Of Light And Shadows

Jia was in the old dormitories. The corridor was dark save for the light filtering beneath Evander’s door. She had no key to his room and she was alone, but she knew he could hear her.

She sat with her back against the wood, knees drawn up to her chest and a headache throbbing at her temples.

Belphegor’s warning rattled around in her head like the tolling of a church bell, rolling over endlessly in her mind. It made sense really. Of course Satan would see her as a threat.

Lucifer had already said he planned to defy his father to protect her. If he were in love with her it would only make him fight harder to keep her close to him.

And of course there was the matter of Satan wanting her for his collection. If she chose Lucifer he’d see it as a loss, and she didn’t think he was a man that liked losing very much.

The memory of his thumb stroking her cheek, still wet with his son’s blood, made her shiver.

“Ev?” She spoke softly, listening to the sounds inside the room. Every so often she heard the rustle of a page turning as he devoured another book, though no other noise came through the barrier between them.

“Can you hear me?” Another long silence stretched out before her, and then the bed springs creaked and a moment later a shadow fell across the light streaming under the door. She heard something slide against the wood and she knew he was sat right behind her.

“I’m here,” he said.

“They made your chain longer.”

“I’m not wearing a chain anymore.” He hesitated. “Your friend got Sellik to take it off me.”

“That’s good.”

“The only heartbeat I hear is yours. Why isn’t he with you?”

“He doesn’t know I’m here,” Jia replied. “You put him back in the Infirmary and now Sellik has him on bed rest.”

“I put the Demon Prince in the Infirmary?” He sounded incredulous. She was relieved when there was no satisfaction in his tone.

“You punched him in the chest after he’d been stabbed,” she answered. “Of course you hurt him.”

“How’s your arm?” She heard the crushing guilt in his words and glanced down at her fully healed limb, remembering the anger in his eyes as he’d squeezed hard enough to crush it.

“It’s fine. I had a brace on for a few days but it’s gone now.”

“I’m so sorry.” A harsh exhalation of breath followed. “I’m ashamed of myself. Can you ever forgive me?”

“I’ve already forgiven you,” she answered. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“You’re too good to me.” He sounded like he meant it. “I wanted to throw myself off a bridge after you left. I hate myself for it and you should hate me too.”

“No. You’ve become something entirely new, Evan. I knew there’d be some teething problems and I chose to deal with it. Your temper was just a part of those problems and my arm was collateral damage.”

“I don’t know why Lucifer rubs me up the wrong way,” he said softly. “He barely even has to speak. I know he wasn’t doing anything to goad me and I still wanted to annoy him. I wanted him to get angry so that I had an excuse to be angry too.

"I know I can’t keep a lid on it and yet I want an argument anyway.” He sighed again. “I get...jealous.” Jia could practically see him squirming uncomfortably at the admission.

“Jealous?” she frowned.

“Yeah.”

“What is there to be jealous of?”

“He gets to be around you without fear of hurting you. He’s comfortable with you.” Evan’s answer was quiet and Jia’s head started to pound harder, blurring her vision at the edges. “He acts like he’s known you all your life.

"Even when you’re not there and I ask about you he has that stupid fond look on his face.” He paused again. “I thought I was the only one entitled to that.

"I’m meant to be your best friend and seeing that look on someone else makes me want to smash something. I should be happy that somebody else cares about you. I don’t know why I hate it so much.”

“Lucifer has a look when talking about me?” she asked. She heard the quiet growl from the other side of the door before Evan bit down on it abruptly, forcing himself to reign in his temper.

“That makes me irrationally angry. You didn’t ask about me, you went straight to him.” He sighed and she imagined him running a hand through his brown hair in frustration. “I hate how selfish I’m being. I can’t even control it. I’m so freaking territorial about the smallest things and it’s driving me insane.”

“You’re still my best friend. There’s no need to be angry that somebody else is fond of me. Once you’re out of here we’ll go right back to hanging out and this time my dad isn’t around to stop us anymore.” The thought made her happy until she remembered he was planning on going back to the human world.

“Jia-”

“I know,” she said, cutting him off. “Hannah. Your family. I know you can’t leave them.”

The trepidation at the thought of returning to the human realm, even if she was returning with Evander, was almost overwhelming. That feeling cemented itself inside her, helping her to understand what she wanted.

At last she knew where she wanted her home to be. It was the first of many choices before her, but she was pleased to have made it.

“I can’t go back there. My life was miserable, my mother was caged and my father was a monster. Other than you there’s nothing for me in the human world but horrible memories and an empty house that never felt like my home. I’m not even Lotura.” She balled her hands into fists. “I don’t belong there anymore.”

“...I figured as much. I’d never ask you to stay there.” His tone dulled as he spoke. “In all honesty I don’t think I’ll be staying there too long myself, not now I’ve had time to think about it.

"I love my family but they hate Vampires. I’m certain they’ll reject me and I know Hannah will run a mile the moment she realises I need to murder people to survive.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” he replied. “And yet I can’t help but hope I get to at least say goodbye to them before they freak out and try to kill me.” He shifted against the wood. “I know staying there isn’t an option. I can’t be a murderer. Even if I got to keep my family I’d never be able to live with myself.”

“So you’ll come back?”

“Sure, Jia. I’ll come back.” She felt warmth in her stomach and the urge to reach out and take his hand. Instead, she laid her cheek against the wood that separated them, turning her head so her ear was pressed to the door.

“I wish the door wasn’t there,” she said softly.

“Me too, but for now it’s the safest thing.” She smiled, glad that he was thinking rationally. “I’d like it if you stopped by to talk again though. You can bring Lucifer with you if he won’t let you come alone. I miss you.”

“I miss you too. I plan to visit as often as I can until you’re allowed to walk around freely. Then you can come to see me.” She made her tone bright. “You can finally buy me that dinner you keep promising.” He chuckled.

“Sure. That sounds like a good plan. As soon as I’m out of here we’ll find somewhere good to eat.” She heard the smile in his voice. “Somewhere that does plenty of fries.”

“You smell different,” Lucifer said as she sat down on the sofa beside him.

He was still dressed in the comfortable clothes he wore when he was alone in his room, but he was out of bed with a book in his hand as he sat by the fire. His usually neat hair flopped over his forehead in glossy black waves, falling into his eyes. He frowned.

“You smell like him.” She knew immediately who he meant when she saw him tense.

“He’s still behind the door, I was just sat outside,” she said quietly. He relaxed his posture but there was still a ridge between his brows as he set the book aside.

“What made you go there alone?”

“I needed someone to talk to.” She drew her knees up to her chest again, hugging her legs.

“And you thought the Vampire that broke your arm was the best choice?” She shrugged, keeping her gaze on the low flames burning in the wide marble hearth.

“I guess so.”

“What’s wrong?” The edge disappeared from his voice and he turned so that he was facing her, folding one leg beneath himself and laying an arm across the back of the sofa.

“I spoke to Bell a few days ago and he told me about Zach.” A wave of melancholy washed over her as she saw the mournful look on his face in her mind. She’d had no idea just how much Belphegor was hurting underneath his gentle smile.

“I see. It’s not a pleasant story. Zach was a good person and Bell was deeply affected by it.”

“When did you decide to remove Evan’s chain?” she asked, not wanting to revisit the horrors Satan had inflicted on his sons and the poor human family. “He was able to sit right by the door.”

“Yesterday. Sellik said he was doing well so I thought giving him a little more freedom might make him feel more...amiable.”

“He’s still being a bitch about it then?” she asked, unable to help her grin. She wished Evan had been there to hear it because she knew he’d have nudged her and said something worse right back.

“I wouldn’t use those exact words, but he’s still unhappy.”

“Do you hate him?”

“He tests my patience beyond its limits but I don’t hate him. Why do you ask?”

“He told me he only tries to get under your skin because he’s jealous.” She frowned. “He’s jealous because you get to be around me. He said you get a fond look on your face when he asks about me.” The look on Lucifer’s face was anything but fond. He looked angry. “He asked me to visit him again.”

“What a moron,” he muttered, scowling at the carpet. Jia blinked, confused by his reaction.

“What? Did I say something to make you mad?”

“Not you,” he replied. “Forget it.”

“No. Why are you angry?” She jutted her chin out in defiance, making it clear that she had no intentions of dropping it. He sighed.

“Jealousy is a dangerous thing, especially in a Vampire.”

“He said that too. He’s well aware of it and I know that it has nothing to do with your mood. Tell me the truth, Louie.” She saw a muscle in his jaw tick.

“I’m not sure you want to hear it.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Fine. Did he tell you he planned to return here instead of staying in the human world?” She nodded. “And did he say that he believed his family and girlfriend would reject him?” Jia nodded again. “Do you remember the promise you made to me?”

“I promised that if he ever wanted to be with me, I’d make sure it was because he wanted me and not that he just wanted comfort.”

“Make sure you keep it. He’s starting to lean on you because he knows what’s coming and he doesn’t want to be alone. In the next few weeks things between you both will change. Be careful.”