Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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"WHATEVER I told you yesterday, that's all true. I didn't fake that to beg. I hope you understand," she said again.

I still don't say a word while her eyes are on the road, focus on driving.

"Just stop here," I said in a low voice as she approached the building I was occupying.

"Do you live here?" she asked checking the building.

"Thank you for the lift," I replied without answering her question.

I pushed the car door and immediately went down and walk straight going inside.

When I arrived, the guard who noticed me greeted me. "Ma'am, what you are delivering has arrived. We just put it here in our room. Would you like to bring it up? The delivery guy leave even I told him not to leave it here and just wait for you to come back but he is stubborn."

I just nodded at what the guard said. "Can you please bring it up?"

"Yes, ma'am," he politely replied and then prepared himself.

I walked straight up to where my unit is. I felt like so much happened the moment I didn't get home.

How would Bellevera react if he will find out that I slept in another house? I don't know and I don't want to know anymore.

Arriving in front of my apartment, I inserted the key into the keyhole of the doorknob, then gently pushed it to open.

Even though I knew the floor was cold because there was no mattress, it was like I wanted to roll over and rest my tired body.

I just sat down and leaned my back against the wall. The cold bites into my body. Sad, frustrated, mixed emotions I am feeling now.

I approached the luggage bag that I had moved a little, get some clothes, and was about to go straight to the bathroom when there was a knock on the main door. "Ma'am, your delivery is here!"

If I hadn't just heard the guard's voice, I wouldn't have opened him up.

I opened the main door and let him in into the bedroom. I even opened it for him.

"Please come in... Just put it here." I said to the guard, who didn't hesitate to do my request.

He even placed it carefully and neatly, then the mattress landed on the floor.

"You've just moved, that's why it's all cleaned," he commented as he rolled his eyes, scanning around.

I just nodded. I feel like I'm tired of speaking.

"Thanks for the help," I finally said.

He came out after giving me a salute.

I am glad he helps me.

Maybe not all men are wicked. But still, need to choose who to trust.

I unwrapped what I ordered and then arranged it on the bed.

Finally! I can rest well because of this mattress.

Without hesitation, I took off all the clothes on my body. I picked up the clothes and towel and went straight to the bathroom.

I need to wash out all the dirt. Even I know the stain is not on the outside but inside my body. I think I smell different. No more feminine smell.

When I looked at my face in the mirror, the mark of hickeys appeared on the top of my chest. People who will use me and my body.

I wanted to experience that I will let someone obey me. To the woman. But I don't know when that will happen.

I try to erase the mark, rubbing it and then rubbing it with soap. It is impossible to erase them. It will take two to three days before it completely vanishes away.

It's sad to think, but what else can I do. Here it is. What should not have happened has already happened.

I don't know how long I've been in the bathroom. All I know is that I almost rubbed my whole body, a few times soaked in soap, just to get rid of all the bitterness and pain. I did not enjoy bathing. It always reminds me of the people who mistreat me.

When I got out of the bathroom, which I think took more than an hour, I went straight into the room and got dressed. I combed my hair and was ready to lie down again and curl up on my newly purchased mattress. Even if I don't have a bed yet and it's just a mattress, I'm sure I'll be able to sleep comfortably here. Away from my mom, and from all the things that bother me and disgusted me. Just don't bother me again please.. because I want to rest again.

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I was getting ready to lay my body on the soft mattress when I winced at the noise of some knocking outside. I already said none and here we go again.

I FORCELY open the door.

It wasn't Bellevera who show in front of my face or Barbie or even my manager or my mom.

When I smelled what he handed, my stomach reacted quickly.

"I'm sorry but I didn't ask for delivery." After saying that I' about to close the door when the man speaks again.

"Ma'am, I don't know who asks for delivery as long as it is addressed to you. Just take it and sure I can leave," the delivery guy said. He looks he was in hurry.

I take it from his hand. A two plastic with styrofoam inside.

Who will order it for me? I wonder who would that be.

I did not call or go online to deliver food.

Is it Bellevera?

No. It was so impossible for him to buy me food. He has no concern, only for my body and nothing else.

I put it on top of my kitchen sink.

Maybe Barbie?

Maybe she followed me here, so she knew exactly where I lived.

I opened the plastic widely then released the food into the styrofoam.

It's not my favorite, but at least I can eat it.

I smelled it first, just to check if there is poison, potion, or whatever put in there. Maybe it's up to me if there is poison or potion.

If I die, at least I can be with my dad in the next life.

I don't care if it will be poisonous. I pulled a chair and sat down in the dining room, picked up the plastic utensils, and try the food. I'm hungry too, do I need to act.

If I get my last payment on the contract, I will move to another house again. Not here anymore. Because a lot has happened and I don't want anything to happen again, I don't like it anymore.

I was starving when I almost halved the fried chicken and finished the rice. Because it came with juice, I drank it as well. I even had a slight cough because of my greed.

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I suddenly remembered my vitamins and the daily prescription. I need to take it, otherwise, I might regret it soon.

I never missed drinking that. Maybe when I remove my uterus, I won't drink it anymore. I mean the chance of not having a baby. That's probably my next plan.

I become exhausted after being completely satisfied with what I ate.

I just left the food on the dining table. Washed my hands and walked straight to my room. I dropped my whole body on the bed thinking I can sleep now, soundly.

I need a massage! I need a spa.

Can I invite my manager for a massage?

She definitely wouldn't refuse if I said it will be free.

With so much going on, I don't even remember to check my cellphone. I grabbed the purse and pulled out the phone.

Low battery. I charge my phone first, then go back to bed.

I waited until I was drowsy until my phone opened. It has automatic default because when the battery is low and dies, it will automatically turn on when charged.

A series of sounds of notifications I heard seemed to be non-stop..

I would just pretend that I did not hear anything. But the ring never stops. I have no choice but to check my phone, shutting down, and turn it off. It's up to him if he tires of calling. Bellevera's name is registered on my phone. I'm exhausted.

I'm tired of talking to him and I'm also tired of hiding or running away from him.

For Pete's sake, I want a decent life. I want to live with no trouble or people disturbing my life. I want to live alone.

But, how will I do that if there is a naughty Bellevera that exists in the world?

After he got everything, I thought he was going to stop. But still, he's not. What else does he want? What else does he want from me? He tasted every part of me.

I'm tired of running away from him and hiding just so he can approach me.

When will my world be quiet?

I picked up the pillow and to cover my face. It covered my entire face, and then I closed my eyes. I hope that because I didn't answer his call, he will not appear in front of my door, knock, and will not destroy my door.

I know Bellevera. I started to know him. He will do what he likes even it will cause damages. He doesn't care if someone gets hit or hurt as long as he gets what he wants. How else can I defend myself from Bellevera? He doesn't even understand that he's not what I want, and he always insists on what he wants. He refuses to accept that a woman has rejected him. He didn't want to admit that I couldn't be his property. Never.