SWNOVELS Off to the Races: Chapter 29
Fuck. Fuck.
I spin on my heel and take long strides after Billie. From behind me, I hear Dalca say something about sending the offer via courier this week. I don’t know, I can’t even focus on him right now. All I can see is the utterly broken look on Billie’s face when she heard me accept his offer.
I’ve come to accept that Dermot is probably guilty of fixing races, of defrauding the sport. But hearing confirmation of that had stung. And even so, it was an offer I had to accept. To clear my grandfather’s name would mean so much, not only for the business, but for my family. It could mend the rift he created with this whole scandal. I have to make her understand, make her see that this is the best way forward.
With twenty million dollars I can buy multiple champions for her to train and restore the farm’s reputation. Obviously, this is not how I wanted her to find out. I would have liked time to figure out how to put this to her gently. If I could just get Billie to sit down and talk to me, she’d understand.
My pulse thrums in my throat as I follow her down the bustling stable alleyway towards DD’s stall. Her heels clack as she speeds away from me. I’m impressed by how quickly she can walk in her heels, but then I’m reminded that Wilhelmina would have had plenty of experience with that. She hasn’t always been the casual horse girl I know and love.
Watching her walk away from me, feeling those ripples of rage pour off of her, I realize I do in fact love her. I didn’t want to piss her off, or hurt her, but the offer Stefan made was too much for me to ignore.
“Is the trailer packed?” she barks into one of the stalls.
“Yes,” Hank responds, looking confused as he pops his head out of the stall. “Why are you back already?” He looks beyond Billie to see me storming up behind her.
Having finally caught up, I grab Billie around her upper arm. “Outside. Now.”
She spins and shakes her arm out of my grip. “Don’t lay a fucking hand on me, Vaughn Harding. I’m working right now. I’ll talk to you later.”
“No, Billie. We’re talking right now.”
DD, Violet, and Hank all stare back at me wide-eyed. Billie looks downright wild with flushed cheeks and her chest heaving.
“Let’s go have a celebratory drink, Vi.” Hank ushers her under the rope across the stall doorway, giving me a stern look and Billie a fatherly rub on the shoulder as he leaves us to face off. Violet scampers along behind him, looking back over her shoulder with concern in her wide blue eyes.
“Very professional,” Billie mutters as she ducks into the dark stall next to the little black horse.
“You think I care about being professional right now?” I lean against the doorway and watch her crouch down and wrap the fluffy shipping bandages around DD’s dainty legs.
“No. I definitely do not.” Her voice drips with sarcasm. “I think you care about yourself, and that’s about it. Today, you made that abundantly clear.”
“Are you kidding me right now? Taking that deal is what’s best for everyone. It’s business, Billie. Twenty million dollars and the farm’s name out of the mud? Do you know how many promising horses we can add to the string for that amount of money? How much work we can do around the farm? It’s a no brainer.”
She snorts. “No brain. That’s for sure.” Her hands flatten the cotton wrap over the pillowy base, every movement sure and quick and edged with agitation. She runs her palm up DD’s leg and stands. Her fingers scratch at his withers, making him twist his neck towards her happily. Her smile in his direction is wobbly, and then she turns those feline eyes on me.
“You really don’t get it, do you? It’s not about selling the horse. It’s about why. This horse just ran his heart out for us and qualified for one of the most prestigious races in the world. He came out of nowhere and overcame a lot of shit to put your beloved farm on the map. But that’s not enough, is it? Because this isn’t about the farm’s reputation. He just put you back on the map, and in return you traded him away on a shady deal.”
“And so what if I did? Twenty million is twenty million, Billie.”
“So what? If he keeps winning, he’ll make you that in breeding fees in his first year at stud.” Her voice is shrill as she looks at me in utter disbelief, “Time to face facts, Vaughn. Your grandfather did break the law. He did everything they have accused him of. That snake in the grass just confirmed it. Covering it up will not change a goddamn thing!”
“How about a little support. This is important to me. You know how hard this has been for me,” I roar back, hating everything that she’s saying.
She huffs a breath out as she rears back slightly. “So important that you’re willing to trample all over my career? Violet’s career? Our relationship?” Billie’s head shakes back and forth, her disappointment almost tangible. “Imagine thinking that your desperate need to cover up a legitimate crime—one that undermines the respectability of our sport—trumps everyone around you. Real, living beings are going to suffer for this. And that’s all an acceptable sacrifice to polish up a dead man’s reputation?”
I just stare back at her, grinding my teeth. She huffs out an incredulous breath. “Unbelievable. Reality check, Vaughn. He was exactly as crooked as his reputation suggests. It’s okay for him to have been both a fabulous grandfather and shady businessman. Reconcile it. Deal. With. It.”
I keep staring, at a loss for words. Deep down, I know that it’s not an acceptable sacrifice. It sounds downright ludicrous when she lays it out like that. But I’ve spent so many months wishing and dreaming of a way to make the gossip and whispers stop. To make everyone see the wonderful man that I got to know. I can’t turn my back on that goal, can’t even fathom it.
Her eyes sparkle in the dim light of the barn, and tears build up over her honeyed irises. “You said you wouldn’t disappoint me.” Her chin trembles as she sucks air in. Seeing her pain up close like this, it’s killing me. I feel like my chest is about to crack open, like my beating heart might fall into the wood shavings in the stall right at her stiletto clad feet.
“This is a business decision. I have to stand by my choices, even when employees don’t like them.”
As soon as the words leave my lips, I know they’re the wrong ones. But my adrenaline is rushing. I’m pissed off that she doesn’t understand, and I’m on an emotional crash course that I can’t seem to stop.
“Employee?” she snaps at me.
“Yes, Billie. Trainers don’t usually decide about the sale of horses they don’t own. I know you feel like this horse is yours, but he’s not. He’s mine.”
She draws herself up as a steel door slams shut over her face. All expression is gone as she stares back at me, lips pressed together in a thin line. “Thanks for the clarification, Mr. Harding.” Her tone of voice is one I’ve only ever heard her use on people she’s about to verbally eviscerate. “Hope that knowledge keeps you warm at night because I definitely won’t be.” Her voice is cold as ice when she finishes by saying, “I’m not going to sit pretty on the arm of someone whose dubious decision-making skills are based solely on public perception again. I deserve someone who will choose me. We’re done.”
It’s been almost twenty-four hours and I still haven’t heard from Billie. I miss her already.
After telling me we were done, I’d shrugged my shoulders coldly, spun on my heel, and stormed off. All I could hear as I walked away from the woman I love was the swoosh of blood in my ears. Rage simmered in my gut, but it coiled and intermingled with shame too. I knew I shouldn’t have spoken to her that way. Even now, a day later, I know I sounded like a total asshole. And yet, I can’t bring myself to apologize. It’s not my fault she doesn’t understand.
I stare out my office window at the paddocks, at DD’s empty one. Billie obviously kept him down at her house last night. She’d looked so broken at the thought of the little black horse leaving. I hate to think that I hurt her by making the decision I did, but it’s not unusual for horses to come and go. Especially, ones as promising as Double Diablo.
I’ll give her time to cool down, and then I’ll lay my line of thinking out more clearly. She’ll come around. I know she cares about me, even if she’s been reluctant to accept those feelings. This is just a bump in the road. Couples fight all the time. We’ll work it out.
I have to work this out. I can’t lose her.
A firm knock on my office door pulls me out of my head. Billie stands in the doorway, hip cocked, and arms crossed. I let my eyes drink in the way her blue jeans hug every sensual curve of her body, but when I get up to her face my breath hitches in my throat. Her silky chestnut hair is pulled up in a high ponytail, her pale skin is makeup free, and her typically bright whisky eyes are dull, puffy, and red.
You did that, asshole.
My chest constricts at the sight of her. She’s obviously been crying. A lot. Which is not what I was expecting. I thought tough, sunny, optimistic Billie would win out. Sure, she’d take some time to herself—I know she doesn’t like to be smothered—and then she’d come back out swinging. But this… this is not what I saw coming. She looks devastated.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hi,” her voice comes out soft and fragile, “do you have a minute?”
I shift in my seat, immediately uncomfortable with how formal she’s being. “Yeah, yeah. Of course.” I gesture to the seat across from me. The exact seat where she’d sat across from me a couple weeks ago and told me about her family, about her father and what he’d put her through. The exact seat she’d been in when I’d hired her.
“Thanks.” She folds herself into the chair, avoiding eye contact with me as she drops a piece of paper between us.
I clamp my teeth together at the sight of it, leaning back in my leather chair and steepling my fingers beneath my chin. “What is that?”
She glances up at me nervously. “It’s my two weeks’ notice.”
I blink at her slowly, trying to process what she’s saying to me. “You’re… you’re quitting?”
“Yes.” Her teeth clamp down on her bottom lip, and I can’t help but remember what it feels like to suck that lip into my mouth while my hands roam her toned body.
“Why?” My shock bleeds into my tone. I knew I upset her, but this is blindsiding me.
“I…” she looks away out the window, sucking in a deep shaky breath, “I just can’t do this.” We stare at each other wordlessly, a stream of emotions in our eyes. “It just hurts too much to stay. I’ll find somewhere… less complicated to go.”
Is she kidding? “That’s it? You’re just going to quit on me?”
Her eyes are watery, and her smile is sad when she looks at me. “You quit on me first.”
I rear back. “Is that really what you think? You can’t bring yourself to see my side of things at all?”
“Oh, I can see them just fine. I just don’t like what I see.” I scoff, but she continues, “If it’s alright with you I’d like to spend one more day with DD. After that you won’t see me around the farm. I’ll finish out my two weeks down at the track instead and will move out once I have everything wrapped up. I don’t know how things are going to proceed with DD and…” her voice breaks, “I can’t be here when he leaves.”
A lone tear slips out of her eye and trails down over the apple of her cheek. I want to wipe it away. Kiss it away. Fold my arms around her and absorb every hurt.
But I don’t. Instead, I guard my heart and focus on the thread of anger building in my chest at the thought of her leaving. The least I can do is make it easy on her to go. I should comfort her, I should tell her I’m in love with her, but I’m not one to grovel. Instead, all I want to do is lash out.
“And us? I thought you weren’t running anymore.” My comment comes out snide, and I instantly hate the childish approach I’m taking. She deserves better than this type of behavior.
She pushes to stand and reaches a hand across the desk in my direction, “Thank you for the opportunities you’ve afforded me.” Her long lashes are wet and clumped together as she gazes into my eyes. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I hope you’ll be happy.”
Her meaning is clear. She hopes I’ll be happy with my decision. And why wouldn’t I be? All I’ve wanted for the last year is to clear my family name. This is something I had to do and if she can’t understand, then so be it.
I stand and wrap my hand around hers. Her handshake is just as firm as I remember, her eyes just as emotive. I can see everything there. Betrayal. Anger. Confusion. Sadness. Absolute devastation.
You did that, asshole.
I should feel good about my decision. Instead, all I feel is sick as I watch her turn and walk out the door.