SWNOVELS Off-Ice Collision: Chapter 8
Maverick and I are sitting in the living room, waiting for our mother to come down. Vaughn’s parents are at the lake for the weekend and his mom invited all of us over for dinner. Both of our mothers have been the best of friends since we were kids, although they only see each other over the summer when they’re both here at the lake.
Our father isn’t coming along since he won’t be at the lake until tomorrow morning. I’m sure Flynn will be a little upset, since he and my father get along really well, but they can see each other tomorrow. Knowing our mothers, they will probably have more family plans for us, which means we’ll just get to see even more of grumpy Vaughn this weekend.
“Any way I can get you to cover for me if I go out instead of going to the Carters’ house?” Maverick asks me as he runs his hands through his sand-colored hair. His hazel eyes meet mine and he arches an eyebrow at me.
“Where are you going to go?”
Maverick shrugs and he shifts nervously in his seat. “Anywhere but around a bunch of successful people.”
I frown at him and shake my head. “I’m not going to cover for you, Mav. You can come with us to their house. It’s not like I want to go either.”
“Yeah, but you have shit to talk about when they question you on your future and shit,” he argues, shaking his head. “I have no idea what I’m doing in the next hour, let alone in my future. I don’t have my shit together, Lon. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.”
“What’s been going on with you?” I question him. Now isn’t really the time nor the place to get into it with him, but I’ve been biting my tongue for too long. “I mean, you’ve never had your shit together, but you’ve really been spiraling lately.”
Maverick shrugs and I watch his guard as it goes back up. “It’s nothing for you to worry about, London. I just have some things I need to work through.”
My eyebrows pull together and it feels like a blow to my chest as he closes me out. “Of course it’s something for me to worry about. You’re my brother—my twin. Whatever problems you have are my problems too.”
Maverick’s hazel eyes meet mine and they’re filled with nothing but pain. He gives me a small smile and shakes his head instead. “Not this time, sis. Some shit happened while I was away at school. Everything will be fine, so there’s nothing for you to worry about.”
Suddenly, I feel like a complete outsider in my own family. “What do you mean? What happened and why don’t I know?”
“Because I told Mom and Dad not to say anything to you about it.”
It feels like he’s ripping pieces of my flesh from my body. He’s my brother, my twin, the one person that I shared everything with. And I thought that I was his person too, but I guess I was wrong. He’s been keeping me on the outside and I’ve still been the one who has been giving him the benefit of the doubt and trying to constantly protect him.
Rising to my feet, I glare at him, unable to hide the pain from my expression. “Fuck you, Maverick,” I snap at him. Gone is the positivity that I usually am filled with. The one person in the entire world that I always thought I could count on just sent an arrow directly through my heart.
“Stop, London,” Mav calls out as he jumps to his feet. “It was to protect you. I didn’t want you involved in any more of my problems. I got you into enough trouble when we were kids.”
I stare at him, tears burning my eyelids. “What happened that you didn’t want me to know about?”
“Fuck, London,” he sighs, and his eyes are filling with tears. It throws me off completely. “Can we please not do this right now?”
Just as the words fall from his lips, my mother walks into the room. “What is going on in here?”
Spinning on my heel, my eyes meet hers. “What have you all been keeping a secret? What did Maverick do that I don’t know about?”
My mother looks past me, her eyes wide as she looks to my brother. Her lips pull downward into a frown as her gaze meets mine again. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Your brother asked that we didn’t tell you, so that’s Maverick’s story to tell. Not mine.”
I spin back around to look at my brother. “Are you going to fucking tell me or not?”
Maverick simply shakes his head before his chin falls to his chest. “I’m not ready to talk about it, London.”
“Wow, okay, this is really cool,” I clip, the sarcasm and hurt hanging heavily in my words. “Well, the two of you go enjoy your dinner. Tell the Carters I’ll catch them next time.”
“London, wait,” my mother calls out after me, but I’m already slipping out through the back door.
I hear Maverick’s heavy footsteps as he follows me outside. I break out into a jog and he’s running after me down the wooden steps.
“London, come on,” he pleads with me. There’s desperation that lingers in his voice. Whenever things get bad between us, it’s never good. “I promise that I will tell you when I’m ready. But now is not that time.”
Coming to an abrupt halt, I spin around to face my brother with tears streaming down my face. “I know this is unreasonable, Mav, and you don’t have to tell me, but I just don’t know what to do with this information right now. I’m supposed to be your person and you shut me out completely. You’re keeping a secret from me and you still won’t let me in.”
“I’ll tell you, London,” he offers, his voice cracking around the words. “I just didn’t know how to before because it’s fucking embarrassing and I’m ashamed of myself.”
I hold my hand up, shaking my head at my brother. “No, not right now. I don’t want you to tell me now because you feel like you have to. I want you to tell me when you’re ready. I just need some space and some time to process all of this.”
Maverick frowns but he nods as he takes a step back. “Okay. We’ll talk about this later or tomorrow, okay?”
I swallow roughly over the emotion that is thick in my throat. “Sure.”
Without saying another word, I spin on my heel and head directly to the boat. I press the button to lower it down into the water and climb onto it before starting the engine and backing it away. Maverick stands on the hill of our yard, watching after me with nothing but sadness and regret in his eyes.
I know that I’m being unreasonable and illogical, but I can’t help but feel a massive amount of hurt and betrayal right now. I’m the one person he should feel like he can come to about anything and instead, I’m the one person that he’s kept this secret from. We’re twins—you don’t get much closer than that bond with anyone else.
With the days being longer now, the sun hasn’t set yet, so I don’t bother turning on the lights as I drive the boat as far away as I can. I end up driving it over to one of the islands on the other side of the lake and park it at one of the rickety docks that someone constructed there.
When we were all in high school, we used to come here and camp. We would have bonfires and set up tents while everyone drank the night away. It feels like it was a lifetime ago and what I wouldn’t give to go back to one of those nights.
I walk through a small patch of trees, walking until I’m stepping through the clearing where our old firepit still is. I drop down onto one of the tree stumps and stare absently at the area where a fire should be burning. Those nights were some of the best of my life.
It was back when it was a simpler time. No one had the bullshit that came along with being an adult. My brother was still the wild child, but he didn’t have demons he was trying to outrun. Vaughn was still happy, the life of the party. The hockey prodigy that everyone idolized. So much has changed since then, it almost feels like those memories are simply dreams that I once had.
I lose track of time and it’s growing darker outside as the minutes pass. I’m pulled back to reality when I hear rustling through the trees. My body grows rigid and my eyes widen as my heart pounds erratically in my chest. Part of my brain tells me to get up and run and the other has me paralyzed, cemented to the tree stump.
The sounds grow louder and I sit as still as possible. I know I should get up, but I’m frozen from fear. The island isn’t private property, so it could easily be anyone.
“How did I know I would find you here?”
Vaughn.
His voice is soft and warm and it penetrates my soul. I turn my head to look at him over my shoulder and he’s still moving toward me. There isn’t a smile on his face, but there’s a touch of amusement dancing in his eyes. He walks past me and I turn my head to follow him with my eyes. He stops directly in front of me, his large form looming above as he stares down at me.
“You were supposed to come to my house for dinner.”
I stare at him for a moment and cock my head to the side. “I’m surprised you noticed I wasn’t there.”
“I would always notice your absence, London.”
My breath catches in my throat and his voice slides like silk across my eardrums. Warmth creeps up my neck and I swallow as my eyes bounce back and forth between his. “What are you doing here, Vaughn?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” he retorts as he shoves his hands in the front pockets of his cargo shorts. “Your mom said you weren’t feeling well so you stayed home. I knew she was lying because I saw you leave on the boat before she and Maverick came over.”
“Shouldn’t you go home?” I question him, not wanting to do this with him right now. “I’m too mentally exhausted to deal with your moodiness.”
Vaughn shrugs and drops down onto the stump next to me. “Too bad. I told them I would be home after I found you.”
“Well, congratulations.” I begin to clap, rolling my eyes. “You found me, so you can go back to dinner now.”
Vaughn leans forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he turns his head to look at me. “Nah. I’d rather be here.”
He’s impossible and grating on my nerves. “Look, I appreciate your concern, but you don’t have to hang out here with me. I’m fine.”
A ghost of a smile plays on his lips. “Aren’t we all?”
I stare back at him, unsure of how to respond to that. There’s something else lingering in his words and I want to question him, but I don’t. Vaughn has his guard up at all times, but this is the most he’s ever given me before. He’s not admitting that he isn’t fine, but I can read between his words.
“How did you get out of dinner?”
I know how Penelope Carter is. She’s the hostess with the mostest. There’s no way she let Vaughn go without a third-degree burn. With how moody and broody he’s been, it was probably a task in itself to get him to agree to dinner in the first place.
“I told my mom the truth. She let me off the hook since I told her I was coming to find you.”
The color drains from my face. “Does my mom know?”
Vaughn shrugs. “Fuck if I know. I didn’t tell her but I’m sure my mom will in private.”
“Ugh,” I groan, hanging my head in defeat. “I didn’t want to mess up everyone’s night.”
“So, what exactly were you planning by running off?”
He doesn’t tell me that I didn’t ruin anyone’s night. That’s one thing I like about Vaughn. Even though he has changed, there are things about him that haven’t. He’s unapologetically himself and he won’t hesitate to be blunt and tell you the words you might not want to hear.
“I don’t know,” I admit, my voice barely audible. I can’t help but feel like I’m not in the best place mentally with the turmoil and pain sweeping through my mind. “I just had to get out of there and wasn’t really thinking about how it affected everyone else.”
Vaughn stares at me for a moment with an indistinguishable look in his ocean eyes. “You don’t owe anyone anything, remember?”
“I mean, I kind of do,” I tell him with a shrug and a frown. “I ruined the dinner plans your mom had for tonight. They all seemed excited to be able to get us all together like old times.”
He rolls his eyes. “She’ll live. They’ll get over it.”
This is the most he’s said since I’ve seen him this summer and it has me a little thrown off. I don’t want him to stop talking, even if he isn’t really saying much. His words hold more weight than he’ll ever know.
“Aren’t you going to ask why I ran off?”
Vaughn shakes his head as he directs his gaze away from me and back into the trees. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
Turning my head away from him, I stare back at the empty firepit. It has since grown much darker and it’s getting harder to see as we sit in the darkness. I didn’t bring a flashlight or any source of light with me.
“We should probably head back,” I tell him, feeling a chill slide down my spine even though the air around us is warm.
Vaughn rises to his feet, but instead of heading toward the clearing, I watch him as he begins to collect small sticks that are scattered around. My eyebrows draw together in confusion as he begins to stack them perfectly in the empty firepit. Leaving them there, he finds a small pile of brush and centers it under the sticks. He pulls a silver Zippo lighter from his pocket and lights the brush on fire.
I watch as the flames begin small, but quickly engulf the sticks surrounding it. Vaughn walks back over to me and takes his seat on the stump next to me. He doesn’t speak a word as he stares at the burning wood. I look over at him, arching an eyebrow in confusion.
The flames dance from the fire, illuminating his face. He really is beautiful, with his sharp jawline and perfectly straight nose. As I study him in silence, I swear the corners of his lips twitch like he wants to smile.
“I think we should stay here a little while longer.”
I smile back at him, even though he isn’t smiling at me. We fall into a comfortable silence as we both continue to watch the wood burn as the flames lick the air above the fire. Even though I was the one who suggested heading back, I’m glad Vaughn was the one who decided we should stay.
I would gladly stay here with this version of Vaughn Carter as long as he’d have me around.