Of Light And Shadows

Jia didn’t know when she fell asleep, but she was warm and comfortable and the soundtrack of zombies wailing and Bee snoring gently was strangely calming.

Bell never showed to watch the movie so it was just the three of them watching Bee’s big TV. She’d sandwiched herself between him and Evan and managed to watch the first hour, but soon her eyelids were drooping.

Bee fell asleep once his snacks were done and that was the final straw. Her eyes betrayed her and she crashed into a dreamless nap.

She woke up to find her pillow was cool and still and strangely solid. She recognised Bee’s room from the sports posters on the walls and the navy paint. She was still facing the TV with her legs tucked up beneath her, head resting on whatever was beside her.

“I thought your intention was to watch the movie, not sleep through it,” a familiar voice teased.

She’d fallen asleep on Evander. She didn’t pull away immediately, fascinated instead by the fact that his heart had only beat once since she woke. She waited a moment, her eyebrows rising when it beat again several long seconds later.

“Jia?”

“I’m awake,” she said, sitting up at last. “I’m sorry I fell asleep on you.”

“Don’t be, I’ve missed the physical contact. Being locked in a room alone for weeks isn’t exactly my idea of fun.” He grinned down at her. His arm was around her shoulders and at some point she’d burrowed into his side. She felt a blush spread across her cheeks and his grin widened.

“What’re you embarrassed about?”

“Hannah would kill me if she were here,” she muttered, extracting herself from under his arm. His eyes clouded and he looked away. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“Nah, it’s alright. You’re probably right to be honest.” He frowned slightly. “Or you would be if I was still human, anyway. Who knows what she’d do now?”

“Are you nervous about seeing her again?”

“Of course I am. I’ve been with her for years and now I’m this.” He sighed. “I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t try to kill me.”

“You never know,” Jia answered. “She might not freak out like you think.” He raised an eyebrow at her and she sighed. Hannah would definitely freak out.

“It’s cute that you’re trying to make me feel better about it, but you don’t need to.” He nudged her playfully. “As long as I still have my partner in crime I’ll be fine.” She grinned back at him as he glanced at Beelzebub’s sleeping form. “The Demons here are really crap at keeping an eye on me,” he commented.

“I’ve noticed that.”

“How are you coping knowing that you’re one of them?” he asked.

“Honestly? I’m kind of happy to know the truth. It feels better knowing that I want to make the Demonic Realm my home. I still have plenty of things left to think about but at least I know where I belong now.”

“I’m glad something makes sense to you at least. I can’t imagine how crazy it must feel to be in the middle of your life right now.”

“My father is a Demon, my mother is an Angel, my best friend just became a Vampire, I’ve given up my place in the Human Realm and Satan is out to get me.” She chewed her lip. “Saying it all out loud makes it seem so much crazier.”

“And your Demon Prince is in love with you.”

“I told you to shut up about that,” she muttered. “And stop calling him that.”

“But he is a Prince.”

“Yeah, but you say it like it’s an insult and not his title.” She hesitated. “And I don’t know how he feels.”

“Bullshit,” Evan snorted. “You should see his face when he talks about you. What you don’t know is how you feel.”

“Since when did you become an agony aunt?” she teased, faking a lightness she didn’t feel.

“Since I got super senses and can hear everything your heart does.” As soon as he said it, her heart skipped erratically and he laughed softly. “Case and point.”

“Why does everybody else have hearing like a bat except me?” she muttered.

“It’s not just my hearing. I can sense your tension and fear and everything else. Your scent betrays everything. It’s weird but useful. It’s kind of nice to know what you’re thinking for once.”

“You mean you didn’t know before?”

“I had no idea. I didn’t know your dad was abusing you even though looking back it’s so obvious. I just thought you had an eating disorder so I tried to make you eat wherever I could.” He frowned. “I was a sucky friend to not notice it was more than that.”

“Nobody knew.”

“I should have known, Jia. I’m your best friend.” He looked at her with such intensity that her heart stuttered again and the faintest smile touched his lips.

Something heavy settled around them abruptly, something that changed the atmosphere and made her eyes widen. She looked away quickly.

“It’s late, I should go to bed. You should too, Ev.” He nodded and got to his feet, offering her his hand. She let him tug her up beside him and then she tossed a blanket over Bee and switched off the movie, plunging the room into darkness.

Evan took her hand again before she could do anything, guiding her out into the hallway and closing the door softly behind them. Her room was further down the hall.

Instead of heading off towards Belphegor’s bedroom he walked down the corridor with her until she stopped outside her door. She glanced at Lucifer’s closed door as they passed.

“He’s not in there,” Evan said. “You don’t have to worry about getting into trouble. He’s in his study and he hasn’t been back to his room for a few hours judging by the scent.” She relaxed a little at that knowledge and he smiled. “You’re not worried about you getting into trouble, are you?”

“No, he’d never lay a hand on me. You, on the other hand, would be thrown through a wall the moment he realised you didn’t have an escort with you.”

“I’d survive,” Evan shrugged.

“That’s not the point.” She leaned back against her door and tucked her hands behind her as he slipped his own hands into his pockets. “You need his help. I’d rather not give him a reason to hurt you.”

“You know I’d be fine.”

“That doesn’t stop me worrying,” she retorted. She looked up and found herself trapped in his silver hues again. As was the way with his Vampire self nowadays, he didn’t look away. What she didn’t expect was for him to move closer.

“You never need to worry about me, Jia. Not anymore. I’m in control of myself and I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.” He brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear, the corners of his lips twitching when her pulse skipped again.

“Sure, I get possessive, but I can keep a lid on it. I’m still getting used to that part of my personality.” His head tilted slightly. “Sometimes it gets out and it makes me do stupid things though.”

“What stupid things?” she asked, frowning.

“This.” He bent his head and kissed her.

She froze. She’d convinced herself she had no feelings for Evan. She’d managed to move past the jealousy she felt towards Hannah years ago and attributed it to how free Hannah could be around him.

All that time, she’d maintained that she was his friend, and yet her lips parted ever so slightly and her eyes closed as she let it happen for the briefest moment.

Her mind flashed to Lucifer’s warning and she pulled away. He stepped back immediately and ran a hand through his hair, frowning at the ground.

She heard him curse under his breath and he chewed his lip guiltily, one of his elongated incisors squeezing the plump skin almost hard enough to nick it.

“What the Hell was that?” she asked. Her voice came out in a breathless whisper and her heart hammered loudly beneath her ribs. “At this moment in time you still have a human girlfriend.”

“I know.” He pressed a hand to his face. “I’m sorry. Shit,” he muttered.

“What was that, Ev?”

“I don’t know.” He scowled at his shoes. “I should go.” He turned away and moved down the hall, heading for Belphegor’s room.

She slipped into the safety of her own room and shut the door behind her, sliding down the wood and curling up in a ball at its base.

She hugged her knees tight and rested her forehead on them, her mind spinning. Her heart was still pounding and the touch of his lips lingered on her skin. Why had she kissed him back?

She pondered that thought for a long time before it came to her. She kissed him back because she was confused.

She was relieved to have him with her and for a while in the human world she’d believed he might forget Hannah and choose her instead. It had taken months to realise after their one night together that one night was all it would ever be, and that had really hurt her.

Of course those feelings would come back when her head was such a mess. She groaned softly, frustrated with herself. Evan was vulnerable. He’d done exactly what Lucifer had said he would, and she’d been stupid enough to allow it. Evan was seeking comfort and she was there to provide it.

The guilt was the worst part. She felt guilty for kissing Hannah’s boyfriend and she felt guilty for whatever she did that gave Evander the impression that it was okay to kiss her in the first place.

But most of all she felt guilty because it was as though she’d betrayed Lucifer. She knew how he felt and she knew that she felt something for him too.

It was bigger than a crush and more intense than a platonic relationship, but she was afraid of addressing it because it would be another big, scary change in her life that she wasn’t ready for.

Lucifer had said he could wait, but it was safe to assume he didn’t expect her to kiss anyone else while she made up her mind. If he found out he’d be so disappointed.

“Jia, you moron,” she scolded herself. A headache was starting to throb at her temples. Instead of finding painkillers, she sat on the floor and let it beat at her skull, figuring the dull pain was an appropriate punishment for being such an awful person.

She stayed there until she couldn’t keep her eyes open anymore, and then she crawled into bed and dreamed of Lucifer walking away from her with disgust in his eyes.