Of Light And Shadows

Lucifer froze as soon as Jia’s lips touched his. Even his breath stopped.

She lingered a moment longer before moving back, her cheeks burning. She couldn’t look right at him out of fear that she’d massively overstepped. Her hands curled into fists in her lap.

“Huh.” The sound was soft and when she did finally look up his expression was gentle, his eyebrows still raised in surprise. “And there was me thinking if it ever happened I wouldn’t be able to control myself,” he said, almost to himself.

“What?” She could hear the tremble in her voice as her shame threatened to overwhelm her. He smiled faintly.

“I froze.”

“I’d freeze too if somebody kissed me when I didn’t want it,” she mumbled awkwardly. His head tilted a little.

“Is that what you think?”

“Why else would you be so shocked?” He chuckled and reached out to take her hands in his. The dimples in his cheeks were maddeningly handsome, his laugh smoother than silk.

“Because I thought I’d be the one to make the first move.”

"Oh.” Her cheeks grew even redder, drawing another laugh from him.

“Why now?” he asked.

“I dunno,” she shrugged. “I just...I wanted to.” He nodded slowly, considering his next words carefully before giving them a voice.

“Can you tell me what I am to you yet?” She saw a faint flicker of hope in his red eyes and guilt flared up inside her chest.

She liked him but she couldn’t say for sure what she wanted from him. Her life was in turmoil; she wasn’t even sure how she fit into it all.

She shook her head and he nodded again, looking away for a second. When he looked back his smile had returned, though it was a muted version of its usual radiance.

“Alright.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” He let go of her hands. “You’ve been through a lot of drastic changes in a short space of time and you still have some big decisions to make about your future. I can wait.” He watched her in a way that turned her insides to jelly. “Try not to tease me like that if you can help it.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

She’d never seen Lucifer look at her that way before. He looked like he wanted to kiss her until she was dizzy, and yet he sat perfectly still in front of her. Part of her was glad he didn’t move.

The rest of her wanted him to do it. She chewed her lip and forced those feelings down, fully aware that it wasn’t fair on him when she couldn’t even give him a straight answer.

“Don’t worry about it,” he replied and his smile turned teasing. “Just don’t expect me to restrain myself next time.” Her face felt hot again, though it no longer had anything to do with shame.

“I should go to class,” she mumbled, sliding off the bed and standing on shaky legs.

“You don’t want to be late,” he agreed. She smiled weakly and left the room, letting out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding once the door closed behind her.

Her heart was hammering in her chest and in her mind all she could see was the look on his face when he asked her not to tease him. She shook it off and forced herself to walk towards the lecture theatres, taking in the details of her surroundings in an effort to distract herself.

Apollyon Academy was, for all intents and purposes, a huge boarding school for Demons. Many of the students were centuries old and yet they wandered the halls like the kids in a human college, laughing and chatting as they made their way to their next class.

Unlike human schools, the building was like something out of a gothic novel. The ceilings were high and vaulted, the paintings gilded in ornate frames. Everywhere she looked there was dark wood and expensive carpets. The main staircase was huge, sweeping across the foyer like something out of a fairytale.

Even the room the students called the cafeteria was a gigantic ballroom lined with long hardwood benches that were decorated with intricate carvings.

She found her lecture hall and stepped inside, breathing in the scent of freshly polished parquet flooring as she looked up at the tiered benches. The class she was taking was one of Lucifer’s, but it would be led by Mammon while he was away.

The Demon in question stood at the front of the room frowning down at a book in his hands, his unruly silver hair pushed back from his face. She wandered over and he looked up as he heard her approach.

“I don’t suppose a miracle has happened and Lucifer is ready to swoop in and take this class for me, has it?” he asked. She grinned and shook her head, laughing when he sagged. “I hate teaching,” he grumbled.

“You’ll be fine.”

“I know I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. That doesn’t mean I like it.” He waved her away with one hand. “Shoo. Watch me work my magic.” She giggled and ascended the stairs to take her seat beside Bell. He lifted his head from the desk and smiled at her as she approached.

“Hey, Bell. You look tired.”

“Thanks. You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She slid onto the bench without replying. “You okay?” he asked.

“I don’t know. If I tell you something do you promise not to tell anyone else?” She looked at him earnestly as he sat up straight and cocked his head. “I need your help and I don’t know who else to talk to. You were always good at this sort of stuff.”

“I’m all ears,” he said, leaning towards her eagerly. She took a deep breath, glancing around to make sure none of the others were listening.

“Well...I kissed Louie.” She dropped her voice low enough that he had to lean in further even with his augmented hearing. His eyes widened.

“What did he do?”

“Nothing. Literally nothing.” She felt the sting of rejection prickle at her and fought to squash it. He was right to do nothing, she knew that.

“Huh,” Bell frowned. “That wasn’t the answer I was expecting.” He sat back and folded his arms across his chest, keeping his voice soft. “So, what? You kissed him and he just didn’t say anything?”

“No, he spoke. He didn’t kiss me back but he said he understood why I did it.” She blushed again. “He told me not to tease him.” Bell flashed a knowing smile.

“Ah, I get it now.” He placed a hand against his chest. “You definitely need my wisdom. My guess is that Lucifer didn’t react because he knows you don’t know what you want?”

"Something like that."

“And you’ve come to your dear friend Belphegor to try and decide what to do.” He bowed his head. “I will be your guru.”

“You’re such a dork,” she snickered, elbowing him. He chuckled and tapped his chin thoughtfully.

“Before you can know what you want from Luce, you need to know what you want from you.” His smile grew sad. “Love is a wonderful and horrifically painful thing. You need to know for sure that you want it.

"It has the power to complete you and also to completely destroy you, especially where Demons are involved.”

“You say that like you speak from experience.” She hesitated. “Are you thinking of your human partner?”

“Always.” His head cocked to the side curiously. “How did you know about that?”

“Your brothers mentioned it but didn’t tell me anything about it.” His eyes grew hooded.

“Zach was everything,” he said softly. “Kind, funny, fearless. Wickedly intelligent. He wasn’t afraid of me at all.”

“How did you meet him?”

“I was in the human world out of boredom, in all honesty. I went through a phase where nothing interested me so I thought spending some time there would hold my attention for a while. I met Zach on my second day there and the rest is history.”

“What was the first thing he said to you?” she asked.

“You’re sat on my coat.” He grinned. “We were on a train and he couldn’t get up because I’d sat on the edge of his jacket by accident. He saw my eyes and stared at me in shock for a full thirty seconds. He ended up missing his stop.”

“Where were you going on a train?” Jia asked, puzzled.

“An art gallery. I know I could’ve shadow walked there but the train seemed more fun. It was the best decision I ever made and also the worst.”

“Why?”

“He was the love of my life,” Bell shrugged. “In all the centuries I’ve lived there was never anybody else that made me feel that way. It’s a hard emotion to describe when you tell someone you love them and they say it back without hesitation.

"He accepted me, mind, body and soul, right from the beginning. There was never any question of whether we’d be together.”

“That’s some Romeo and Juliet level love stuff right there,” Jia said. He smiled but it was a weak expression.

“I would’ve given up everything for him. I’d give my immortality away in a heartbeat just to hear his voice.”

“What happened?” She felt a lump forming in her throat as she watched his heart break all over again in his eyes. She reached out and squeezed his hand gently.

“Satan. One of his spies saw us together on one of my later visits and when I returned to the academy he was waiting. He knew Luce and Mammon had helped me keep Zach a secret so he destroyed all three of us.

“By the time I had a physical form again and could return to the human world Satan had already sent his lackeys out. He had Zach and his entire family slaughtered.” His voice cracked on the last word.

Tears threatened to well up in her eyes. Belphegor was so kind and gentle. He deserved to be happy and in that moment it looked to her like he’d never be truly content again.

She couldn’t imagine how painful it must be to have everything she cared about torn away from her so cruelly.

“Oh, Bell, I’m so sorry.”

“That’s the life of the Seven Devils,” he shrugged. “And that’s why loving us is so hard.” He composed himself with a steadying breath before continuing.

“You need to know what kind of person you are before deciding anything, Jia.” His eyes darkened. “If you have any doubt at all about yourself or how you feel for Lucifer then you should stay away.

“He needs somebody that can protect him the way he protects the rest of us. If you can’t be that person then the best thing you could do for him and for yourself is back off.”

“Whoa,” she said softly, surprised by his fierceness.

“I mean it. Going up against Satan is the most dangerous thing you could ever do. If you choose to be with Lucifer that’s exactly what you’d be doing.

“My father knows that Lucifer is capable of challenging him. All Louie needs is a motive and then it’s anybody’s guess who’d be left standing after that fight.” Bell looked down at his knees. “What better motive is there than the prospect of losing the thing you love most?”