Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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I WANT to complain about what she's doing, but I can no longer move and fight back. I feel weak. She lifted me and turned me around. She even pats the thing behind. Then she poked deeply hard.

The show is over and I can hear nothing in the living room except the crashing and enjoying moment between both of our me*t. I was so sweaty that I couldn't feel the air con. She doesn't stop until she's finished. It was as if she wanted to kill the way his long thing entered and exploded inside mine. I was so full, and every vein inside me seemed to throb. Until my knees weakened down.

I was fainting when my body trembled because of resistance and an incredibly different way of becoming one. She rested his inside until she came back and with the last stab; she stabbed it inside. I just felt the flow of both juices flowing down my legs. I was so weak that I lay down and fell on the carpet.

She stood up and ran over to me. She leaned over to hug me. "I'm sorry if I didn't tell you. I'm Baron Fuentes on my birth certificate. When my mom and I arrived in Thailand, I was going to make a change of my gender, but I don't know why I stopped myself when I met another woman in Thailand. When she saw, I had this chest and was about to become a woman, she hated me. I've also lost the urge for a changing my gender because I don't know why I'm standing up for women. Like you. But I tried my best to become decent, to be a woman." Her hand touched my hair. "Please don't be mad at me. I didn't approach you just because I have a hidden agenda. It was just a mistake that I like you even though I knew vaguely you would not like me. When you say you don't like Zeke, I know you like women and definitely not like me."

I just took a deep breath. Try to calm me down.

"I want you to pursue womanhood. By that way, I might like you, Barbie."

But that's not really what I wanted to tell her. I still don't like her. First, because she lied. Second, because she first let something happen to the two of us before she confessed.

She bowed, and sadness changed her face. "I'm so sorry if it has to be like this. Swear, I don't want to lie to you. I was just really carried away at the moment. An affection that resulted in this situation."

I stand. I don't care if I don't wear any and he sees me like this. I don't care about the way she looks at me because now I'm upset.

I went straight to the bathroom, then took the clothes I took off.

"Where are you going?" she asked when she saw I was fully dressed. "Don't say you are going home, are you?" Like me, she is had her dress as well. She approached me and held me by the arm. "Please .. Stay. I have no bad intentions towards you. I am a friend and not an enemy. W-What happened to us, let's just forget it. I know you want a woman. And I failed to be a woman. But believe me, I will never repeat that. We can say that we just tasted. Just a one-night stand that you wanted to forget it."

I slowly removed her hand from my arm and walked forward without facing her. "I will stay," I replied coldly to her. "I will stay until tomorrow and let's forget what happened."

That's really what I want to do to forget everything but, there's a part of me that wants her to approach and sneeze because she doesn't seem to like what happened about us. We both liked it. Our body wanted it.

I sat on the sofa. "I'll just sleep here," I told her, avoiding looking Barbie in the eye. "I don't want what happened to us to happen again."

She walked closer to me. "I know. I promise. That would be the last time."

Everyone would have been happy if she had just been a woman. I can't believe I entertain three men inside. Gad! I'm so dirty! I don't know what to do. I even beat the paid woman because of what happened. It's as if I'm already paid for by her to stay and settle me here.

Why am I so quick to believe and trust? I should entertain no one, including Barbie. I didn't even know what to address him. Is it he or she? I don't know.

She quietly entered the room when she came out again with a blanket and a pillow. "Take this if you sleep here. I'm really sorry for what I did. But I can say that it was the best day of my life. I will treasure everything we had, Celestine. I wish you will found the right person for you. I know it wasn't me or Zeke. But I wish she is more than you can have for."

"Thank you." That's all I said, and I lay down on the sofa.

EARLY in the morning, my eyes opening wide when I noticed a dim light outside. The sun is just about to rise. I got up, then folded the blanket and laid it on the pillow. I barely combed my messy hair with my fingers and then washes my face because there might be some dry saliva left.

I need to leave before she wakes up.

It was a wrong move when I heard water falling into the bathroom. Barbie getting up early and I don't know that she woke up earlier. Or maybe she didn't sleep because I hated her.

I wasn't really totally angry, but I was upset because she kept it a secret and she hid it before, that she is not totally retouched. Maybe I wouldn't have refused if she was a full woman. Maybe it's too late for me to find the woman who will make my heart pound. I am ready to do everything for her and can love me back completely, despite my imperfection.

I shouldn't look for someone who will love me, but I don't know why it crosses my mind now. Maybe I want to be happy after everything I've been through in my life. If only I hadn't had a terrible experience with men, I might have appreciated it when someone flirted with me. But it didn't go that way. All men are deceivers. If they don't take your thing, they will deceive you in other ways. This is what Barbie did to me. She tricked me into taking the thing between my legs, after also taking away my trust. She fooled me in an instant.

"It's good that you're awake."

I raised my head at Barbie's voice. She has a cup in her hand. She laid it on the center table.

"Have a coffee first. I'll just cook breakfast. I don't want you to leave without food."

"No need. I won't last long either. I just want you to make sure we only had that stage, the last thing, yesterday. You will keep it a secret and no one will know what happened to us." "Yes. Of course," she replied shyly.

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I was about to walk to her entrance door when she speaks again.

"I don't want you to leave doing nothing to help you. Just let me take you home."

I would have refused when she herself opened the door for me and starts walking.

In the end, I am no longer refused. Would I narrow down even more if he had already got it all?

I just want to force into my mind that I am not a fool because I immediately agreed to what she did. I like to think she's a woman and not a woman with a pendulum. I want to remind myself that the woman I slept with last night was not half retouched.

I look gaga at my stupidity. My goodness, I am so stupid! I just moved without even checking if the woman in front of me was a real one. I didn't see any proof that she was possibly a man. How would I know? I didn't even doubt about it. So, I thought I didn't mind. But now, I mind everything. This is a big shame for me. What she did. What we did.

How many more times will I be stupid just because of the guy?

How many more times will I be miserable and pitiful?

This was probably the stage of my life, and I became stupid.

I force myself to get in her car. I was quiet inside when she drives the car.

"I know it's bad to advise you because I did it. But it might help you. Don't trust anyone around you. Even Ezekiel, me, co-workers, or any of your friends. Never think to be kind to anyone. Make a sample of what I did to you. I know it's wrong, but I just hope we can do it right. When the person is kind to you, don't just bite. Be always attentive. Be critical and don't let anyone put your guard down. Also, don't allow anyone to oppress or trample on you or your character. Be as yourself. You don't have to hide in this persona of yours. Let the world know who you are, Celestine. You are the boss of your life. Always keep in mind that you are ahead of everyone. You are the one to be obeyed. You can be more. More than you think of. Appreciate what you have, love yourself, and love will find you."