Our Fault (Culpable Book 3)

I got to Will’s place at eleven in the morning, just in time to have a nice hot breakfast. My mother came out to receive me in a crocheted shawl that I imagined was way more expensive than it looked. Her blond hair was shorter than the last time I saw her, coming roughly to her shoulders. Her blue eyes looked at me with love and joy as she saw me getting out and waving to her. When I reached the top of the steps, I let her hug me.

It had been an eternity since I’d gone home.. My mother and I had seen each other, but it was always at my apartment or at some fancy restaurant. The memories of Nick wouldn’t leave me alone, and that was the reason I’d stayed away.

Now I was going to be there for two days with her and her husband. But at least I didn’t need to worry about Nick showing up for the holiday. He hated being there; he had hated it even when we were together, and there had always been fights about it. So, Thanksgiving without Nicholas: all the better for me.

I walked to the kitchen, where Will was having a pleasant chat with Prett. She hugged me and he smiled. When he gave me an embrace in turn, it was much more comforting than I’d expected. I couldn’t help but remember what my mother had told me about him. But even if he was the man she’d cheated on my father with, he had taken care of her and made her happy during a very dark period in her life. I didn’t even want to think about what might have happened if Will hadn’t checked my mother into that rehab facility, but if I had to guess, she’d probably be treading water somewhere, still damaged from years of abuse and the loss of her daughter after her supposed negligence. I’d have grown up in orphanages; they’d never have let me live with her again.

We spent the morning catching up. I didn’t want to say anything about losing my job. I didn’t want to face my mother’s disdain or hear Will say I should just focus on my studies and it would be an honor for him to help me out financially.

We talked about other things, and when the formalities were done, he said something that caught my attention.

“I had to really fight for my daughter to be able to spend Thanksgiving with us, and now I’ve got it, and I have no idea what to do to win her over.”

His daughter… Oh, Maddie, damn, of course… Is that still a delicate subject or not? I looked at my mother. She seemed relaxed, much more so than on that accursed night when all the hidden truths had come to light at once.

“Maddie’s going to be here for Thanksgiving?” I asked with slight reluctance.

I’d heard from Mom that Will was splitting custody and that they were trying to figure out how to explain to the girl what was going on.

“We need to make up for lost time,” Will said, getting up from the table and smiling. After kissing my mother on the cheek, he walked out, and I used the opportunity to find out more.

“Did you want to add something, Mom?” I asked, taking a sip of coffee.

She took a seat in front of me and sighed. “William feels guilty for everything that happened. He wants to finally get his life in order… Everything’s insane right now. I don’t think anyone would be happy to find out from one day to the next that they’ve got a seven-year-old daughter with their crazy ex-wife.”

I opened my eyes a little wider. My mother had never used that tone, at least not in front of me. It had been a tough blow for her. In the years after my father hurt me, things with William weren’t exactly easy. There were numerous arguments and breakups; things were unstable. But none of that could compare to learning after the fact that he’d gotten his wife pregnant during all that. Mom would probably never get over that.

“How are you?” I asked, feeling a little sorry for her.

“When there are kids in the middle, it always fucks things up,” she replied. If she was talking like that, it had to be bad. “The little girl doesn’t understand a thing. Will’s killed himself trying to get her to like him every time he’s gone to see her, but she’s just not having it.”

Poor Mad… so little, so sweet, so precious. I remembered the times I’d gone with Nick to Vegas to pick her up. He’d always been like a father to her. He adored her: she was his little sister, the only person who never tried his patience. It must have been horrible for her to find out her father wasn’t her father. How do you tell a child that? How do you explain it? Even for me, it wasn’t easy to understand. Suddenly, something came to my mind, something logical but that threw me into a terror.

“Mom, Nick’s not…”

I felt a knot in my stomach when I saw my mother look up from the table to me. Could she see the slow, painful panic that was taking hold of me?

“Relax. Nick hates staying here. William invited him to come, he does it every year, but I doubt Nick will say yes.”

That response wasn’t convincing, especially now that I knew his little sister was involved.

“How many days is Maddie staying here?” I asked, trying to calm my galloping heart.

“Just the weekend.”

Nick was going to come. And he’d be staying there. I knew it… Dammit. I’d have to see him again.

Thanksgiving started with a cool, rainy morning. The sky was gray, and I felt sad when I thought of the sun hidden behind it on what was supposed to be such a special day. I woke up early, too early, and put on a warm lavender-blue robe and house shoes.

My mother had said we were having guests for lunch, among them a married couple Will was friends with, who were bringing their little kids. At least Maddie will have someone to play with, I thought.

She hadn’t confirmed that Nick would stay there, so I tried to convince myself he would come, drop his sister off, and leave again to take his new girlfriend out to eat or keep working on one of his megaprojects in his new role as a big-time businessman.

I went down to the kitchen. Prett was frantic. I took a look at the turkey in the oven. It had probably already been there for several hours. On the counter were potatoes, peas, spices, and all sorts of other treats waiting to be prepared.

“Hey, Prett,” I said with a smile, sitting down and savoring the aromas.

She wiped her hands on the front of her apron and smiled. She liked me, I knew that, even if she had always taken Nicholas’s side in our arguments. I’d turned to her many times to complain about him, especially in the early months, when we were first dating. Prett had been cooking for the Leisters for years, ever since Nick was a kid, and she knew him well. She spoiled him, too. That drove me crazy sometimes.

“Can I help you?” I didn’t mind cooking. I even liked it, especially on an occasion like today. She said there was no need, but I kept pressing, and two hours later, we were both working away, peeling potatoes, boiling water, kneading dough for pumpkin and apple pies, and all kinds of other things.

The morning flew by, and when everything was ready, Prett poured two glasses of cider, and we toasted to a job well done. She also laid out delicious cheese pastries. We deserved them; we’d been cooking like master chefs.

When I saw the time, I almost jumped out of my seat. If I wanted to look good for all invited, I’d need to get a move on. I said goodbye to Prett but promised I’d lend her a hand with the turkey when she was ready.

I smelled like food and spices, so I decided to opt for a bath, pouring in the lemon and mango salts I liked so much. Then I walked into the closet to pick my outfit. I found a burgundy skirt, a little fluffy, with a closure of two black strips. It was pretty, and I matched it with a snug light-colored blouse that buttoned up the back.

In the entryway, I found my mother greeting the new arrivals, a couple with kids, eight-year-old twins with blond hair combed back, in matching shorts, shirts, and blue ties. I thought I’d seen their parents before. I assumed they were Will’s friends, judging by my mother’s enthusiastic reaction. They came over and said a cordial hello, and I forced a smile until they walked off toward the living room where the guests who’d shown up earlier had congregated. The bell rang again, and to avoid socializing, I opened the door, not thinking.

A pair of icy eyes stared straight through me when I did. I was paralyzed, speechless, staring like a stupid little girl. Contradictory emotions overwhelmed me: longing, lust, rancor, love…

It had been more than three months since I’d last seen him, but they felt like nothing. Vividly, I remembered everything we’d done that last night. Warmth suffused me, and I tried to suppress all the images in my mind unsuited to an audience under eighteen.

Damn it.

He was incredible… He was dressed in dark jeans and a white shirt with the top two buttons unbuttoned. On his feet were gray Converse. His expression was surprised. Clearly, he’d had no idea he’d see me there.

Next to him was his sister, who barely reached his waist. Her tiny hand was hidden completely inside Nick’s, and she was wearing a gray, red, and white plaid dress. Her shoes were black patent leather, and in her hair was a red ribbon that matched her dress.

I saw all that in a matter of seconds. Then Maddie recognized me, let Nick’s hand go, and took off.

“Noah!” she shouted, pressing against my legs and wrapping her arms around my waist.

My eyes met Nick’s briefly, and his initial astonishment had been replaced by a cold, impassive mask. I touched Maddie’s impeccably styled hair and tried as hard as I could not to look at him.

“Hey, precious!” I greeted her, amazed at how much bigger she’d gotten since I’d last seen her. She was going to be a stunner when she was older, and there was now no denying she was Will’s daughter. The traits she shared with Nick, which I’d mistakenly attributed to her mother, were clearly from the Leister genes. Those big eyes, those long lashes…they were natural to both Will and Nick, whereas considering Anabel’s long blond hair, his mother’s dark lashes were probably stick-ons.

Maddie stepped back, looked at Nick, looked at me, and then back at Nick. She seemed to be expecting something.

Nick stepped forward, and I stiffened as he put his hands on my waist and kissed my cheek. It was brief, barely a kiss at all, but it made every hair on my body stand on end.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Noah,” he said, pulling back.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Noah!” Maddie shouted, jumping up and down and grabbing my hand.

I understood what was going on. Nick didn’t want his little sister to know what had happened between us or that he could barely look at me without grimacing in disgust. Maddie had seen us together lots of times, had seen the way Nick hugged and kissed me, the way we laughed…Nick had told her thousands of times that we were his girls, his favorite girls, and he loved us like mad.

You could have cut the tension with a knife. The atmosphere was icy. The kiss he’d given me couldn’t have been faker or more forced. I had no idea if Maddie had noticed, but if she thought she’d see the same Nick and Noah as before, she was wrong. I wasn’t going to pretend in front of her. I couldn’t bear it. Nicholas had hurt me, I’d hurt him, too, but I’d always been honest about how I felt.

I’m sorry to say this, Noah, but with her, everything’s easy. There’s no drama, no problems. Sophia’s a woman, not a little girl.

I pursed my lips and glared at him, then forced a smile and brought Maddie inside.

Nicholas followed me, taking off his coat and hanging it on the rack. Maddie didn’t seem so happy once she was inside, and soon, she was frowning. She looked scared, then irritated. I kneeled and took off her red coat. I reached up to pass it to Nicholas, who hung it next to his.

Will and my mother appeared in the vestibule. Nick walked up beside Maddie, and she stood there between us, hiding her head behind my body. Suddenly, she was nervous and timid.

“Hey, Maddie!” my mother greeted her nervously. “I’m Noah’s mom. Can I see that beautiful dress you’ve got on?”

Maddie looked up at me once she realized it was my mother. I smiled, as though encouraging her to come out from her hiding place.

“You’re Noah’s mom?” she asked, looking her up and down, now curious.

“Yes, I’m Noah’s mom, and I’m also married to your daddy, Will,” she answered, coming a little closer. Will’s anxiety was palpable. I’d never seen him like that, and it made me realize how important the weekend was for him.

Maddie’s blue eyes turned to her father, and she grimaced. “He’s not my dad.”

That was cutting. Seven years old, and she could already bring four adults to their knees with her words! That was when Nick decided to intervene. He bent over, picked Maddie up, and started tickling her. She got distracted and laughed.

Once Will was over the shock, he managed a less-than-convincing smile.

“Let’s go eat!” he proposed. “There’s enough food for an army, so I hope you’re ready to get stuffed!”

We went to the dining room where the other guests were gathered. Maddie looked happy to see two other kids she could play with and took off toward the remote-control train Will had set up to keep them entertained. As she sat down to watch, I noticed Will couldn’t stop looking at her, and I wondered what he could do to finally win the girl’s affections.

I was about to walk over and sit down when Nick grabbed my elbow and took me toward the vestibule again, away from the group.

“Are you staying for the weekend?” he asked, and by his expression, I could tell he was no happier than I was that we’d be back under the same roof again.

“I’m staying till Monday, I have a law exam on Tuesday,” I said, as if he cared. I couldn’t stop thinking about the last words we’d exchanged and the photos I’d seen of him and Sophia. All the rage I’d tried to tamp down rose back up and was making me lose control.

“They should have told me,” he said, more for himself than for me.

His words angered me. He wasn’t the only one made uncomfortable by the situation.

I turned to go, wanting to get out of his sight, but he grabbed me again. I hated him touching me like that, and I jerked away. When I faced off with him, I saw something strange in his expression, at once exasperated and embarrassed.

“Before you go back…” he said, “you should know…my sister doesn’t know about our breakup.”

Just as I’d predicted.

“You didn’t tell your sister we’re not together?” I said, holding on to my rage.

“She’s a little girl. She won’t understand.”

I looked up at the ceiling, huffing. “So what’s your plan, then, Nicholas? Pretend nothing happened? I think we tried that, and the results weren’t great…”

Damn it, I shouldn’t have mentioned our fight in New York, but that wasn’t all I meant. Nicholas looked at my body, then my face and seemed to get suddenly flustered, running his hand through his hair.

When he turned to me, he looked nervous and worried. “I know I shouldn’t ask for this, but I just don’t want to tell her, at least not right now, not when her parents have separated and she has to get used to a new family…” It calmed me down to see him so stressed; his eyes revealed anguish, and I knew why. That adorable little girl, his sister, was suffering. “Maddie’s crazy about you, she can’t stop asking about you, and I…”

“You hid the truth.” I finished the sentence for him.

He smiled. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d done it, and for a moment, he had me entranced. “Look, I’m not asking you to fake anything. Let’s just get along this weekend, for Maddie, for us. I promise you I won’t act like an asshole.”

I bit my lip. Get along. Was that possible?

I didn’t know if I’d be able to do what he was asking. Not when just the sight of him made me ache, and it got worse when I thought about how he had lied to me and was in love with another woman. I stepped back and looked toward the dining room. Maddie was alone, ignoring the family she barely knew. It reminded me of when I had come here for the first time.

“Okay,” I said. “We’ll get along. For Maddie.”

He tried to say something, but I’d already turned around and was walking off.

In the dining room, it was clear Will and my mother had been aware of our absence and were observing us, hoping to see what mood we were in. I ignored their inquisitive gazes and sat down at the table, where Prett was serving the food. Nick did the same, turning to his sister, who had started to cry in our absence.

“Don’t leave me here alone, Nick,” she said as he picked her up and set her on his lap.

“Sweetheart, I just had to tell Noah something, but I’m here. You want some potatoes?” he asked warmly.

Nick waited patiently while the girl ate after giving her two soft kisses on the cheeks and wiping away her tears. That reminded me of the times he had kissed my tears away before kissing me on the lips. Your lips are so soft when you cry, he used to tell me… As if he were reading my thoughts, he looked up, and I stared down at my plate, uncomfortable. I played with my food, and when dessert came, I only managed a few bites each of pumpkin pie and apple pie, even if they were delicious.

After lunch, we returned to the living room, and Maddie started playing with the remote-control train. Nick sat on the sofa, and his dog, Thor, came over and sat at his feet, waiting for a scratch behind the ears.

Without warning, our cat, N, which had grown into a giant fur ball and which I’d had to bring home because my new roommate was allergic to cats, jumped into Nick’s lap, making Thor growl. They’d never gotten along well, but this kind of dust-up was rare. Nick was surprised to see N, and I’d swear he gave me a guilty look after seeing him. I mean, he was our cat, and Nick had just left him behind.

“Good lord… What the hell’s up with N?” he asked as the cat settled in, rubbing against him and purring, as if he’d forgotten Nick was our common enemy.

Traitor!

Maddie left the train and started playing with the cat. Since she was going to be around more, I was glad she had pets to entertain her. Nick looked over, but before he could say anything, I walked off toward the kitchen.

I put on an apron before talking with Prett and helping her dry the silverware. In spite of myself, I laughed at a story she told me about Nicholas when he’d been a little boy.

“One time he got the crazy idea to fill his pockets with grasshoppers, dozens of them, teeny tiny ones. I took off his clothes to give him a bath, and the nasty little things hopped all over the bathroom; they even got in the tub. It took three hours for me and Steve to get them all out of the house. Fortunately, when Mr. Leister got home, the boy was already in bed, fast asleep. I remember Mr. Leister even congratulated me for doing a good job keeping his little monster in line. If only he knew…”

I was amused to think of Nick as a boy with big blue eyes and unkempt hair, in shorts, hunting grasshoppers with God knew what scheme in mind. When I saw him, I stopped laughing, but Prett was still smiling and shaking her head.

“Tattling about my bad behavior, Prett? No one told you to bring out the dirty laundry. You should be ashamed.”

“Dirty laundry, that’s what you had for me and Steve every time you came back in from outside, yes, sirree,” she said, getting back to her washing.

I had soap on my hands, I’d splashed water on my clothes, my hair was pulled back in a bun, and there he was looking at me pensively. And I couldn’t ignore him.

“You coming back? People are asking where you’ve gotten off to.”

People, or you, Nicholas? I wanted to ask, but I bit my tongue and pulled off my apron.

“God forbid I miss out on all the fun,” I replied sarcastically.

Just then, I heard a sharp scream that echoed through the whole house. Nicholas stepped around me and ran toward the living room. I stayed close on his heels.

“We’re older than you, so we get to play first!” one of the twins said to Maddie, whose little fists were clenched by her sides.

I looked at Nick, then at Will, wanting to see if they were listening to this.

“It’s my dad’s train, so I get to play first. Isn’t that right, Will?”

William seemed unable to believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. Nicholas and I looked at her with surprise, and my mother smiled from where she was sitting by the fireplace. Will had to do something, and with characteristic elegance, he walked over, kneeled, and smiled at his daughter.

“This train used to be mine when I was a little boy, and then Nick used to play with it. You’ve never had the chance, and I think it’s time for a new owner. Will you take care of it, Maddie? It’s a family heirloom. No one who’s not a Leister can have it.”

She seemed absorbed by his words. She listened attentively and nodded when he asked that question.

“So, boys, the train belongs to my daughter, and if she wants to play with it first, you’ll have to wait. But I know Maddie’s a good little girl, and she likes to share, isn’t that right?”

Will stood up while Mad watched him. She nodded and turned to the twins, who were pouting.

“I’ll let you watch, but no touching!” she said with determination.

Everyone in the living room cracked up.

There were no more incidents that afternoon. The kids played without further problems, Nick and his father went to the office to talk about business matters, and I stayed there talking to my mother and her friend. We were in the middle of an intense conversation when we heard a door slam and shouting at the other end of the hall.

“I don’t have to give you any more fucking explanations than I gave to the board!” Nick yelled. “Do you think I wanted to do this? I didn’t have an option! The problem is no one had what it took to make that decision, and now you’re angry that the Leister name is associated with it.”

In the living room, we fell silent, and Nick and his father walked in.

“You should have at least consulted with me. It’s very risky! No, Nicholas, listen to me!” Will shouted when his son opened his mouth to interrupt him. “If this doesn’t turn out the way you plan, the company could go bankrupt!”

Father and son looked at each other furiously. The noise of the train the children were playing with punctured the silence. Nicholas was about to explode, I could tell; I knew him… The way he was balling up his fists, the way he looked at his father as if he were about to pounce on him and eat him alive… When he realized I was watching him, he shot me a cold glance that made me tremble, and not in a good way.

“It’s time you started trusting me,” Nicholas said, then turned around and walked out, slamming the door. In the corner, I saw Maddie staring at us, her eyes big as saucers.

I had no idea what had caused that argument, and I didn’t want to see more of it, especially if it meant getting nasty looks I’d done nothing to deserve. I walked to the corner and scooped up Maddie.

“You want me to show you my room, Mad?”

She nodded, still starting at the doorway through which her brother had just disappeared. I smiled at the guests still there and climbed the stairs with Maddie resting on my hip.

“Do you live here, Noah?”

“I used to, sweetheart… I used to.”