Outliers

Homesick. And not sure where home is.

- The Wanderer

Two weeks in Colorado hadn’t stopped my nightly thoughts from straying to Jack. While the inner pack at Colorado had been nothing but accommodating, they were still strangers to me, and I missed my friends back in Idaho with every passing minute. Wolves were pack creatures, and that fact had never felt truer to me before now. They hadn’t initiated me into Colorado yet; there were still two more weeks until my probationary period was complete, yet I was no longer a part of Idaho. I was a wolf without a pack, with my family and closest friend miles away from me.

Even now, as I lay in bed icing my ribs from another morning sparring session with Alpha Harris, I couldn’t help my mind wandering to my lifelong friend, Jack. As cruel as it seemed to my family, he was who I missed the most, who my heart ached for. I missed his teasing smile and the light in his eyes as he laughed, his comforting embrace when he hugged me - no matter how many times I’d tried to fight it - and the way he just knew whenever something was wrong.

That was how Sandra found me, just after lunch, laying in bed moping at the loss of my old Alpha. Above the sound of my music playing quietly as I was all too aware of how sensitive a wolfs hearing could be and didn’t want to be disturbing everyone else in the house - I first heard her approaching footsteps before I heard her voice.

“Hey, Emily...” Sandra’s voice called out to me before she appeared in my bedroom doorway. Her usual sportswear missing, Sandra had dressed in ripped black baggy jeans and a white v neck shirt with some killer looking black boots that I was sure could stomp a wolf to death. Her jet black hair, sleek and as straight as always, pared with deep ruby lipstick against her porcelain skin, had her looking fierce. If I were a lesser wolf, I’d have flinched just in her presence.

Leaning against the wooden frame, she awkwardly rubbed the back of her neck, the muscles in her toned arms flexing. Despite how powerful she appeared, she didn’t seem as confident and assured as she usually did. “So I was wondering if, uh...” Sandra cleared her throat.

“What’s up?” I asked with a slight groan as I tried to sit up, my ribs screaming in protest. I knew if I was a regular wolf, the pain would be nothing more than a weak twinge by now. But, unlike a regular wolf, my healing was slower, which had been one of the main reasons Jack had never let me spar with other wolves.

“I was wondering - if you weren’t busy - if you wanted to go into the nearest town with me. We can buy you anything you might need; Harris told me he’d made you leave pretty suddenly from your pack, so you probably left a lot behind.”

They had rushed me into packing my belongings and saying goodbye to my family. But after reflection, it was probably better everything had happened that way. The thought of a prolonged goodbye, of having an entire week to prepare to leave, it would have crushed me. To be with Jack for an entire week, knowing it would be our last, would have made everything ten times harder.

But there really hadn’t been much to pack for my transferral to Colorado. I didn’t own many decorations or flourishes in my bedroom, unlike my sister Margaret, who had decorated every inch of her own home. I was happy with my plain white walls and plain grey bedding. Perhaps a few photo frames would have been nice to put my photographs in, but it seemed pointless to make a trip to the nearest town just for that. Truthfully, I had probably brought more with me than most wolves who transferred packs, thanks to us using a car, and other than a few personal items, I had nothing I was particularly attached.

“Oh no, it’s really fine,” I assured, hunched over slightly, hand pressed tight to my abdomen. “I don’t really need much.” A glance around my room showed as much. Simple was my comfort.

“Okay,” Sandra nodded, still lingering in the doorway. She scanned my bedroom, taking in the mostly plain room, some of my folded clean clothes I had yet to put away, and a couple tiny photos of my family and jack and I tacked to the wall. “It’s not a bother though. I’d actually hoped for us to spend some time together. And I figured we might as well spend our time doing something useful and buy some stuff to decorate your room, maybe some cushions and throws? I know you’re probably used to your pack making that sort of stuff, but well, we’re not too good at crafts here. I can’t remember the last time I picked up a needle.”

“You guys can’t sew?” I asked in shock.

“You can?” Sandra asked, seeming just as surprised.

“Why is that so shocking?” I chuckled, the laugh quickly turning to a wince at the ache that followed.

“Well, what with, you know,” she gestured to me vaguely. Only continuing after a raised brow from me. “Sewing’s such a feminine thing and you’re more... I don’t know... like me.”

Had my mom been here to hear Sandra’s misguided words, she would have sure liked to put the wolf in her place. Mom, despite being the only human in the pack, was awfully good at intimidating some of the wolves when they tried to belittle those that fulfilled the cooking, sewing and crafting roles of the pack. According to her, ‘the pack wouldn’t last a damn day without someone putting meals on their table and sewing their bedsheets’.

“Sewing’s such a valuable skill,” I stressed, honestly confused how no one in the pack was apparently competent in the craft. “How do you guys repair your clothes?”

“We just buy new ones,” Sandra shrugged, as if it was obvious.

“That’s terrible coming from a pack that has reusable water bottles and grows their own vegetables. Though I’m understanding how you’re all apparently bad at cooking too if you deem that feminine work.”

“Hey!” Sandra huffed, crossing her arms. “We’re doing just fine as a pack.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Just fine can be improved upon. We’re absolutely going to town now so we can buy textiles supplies. It’s clear I’m going to have to teach you guys some things. It’s a good thing I have some money,” I assured, thinking of the last of my allowance from Idaho.

Since the packs weren’t integrated with the humans, wolves didn’t have human jobs to earn money and a small allowance was given to each pack member. I wasn’t sure what the pack - or more rightly, the Alpha and Betas - did to earn the money. I had never asked, but it was mainly used to buy food and supplies that we didn’t hunt for or make ourselves. I hadn’t thought to ask about an allowance in Colorado, not that I would use it all that much.

My mom would definitely have a heart attack if she heard that no one in the Colorado pack could sew or cook. I was damn thankful she had installed the skills into me as a child. And if I never had any kids of my own, at least I’d be comforted knowing that I’d passed down the skills to an entire group of people.

***

“What kind of underwear do you wear?”

“What?” My head shot towards Sandra and away from the plastic tub of lacy pants in front of me. We had already been in the underwear shop for a total of ten minutes - I had grown bored within the first two. But Sandra had insisted we go inside just to look.

So far, she had dragged me around a whole variety of shops that I had never stepped into before. Whenever I accompanied my mom into the human towns, there were distinct shops we visited and it was never a fancy place like this.

“Well, I mainly wear thongs and bralettes – what with my boobs being so small.” She cupped her small chest to demonstrate her point. “What kind do you prefer?”

“Oh, just comfortable stuff: shorts, sports bras.” I had yet to see a sports section in this store, and from the general delicate, lacy tone I doubted they even had any.

“You don’t own anything fancy?” Sandra asked, shocked for some reason. She was holding a sheer, flowery bra in her hands, inspecting the embroidery. I don’t know why she was surprised by my confession. She had thought me not feminine enough to sew, but apparently feminine enough to wear lacy, delicate underwear.

“What do I need fancy underwear for?” I couldn’t help but laugh. Sports bras always did me fine. Most of my days in Idaho, I’d always been busy training, running around doing errands for Jack or exploring the territory. I needed something sturdy.

“I forgot you’re practically a second Lorcan.” Sandra rolled her eyes, moving onto an entire wall of matching bras and pants. There were so many styles I didn’t understand how she knew what to look for.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, unoffended.

“You’re a train-a-holic, I know all about your training sessions with Harris in the morning before even Lorcan is out on the field, but I also know you’re out there before even Harris, running drills by yourself and doing pullups on the bars. I imagine you favour practicality over aesthetics?”

“How long have you been watching me?” I was more than a little perturbed. I hadn’t noticed anyone watching me, other than the few official pack members that would return from the inner territory patrols each morning. Even they had kept mostly to themselves, perhaps only offering me a short greeting as they passed. But if Sandra had been watching me each morning, had Alpha Harris seen me too?

“I’m curious about you,” Sandra shrugged, unapologetic for spying on me. “You’re an oddity in this pack and I don’t much like surprises.”

She was still examining different styles of underwear, picking up a royal blue pair of panties and holding them up in front of me as if to check they would fit.

“How about I buy you a nice set? Nothing too out there, so you don’t feel uncomfortable.”

I eyed what she was holding, and then one of the nearest price tags, my heart almost skipping a beat. They were more expensive than anything I’d bought before.

“I don’t know...” I trailed off, biting my lip. “That’s real nice, but I don’t want you to waste your money.”

Sandra waved me off, already back to examining the enormous wall.

“It’s really fine. I’m old. I’ve got more money saved up than I use.” I wanted to ask how old, but was smart enough to know that some wolves became sensitive around the subject, though I couldn’t fathom why. The age of the wolf correlated to power and strength. The older you were, the longer you had survived, the more skilled you were.

I couldn’t imagine Sandra was young like me and Nero, two wolves who looked their age. She was surely an old wolf, just from the way she carried herself - so assured and aware of her surroundings. She was clearly a wolf who had spent years honing her skills and her craft. I had only witnessed her hunt once, when Alpha Harris and I had strayed too close to the hunting pack one morning during training, and it had been glorious. She was quicker and stealthier than any wolf I had ever seen before. Her prey was down before they were even aware she was there. Even the other hunters with her had seemed impressed, as if even after every hunt they’d shared, they still couldn’t believe what a weapon Sandra was.

While I didn’t know Alpha Harris’ exact age, he was one of the oldest Alphas alongside Alaska and Minnesota. Was Sandra’s age parallel to the Alpha’s? How long had Sandra and Alpha Harris known each other?

“How’s things between you and the Alpha?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking. If Sandra found my sudden change of topic odd, she didn’t show it.

“Harris?” she murmured, reading the label of a lacy object intently. “Things are fine, the same as usual.”

“It’s not weird now that you’re...” Heat grew quickly across my face. “You know, not sleeping with each other?”

“Not at all. We were always friends long before anything sexual happened between us. He’s my Alpha, and I’m his Head Hunter. Our pack-mate relationship can exist outside of any other bonds.”

“And if he tried to initiate something again? Would you?”

Sandra eyed me for a moment before asking, “What about you and Harris?”

“What about us?”

“You spend a lot of time together, alone,” she shrugged, “I thought maybe...”

“No, no, of course not. It’s just training. I’ve never thought of him in that way,” I assured, even as a small part of me screamed, liar. It was hard not to appreciate his body when I spent every morning pressed against it, or when the sun gleamed against his skin in the just the right way that he seemed to glow. But I had to push that part of me back. It was all superficial, anyway. I wasn’t here to complicate things with another Alpha.

“It wouldn’t bother me, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“There’s nothing between us. And I’m certain he feels the same way,” I assured firmly.

A human woman walked by us, offering a friendly smile to Sandra, of which the female reciprocated. Her eyes followed the humans path through the store before she sighed and turned back towards me.

“It’s a shame humans are so breakable. Not worth the effort.”

And that was the end of our conversation. She was off again, stalking out of the store with purpose as she dragged me into another shop.

But my mind was still stuck on Alpha Harris.

***

“I thought you said you were going out to buy cushions and stuff,” Nero mumbled, rifling through our shopping bags as soon as I placed them onto the kitchen counter like a child desperately looking for snacks. He pulled out the pack of sewing needles and thread I’d bought, pulling a face. “I wanted to help decorate your room.”

We had only just returned to find the inner pack - Alpha Harris, Adriel and Lorcan - and Nero in the kitchen. Alpha Harris hadn’t even looked up as we entered the room, sat at the large dining table with paperwork spread out in front of him, a plate of half eaten food and a large mug of coffee. I had no idea what paper work was even required of Colorado, but I sure as hell wasn’t about to ask as I spied the fierce scowl warping his face.

I quickly forced myself to drag my attention away.

“I’m sure Emily doesn’t want your poor taste helping her,” Adriel scoffed, flicking through paperwork of his own as he sat across from his Alpha. The Beta’s hair was tied back in a tight bun, and despite that fact that he hadn’t even looked up at his nephew, Nero held up his middle finger to his uncle with a sneer.

“Blagh, blagh, blagh, I’m Adriel, I’m a million years old and yet I know nothing, I’m such a dick, blagh, blagh,” Nero mocked in a whiny, high-pitched voice. He was glaring at the older wolf, not even looking through the bags as he unpacked more of our purchases for me. “That’s what you sound like, by the way.”

“You’re both children,” I laughed, busy putting away all the new spices I had bought in one of the kitchen cupboards. Apparently, salt, pepper, and the occasional stock pot were all that existed in this kitchen. No wonder everyone thought they couldn’t cook if all they made was bland food. “And to answer your question, Nero, I don’t give a shit if there’s a thousand cushions on my bed or not, it’d be a waste of money. The only thing that has ever decorated my bedroom is a deerskin rug that Alpha Athan gifted me from one of his hunts. I am a bit upset I didn’t bring it with me, actually.”

“That’s so romantic,” Sandra cooed, resting her chin on her hands as she propped her elbows on the kitchen counter. She turned to scowl at everyone in the kitchen. “No one’s hunted anything for me before.”

“You’re the Head Hunter. You should hunt things for us,” Lorcan chastised. “Where’s my deer skin rug, Sandra?” In the time that I had been in Colorado, I’d learnt that Lorcan wasn’t always as tense and intimidating as he seemed. While I rarely saw him take a break from his duties, he did occasionally join in on the jokes and teasing that the rest of the inner pack - bar Alpha Harris - seemed to love so much.

“Please,” she uttered, rolling her eyes. “Do you know how much effort goes into making something like that? I don’t like you that much, Lorcan. I hunt your food, that should be enough. Don’t be greedy.”

“You bought a plant?” Nero exclaimed, interrupting the two older wolves, pulling out a large leafy plant in a green speckled pot. It had been on sale and I hadn’t been able to resist, especially as Sandra was so happy I’d finally shown an interest in something she’d refused to leave the shop until I bought it.

“I’ve always wanted a ton of plants. I would always try to bring them inside when I was younger but my mom wouldn’t have it, claiming that as she had to ‘live in a damn forest, there was no way in hell the damn forest was coming inside her house’, and Sandra insisted I needed something to brighten up my room.”

“You really do,” Sandra stressed, taking the plant out of Nero’s hands and tucking it under her arm. “Your room looks plainer than a Swedish prison cell.”

“And how do you know what a Swedish prison cell looks likes?” Nero’s eyes narrowed.

“Went to visit Adriel’s home town once. Maybe I caused little too much havoc,” Sandra grinned, a vicious smile that had a smirk curving across my own lips. “The stupid humans thought they could keep me locked up.” This female was certainly something else. It was as if everything I had ever wanted to be was formed into one perfect female wolf. I had yet to see her spar, but knew without a doubt that this female could tear me to shreds if she wanted to.

Turning on her heels, Sandra called over her shoulder, “Come on, Nero, you can help us put Emily’s one decoration in her room.”

The two wolves had spent at least an hour in my bedroom with me after that, talking about random shit and ribbing the hell out of each other until the older wolf was dragging Nero out and reminding him it was time for their session with the other trainees. Apparently, there were a lot of skills to be learnt by stalking through the forest at night. They wouldn’t be back until morning, and Nero had complained about it all the way out of the house and across the field to where the other trainees awaited Sandra’s commands.

Not long after, as I was settling into a peaceful relaxation in my room, finally enjoying a break from anyone else in the pack, the loud thud of a pair of heavy feet on my wooden floor boards interrupted me.

He hadn’t caught me by surprise, not that I thought he had tried to. I had heard his heavy footfalls all the way from the floor above me as he all but stomped his way down the staircase. I wasn’t sure if his loud descent was purposeful. Perhaps the Alpha thought he needed to be louder around me; that my hearing was as poor as a human’s.

“Come with me,” Alpha Harris commanded, suddenly in the doorway to my bedroom. He’d changed out of his earlier clothes, only dressed in some black sports shorts and his trainers. I tried my best not to stare. Luckily, he didn’t wait for a response before already stalking away from me, arrogantly assuming that I would follow without a bat of his eyes.

Of course I did follow. But I couldn’t help myself. I was too curious not to find out whatever it was Alpha Harris wanted me for.

“Where are we going?” I called after him, scrambling to my feet. “Do I need my shoes? A Jacket?” He didn’t respond. I grabbed the nearest sweatshirt and the pair of trainers I’d left discarded at the foot of my bed, shoving them on quickly.

“Damn Alpha,” I grumbled under my breath, running out and following Harris’ scent downstairs.

“Hurry up.”

I reached the bottom of the stairs, just as I saw Alpha Harris’ retreating figure through the front door. Mouthing a repeated ‘hurry up’ in a silent childish way, I passed Adriel leaving the kitchen, his paperwork tucked under his arm. I couldn’t understand why he and Alpha Harris hadn’t worked in the conference room or office on the top floor. Surely the kitchen would only bring them distractions from their work as the pack filtered in and out looking for food. He only quirked an eyebrow at me in amusement, shaking his head.

“So immature, Emily,” he chastised.

“Oh yeah, I’m the immature one of the two of us.” I rolled my eyes, but stopped just before I left the house. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?”

“Sorry,” he shrugged, feigning cluelessness. His smirk suggested otherwise, though.

“Emily!” Alpha Harris snapped from outside. I groaned, dragging my feet as I obediently followed.

“Have fun!” Adriel called behind me, snickering. I shot him a departing, withering look.

As soon as I was outside, I shared said look with the scowling Alpha who was waiting for me. With his arms crossed tight and the impatience clear as day on his face, he spun on his heels and stalked away from me, grumbling to himself.

I didn’t hear what he said.

“What are we doing?” I huffed, following nonetheless.

“Training,” he only grunted. He was leading me into the woods, but unlike our familiar running path, we were heading in a completely opposite direction. Unlike a lot of routes on the territory, mostly used for those wolves that patrolled the pack lands, the path we were taking was untouched. Apart from the Alpha’s own faint scent, there were very few other wolves who had ventured this way in a while.

“We trained this morning.”

“Are you saying you don’t want extra training?” He shot me a sardonic look over his shoulder. Now it was my turn to scowl. I wisely didn’t say anything though, as he lead me deeper into the trees.

Until 10 minutes later, when my impatience was wearing thin.

“Alpha Harris,” I called out to where he was a few feet ahead of me.

“Harris,” he grunted out, correcting me, and I was sure I heard him huff to himself.

“Right, right, Harris.” I rolled my eyes. “How much longer until we get to wherever you’re taking us?”

“We’re here,” he answered abruptly, pushing through a thick overgrowth or trees and bushes, holding up a thick branch for me to pass under.

And when I emerged from the other side of the overgrowth, the scenary presented to me rendered me speechless.