Lustful Hearts

I gasped with shock. "You're a dad?"

His eyes wrenched open. "No," he whispered. "She lost the baby." His eyes filled with tears, and my heart broke seeing his pain so raw in front of me. "Every year we meet up on the day she died and remember her, it's our way of coping.

Lauren needs my support on really bad days. That's why she texted. I left because it hit me hard that day, I was so happy with you and then it brought it all back. I felt guilty for enjoying myself, for having fun, for being alive."

Looking into his eyes, I saw the weight of the torment he carried around. "Joel, I'm so sorry you had to go through something like that. I can only imagine the pain, but you can't berate yourself for living. Life is so cruel at times but you deserve happiness too." I pressed my lips against his forehead to help soothe the agony deep inside.

"She was going to be called Katie Anne, she would have been two now." He started shaking uncontrollably, the sobs racking through his body. I drew him into my arms and let him cry all the tears of grief he had bottled away.

We lay there for a while, and I cradled him, softly stroking his hair, giving him the love and support he so desperately needed. My heart ached at the depths of his secret he had carried for so long. "That's why you have the tattoo." I whispered, unsure of whether I should push the matter further.

He opened his eyes, moving back to look at me. "How do you know about the tattoo?"

"It's always grabbed my attention whenever I saw it. I knew it had more meaning than the others. I've always thought it was something too personal to ask."

"I got it done the day after. I just wanted something as I reminder that she was here, if only for a brief time, and that I would spend the rest of my life always loving and missing her."

"Can I?" I asked, unsure he would allow me.

He hesitated then softly nodded. I slipped my hand up his sleeve to reveal the tattoo as my eyes took in the beautiful vision before me.

I stroked my fingers delicately along the outline, planting a soft kiss on the part of his body that would always bear the signs of true heartbreak.

"Thank you. I've never told anyone else about Katie," he whispered.

I instantly frowned at his words. "Not even Mike?" I asked, concerned at the thought of him carrying this burden alone.

"No." His eyes held so much pain they shook me to the core.

I hesitated slightly, feeling guilty for what I was about to say. "Joel, when I asked Mike about Lauren, he said she was your fuck buddy, that you hooked up every now and then. I was devastated. I thought you were cheating on me."

I closed my eyes in disgust. I was so stupid, how could I have made such a mistake? Especially listening to Mike of all people.

"Iz, Lauren and I haven't been with each other since Katie was conceived. Mike probably thought we were hooking up when I met up with Lauren. Nothing happened though, she just needed to talk about Katie and I was the only one sharing the same pain.

It was a release for her; she'd bottle things inside, and then go off the rails drinking. I would always try to get her back on track."

My eyes slowly opened, looking into his sad blue. "I'm so sorry. I feel like an idiot. How could I be so insensitive? But you know I'm here for you always, if you ever need to talk." My eyes filled with tears, I hoped he could forgive me for my own stupidity.

"I should be the one apologising. I have all this baggage and history with all these girls. I don't know why you put up with me.

I know I don't deserve you, and you should be with someone far better that hasn't lived the life I have, but I can't stay away from you. It kills me every time we're apart. I love you so much it hurts."

My hand cupped his face to bring his eyes back to mine. "Joel, believe me when I say I don't want anyone else, it's just you. You're all I'll ever need. I feel like I can't breathe when you're not around. I can't function without you.

I need you in my life and if you walk away, it would be like snatching out my heart." I pressed my lips hard against his, hoping my words would appease him. To make him finally understand my heart only ever wanted him.

He pulled away, and I let out a small whimper of disapproval. "So what are you saying? That we're together forever then?" he asked. A small smile played on his lips as his thumb brushed away the last of my

tears.

"Yep, looks like it." I grinned back, feeling reassured my words had finally registered.

"I think I can handle that." He smiled.

"But will you still want me when I'm old and droopy?" I pouted the moment his eyes flicked over my body.

"Yeah, I'll probably love you even more." He chuckled, and I launched myself at him, our lips slamming together. He was taken aback by the ferocity of the kiss but then kissed me just as fiercely back. I moved away, and this time he pouted.

"Joel, you'll always have my heart."

A tear rolled down his cheek. "And you'll always have mine."

***

I lay staring at Joel's peaceful face, my eyes flicking over inch of his beauty. He smiled sensing me watching him, and I giggled.

He was just too cute.

"You watching me sleep again?" he asked, poking an eye open.

"Well it's been a while. I think I deserve to look at my gorgeous boyfriend's face."

He kissed me softly on the lips, and my fingers quickly found their way into his hair. "I've missed waking up to you, Iz. It was my favourite part of the day."

"Mine too." I sighed, pressing my lips against his again. He grazed his hand against my cheek and the flash of red from his knuckles quickly caught my eye.

I broke away and pulled his hand towards me. My eyes fell upon the sight of his bruised, bloodied knuckles bearing the signs of defending my honour.

I kissed each knuckle softly, and he gasped, his eyes watching every tender movement.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

"No, it's fine." He tried to quickly shake it off, slipping his hand out of mine.

"You know you're my white knight." I smiled, but he looked away awkwardly.

"I don't know about that-"

I grabbed his face, turning it back to look at me. "I do, the way you defended me. I will always be grateful for what you did."

"Iz, there's nothing to be grateful for, hearing him speak those words sent me into such a rage. I can't even remember half of it." "Neither can I." I touched my head, wincing slightly with the pain.

He frowned at my words. "That is my only regret that I hurt you..." The pain was back in his eyes, once again inwardly blaming himself.