorry for assuming things about you without giving you a chance.”

Kai stared at him with his eyes blown wide, confused. “Uh.” He blinked, frowning. “What did you— You know what it doesn’t matter. I’m really sorry for leaving.” He sighed. “I had a medical emergency with my mom.”

“Oh.” Ramos nodded, blushing in embarrassment. And he’d had the gall to think this was about him. Of course, Kai had had a good reason. He should have trusted him.

“It’s…okay.” He hesitated for a second before embracing him again, Kai hugging back immediately.

“Are you sure? Your eyes are red.”

Ramos hid his face in the crook of Kai’s neck, his glasses pressing into his nose. “I…. Yeah.” He paused. “Thank you for coming back.”

Kai drew away a little so he could stare into his eyes. “Yeah, obviously!” He grinned wide, then pausing, going wide-eyed again. “Wait. Did you say you like me back?”

Ramos gave a nod. A beat of very tense silence followed. “Um, but it doesn’t have to mean anything. Unless you want to, which—”

“I want that! I want that so much!” Kai yelled, grabbing Ramos and spinning him around, laughing. And Ramos couldn’t help himself—he laughed too, more tears flowing, but this time they were of relief, of happiness.

“I want that too,” he sniffled, smiling. And his smile only grew when Kai beamed at him.

Ramos sobered up a second later though. “Wait, you said you had a medical emergency. What happened?”

“My mom’s okay,” Kai said, still beaming. “She wants to meet you, though. I kinda promised.”

Ramos nodded, happy to hear that. He hadn’t meant to simply skip over what had happened to Kai’s mother, but along with everything else, it had happened.

“I…apologize in advance if she does not like me.”

Kai rolled his eyes, snorting. “Oh please, as if anyone but an idiot could dislike you.”

He pulled him into another hug, wrapping his tail around Ramos’, nuzzling his cheek with his nose. His beard was a bit scratchy against Ramos’ cheek, but it was a nice feeling.

Ramos embraced him back, closing his eyes for a moment, for the first time in forever so very relaxed. At least until Kai made a noise that couldn’t be described as anything other than a squeal.

“Are we together now?” he exclaimed, grinning ear to ear as he spun them around. “We totally are, right? I gotta figure out where I’m gonna stay now. I can’t ask to move in with you. Too soon, right? Sooo—”

“Calm down, author man,” Ara chuckled, patting his back. Kai immediately turned around, laughing, a blush covering his cheeks.

“Oh, Ara!” He stared at her, a bit startled. “Hi! I’ll be honest, I barely noticed you were here the whole time,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, though he didn’t let go of Ramos yet, keeping him pressed against his chest, their tails still tangled up in each other. And Ramos couldn’t say he wanted this to end anytime soon.

“Yeah, I can tell,” she said, sniggering, grinning proudly. “I’m so happy for you.” She hugged them both before moving to the door, smiling at Ramos as she did. “I’ll let you have some privacy, hm? Just do me a favor and don’t panic.”

And with a little wave, she was gone, leaving Ramos grimacing guiltily. He definitely deserved that reminder.

“Panic? I never panic,” Kai said, shaking his head before turning to Ramos again, hugging him tighter. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Ramos said quietly, melting into the hug. “I was so…” He swallowed, sighing. “I was heartbroken over thinking you left K’arhan without even saying goodbye.”

Kai hummed sadly, kissing the top of Ramos’ head, much to his surprise. Ramos couldn’t help but smile at that. It made his insides flutter pleasantly.

“I’m sorry for—”

Ramos shook his head. “It’s okay. You did the right thing. I understand. I am just glad you are back.”

“Did you really miss me that much?” Kai asked in a teasing voice, wagging his eyebrow, which made Ramos scoff playfully.

“Yes. I did.”

Kai brushed his thumb over Ramos’ cheek, making him blink and blush a bit. “I’m not leaving again, hm?” He grinned impishly. “You can’t get rid of me that easily.”

Ramos huffed out a laugh, shaking his head at how ridiculous Kai was being.

“You look really nice when you smile,” Kai said, his eyes shining with joy. Ramos hadn’t even realized he was smiling, but of course, he was. How could he not be?

This thing between them—it just felt right. He’d been a fool to not even give them a chance. And Kai had been so nice to him the entire time. It just made guilt twist his insides more, but Ramos pushed through it, smiling even more.

“You do, as well.”

Feeling brave all of a sudden, Ramos leaned in before he allowed himself to think about it too much, planting a kiss on Kai’s cheek.

He drew back almost immediately, his cheeks warm, but a small laugh made its way out of his mouth when he saw Kai blushing too, grinning so brightly.

Ramos blushed harder, grinning as he readjusted his glasses, not sure what to do with himself. But as Kai held him tighter, putting his chin on top of Ramos’ head, he realized that he didn’t need to know what to do with himself.

He could just be, and that was enough. And he knew that whatever the future brought, he wanted to be with Kai.