Love that heals

Rudrani:

Ashu went off without allowing me to accompany him. I prepared dinner for us. I started focusing on study after taking my dinner.

After two hours of study, I called Ashu. He didn't pick my call and he just cut my call. I understood that he was angry with me and of course, I deserve it.

To pass the time until Ashu arrives, I thought to organise the wardrobe as it was a mess due to my negligence. While organising the wardrobe, I saw Ashu's dairy. I knew it was bad manners to read other's dairy, but I couldn't resist myself from reading it. I opened to read.

"Hi dairy, I never had a habit of writing dairy because I had my friends, family and Rudrani to share my thoughts. But, today for the first time, I felt a need to write the journal. I am feeling so lonely today.

I miss mom and dad as they are in India. I miss Rudrani too though she is with me. I want to rest in Rudrani's lap holding her hand, feeling her love which can make me feel at home.

But, Rudrani is busy with her group studies with friends. I couldn't find fault with her because she was married in early age. Her parents didn't give any freedom to her. She needs space and her-time to focus on herself. I respect her privacy. I didn't want to restrict her and miss the happiness of being free and choose her life.

Let her fly high and when her wings get tired and need a rest, I will be her shelter where she can rest for a while and feel the love. If she makes a wrong choice, I will be her eraser to delete it and correct the error. If she falls in a problem, I will be her trouble shooter and will shoot the trouble maker. If she cries, I will be the shoulder where she can lean on and share her issues. If she feels alone, I will be her permanent friend who cheers her up at any moment of life. Whenever she needs me, I will be with her. Until then, I will take a break and watch her flying high with a smile on her face and happiness in her heart."

I wiped my tears after reading the first page. I turned the page. "Dear Dairy,

Today I am very happy. The faculties in the university appreciated my love for her assignment and the ideas she presented. I wanna kiss her showering all my love on her. However, she went with her friends to celebrate the occasion. I thought she will hug me as soon as she came to know her assignment was selected for the scholarship. But, she was surrounded by her gang and we didn't get any private time for that. That's okay, today I will prepare her favourite food and we will celebrate it when she returns home."

I remembered that day when I returned home very late. I refused to have the dinner and slept as soon as I reached home. Ashu didn't even a word for my stupid behavior. I am really a big idiot for hurting him so much.

"Dear dairy,

I am worried about Rudrani. She took wine today. I am not judging her act of taking alcohol, but what if she falls into a problem. I didn't hurt her by scolding. I just want to keep her safe from any danger."

I was unable to read all his words because I feel more and more guilty seeing Ashu's love for me. How could I behave this way with my Ashu who gave a life to me? I turned the pages and opened the page where it was dated the day I shared with him about that worst incident.

"Dear dairy,

Today I watched a video where Rudrani kissed a guy. I didn't believe the video but Rudrani confessed it is true. For the whole night, I couldn't sleep as I was deeply hurt to know that my Rudrani kissed someone else. After thinking much, I realised that my Rudrani never do such things. Something might be wrong. I need to know the truth. I trust my wife. She loves me and can never cheat me. I am the only one in her heart and I am sure about it. However I choose to be strict to her until I find out the truth. I should act as if I am angry with her, because everyone in the college should believe that I am mad at my wife for that act. Only then I can find out the truth. Sorry sweet heart, I am going to hurt you a bit. But, please don't shed your precious tears believing my action. I love your smile. I will bring that smile back on your face. I don't want you to live in guilt forever assuming that you kissed someone else other than your husband. You should always feel proud of yourself. I will prove your innocence to you and everyone in the college. I love you, sweety!"

I was shocked after reading this. Ashu still trusts me. He wanted to prove me that I didn't do wrong. I didn't care for him and was attracted to the new life. Still, he forgave me and wants my happiness. I heard the door opening sound and looked at that side. Ashu came into the room.

"What are you doing? Where were you thinking? I rang the door bell several times, but you didn't open the door. Thank God, I took the spare key with me and otherwise I would have stayed out the whole night," Ashu yelled at me. I closed the book and ran to him. I hugged him tightly and mouthed sorry several times.

"I am sorry, I am sorry, I am sorry," I said many times without counting.

Ashu hugged me back.

"What happened to you? Why are you crying like this?" Ashu asked cupping my face and wiping my tears.

"Rudrani, speak something. Don't be silent. Why are you crying this much?"

"I read your journal," I said.

"That's okay, doll. Don't cry. This hurts me more than anything. No more tears. You love me, right?" Ashu asked.

"Yes!" I said.

"Then stop crying and give me a kiss. A kiss which should be long and sweet to make me forget all those days you avoided me."

"Why are you not angry with me?" I asked him.

"How can I be angry with this sweet, cute, innocent angel? You are my love. I love you so much and can never be angry with you," Ashu said.

Before I could speak, Ashu locked my lips with his lips. I too started kissing him. While kissing, Ashu took me to the bed. He didn't leave my lips and made me sleep on the bed. He was on me.

He removed my top and threw it away. He broke the kiss and removed his shirt. He kissed my bosoms and suddenly he bit my bosom. I clutched the bed sheet to stop the ignited feelings in me with his love bite. He kissed and squeezed my another bosom. I noticed my breath becoming heavy due to his acts. He kissed my belly.

He then undressed me completely. He kissed my thighs and then kissed my legs till the feet. He reached to the top and looked at me.

"I want you now," Ashu said.

I looked into his eyes. Instead of love, I saw something different in his eyes. It's not lust or desire for me. I understood that he want to take me because he was hurt and want to make me understand that I belong to him. I knew that I can't stop him now. He is not angry but deeply hurt. He didn't want to punish me, but he want an assurance that I am all his in all means. I never expected that my first night would be like this where I am in guilt and Ashu in pain. I decided to allow him to take his pain out through this way. I didn't want to think about my career, pregnancy, or any risks. I want to give what Ashu want from me.

"I am all your's, Ashu," I said.

Ashu looked at me. I nodded to him to go ahead. Ashu started giving me wet kisses. He circled around my breast with his tongue. "Ashu...." I moaned.

He smiled and did many things which made me feel pleasure. I couldn't stop anymore.

"Ashu, please take me," I said.

He stopped for a moment. He then left me and slept beside me.

"Ashu, what happened to you?"

"No! Our first love making shouldn't take place in this circumstances. I will plan it. You are beautiful and I love you," Ashu said kissing my forehead.

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I hugged him.

"I am really sorry," I said again.

"Enough now. Don't say it anymore. Forget it. I want you to be happy. You shouldn't think about it anymore. I know you love me. As long as I am sure about it, I don't want to worry about anything else," Ashu said. "How can you trust me this much?"

"Trust is the base for any relationship. I trust you completely, sweet heart," Ashu kissed my cheek.

I smiled seeing his trust and love for me. I am very lucky to have such a husband, but Ashu deserve a wife who is better than me. I am not suitable to him. Tears appeared in my eyes.

"How can you decide who is suitable to me? It's me who should feel it. You are the best and only one for me, Rudrani. These are minor things in our life. Every couple face such issues in life at some point of time. If they blame each other and keep on fighting, that bonding cannot sustain.

I don't know how that incident took place, but even if you were attracted to that person, I can understand. Because you married me without love. After marriage, you started loving me. May be your heart wanted to choose the one for you as I chose you for me. However, I am sure my love for you wins over all the odds. It preserves our bonding forever. I am ready to compete with the world to win your heart. I want you to make a choice and choose me feeling I am the best for you." "Ashu, I am nothing without you. I know I am not beautiful after the acid attack. You made me come out of the trauma and today, I completely forgot that I am an acid attack survivor. This is all because of you and your love. You removed that worthless feeling from me. I forgot the incident but not the person who helped me to come out of it. I completed my MBBS and came to US for Masters just because of your support. This Rudrani is only your's forever. Only you have the right on me. My heart already fell in love with you.

I was attracted to the new world here, but not to anyone. I am sorry for making you feel lonely, unloved and left behind. I promise from today I will never make you feel that way in life. I too need a promise from you," I said. "What do you want me to promise?"

"Correct me immediately as soon as you feel I am wrong or going in a wrong way. I never want this situation to repeat in our life. Stop me when you feel that I may fall in a problem," I said.

"I promise I will correct you whenever you go wrong."

"I love you!" I said hugging him.

"I love you, sweet heart," Ashu said pulling me to him.

I slept in Ashu's arms deciding never to hurt him again. I will be with him whatever happens in life. In the morning, I prepared coffee and did his works before he woke up. If he wakes up, he won't allow me to do his works. But, I really feel to do because I love him. From today, I will keep him happy in all the ways I can. I will take care that the smile on his face will never fade from now.