Penned Sea Hearts

The moment one of the nurses told Kai which room his mother was in, he bolted, swimming rapidly up the tall tower of the hospital, looking for the right number and then barging in when he did.

He feared the worst, his heart clenching in his chest, his insides twisted into knots, but when he swung the door open, he had to stop for a second, his eyes going wide.

Looking back at him was his mother, clad in a hospital gown, hovering by the window, beaming at him once she got over her shock.

Kai didn’t hesitate for even a second, rushing to her, pulling her into a desperate hug, trying to be gentle but not really succeeding.

“Mom! I was so worried!” he cried immediately, going a mile a minute. “I got a letter about you getting admitted here but I got it way too late because I’ve been away for a while, and—”

“Shh, baby, it’s okay,” she interrupted him, her voice soothing as she pulled away just enough to grin at him.

But her eyes were tired, her arms hugging him weak. It was clear that she wasn’t okay. But Kai supposed she hadn’t been okay in years. He still remembered it so well when it had started. First, it had been headaches, then debilitating migraines, slowly turning into pain in other parts of her body along with the migraines.

Until finally she had to have been admitted to this same hospital. She would have died a long time ago if not for the magical treatments that Kai had managed to get for her.

And Kai was more than happy to pay for it all, of course. He would do anything to help her. But it changed nothing about how afraid he was of emergencies like this. Because no matter how much money he gave his mom’s doctors, they could only do so much.

“I was so worried about you. I wondered if maybe you….”

Kai doesn’t have to finish the sentence for her to understand what he means. She patted his head with a small, sad smile on her face.

“I was worried, too, for a moment. I would hate to leave you without saying goodbye,” she said as she stroked a thumb over his cheek. “But the doctors here managed to fix it.”

“What even happened?” asked Kai, frowning, helping his mother sit on the bed, settling himself down on the chair next to it.

His mother shrugged, flicking her bronze tail as she got comfortable. “I fainted out of nowhere. And then woke up here. I felt awful, but I got better pretty quickly. And now I’m mostly back to normal.”

As normal as she could be, Kai thought grimly, nodding. The fact that it wasn’t even clear what had happened worried him very much. Gods only knew how much time his mom had left. But he shouldn’t think about that. The important thing was that she was still here now and she wasn’t in any danger.

“I’m okay, Kai, I promise.”

Kai hugged her again, so tightly he was sure he was making it hard for her to breathe, but he couldn’t stop, especially not when she started stroking his hair, shushing him.

It was only then that he realized he was crying. Letting go he blinked his tears away, laughing breathlessly. “Sorry, I was just so scared.”

“Hey, don’t apologize.” His mom smiled at him so warmly before poking one of his ears, both of them chuckling. “I’m just glad you’re here with me.”

She hugged him that time, both of them taking a deep breath before separating. “You said you’ve been away?”

Kai smiled, nodding, stretching out his tail, finally getting a little comfortable now that he was properly assured that his mother wasn’t going to die right this moment. His heart was still clenching at the thought, though.

“Yeah, so I went to this signing in K’arhan, right? And—” He paused, his eyes going wide when he realized that he’d left the town without even telling Rami why or where he was going.

Guilt stirred up in him as the reality of it fully hit. But there was nothing to be done about it. He’d already left, and sending him a letter explaining would do nothing because he would get back sooner than a letter would arrive.

This really sucked, but there was no use feeling bad. Ramos would probably enjoy Kai being away for a while, anyway, especially after yesterday evening.

“What is it?” his mother asked, making Kai shake his head, ignoring all his guilt for now.

“Sorry, just realized I forgot to do something important back in K’arhan. I’ll do it when I get back. Anyway, so I went there for a signing a while ago, right?”

His mom listened intently and quietly, a small smile on her face as Kai recounted his adventures. Or misadventures, given how many times he and Ramos had had a drama going on. He hadn’t even realized that, but it had happened a lot.

“So did the signing help the library?” she asked, making Kai blink. He’d been so busy thinking about Rami that he’d not really considered that.

“I haven’t really had time to check exactly before I got that letter, but I’m sure it did,” he smiled, his gaze downcast. “Poor Rami.”

His mom took one of Kai’s hands into his. “You really like him, huh?”

Kai’s eyes flew up to meet hers, his face flushing. “W-what?”

His mother chuckled, raising an eyebrow at him. “What can you tell me about him? What’s he like?”

Kai smiled, unable not to. Despite their newfound tension, he couldn’t help but gush about Rami. “Well, he’s adorably grumpy. And a great writer. And a snappy dresser, actually, which is hilarious because he’s a cute nerd no matter what.”

He paused, his face falling a little as he finally accepted the truth. “I really do like him.”

His mom just nodded, chuckling quietly, putting a hand over her mouth. Kai pouted.

“But he doesn’t like me back.”

She frowned, leaning forward, straightening up. “Are you sure?”

Kai shrugged. “He said so yesterday.” His ears drooped a little. “Though to be fair it wasn’t a good time to bring it up. I think I spooked him.”

His mother patted his shoulder, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Maybe you did. But I think it’s worth discussing. Especially if you give him some time.”

Kai nodded, running a hand through his hair. He wasn’t really thrilled by that idea, but he knew she was completely right. If Rami didn’t want this, that would be perfectly fine, but they definitely needed to talk.

Especially after Kai had left without telling him anything. That wasn’t going to help, even if Rami enjoyed some peace and quiet. It had been very rude to do, at the very least.

“You know, it’s really funny, the way we met—he was all snobby about my books. Calling them pornography.”

His mother laughed, grinning ear to ear, though the smile didn’t completely reach her eyes. It never did when Kai talked about his books, though he couldn’t blame her. He couldn’t have lied to her about not really enjoying writing only romances anymore, and ever since then, she—while never saying it directly—had felt guilty over it.

Which was ridiculous. Kai had nothing to complain about. His writing brought in enough money to get her treatments and let him live more than comfortably. But this was a major factor in why he was afraid of switching genres. Or even being more adventurous with the romance.

What if whatever he wrote out of love and passion bombed? How long could he sustain everything without a new book bringing in money? He was a fairly quick writer, but it would still mean months without his regular income.

It simply seemed too risky. But he truly hated that his mom blamed herself for it. At the end of the day, it wasn’t that big of a deal. Kai could deal with it.

“Well, anyway, get this, right,” Kai continues, sniggering as he remembers that afternoon. “Rami starts to spite-read one of my books. And then he gets progressively more and more annoyed because he enjoyed it.”

They both started laughing, his mother actually laughing a bit more than even Kai himself, wincing as it turned into more of a giggling. Kai grimaced at that, but as his mother quickly recovered, he let out a sigh of relief.

“I can’t believe he decided to read one of your books out of spite, only for it to backfire like that,” she said, laughing again, her gills fluttering wildly as she tried to catch her breath. “Good, though. Your books are very good. You deserve recognition.”

Kai chuckled. “I mean, I do have a lot of fans who buy them. So I think I get it.”

His mother’s smile turned a bit sad then. “I mean recognition for being good. Have you seen some of the things that sell well in the romance genre?”

Kai grinned. He knew his mother read a lot. She had ever since she’d grown too sick to work. But he hadn’t known she had strong opinions about the quality of what she read. She’d always seemed more focused on her enjoyment rather than anything else, and her enjoyment seemed to focus on characters mostly.

“You write really well, baby. People should notice.”

Kai smiled at her, his heart fluttering. Even though he wasn’t really sure of that, he was touched by her words. It had simply always been difficult to measure success in terms of writing quality. If he looked at his income, that was easy to measure. But if he wrote well? That was much less clear.

“Well, I guess someone did,” he joked, grinning at her. “Begrudgingly.”

“I’m sure he’ll read more of your books if he liked one.” His mom was smiling at him, but there was something unreadable in her expression, just under the surface.

“What?”

“I just….” She shrugged, letting out a little laugh. “I’ve never seen you like this.”

Kai blinked, tilting his head as he shifted his tail, not sure if he should be nervous. “Like what?”

“Talking about someone like this.”

Kai blushed a bit, chuckling, his turn to shrug now. “I dunno what to tell you. Never really been interested in someone on this level.”

His mother nodded, smiling at him. “It’s cute.” Then her face turned more serious, her eyebrows drawing together. “Though maybe don’t let it blind you too much.”

It was a wonder who she was implicitly talking about. Couldn’t be his absentee father. Definitely not.

“I wouldn’t worry about that. Rami is like those clams he likes to eat—hard on the outside, but when he opens up, you realize that he’s all gooey and soft.” He nods, proud of himself. “Good metaphor, I should use that somewhere.”

His mother chuckled, waving her arm as if to say it wasn’t that good, an impish smile on her face.

“Hey!”

They both started laughing hard, and Kai couldn’t lie—it felt really good to be able to do that. He tended to visit his mom every other week, but he should do it more often. His writing could take slowing down a bit.

They talked for hours and hours about nothing in particular, switching topics from reading, to a play his mom had seen recently, to Kai’s latest book and his struggles to finish it.

By the end of it, Kai really felt pleasantly spent, feeling so much lighter even though he hadn’t shared anything that significant that was bothering him.

It had simply felt good to catch up.

“I’ll be here for a few more days,” his mother said as she yawned. When Kai looked at her properly, he noticed that her eyes really were drooping. Only looking outside to see how dark the ocean had gotten made him realize they’d talked the whole afternoon away.

“Okay, I’ll stay with you. Just need to figure out how to sleep in here,” he said, laughing, though he was entirely serious. But his mom shook her head.

“No, sweetie, you should go back to K’arhan and talk to your Rami. Then come back here.”

Her eyes were closed now, but she was very clearly still awake, the smirk on her face more than proof of that.

“I don’t wanna leave you,” he argued, folding his arms. “Rami can wait for a bit.”

But his mom shook her head. “The sooner you two talk the sooner you’ll stop being distracted by what-ifs.”

Kai raised his index finger, about to argue, but then he frowned, not really coming up with anything convincing. Dammit, she had a point.

“Ugh, fine. But I’ll come back as soon as that’s done, okay?” He took her hand into his, prompting her to open her eyes a crack and smile at him, nodding.

“Bring him with you if he wants. I’d love to meet him.”

Kai grinned, nodding furiously. “If Rami wants to be with me, I’ll make sure he meets you. Obviously.”

She nods again, closing her eyes and letting out a sigh, her gills fluttering. She looked so peaceful. Kai was immediately filled with anxiety about her dying while he wasn’t here, but he pushed that down.

Because she was right. If he kept worrying about Rami, he wouldn’t fully focus on her, and that wasn’t fair. With a sigh, he said his goodbye, though at that point his mom was already asleep.

He needed to trust the doctors here that they’d take care of her. Everything would be fine.

It was time to go. He was going to set things right, whether Rami wanted to talk or not. Because they needed to talk, they truly did.

And there was no putting it off.