Not A Saint (ENGLISH VERSION)

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©2021 NOT A SAINT written by JL Dane

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-CELESTINE-

"I'M THIRSTY. Mind if you get me some water?"

The disappointment was evident on his face when the car stopped in front of a convenience store. I know Bellevera doesn't want to stop right now, as if he wanted to run away with me.

"Don't you dare run away from me. I am warning you." Those are Bellevera's words, trying his everything to get me followed. As if I will follow his words. There ain't powerful words that will bend my heart, not even him. He is not the man to obey. I prefer those who follow me and not those who make me follow. Not anymore.

He turned off the car engine. "Don't play wiser than me, Celestine. You will never win." Then, let's make a bet.

"I know. I'm not playing with someone like you," I said in a final word.

I was still slightly out of breath when he reached for my neck and kissed my lips like a husband saying goodbye. I just stared behind him until he finally got out of the car.

When Bellevera finally got out of the car, I took advantage of not locking his car door before he pressed the lock button. Surprisingly, Bellevera did not press the car lock button. Something went weird.

As soon as he entered the convenience store, I immediately went down, out of his car. I leaned back in the car with both arms folded over my chest.

Something is weird with Bellevera today. He is not the man to say goodbye and kiss me like that. I mean, it looks so sweet if we are lovers, but we aren't. I don't love him and I can never love him unless he is in love with me.

I was deep in thought. I only noticed that he had left the convenience store. I snatch the bottle of water from his hand when he passed in front of me.

"I think you're very thirsty," he said after I drank. I saw the strange gleam of his eyes that was obviously streaked with malice. "You should tell me. I will give you a drink until you choke."

See? This is what his dirty mind was trying to say. I knew it. I already know how dirty his mind, hands, and body are.

"I will not come with you today. I have to go back to the hospital and help Karina."

He gave me a doubtful look. "You look so concerned with your assistant."

"Just let me leave today and I will let you know."

He pulled my arm. "No," he replied emphatically. "You'll go with me to my unit. Do you think I don't know what you're doing? I didn't think you were so dirty with yourself to have the same wom-" I slapped him and didn't let him finish what he is saying.

"When you speak, you seem very clean. You are not a saint, Bellevera."

"So you are, Celestine. I don't defile myself to hit my fellow man, and you're worse than me."

"You are a playboy, a womanizer. So I don't like you."

"I can be a good boy if you want me if you let me. But you never try, hard. You never let me in your heart, Celestine." His words were tinged with resentment as if he is hurt by what I am doing to him.

He is not the kind of person who can be hurt because that is not in his vocabulary. He enjoys hurting other people more. He doesn't care if he steps on someone or hurts the person around him, he can just do what he wants.

"Because you are tough. You don't understand other people's wishes. You are selfish, Bellevera. You always think of yourself as high and mighty. That's anything you get because of money and I'm not that kind of woman. I admit, I accepted your money, but it will not change the fact that I still don't like you." Even if he begs, I will never give my heart away.

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"Just wait for us to get married and you will have a second thought about me."

"I doubt it. You can never change the way I look at you, as. shole."

The expression on his face changed from what I said. Did I mention he was easy to get mad at? Yes, he has anger issues, especially when I am in front of him or talking to him. His head heats up quickly when I talk to him and what's annoying is that he turns his anger on me. He has a short temper that whoever is in front of; he has no care, but when I'm with him he pours everything on me as if the resentment he feels is on my face.

"On the car, now! You are not leaving. When I tell you to stay by my side, that's what you will do," he said angrily as he raised his eyebrows. His head is on fire because of what I did.

I WAS FORCED to get in the car, even though I didn't want to go with him, and I even wanted to pick up Karina. He has many people around that I don't know where. I'm sure he knows Karina as my girlfriend.

"You're right," I said as he started the car. "Karina wasn't an ordinary lady to me. She's my girl."

Smiling, he glanced at me. "You're saying you're a lesbian?"

"I am and I know you know that. I already told you, I don't like you."

He took a deep breath, then transfer his gaze to the steering wheel and drive the car. "I didn't think you are this shallow and sl. ut." The nerve! He's saying I'm dirty, while he's the one who's sleeping with the woman while still with me? "Don't judge if you are not clean enough to compare me," I said irritably and looked out the window.

I'll admit it is painful, and it comes from someone even worse than me.

"Yes, I'm not clean and I can do messy things you can't imagine with. Don't mess with me, Celestine. You may face Satan in hell."

I suppressed the annoyance I was feeling from his words. It is so annoying. If I could only strangle him, I might have done it before. If I lose him in my life, I might be the happiest person in the world.

But in Bellevera's kind, he's not that easily overcome. I can't easily knock him down. In short, he is a hard opponent. And I don't know what to do just to escape him. No matter what torture I do to him and no matter what insults or hurtful words, I said he is even more numb.

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I don't want to think he is in love with me because the person who is truly in love does everything to make his beloved happy. But Bellevera is not that kind of man. It does not satisfy him with anything and he will not be the person to be happy and contented in what he has..

He is not the man I should cry for. Only those dead should cry for. Bellevera is the kind of person who should not be trusted and loved.

I was still upset so until we got out of the car I squinted my eyes and throw him a bad look. Yes, he can never lay a hand just to hurt me, but it doesn't mean he can't hurt me at all. He could afford to hurt me with people close to me because he knew I was weak. And I don't think that's what he's going to use just to push me into the swamp.

He dragged my arm until we could enter his condo unit. As if I can stay away from his grip and I can leave from his iron hand.

I was sitting on the sofa when we got inside his condo unit. Disappointed and full of disgust, I cross my arms over my chest. "I don't know what else you want from me and you're torturing me like this, Bellevera. I am not in arrears with you." He sat down next to me and took my hand. Only now did I see him feel my palm and hold it tightly, as if I were an important person to him.

"Just love me, Celestine, then I will not let you suffer."

I stared into Bellevera's pale eyes. His eyes make a promise that I can't trust.

"Do you... love me?"

He quickly averted his eyes and let go of my hand. So, it is confirmed. He loves me. That's why he reacted like that because he loves me.

"Since when, Bellevera?" I stared at him as he bent down and he tried to avoid my gaze.

"I don't know," he replied as he tweaked his hair. "I don't want to love you because you are not the kind of woman who will obey me. But... I can't stop myself, Celestine."

He kicked the table in the middle, and it falls but it didn't break. I was so surprised by what he did that I knew he had a hard time accepting that he is now falling in love with me.

Who would love a woman who has been taken by others and abu. sed. He's right, I'm a dirty woman. But I didn't want that to happen to me. If that was a fate, then I want to curse that dmn fate. I want a good life, normal. Not like this.

If I had only learned to fight Brent, then maybe he wouldn't have gone through what he was planning and taking me. Maybe Bellevera will look at me clean and maybe I might learn to love him. But I made my decision. I don't want to be Bellevera's woman or become a woman. I like myself being like this, being a lipstick lesbian even when people around me will judge how dirty I am.

He move closer in front of me and knelt, then took my two hands and seriously said, "I can't stop loving you, Celestine. I can't stop it."