Make Me

That all too well-known void around me slowly formed, as I stood from the ground. I always arrived here by falling uncontrollably, until I hit the lowest part of my mind. The doors circled around me, one of them slightly open, threatening to show off its secrets that I did not want to see one bit.

Silence echoed around me, and a familiar dark presence stood in the black fog, hiding from me like the snake he was.

"Show yourself Lucifer" I called out, my eyes searching the darkness. I could hear his footsteps around me, but it was as if he was everywhere all at once, so I didn't bother trying to figure out where he stood exactly.

"Something is different about you tonight" he admitted, emerging from the void, the blonde straight locks revealing themselves in front of me. The tall figure of the devil stood and walked around me with the elegance of a cat.

"I came here curious" I replied easily... Well, I didn't come here per se, but I knew I will be here, so I might as well ask a few things.

"No... what I smell is guilt... shame... lies." Lucifer cut me off easily, catching me a little off-guard.

"It makes no sense; you don't feel bad about lying ever... Who did you lie to?" the question was kind of rhetorical, and so I ignored it.

"What do you know about Judas?" I proposed what I was interested in. He let out a dark chuckle, letting it echo in the empty nothing around us.

"It's a silly story, that my father made up to scare me... Unsuccessfully. The embodiment of evil is the devil" for a second I wasn't sure if he meant god when he said "father", but I suppose so. I'm not that educated on the bible unfortunately, I've never been a believer, but this knowledge would now come in handy.

"You lied to your match..." he concluded suddenly, speaking right behind me. Before I could've turned, he hugged me tightly from behind, sinking his claws into my chest.

"Oh, how adorable... do you really think Jude doesn't know?"

"Let me go, snake" I hissed, kicking behind me. He grunted, which resulted in me realizing, I can hurt him in our dreams... that's brilliant.

As this thought flashed through my head, I didn't care to also add, that the mark that his claws lefts on my belly will also stay, I couldn't care less. I was out for blood.

I turned as he stepped back from me, due to the previous kick, and I threw myself on him, pushing him to the ground, sitting down on his chest, so he wouldn't be able to stand up.

"Don't anger me" he warned forcing me off him by turning our position, so now he was above me, forcing my hands above my head. I pulled my knee up, making sure he won't have any more kids in the process. He growled a little forcing his clawed hand on my throat, pressing the air out of me quickly. I kicked his side now, turning on our position once again, finally being on top I grasped his blonde hair and forced his head down.

"This is my head, you prick. You can't beat me here" I laughed deeply, feeling a bit of blood running from my nose.

"You don't know who the fuck you are talking to, boy. Let go of my hair before I drag you down to hell myself" I didn't take his threat seriously enough to stop. I put my hand on his throat, grasping it as hard as I could, but suddenly he disappeared from beneath me and everything ended in a quick blur.

***

My eyes shot open, and the first thing I noticed, that I still felt flesh beneath my fingers... I could feel Lucifers throat, as I grasped it harder and harder. I panted, not letting go of him until my eyes met a different pair of eyes than I had expected. The velvet gaze bore into me with peaceful admiration. I stared at Jude in utter shock, sitting on his chest and choking him, as he laid under me, not even aiming to protest.

I let go of him so fast, it looked like he burned my hand.

"Why didn't you defend yourself you moron?!" I barked at him aggressively, but he didn't move still just gave me a small smile.

"I didn't want to push you off" he said calmly, and I gently blushed, because he was the biggest idiot in hell and on Earth as well. What an absolute joke of an excuse. I could've hurt him badly!

Or well... to be fair he is a demon lord, I doubt I could've made much harm, but still.

"It's okay Seth," he reassured me, slowly reaching up to my face and caressing it with his long fingers, successfully calming my nerves as much as it was possible at this point. As he slowly sat up and slipped down into his lap, not moving, even though I wanted to. We were way too close.

"Let's stay this way... just until the sun comes up" his gentle request caught me off-guard, so I just hesitantly nodded, laying my head on his shoulder. It felt so natural, being like this with him, and I knew why. Our bond made us feel this way, our bond was the thing forcing my heart to beat that fast, whenever he was close to me. Whispering words that suggested he cares, even though he most likely didn't.

"I'm... I'm so tired" I said quietly, not being able to control my words "I just want to sleep without dreams... I just want to sleep, Jude" I was on the verge of a small break down, feeling my eyes and my body begging for a little bit of rest. Just one night, without Lucifers ill-intentioned little whispers. I just wanted it to be over with, to sleep as I used to... I had no more will to fight him, I just wanted to escape his visions.

"It'll be okay, I promise..." His words struck me so sincere, I almost believed him. I wanted to at least, so very much.

We spent the time until sunrise in that position, just the first rays of sunshine broke the dark paradise that the demon had lulled me into, and I mourned that peaceful state deeply, but I also knew it had to be over. I had things to do today, and I could no longer hide my irrational guilt because Jude genuinely seemed clueless that I'm going to meet Leon... He comforted and cared for me, and my first instinct was to just lie to his face. But I also knew, most of the things he does for me is just due to his need to break me and make me his... so that's not a valid point from him.

I had a quick shower, and since Leon asked me to meet him at 9 am in a nearby café, I had to get dressed quickly, but also not looking like I was in a hurry.

"I'll go buy that thing I told you about yesterday. Don't wait for me with breakfast." I threw back behind my shoulders, as I was getting my jacket on. Jude just got a shirt up, and he was making coffee, his hair a little messier than usual. He raised his eyes to me, and I suddenly felt naked. I knew it was just my guilt speaking, but I felt like he knows everything, and my skin burned under his stare.

"So, you are going shopping?" he asked as if he just wanted to torture me by forcing me to repeat the lie. I knew if I take my eyes off him before I reply, it'll be too obvious, so I just nodded a little absently.

"Yeah... secret shopping, so stop asking about it" I forced a smile, before escaping the room. I felt like the lowest scum of the earth, and I couldn't believe I care about Jude's feelings. God damn it, that man has no heart! He doesn't care one bit if I lie to him. And, he doesn't know, I'm just paranoid because of what Lucifer said...

Swallowing all my previous worries, I made my way down from the hotel, and following the instructions, I looked for the nearby café, which held the peaceful name of "green leaf". Quite a boring choice, but what can I do.

I soon enough noticed the small sign, decorated with an elegant but vibrant green outline. Stepping into the coffee shop, my eyes were trained on the costumers, trying to find Leon, and it wasn't such a hard thing to do, he stood out because he didn't know how to...human. I'm not sure how to put it, he was sitting way too straight, with that kind and peaceful cult smile on his face, observing everything around him like a new-born.

He was sitting at one of the one-legged, small but elegant tables, and I slowly walked up to him and sat down on the opposite side.

He gave me a warm and sincere smile, but he didn't seem surprised that I showed up.

"You look a little worn-out" he said, eyeing me up in a concerned manner, but I just shrugged. I wasn't going to explain to him what was going on. I just needed answers that Jude hid from me or couldn't answer me in the first place. "Get to the point. I didn't come here to have small-talk" I informed him a little roughly, before leaning back in my chair. He nodded, acknowledging but not joining my way of conversing, he kept smiling at me.

"I know, what Judas is... And I know what you did." He said after a while "And I also know that you think it's already written in stone... That your soul is his"

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I raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. Was it not written in stone, though? I already made the deal, there was no walking back, was there?

"You can still call it off since he hasn't killed any of your targets yet."

I was sitting there silently, staring at Leon's unearthly features, and shining gold hair, when I realized something that seemed almost impossible... a stranger that knows about the demon, calls Jude "Judas", has golden hair and a strange and unreasonable kindness radiating off him... And of course, finally, he wants me to give up my revenge.

"Are you like a... a guardian angel or some bullshit like that?" I asked quietly, so no one would think I'm a lunatic in the shop. He chuckled lightly and shook his head, running his hand through his locks.

"Even if I were, I would not be allowed to let you know... But I'm not. However, yes, I am an angel, that much you can know. I want the best for you, and I want to help you walk away from the monster you got entangled with." I silently searched his eyes, not trusting his words, even if they made sense. I had too many questions and too deep rooting trust-issues to just think he really wanted the best for me.

"Why are you helping me? I presume not everyone gets an angel to help them if they encounter a demon."

"There is a lot resting on your shoulders young man... You are not... one of many. We knew for a very long while, that one day Judas will find you, and we had no means to stop it. For centuries, it had been known by us. But we can turn the tides now... It's all up to you, which way you go down. All you need to do is to walk away from him. Once a match is broken, it cannot be repaired, not by him, not by anyone. I know, now you feel like you need him, but once it's broken, you won't anymore."

I'm not going to lie, my stomach curled into a small ball of nervous distaste just at the thought of Jude leaving. I felt like the angel proposed to me, that he would cut my lungs out and shove it down my throat, and it'll be fine. But also, the things he said made me curious, and anxious at the same time.

"Why do you call him Judas? That's just a story, isn't it?" I questioned, while Leon leaned back in his chair, crossing his arm in front of his chest as he observed me with heavy seriousness.

"Lucifer told demons that it is just a silly tale, yes. And it can be that if you decide to make it a tale... if you break the match, everything will be alright."

"Because if not?" I cut in, getting a little bit of a glare from him. His jaw tightened, sitting up straight now again.

"The king of hell will fall... I can't let that happen, Seth. None of us can. Order and balance must be protected, you see. Lucifer is the needed evil in the world. There must be a storm, to enjoy the sunlight. However, Judas is not that..." he stopped himself, seeing as my eyes narrowed to such an extent, that I felt like I could cut him down with just my stare.

"Jude will kill Lucifer?" I asked a little unsurely. Why would he do that? Isn't Lucifer supposed to be the strongest demon of all?

"No... Not exactly. The prophecy says, Judas is damned to fall in love with a mortal. Evil falls for Chaos, and destruction is born, the kind that mankind had never seen before." he probably quoted that, by the sound of it. He didn't finish the thought, so I still wasn't sure who is he accusing of this murder attempt against the devil, but as he was staring at me knowingly, I swallowed.

"I know, you don't think, that you are that kind of person, Seth. And you are not...yet. The problem with you and Judas is, that you bring out the worst in each other. You have the potential to become someone great and good, and someone... unspeakable. It's your decision." my eyes were stuck on the tabletop, my hands resting on my lap, curled into a tight fist.

"Jude is not the man you think he is. He is not Judas, and therefore, I am not the person you are looking for. I couldn't kill Lucifer, even if I wanted to..." I sighed, while Leon studied me a little unsettled.

"I don't want to sound harsh, but the only reason that demon is able to blind you is because you lacked love your entire life... But you must know my dear, that is not right love. That is the love of a monster, who knows nothing else than to ruin whatever it touches. Judas is damned to be malicious and sinister, it's the way he was created..."

"Stop calling him Judas, for fuck's sake!" I cut him off loudly, slamming my palms onto the table. People around us looked up, but since Leon didn't express any fear, they slowly went on with their day. I felt my chest fill up with anger, but I repressed it so I would punch the angel.

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"I wanna know if Jude is so fucking terrible, and you guys are so fucking amazing, where the hell were you while I was suffering? Huh? Where were your glorious little winged friends to help me? You don't give a shit about me. You don't give a shit about Lucifer either. And if you'd ever meet the real "chaos" guy, you wouldn't care about him either. You care about your balance and let me not specify where you can shove that up." I snarled angrily, still holding most of my fury back. "Jude and I have nothing to do with your stupid prophecy, but to be honest if I were that guy, I'd burn your pretty little balance to the ground with pleasure. But unfortunately, I don't know how to." With that, I stood completely aiming to storm out of the shop, but he stopped me, grabbing my hand gently but sternly.

"Lucifer probably knows who you are by now... And if you don't break the bond, he will hunt you down while he can. I hope you know your actions can cost your life" He warned me, somehow angering me even more. I was tired of people telling me off, of how I should live and be and feel. How I should give my vengeance up. What do others give up? Because I've been fucked with all my life, so I'm pretty sure, this is my bloody turn. I pulled my hand away from him, giving him a small smile.

"Tell me something that I didn't know already." I scoffed sarcastically, leaving him there alone, while I burst out of the café.

Still angry, and almost panting from how irritated I was, I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair, collapsing at the small bench that I saw nearby. I hated this whole thing, with all these entitled, annoying ass immortals telling me what I should and should not do as if they cared even a little bit before.

And not just them. Veronica also, always coming up with how Jude is so bad and toxic, but what they did not understand, is that Jude was the only one I had. No one cared at all, no one would enable me to do justice, and no one cares that I would want that. Sure, he has his ulterior motives, but that's more than I've ever gotten from anyone.

Resting my elbows on my knees, I let my head hang lifelessly, as I was attempting to get myself together, a million thoughts running through my head.

"Every time an angel angers me, I just remind myself that they are and will always be virgins... Kinda funny, isn't it?"

I froze when I heard the familiar voice next to me. I lifted my head quickly, seeing Jude sitting at my side, cloaked in his long coat and looking peacefully at the café shop I just escaped. I thought he will be angry, but I could not detect any sign of irritation on pain on his features. He seemed rather contained and... maybe even happy, in a bittersweet way.

"You knew, didn't you?" I asked quietly, searching his face. He slowly lifted his gaze to me, with that unreadable but calm smile.

"You are not the gift-giver type... I don't think that's your love language" he said sarcastically, and I rolled my eyes. We were silent for a while before we broke out in a peal of small laughter together. I don't know why, but it felt so right after this morning. I think that was my first purely genuine interaction with Jude, and we were chuckling for a while at the absurdity of our lives.

"You knew about the whole prophecy, didn't you?" I asked after a small amount of silence settled between us, still resting my weight on my knees mainly. He nodded slightly, but no shame appeared on his face.

He was silent, but I could see he meant to answer. As he took a deep breath, his intense eyes locked with mine again, capturing my thoughts and attention fully.

"I don't believe that the future can be defined... But if hell must fall for you to stay with me... Then be it" I took my eyes off him, overwhelmed by the sincerity and intimacy of his words. I pressed my lips together, as my heart raced in my chest, but I didn't show.

"You are an idiot, Jude"

I whispered as we sat silently next to each other, watching people pass by. I wanted to stay here, like this, forever. At a crossroad, not moving anywhere, just sitting with Jude, watching as life moves around us. I didn't want to go on, in any direction, and if only I could capture this moment longer if only, I could somehow feel the way I felt in that short while, I would give anything for it.

"I figured you would say that"