Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

The next day, I got up earlier than I was used to, but I had a good reason for it, and I was excited.

Trying not to make noise, I turned to the girl sleeping next to me. She was out like a light, and I watched her, amused. She was small, but she wriggled around like a frantic little animal, and that reminded me of a certain someone who was sleeping nearby. Her little body was splayed out, taking up almost all the bed. I barely had room to move.

I didn’t want to wake Maddie while getting dressed. The sun wasn’t up yet, so I’d need to turn on the lights. I got up carefully and picked her up, knowing she was so deeply asleep that at most she’d murmur before dropping off again.

She wrapped her little hands around my neck as I walked out of the bedroom cradling her like a little monkey. I wasn’t sure taking her to what would now be her bedroom was a smart idea; I didn’t want her to open her eyes and be scared when no one was there, and so I stopped next to Nick’s room. I could leave her there, they could sleep in, and when she opened her eyes, she’d have her brother next to her, making her feel safe.

I opened the door slowly. I felt uncomfortable invading Nick’s privacy. I’d gone in there dozens of times before so we could sleep together and wake up in each other’s arms. But I wiped those thoughts from my mind. Nick was deep asleep, spread out on the bed, his room pitch-dark. I left the door open so I could see a bit and came close, setting the little girl down next to him. As soon as she touched the mattress, she curled up and started sucking her thumb, as tranquil as she’d been just moments before.

But then I felt nervous. I tugged on the blanket to cover her up. Nicholas was never cold; he had left the heat off, and the room was ice-cold.

The blanket was stuck between his legs, and no matter how softly I pulled on it, it was impossible not to wake Nick. He smiled, and I stopped cold.

He reached out, grabbed my arm, and pulled me until I was sitting on the bed.

“What are you doing, Freckles, spying on me?” he asked. The question made my heart pound. A year—it had been a year since he’d used that name to refer to me.

He sat up, and his mouth sought mine without further prelude. It was an innocent kiss, strange, and I jerked away as if burned by fire. That brought Nick back to reality. He opened his eyes, looked around, saw his sister, then me, and cursed.

“I just thought for a second—”

“I know,” I cut him off.

I understood perfectly what had happened.

I got up, hoping to disappear.

“I just brought Mad; I didn’t want her to wake up without someone next to her.”

Nick nodded, looking at her and then me.

“Wait, why…? Where are you going?” he asked, throwing off the blanket and running a hand across his face.

“I’ve got stuff to do… Errands.” I wasn’t going to tell him where I was going. We’d already been through that. Nicholas nodded, then opened his eyes wide when he realized what I was hiding from him.

“No way!” he exclaimed, too loudly.

“Shhh,” I hissed. “You’re going to wake her up.”

Nick stood, grabbed my arm, and guided me into his bathroom, shutting the door behind himself and looking at me condescendingly.

“You’re out of your mind,” he said, but I could tell he was amused.

“Drop it! Stop laughing at me. It’s a tradition. I like it… You’ll just have to accept it!”

Nick shook his head incredulously. “You hate shopping; you talk trash about your mom because she’s always out buying stuff, then Black Friday comes, and all of a sudden, you’re a compulsive shopper. You want to tell me why?”

“I already did before,” I said, trying to get past him, but he stood in my way with that damned body of his. He was smiling… Nicholas was smiling as he looked at me. That caught me off guard enough that I let him keep me there.

“Black Friday, shop till you drop, the stores open at six, you can get hot chocolate…” he said, trying and failing to impersonate me.

I was surprised he remembered what I’d said about that day since it had been two years ago. “If you know, why are you asking?”

He shook his head. “I’d hoped you would have grown up by now and gotten over all that stupid Christmas shit.”

He was joking, but I didn’t like that grown up comment. I remembered what he’d said to me at his apartment in New York, and I was livid. “Just leave me alone, okay?”

I walked out before he could say another word. Sometimes I forgot how stupid he could be.

A half hour later, I was in the kitchen in my black jeans and my ragged white sweatshirt. I wanted to be comfortable. Black Friday was a gauntlet, but I was an ace at finding the best sales.

It was early, but Nick and Maddie were up five minutes after I’d poured my coffee. Both were in pajamas, and their hair looked like they’d touched a live wire. Nick was holding Mad up on one shoulder, and she laughed when he pretended he might drop her. Seeing me sitting there, Madison struggled until her brother let her go and she could run up and sit beside me. I helped her into the chair while Nick poured a coffee for himself.

“I want the same thing as Noah!” she said, bouncing up and down and pointing at my chocolate doughnut.

Nick frowned. “Check your blood sugar first, midget,” he said, handing her the monitor and a glass of warm milk.

She sighed, but she did as he asked. I watched her, unable to believe a seven-year-old girl could do that on her own. Nick was busy beating eggs. I felt like I should do something.

“Can I help you, kiddo?” I asked, even though I had no idea about insulin or blood sugar or anything else.

“I can do it,” she said, taking out a strip and a little plastic lancet. She placed it over her finger and hit a button, and after a click, a drop of blood welled up. I was amazed by how calmly she did that, and she had to three times a day. That was how it had been ever since she’d been diagnosed. She squeezed the blood onto the strip and put it into the machine. A few moments later, she read the results out loud.

“We’re out of doughnuts, Mad, but I have cookies and an apple,” Nick said, bringing everything over, along with his cup of coffee, while Maddie sulked.

Of course there were more doughnuts. I cursed the moment I’d decided to eat one that morning. I didn’t want to make the little thing jealous, so I picked mine up and dropped it in the trash.

“I don’t like those cookies,” she said, crossing her arms.

Nick expelled a breath of air. “They’re the same ones as always, Madison, and you do like them.”

“No!” she shouted, jumping up and trying to run off.

Nick caught her in midflight just as Will appeared in the doorway in his pajamas, his face showing little love for his son.

“What’s all this racket?” he asked, looking around. When his eyes settled on me, he asked, “Why are you dressed?”

I rolled my eyes and walked past him to take Nick’s eggs off the burner. I scooped them onto a plate and brought them over while Maddie gawked at her father.

“Eat your breakfast,” her brother ordered her, putting her back in her seat.

Will poured himself a coffee and picked up his newspaper off the table. Only then did he realize the three of us were looking at him.

I motioned in Maddie’s direction, and he realized he needed to address her.

He cleared his throat. “How’d you sleep, Maddie?”

She sank her cookie into her glass of milk, ate it, and replied, “I slept with Nick and Noah.”

William almost choked on his coffee. “What in the name of…?!” He set his mug down.

After a quick glance at me, Nicholas tried to explain. His father eventually calmed down, but his mood didn’t seem to improve. I needed to get out of there.

“I’m going,” I said, grabbing my bag and depositing my cup in the sink.

William’s eyebrows arched. “You’re really going to do it?”

Nick tried to hide his grin behind his coffee. I wanted to throw my bag at his head.

“Yes, William, I’m going shopping. It may be like walking voluntarily into Hell, but I’m doing it because I’m a masochist, okay?” I replied with irritation just as my mother walked in.

Christ. I’d forgotten what it meant to live in that house.

“Watch out for avalanches, Noah,” she told me as she walked past me.

I shook my head, digging in my purse for my keys.

“Where you going, Noah?” Maddie asked.

“I’m going shopping, Mad,” I said before anyone else could say anything stupid. That excited the little girl, and she didn’t try to hide it.

“I want to go shopping!” she screamed, surprising us all.

William looked over the edge of his newspaper. “Like mother, like daughter,” he said, then resumed reading.

I smiled; Nick groaned.

“Did you hear that, Nick? Maddie wants to go shopping,” I said. I couldn’t have been more amused.

He scowled and looked at his sister. “No, Mad wants to go to the beach with me, isn’t that right, midget?”

She filled her lungs with air before responding. “Noooooo!”

How sweet vengeance was!

“Come on, Madison. You told me you wanted to learn how to surf.”

“I hate surfing! I want to go to Rodeo Drive!”

Everyone but Nick exploded into laughter. He looked at her as if she’d transformed into a monster.

“Okay, I’m going,” I said, turning around.

“You don’t think I’m going to do this alone?” he said.

“Do what?” I asked, trying not to laugh.

“If I have to spend the day shopping with a seven-year-old girl, you’re going with me. Don’t even try to get out of it.”

“I’m not going to Rodeo Drive. I’m going to Beverly Center.” I was wallowing in spiteful joy.

“I’ll pick you up there at lunchtime, Noah, and you better be there when I call.”

“Nicholas…”

“And get Steve to drive you. Parking today’s going to be crazy. I’ll bring you back home.”

“I want to go in my car.”

“And I wanted to go surfing and enjoy the beach in winter, but now, thanks to you, I have to go shopping,” he said, impassive.

Ten minutes later, I was in the car with Steve on my way to one of the biggest malls in the city.

Beverly Center was located in Beverly Grove in the center of Los Angeles, ten minutes or so from Beverly Hills. I’d had to cross the city to get there, and I’d need to rush to be able to meet Nick and his sister by lunchtime, but Black Friday was worth it.

Everything was crazy as always: the people were packed in like sardines, the lines snaked out past the entryways, children were running back and forth, crying, eating candy and junk food, smearing themselves, their parents, and anyone nearby with caramel, chocolate, or ketchup. Men and women ran in and out of the different stores as if they were on the hunt.

I liked being there alone. No distractions. I was fast, too: I knew within five minutes of entering a store if I’d like anything there or not. I didn’t waste my time digging through clothing. It called to me, and if I walked in and nothing caught my eye, then I was out and that was it.

At two in the afternoon, I had almost all my Christmas shopping done. My phone dinged, and I saw Nicholas had sent me a message.

I’ll pick you up at Macys in 10.

Great… I had no desire to see him whatsoever.