My Fault (Culpable Book 1)

My entire body hurt after not being able to move for so many hours. I’d nodded off a few times, but never for more than a few minutes. I didn’t know what was going on, but I knew I needed to get out. The incessant pounding of the music in the background was exhausting me, not to mention that claustrophobic room with barely any light.

When light started shining through the window, I started to realize maybe no one would find me. And that made me cry again. Fear flooded my body.

Ronnie was back. He was at the foot of the bed. He’d been tormenting me by turning off the red light outside the room. He’d left me in the dark for long minutes that were the most terrifying of my life, knowing he was there with me in the blackness and could do whatever he wanted with me and I couldn’t defend myself, couldn’t run. I heard the echo of his giggles in my head as I wept and begged for him to turn on the light.

When he left, I tried to calm down for a long time. The music outside had died down, and all I could her now was my own breathing. Then a noise came from upstairs. It sounded like a crowd of people was stomping overhead. People outside shouted, and I heard gunfire and more voices. My heart skipped a beat, and I went stiff. My father appeared in the doorway, sweating, with a terrifying look on his face.

He hurried over and freed me from the chain. Then I saw something that made me jerk away. He pressed the barrel of his pistol painfully into my ribs and told me as I froze:

“Don’t you dare move a muscle.”

“Please,” I begged between sobs. That man was capable of anything.

“Shut up!” he commanded, pushing me toward the door and down a long hallway. I couldn’t see, I was scared, and I struggled just to put one foot in front of the other. I was defenseless and had no idea what to do.

He went on pushing me until we reached another door. I could tell there were people around, but I didn’t know how far away. When I heard someone shout Police!, my hope was reborn. Thank God, they’d found me!

The light scorched my eyes as my father pushed me outside and into an abandoned parking lot. What he didn’t expect was that there would be twenty or more cops stationed there with their weapons pointed straight at us. My father pulled me into him and brought the pistol up to my temple.

“Drop the gun!” someone shouted into a megaphone. Tears rolled down my face, and my eyes roved the scene, trying to find the person who could make all this make sense.

“If they get me, I’m taking you with me, little girl,” my father whispered in my ear.

I said nothing. My voice failed me as I laid eyes on him: Nicholas was next to one of the police cars, and when he saw me, he shouted my name. My mother and William were next to him, and all I wanted was to be with the three of them for the rest of my life. They were my family. I knew that now. After seeing what my father was capable of, whatever part of me blamed myself for putting him in jail vanished forever. He wasn’t my father, he never would be, and I didn’t need him. I had a man in my life who loved me above all else, and it was time for me to love him the way he deserved.

“Drop your weapon and put your hands on your head!” a cop shouted, his voice clear over the commotion.

“Please…let me go,” I whispered. I didn’t want to die. Not this way. I still had a million things to live for.

Then something happened. It was all very fast. My father said no, his weapon clicked, and it pushed harder into the side of my head. He was going to shoot me, my father was going to kill me, and there was nothing I could do. An explosion made me close my eyes. I waited for the pain to come…but it never did.

The powerful arms that had been holding me let me go, and I felt him fall beside me. I looked right, and all I saw was red… Blood spread across the ground next to the inert body of the man who had given me life.

The first thing I did was turn and take off running.

I didn’t know where exactly I was going; my mind was in a trance, completely blank except for one thought: run, run. And I did it, and I didn’t stop until my body struck something hard. Arms wrapped around me, and I felt a familiar body and smelled a comforting scent, and all at once, I was calm.

“Oh, God,” Nick said, squeezing me into him. He lifted me off the ground, and knowing I was in his arms, I realized I was going to be all right. I would never have to fear for my safety as long as a man like Nicholas was there. I would never have to tremble in fear because he’d raised his voice, I’d never have to worry about what I did or said. He loved me more than his own life, and he would never be capable of putting a hand on me.

He pushed me away slightly to look at my face, and I couldn’t help but grimace from the pain when he touched my cracked lip.

“Noah…” He looked me in the eyes as he said my name. I saw agony in his expression, relief at the awareness I was safe, blind hatred at the knowledge that I’d been hurt. All I needed was to feel him there, and I didn’t care that it stung when his lips touched mine.

“There’ll be time for that, babe,” he said, cupping my face. “I love you, Noah. So, so much.”

I felt so many things when I heard that. The tears returned, and a shaking overtook my legs as the adrenaline that had been flooding my body started to drain away. My mother showed up and squeezed me tightly, taking me briefly away from Nick. I hugged her close; again I felt at home, but it hurt me, too, knowing she’d had to suffer when our past had come back this way.

“My baby,” she said, her tears wetting my cheek. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” she kept repeating.

“It’s okay, Mom,” I assured her, knowing what she needed me to say.

William was there, too. Our eyes met over my mother’s shoulder. I nodded when I saw tears in his eyes. He came over and wrapped his arms comfortingly around both of us.

When we were done with the embraces, I couldn’t help but look back at my father. They were carrying him into an ambulance. He’d been hit in the side of the chest. I had no idea if he was alive, but I didn’t think about it. Just afterward, I saw the police taking Ronnie out of the house. He was unharmed and in handcuffs. As I was trying to absorb all that was happening before my eyes, Nicholas grabbed my chin softly and turned my face toward his.

“Look at me,” he said in the softest voice I’d ever heard. His eyes were red and swollen. He’d suffered as much as I had. I needed him close to me after that experience, to put myself back together, to reassemble all that my father’s actions had shattered. “It’s okay,” he continued. “You’re with me now.”

His words eased my heart, finally.

“I love you,” I said as a strange feeling came over me. I don’t know if it was exhaustion or just the stress of all that had happened those past few hours, but I couldn’t go on anymore. I grabbed onto his T-shirt as my legs gave out, and I closed my eyes, letting the sweet tranquility of unconsciousness bear me away.