Make Me

Shame: Is a painful emotion caused by the consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety, also used for the condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute. Also, it is something that a certain demon has absolutely zero of.

After what happened, Jude left for a day, as if this was something that a decent person would do. I do not care one fucking bit, who called him, even if it was Satan himself, I could not give a damn!

The duty to explain the situation to Suzy and Veronica fell to me and since I am a responsible and relatively good human being, it was clear as day to me, that I owe them both an apology, and that it's almost impossible for either of them to forgive me at this point.

So, what did I do?

I never showed up at our arranged meeting.

Somewhere deep inside I knew that wasn't right, but then again, even if I did go, not much would've changed for them. I cheated on Veronica, Jude straight up used Suzy like a pawn, and, even though I cared for her, it was hard to face them after what happened, especially because most of all, I was also angry at myself.

And finally... I thought it's best for both if they distance themselves from me and Jude, knowing what was ahead. I knew that what I was about to go through with, requires certain cruelty from me, my vengeance demands me to be something I'm not particularly proud of. I can't have it all, in exchange for my revenge, I must let go of the ones not involved, for their sakes.

But regardless, every action has their consequence, and mine resulted in my work hours becoming my personal hell. Even though I avoided Suzy, I could feel her angry gaze at me, and whenever I would be forced to talk to her, she was cold and distant. I lost her as a friend, and instead of trying to help the situation, I felt like I'm digging my hole even deeper.

As the end hours rolled by, I knew that I will soon be free, but as we started to clean the tables, the entrance bell gently alarmed us of an unwanted guest. It was the end of our shift, and we already placed the "closed" sign on the door, but we soon realized who it was. The familiar invading scent, and presence, that somehow filled any room without a problem, and hugged me tightly, almost depriving me of air, or at least it felt like.

"Jude" I breathed, not because I was so amazed or glad to see him, but because it literally astonished me that he had the fucking audacity to show up here. His clothes were the ones he had left in, the dark cape-like coat, and the deep velvet dress-shirt that hugged his toned torso. His dark hair pushed back, revealing each of his sharp features.

"I just came to pick Seth up" he announced, while Suzy stared at him dumbfounded, trying to process the complete coldness the demon showed in her direction. I could never imagine Jude's cruelty could go so far, but he didn't even flinch or force a smile. He had no guilt, and I could tell, and I was repulsed by him, so I turned away, pretending to wash the countertop.

Maybe I envied him more than I'd like to admit. I wanted to lift the heavyweight of remorse from my chest, but I'm afraid that part is directly attached to my humanity.

"You are fucking great" Suzy hissed, her words sounding desperately heartbroken and hurt, and I knew that I should've done something, to help my friend. I caused this, and there was nothing I could've really said to fix it. And I also didn't wish to. Suzy had to learn once and for all, who Jude was... To stay away from him, and I hoped this pain will be enough to do the dirty work.

"Pardon?" Jude glanced at the girl, reserved and cold, his face unreadable.

"Don't "pardon" me... I can't believe you have the nerve to come here, and act as nothing happened! How long has it been going on? All along? Or is this relationship a new hobby for you? Something like me? Something to kill time with?" she snapped, but then again, they were the perfect contrast; While Suzy was clearly on the verge of crying, Jude didn't even blink or move his mouth from the perfect line it was settled in.

"I think it's better if we go..." I tried to step in, but neither of them acknowledged my comment.

"Seth and I are not dating." He said simply, touching on the real important part if I may say, "You could never come to understand our relationship, so I didn't bother trying to explain. I'm sorry that what had happened pains you, though it was rather harmless" he continued, and maybe it was just me, but the air got painfully hot as if Suzy's wrath radiated around us.

"You say that like it's normal to cheat on someone!" she hissed angrily. Jude smiled a little to himself, as if Suzy had something entertaining, adjusted his collar, and chuckled a little.

"I hope you are not suggesting that you believed we are a couple. I merely asked you out a few times to annoy Seth, that's all." the girl's face went from red to white, pain and vulnerability flashing through her eyes.

"That's really enough now" I tried to step in again, glaring at Jude, who had somehow set his mind on destroying Suzy more than it was needed. He was cruel and cynical, making fun of the girl's feelings in the worst possible way. "You too, don't act like are all innocent, kissed him!" she now turned to me, but before I could've said anything, the demon spoke up.

"Oh... So, this is all about a kiss? I thought it was because we slept together..."

"WE DID WHAT?" now it was my turn to yell at Jude, completely embarrassed and surprised by his casual statement. He waved an arm in my way as if he wanted me to stay out of it... AS IF I wasn't involved.

"Hush, you black-out drunk" he ordered firmly, but tenderly, his eyes still trained on Suzy. I was quite sure, Jude didn't just "accidentally" tell Suzy what had happened, but it was beyond me, why did he feel the need to dig the knife in her chest any deeper.

"Was he so drunk he can't remember?! Have you no shame, taking advantage of Seth like that?!" I blinked a few, not realizing how did I become the victim suddenly, but I didn't protest, just glanced at Jude unsurely. He gave me a small, cunning smirk, and somehow, I felt like, this whole conversation was going exactly the way he wanted it to. My heart sank, as I watched the situation unfold, perfectly for Jude, and miserably for everyone else involved. "We are good friends, we don't hold grudges over things like that, isn't that right, Seth?"

"You practically assaulted him!" Suzy shot back, boiling with anger, and while I would've loved to go along with the theory, I also knew that Jude was incapable of doing anything to me, that I did not wish for... which just made me even sicker, I felt dizzy from the shame, and the dirt I felt all over my body. Jude was obviously uncaring of me, or of anything, and I let him have me willingly. The memories of the morning after, when I desperately wanted to know who I had slept with, now crashed down on me, and it felt worse than I could've ever imagined, knowing the bite marks on my skin were originated from that collection of sharp, white teeth in Jude's mouth. He didn't even bother to tell me, he cared so little about it. "Did I?" Jude's eyes settled on me, and soon enough, Suzy's as well, as if I wasn't the one who did not remember the above-mentioned night. I swallowed, not knowing what to say, either way, it led to a dead end.

"Jude is messing with you, Suzanne... we didn't sleep together" I mumbled, desperately wanting to leave the conversation. Suzanne stared at me in disbelief and pity, a look that I could've not resented any more than I already did. I pushed myself away from the counter and targeted the door.

"Seth is clearly in denial." Suzy concluded helplessly filled with anger, but I could no longer take the guilt of appearing to be the victim here. I did not want Jude to make me the hero of the situation, and I didn't want to talk about how I slept with the demon without even knowing about it. Should I ask him what we had done? Or should I just let that night be wasted away? That's probably for the best.

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"I'm sorry about this" I mumbled, genuinely, but not very politely, just glancing up at Suzy for a millisecond before leaving the shop, Jude close behind me. I fastened my pace until we got to a quieter part of the town, into a small alley. There I stopped and sharply turned towards the demon, staring up at him.

"If I remember right, our contract works in a way, that whatever I allow myself to do to you, will automatically be allowed for you too... As you said, if I order you to do things, using our bond, you'll be able to do the same, for several times. Is that correct?" I asked, my expression unreadable, just blankly staring at his stupidly beautiful features.

He cocked an eyebrow, tilting his head to the side, and slowly nodded.

"Yes, but what's the sudden interest?"

"None of your concern, dear Jude." I offered him a dry smile "Kneel" I ordered sharply. His featured got dark, I could feel that if not for our bond, he would've just ripped my head right off its place for my tone, but I did not tremble. "My clothes will be ruined" he objected, but I just answered with a deep growl, grabbing his collar, and pulling him to my level.

"Kneel the fuck down, Jude" I hissed in his face, and after a short, while heavy silence, he kneeled before me, like a trained police dog, waiting to be released to attack.

"You will stay there, no matter what... I repeat you are not allowed to stand up. Was I clear? "I continued, and I could see a small snarl forming on his lips before they straightened again.

"If I were you, I'd stop right here" he warned me peacefully, but I didn't give a damn. My fist connected to his face the first time, and I instantly felt the pain and the satisfying rush of adrenalin get into my head, as I repeated, now forcing him to fall a little, so he had to support himself with his hands.

"So, you can get hurt. You fucking bastard" now I kicked him, seeing as he was down, and that was the same fucking thing he did to Suzy. He didn't make much of a noise, every time I stopped, he just got back up on his knees with a reserved expression, fulfilling my order. I could not get a glimpse of surrender or submission on his face, only a few bleeding dots here and there, and I was pretty sure they will heal way too soon.

By the time he got back up for the fourth time, I was lightly panting from the exhaustion, but I did not lose my dignity. I could feel my eyes tear up with anger, as I stared down at him, fists bloody from how many times I had hit him already, but it had little to no effect on him despite that his mouth lightly bled.

"I hate you" I stated, my voice cold and empty, yet I felt so much, I wanted to explode.

"You hate yourself" came the remark calmly, his eyes trained on me, then he spat out a little bit of blood.

"No... No. You are the one who did this. I DON'T do things like that. I don't pretend to be a victim after I cheat on someone. And I don't torture my friends emotionally. I don't do that" I shouted grabbing onto his hair, and I pushed it against the cold tire wall, though he didn't even flinch.

"You were someone, who would never do that. But you are changing, Seth... I didn't lie to her, and you knew all along... that I'm using your friend. You didn't do anything... you desperately wanted me to break up with her, but not for those morally high reasons of yours, isn't that right, darling?" he continued, his words wrapping around my throat like fingers, and I barely speak.

"That's not true..." I mumbled unconvincingly, and he grinned, with his slightly bloody teeth and lips, it was all so bizarre and beautiful, I could hardly stand the sight.

"You were jealous... You did not care for Suzy, and you shouldn't. She is nothing compared to you, nothing compared to what I'll make of you" I let go of him when I couldn't stand his eyes anymore, and I stepped away trying to collect myself and I slowly paced around the alley. The rain started to pour, and I felt as my clothes gradually get wetter and wetter, and I could not give a damn. I collapsed at the side of the wall, leaning against the cold surface.

"Did you enjoy it?" his deep, humming voice filled the alley, yet it was quiet and gentle. For a second, I didn't really know what he meant, yet whatever it was it made me blush in an uncomfortable amount. "What?"

"Treating me like that..." our eyes locked again, and I felt the need to swallow, as his stare sat on me. I thought for a second, trying to lie, whilst even I didn't know the answer, so I just opened my mouth and let whatever it had to say, slip out. "I've never enjoyed anything so much before" I answered dryly, with a cold and furious expression before I took my eyes off his now smirking features.

"You can get up now" I whispered, allowing my spell to be broken, but I only heard as Jude slowly got to his feet. I fell into a deep state of despair, terrified of what I just did, out here and in the shop, I was trembling, trying to gain a sense of who I was, repeating repeatedly, what I knew. I knew that I didn't give up. But that's just not quite enough to define me, is it? Am I cruel? Am I selfish? Have I been like this always?

Suddenly, the cold of the rain was contrasted by something warm and all-consuming. It smelled like Jude, and it was almost like a blanket, covering my hair and my whole back as I sat there, trembling with anger and fear.

The demon lowered onto one of his knees, fixing his coat on me, as he gently touched my face, palming it easily. I could never understand the tenderness He touched me with and looked at me with, knowing him, and knowing myself, so it caught me off-guard yet again.

"We are not enemies, Seth... You don't have to be so strong, you are not alone anymore" he whispered, sternly but steadily, and the only thing keeping me from passing out was his voice.

"I'll take you home now..." he added, offering me his hand. I raised my gaze to his, trying to read the demon. It felt obvious that he was lying... he had to be. But it was so comforting... him, looking at me still like I was something worth looking at. And in a time of need, where I hated myself more than anything, I could kill for someone to want me alive.

"You will take revenge for what I had done just now." I half-stated, and he gave me a reassuring warm smile, hugging me while helping me up, and gave a gentle kiss on my cheeks, as his lips brushed against my ear.

"Oh, most definitely, you gave me the power to force to basically anything, I'm going to make you regret you were born" he said ever so tenderly, which stroke me as psychotic, but I didn't tremble from the threat. "But for now, we need to get some dinner for you before you catch a cold"