Chapter 46 Am I messing with his life?
Ashutosh:
I tried to free Rudrani from her fears but gave her tears. How can I make her trust me and confide in me? I think I was lacking somewhere. I think, in words I said I want to be her friend, but in actions I behaved as a typical husband. If I want her to believe me, I should first give her that chance.
I think it's not alone her fault, even I am at fault. If I scare her and keep conditions, how can she see a friend in me? When my friends tease me I laugh at their pranks but if Rudrani teases me saying monkey, I immediately try to scold her. Though it's for fun, still her mind may take it negatively. If I listen to her patiently she may open up to me. At the time of rapid fire, Rudrani explained her opinion and feelings very clearly. But after that I scared her completely. Yes, she lied to me but may be she was scared to say that she was in Sanjay's home as I won't accept it. If I remove that fear and give her more freedom, maybe she may feel free to talk to me.
As a husband, I can defend myself saying that knowing whereabouts of my wife is not wrong and of course, as a husband, I demand it. But, did I ever inform her where am I and where I go? Rudrani too never questions me because that's what every mother teach her daughter i. e. never to question her husband. Only when I was late to home, Rudrani asked me that too because she was scared about me.
If I go out, I will never bother to inform her but I demand her to inform her whereabouts to me. As I return home on time, I felt I was not wrong and shouted at her for being late to home. A husband can take any decision or to go anywhere and just informs wife but in the case of wife, she should seek permission by persuading her husband. I think I should be more soft to her. Rudrani trusts her pen friend because he understands her. I should make her realise that I too understand her. I leaned backwards on my chair to relax closing my eyes.
"Ashu!"
I opened my eyes and dad sat beside me.
"What happened, Ashu? Why are you looking dull?"
"Nothing dad," I tried to smile.
"Ashu, don't take my words wrong. I think you are losing your charm and jovialness thinking about Rudrani all the time. You should also think about yourself. Even before marriage, I expected this and warned you that Rudrani may not be suitable to our family. Rudrani is in severe depression and that makes you too upset. This is not right, Ashu. We want our Ashu back who is naughty, laughing and jovial. We can't see you dull.
Anything in extreme do no good to us. Your love for Rudrani is making you miss your joy, smile and life. This is not what I expected from my son. Soemtimes, I feel Rudrani is messing with your life." "Dad, please stop it. Whatever I am doing today is for my sake and not for Rudrani. Her smile makes me happy. Her courage helps me to live my life without going down. Rudrani may be in depression but that's not the reason for my dullness. Dad, any newly wed will face a phase where they need to understand each other after misunderstanding each other. If I didn't handle this situation correctly and miss a chance to understand her, I will never get a time to understand her again. Dad, Rudrani didn't mess with my life. She is the biggest treasure of love which you have gifted to me by accepting my love for her. Rudrani is amazing. She is known for her strength, determination, self respect, love, selflessness and self dependence. Whenever she is with me, I feel it as a bliss.
Dad, you are feeling that she is the reason behind me being upset. But, I think we both are struggling equally to trust and understand each other. I am sure soon we will cross this phase and rest of my life with Rudrani will be the best," I assured dad.
"Dad, if you don't mind, shall I speak?"
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Hearing Rudrani's voice, I looked at her. She was looking so dull. Her eyes were red and face was swollen. I understood that she cried a lot.
"Rudrani, we will talk in your room," I said suspecting that she heard the words of my dad. I can't expect the reaction now. It might have hurt her very much.
"But, I want to speak to dad," Rudrani said.
Even before I react, she started what she meant to say.
"Dad, I agree I was the reason behind Ashu becoming dull these days. I don't know when and how I slowly became an introvert shutting my mouth from expressing my feelings. Maybe you are right in saying that I messed with Ashu's life." I shook my head in no trying to convince her.
"But dad, Ashu and me were already tied together lifelong through a bond named marriage. As his wife, it's my responsibility to keep Ashu all the time. I promise you dad, from now Ashu will be happy with me. I never let you regret for getting me married to Ashu. Trust me," Rudrani.
Dad smiled.
"God bless you, Rudrani. I know you will be a blessing in our life. I am sorry for hurting you," Dad said.
"Dad, please don't be sorry. Parents should never apologize their children. Without you, we are not there. I understand your feelings and worry. I won't give you any worries from now," Rudrani said.
I smiled feeling pride for getting such a wife who dealt the situation with maturity by neither hurting dad nor hurting herself. I know my wife is perfect in everything except dealing with herself. However, I am there to help her in that issue. Rudrani was leaving but stopped and turned towards me.
"I will be waiting in my room for you," Rudrani said before leaving.
I went to her.
"Rudrani, I am sorry. I didn't understand you well. I always thought that you are hiding your feelings from me but forgot the fact that I shouldn't force you to share with me. From now, I won't hurt you. I won't shout at you for not moving freely with me. Take your time. Together let's remove all the hurdles between us and work together to develop trust, understanding and patience in each other. Deal?" I said stretching my palm towards her. "No," Rudrani said.