Nadir

Every lady has their dream wedding, they always think of how they want their reception to look, how pure their dress should be and how they just envision the whole ceremony to be. I am no different, except at some point the way I saw things become different because everyone in my life didn’t look like the groom I had in mind. With Joshua I was so sure that he was the man I wanted to do life with, but then things happen and somehow you need to find a way of surviving through everything thrown at you.

Martha smiles as she looks at me on the mirror.

‘You make a beautiful bride.’

‘Thank you.’

She has warned me about crying saying how I will ruin my makeup. Ems and I didn’t want a big ceremony and I am glad none of his family members could oppose.

‘How does it feel? You are going to be Mrs Jacobs.’

‘Except to the other brother.’ I respond with a smile

‘You don’t think you made the wrong decision now did you?’

I shake my head.

‘There was nothing left for Joshua and I, honestly speaking we were done and there was nothing that could be done about it.’

‘I am really sorry you know, as much as I love Ems and what the two of you have I know there is a part of you that wonders what would have been.’

‘Of course it’s only natural that I think about it, we were going to build a life together. Someday I will forgive him even though he has never asked for an apology and when that day comes I will know that the apology was more to set myself free.’

I pause, to think back at everything that happened between us.

‘I still believe that there is a part of Joshua that is good. A part bug he searches within him will come to life and for the life in me I pray he is going to be a better husband and father to his wife and kids.’

She comes to hug me from the back.

‘Everything was a lesson Martha, I am just the happiest that everything I went through didn’t crush me.’

‘I have told you this before and I am going to say it again, you are the strongest person I know and I am happy for you.’

‘Thank you little one, I hope you can use my story as a climbing stone. I hope you know that I will always be here if you need anything and I don’t want you to ever feel like you are alone in the world because you are not. You are my little sister, my best friend and just the person everyone needs in their lives.’

‘Now you want to make me cry.’

I roll my eyes and that makes us both laugh.

‘Now let us get you to your groom because he might become worried.’

‘Yes please.’

I stand up and she helps me straighten my dress then hands me my bouquet of flowers.

We walk out of the room and walk towards the hall where the marriage blessing is being held. When we get to the door the choir start to sing my entrance hymn and the doors are opened. For a second I feel like I am lost because this is not the deco that we paid for, we specifically told them that we wanted rustic but this looks like a fairy tale wedding. I look behind to talk to Martha but she is not there, I look at my feet when I start to feel cold and realise that I am walking barefoot and I can’t understand what is happening. I continue to walk into the room and the further I go the further it all doesn’t make sense. I keep looking around for familiar faces but there is none and I start to panic, my body begins to feel weird and I am gasping for air it’s like the oxygen is being slowly removed from my body.

‘Breathe.’ Someone says in a whisper but I am still struggling

‘Breathe.’ The voice says again but it is still very hard.

‘Babe please, our story can’t end like this. We still have so much to accomplish together. We still have a whole life to live together this can’t be the end.’

I make out the voice and it is Joshua’s, he sounds like he is breaking down and now I stop moving and begin to wonder why Joshua would be begging me to breathe and why he is crying. I start to take small breathes just so I can make sense out of everything……

…..To be continued

..

Kwenje’s Girl

Winnie

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