Marriage For One

It was one PM and still she hadn’t come out. I’d been in that waiting room for several hours already and still she wasn’t out. I felt like a caged animal, not only in that room, but in my own skin.

I paced every inch of the space, stopping next to the windows and staring out without seeing anything. I sat down on the green chairs I now hated, closed my eyes, and leaned back…opened my eyes, rested my elbows on my legs, and put my head in my hands…yet still she wasn’t back.

A family of three was waiting with me, a dad and two kids. One was a small girl who wouldn’t let go of her father’s hand, and the boy, maybe nine or ten, would pat his sister’s head every now and then and try to make both the dad and the girl laugh. When they got the good news that their mom was out of surgery, I felt a surge of relief for them, but when no one came to tell me about Rose, I sank farther down in my seat.

At one-fifteen, my eyes on the door waiting for a nurse, to my surprise, Cynthia walked in.

“What are you doing here?” I asked when she made it to my side.

She sat down in her own ugly green chair and settled in. “Wanted to check on you.” The bewilderment must have shown on my face because her expression softened and she patted my arm. “Any news?”

“No,” I grunted, resting my elbows on my parted legs again. “Just waiting.”

“That’s the hardest part.”

My eyes on the door, I nodded. “Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”

“My boss didn’t come in, so I’m taking a very long and late lunch break. Is there anything I can get you?”

I shook my head.

“She’ll be fine, Jack. You’ll see. You just hold on so you can take care of her when she gets out.”

I had no idea what she was talking about. I was fine.

We didn’t talk for at least thirty minutes. Finally, she sighed and got up. “I better get back. I’m trying to get all the urgent stuff to the partners.”

Clenching and unclenching my hands, I looked up at her from my seat, taking my eyes off the door. “Anyone making things hard for you?”

She patted my cheek, and we were both surprised by the gesture. “You worry about yourself and Rose. I’ll handle the partners.”

I jerked my head in a nod. “Thank you, Cynthia. I appreciate your help with everything these last few days. I know I dumped everything on you.”

“She is changing you, you know.”

My brows drew together. “What are you talking about now?” Distractedly, my gaze caught on the big clock on the wall right over the door: two PM.

Starting to get angry, I got up and started pacing right next to the windows.

“Nothing,” she murmured with a weird smile on her face.

I only paused long enough to give her a quick look then continued with my pacing.

“You’re gonna wear a hole in the ground.”

Another look thrown her way, this time more menacing—at least I hoped it was. “Then I’ll wear a damn hole in the ground.”

“Okay, I’m gonna leave you to your pacing now. Jack?”

I stopped with a frustrated sigh and faced her. “What?”

“Try not to lose her, okay? Don’t wait to tell her till it’s too late.”

I ground my teeth together to keep my mouth shut. My gaze must have finally worked because she raised her hands in the air then started putting on her coat, gloves, scarf, and finally the bright red coat.

When she shouldered her bag, she turned to me. “I’d appreciate it if you could let me know how the surgery went when she comes out.”

To my own horror, I muttered, “If she comes out.” Luckily, Cynthia didn’t hear me and finally left.

I spent another hour in my own unwanted company, and more people trickled out of the room as they got their good news so they could be with their loved ones.

Around three PM, Raymond walked in with balloons. Balloons. I didn’t know how I felt about that, but my body tightened to the point that I couldn’t have moved even if I’d wanted to. I knew she had a good relationship with him since he drove her almost more than he drove me lately, but I still didn’t know how I felt about him being there for her.

With balloons.

I hadn’t brought anything, and I didn’t think I could manage to leave the hospital. The fact that she wanted to be with me and stop pretending cooled me enough that I didn’t demand he leave the second his eyes spotted me and he moved to my side with his ridiculous balloons.

He left an empty seat between us and sat down.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. “Balloons, Raymond?” I asked, the words coming out as a low growl, unintentionally…or maybe not.

He cleared his throat. “Not from me.”

I linked my hands together, glancing at him and then the balloons. There was a big blue one that said Get Well Soon and a few more colorful ones around it.

“I came from Around the Corner.” He thrust a brown paper bag at me with Rose’s shop’s little logo on the side.

Curious, I took it and looked inside: one cup of what smelled like coffee, one sandwich, and a muffin. I put it down on the floor. Rose made the sandwiches herself every morning. She used a spread she’d come up with on her own, as she’d told me countless times. Knowing she hadn’t made these, even though I hadn’t had anything since our dinner the night before, I couldn’t even stomach eating them. I picked up the coffee since I could’ve used a little more energy for more pacing.

Raymond continued, “I thought I could drop by and see if they needed any help with anything, and the girl—Sally, I think—she handed me the balloons when she heard I was coming here next.”

I grunted unintelligibly. That was better.

“How is it? Are they busy?” I asked a moment later.

“Yes. There was a line at the register. She is doing great. Oh, they also said they’d be here as soon as they closed down, to check on her.”

I nodded; I had expected as much. Since she wanted to be with me, I didn’t have to worry about the other one who worked with her early in the mornings anymore, whatever his name was.

We fell silent.

“Any news?” he asked after a few moments.

I ran my hand over my face. “Not a goddamn thing.”

“When did they take her in?”

“Eight. I don’t know when they started, though. She must’ve waited for a while.”

“How long is this surgery supposed to last?”

That was what was scaring the hell out of me. When we’d spoken to the doctor and I’d asked him how long these surgeries usually lasted, he hadn’t given me a straight answer, which was expected, but he’d said other times it had lasted anywhere from forty-five minutes to three hours. We had passed the three-hour mark a while ago, so I knew something must have gone wrong.

I rubbed a hand over my heart when I felt it tighten painfully. “She should’ve been out by now.”

Raymond took a look at me and didn’t say anything else.

All I could do was play with her ring, which was a dead weight in my pocket, and hope she was doing fine and holding on. We sat like that for another two hours until finally a damn nurse made her way toward us instead of going to someone else.

I sprung up from my seat, my limbs prickling from all the hours I had sat on that uncomfortable chair.

“She is out of surgery now and in the recovery room.” She smiled at us, as if everything was perfectly fine. She should’ve come down there hours ago.

“When can I see her?” I growled.

“We’ll go up to her room now, and you can wait there.”

“I think I’ve waited enough,” I snapped. “Take me to see her.”

The nurse lost her smile and scowled back at me. That was fine.

“She’s been in surgery for quite some time now, so we’re just anxious to see her,” Raymond spoke up. “Waiting for her in the room would be great, thank you.”

The woman, probably somewhere in her fifties based on her black and white natural hair, lost some of her stern look, which I didn’t care for, and then she sighed.

“They’ll bring her up to the room as soon as she is ready. They need to keep an eye on her until she starts coming around from the anesthesia.”

“Is she okay?” I rushed the words out, taking a step forward. “Did something go wrong?”

“I’m sure she is fine. The doctor will come to her room to check on things later and he’ll be able to give you more information. Now follow me, please.”

Up in her room, nothing changed. I barely took in the surroundings as we walked into the private room I’d paid for. There was a big TV mounted on the wall right across from the hospital bed, a leather couch right under the big window where the whole city was laid out in front of you, and then two comfortable enough chairs on the left side of the bed. There was also a door to what looked like a private bathroom on the left side as soon as you walked into the room. Raymond stood closer to the door with his ridiculous and cheerful balloons and wisely stayed out of my way as I started my pacing again.

“Tie those stupid things to a chair or something. You look ridiculous, for God’s sake,” I growled when he just stood there. I ignored the twitch of Raymond’s lips.

An hour—it took them another fucking hour to bring her up. As soon as they rolled her in, I rushed to her side. I was having trouble keeping my distance as they transferred her onto the bed.

Her eyes were barely open, she had a white tampon-looking thing in her nose, and she had slight bruising under her right eye. I moved my gaze over every inch of her face and her body, but other than that, I couldn’t see anything wrong with her. She looked tired and worn out, but she seemed to be okay.

“How are you feeling?” I asked as soon as the guys who had brought her in left the room.

She reached for my hand, and my goddamn heart skipped a fucking beat. I grabbed it with both hands and held on tight.

Her eyes were suspiciously wet. “I feel really tired. My head hurts and my stomach is stinging, but I think I’m fine. How did it go? What time is it?” she croaked, her voice barely audible.

I brushed her messy bangs out of her face and leaned down to press a lingering kiss on her forehead.

“You took ten years off of my life, Rose,” I whispered right next to her ear, resting my temple against hers. “I don’t know how you’re going to pay me back for this, but you better think of something.”

She tried to frown, but even that she couldn’t manage fully. “What? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been in surgery for seven, almost eight hours.”

“Oh. It’s been that long? I didn’t realize.”

She slowly lifted her hand, which still had a little needle taped to it, and gingerly touched the side of her nose.

“There is a tampon in there, I think,” I commented unnecessarily.

Her eyes darted around the room and spotted Raymond a moment later. “Oh, Ray. Hi.” She paused as if waiting for the right words to come to her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see you.”

Ray.

I gripped the bedrail, wondering what the hell was wrong with me that all of a sudden I was acting very unreasonable, especially since it wasn’t the first time she had called him Ray.

He stepped forward with the damn balloons, and Rose’s smile got wider.

“You brought me balloons? Thank you so much.” She looked up at me. “Jack, he brought me balloons.”

I hadn’t brought her shit. I gave Raymond another murderous look.

“They’re not from me, I’m afraid,” Raymond started. “I dropped by your shop before I came here, and Sally wanted me to get them to you so you could see them when you woke up. How are you doing, kiddo?”

I relaxed further at Raymond’s nickname for Rose and watched as her smile got all wobbly. “I’m okay, I think…a little dizzy, and I feel a little off. My head hurts…did I say that? Still better than what I expected. I must look like hell,” she mumbled and tried to chuckle, the sound nothing like her warm laughter.

I squeezed her hand, and her eyes came to me as I softly said, “You look beautiful.”

She groaned, trying to sit up a little straighter. “Uh oh, I really must look like hell.” She looked back at Raymond. “Jack’s usual compliments are more like You look awful, You look tired, You look like hell, or You look like a mess.” I scowled at her and she flashed me a small and tired smile. “Did I miss any?”

“I’ll give you new compliments you can add to your list as soon as you’re out of here. Don’t worry.”

“Thank you for trying to make me feel better.”

Raymond’s suppressed laughter got my attention, and I looked up from Rose.

He patted her leg, two gentle thumps. “He isn’t lying. For someone who just came out of a seven-hour surgery, you look great. I’m going to leave you two alone. I just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing.” His eyes met mine. “If you need anything, I’ll be waiting close by.”

I nodded and, after another look at Rose, he left.

Her eyes were starting to close on their own, but when I gave her hand a gentle squeeze, she turned her head toward me.

“Jack—”

“How are we doing?” An older red-haired nurse named Kelly walked in, and she started checking Rose’s blood pressure. “Everything okay?” she asked with a generous smile.

“I think so,” Rose replied.

“Your blood pressure looks good. Let’s see if you have any fever.”

“Is the doctor coming?” I asked, and she turned her smile toward me.

“He’ll be here soon enough. We need to start another IV on you, so you can just sit back and relax now. If you have pain, I’ll get you a painkiller after you have your dinner. Sound good?”

“Okay.”

“You don’t have a fever, so that’s great. I’ll come back and check everything every hour. Okay?”

The nurse walked out, and Rose’s head rolled toward me on the pillow. “Hi, Jack.”

Looking into her eyes, I reached out with my right hand and ran the backs of my fingers across her cheek. “Hey.”

“How bad does it look? You don’t have to lie.” Her voice was still cracked and hoarse.

“Bad enough.”

Her lips moved up an inch or so, her eyes closing.

“That’s more like you.”

The nurse walked in with the IV bag, so I had to pull my hand back from her face.

The doctor came in two hours later when Rose had had small naps with her mouth open in between the blood pressure and fever checks. Every time she woke up, she’d look around the room and say my name when her eyes found mine. Every one of those times I got up and went to her side to assure her I hadn’t left.

I looked like hell. Even more than that, I felt like I was living in hell. I wasn’t cut out for stuff like this. I didn’t know the right words to say. I was more likely to mess things up.

“How are we doing?” Dr. Martin asked.

Rose had just woken up so she pushed herself up in the bed.

“Not too bad,” she said. “My stomach hurts a little.”

“Yes. You remember what we talked about before, right? To patch the leak, we needed cartilage and other tissues from either your nose, your stomach, or the back of your ear, and—”

“I thought you said it was going to be from the nose,” I cut in.

“Yes, that was the initial plan, but the tear was bigger than what we’d hoped for.”

“Is that why it lasted over seven hours?”

“Again, yes. The tear was bigger and farther back than we expected, so it took a while to patch it, and if we had taken the tissue from the nose, it wouldn’t have been enough. I didn’t expect the operation to take that long either. Like we discussed before, it’s usually a few hours at most, but it was successful, and that’s what’s important.”

“I can’t really breathe through my nose,” Rose said, getting the doctor’s attention.

“That’s normal. You have packing in it right now and it’ll have to stay in at least two, maybe three more days.”

“When can I get out?”

He flashed Rose a smile. “Trying to get away from us so quickly?”

“No, I just—”

He patted Rose’s arm. “That’s fine. You’ll be our guest for a few more days, maybe a week. We need to keep an eye on you for a while and see how things are going.”

They had operated so close to her brain and because of the tear in the membrane, there was no protection. “Is infection a concern?” I asked.

“Infection is always a concern with any operation. Because we were so close to her brain, we just need to keep a close eye on her to make sure everything is healing smoothly.”

“When will we know if it’s still leaking?” Rose asked.

“I’ll order another CT scan in a few days after we take the packing out and see how things are looking. After you get out of here, I’ll need you to do another MRI scan in a few weeks.” Rose stiffened in bed. “I know you have trouble with that, but we need to see if everything is okay.”

She nodded and I took her hand. It seemed like I couldn’t control myself anymore.

“Okay. I’ll be checking on you every day, but a few things you need to know before I go: I need you to take a few pills morning and night. The nurse will get them to you before you take your meals. Also, there will be a syrup for constipation that you need to have two times a day.”

Rose groaned and I tightened my grip around our linked fingers.

“We can’t have you straining in any way. You need to keep taking the syrup even after you leave us, probably for about a month. Do not bend forward because we don’t want any pressure in your skull. After you get out of the hospital, you need to stay in bed for at least another two weeks and keep your head high with two or more pillows. You’ll visit us for check-ups in the meantime, and we’ll talk about these things in more depth when you’re ready to leave. For now, no tilting your head down, no sneezing.”

“I’m guessing I’m not allowed to sleep on my face then?”

“No. I’m afraid that’s not gonna be possible for quite a while. A few months. If you don’t have any other questions, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Another round of blood pressure and fever checks happened right before her employees and now friends showed up with cinnamon rolls, brownies, and two sandwiches.

As Sally approached, Owen stayed back, at the foot of the bed. I was standing on her left side.

“Hi,” Rose whispered to Sally’s smiling face.

“Hey,” she said back. “Sorry we couldn’t come before. We got all the good news from Raymond though. How are you doing?”

She rocked her hand in a so-so gesture. “How did it go at the coffee shop?”

“Everything went well. Don’t even worry about a thing on that front.”

Her eyes went to Owen. “Thank you for saying yes to working full-time, Owen. I don’t know what I would’ve done if you hadn’t accepted.”

“We would’ve found you someone else,” I interrupted, but she seemed to ignore me.

They stayed for another ten minutes and then left after promising to call her a few times the next day with updates on how things were going. Her dinner arrived a few minutes later.

“I don’t want anything,” Rose protested.

“You’ll eat so you can have your pills. You heard the doctor.”

“Just a little then.”

“Yes, just a little.” I moved the rails down and sat on the edge of the bed after we adjusted it so she could sit upright enough to have a few bites of the beef stew and rice. She could barely lift her arms, let alone feed herself. “How do you feel?”

“Still a little loopy, I think, and very, very tired.”

“Do you want to have some of the sandwich Sally brought in or this?”

She scrunched up her nose. “I don’t think I can handle the sandwich right now. Soft is better.”

I cut a small bite off of a potato and gently placed it in her open mouth. She chewed it very slowly.

“I can’t breathe through my nose, Jack.”

“Dr. Martin said that was normal.”

Next, I gave her a piece of beef, following it with some rice.

I felt like a true bastard, because there was something about feeding her that was getting to me. It was an intimacy we hadn’t shared before.

“Would you like some water?”

“I’m sorry,” she said, still chewing as she looked away from me for the first time.

“Sorry for what?”

“You’re doing a lot more than what we agreed to.”

I tried not to stiffen and just kept feeding her small bites. “I thought we were done pretending—or did you forget what you said before surgery?”

“I—” I forced another forkful of rice and potatoes into her mouth before she could respond. “Of course I remember, but still, this is—”

“If you remember then stop saying stupid things and keep eating.”

A smile tugged at her lips. “Okay.”

Eventually, the nurses changed shift, and after the last check, I turned the lights off.

Rose’s eyes followed me as I made my way back to her side, her body slightly turned to the right, her head facing up.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, pulling the covers higher so her shoulders were covered.

“My nose is a little tender. It hurts when I touch it.”

“Stop touching it then. Do you want water?”

“A little.”

I helped her up and she sipped from a straw, only a few pulls.

“Enough?”

She nodded and settled down.

I turned away to put the water bottle on the bedside table.

“Jack?”

“Right here, Rose.”

“Maybe we should talk more.”

“About?”

“You know…”

“Some other time.”

“Will you stay?”

“What?”

“Are you staying tonight?”

It wasn’t completely dark in the room, but it was still hard for me to see her eyes and try to understand what was going on in her mind. Her eyes always gave her emotions away.

“You didn’t bring anything with you—no clothes, no bag—so I wasn’t sure if you’d stay tonight. You have work tomorrow so if you can’t…that’s okay.”

All I could hear from her tone of voice was that she wanted me to stay with her. They couldn’t have kicked me out even if they’d tried to anyway.

“I forgot to bring a bag. I wasn’t thinking about that,” I muttered.

We fell silent for a few moments.

“So then you are staying?”

I leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss on the edge of her lips as she closed her eyes. “Always,” I said, my voice raw. “Even when the time comes that you don’t want me anywhere near you.”

She smiled a little. “I like having you around, so I doubt that will happen.”

I wished that were true.

“Okay. Now shut up and get some rest.”