Love is Weakness. [1]

Conan.

Today is the full moon, I know the Mated would usually run with their Mates on the full moon. These are the only two days they can shift, so I tell them to take the evening off. At sun down they all go into the woods. Except for Jackson, he stays sitting with me at the table. I stare at nothing, hearing Anastacia's words over and over again in my head. 'Leave me alone' she said. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I needed her for my survival. Now the potion has been worn off I feel weak again. I feel Jackson's eyes burn in the side of my head. I slowely turn my head to his. He looks tired, as if he's sick himself. I know the guilt is tearing him down.

'I need to tell you something.' Uncertainty cripples through his voice. I just nod. 'I'm not supposed to tell you this. It's an Alpha's order.' I wait patiently for him to continue. Conflicts written on his face. An Alpha's order is not to be broken. 'I know how to break the bond.' I stare at him blankly. A drop of sweating running from my head over my nose. A million emotions go through me. I feel an intense pain, but that could be the fever too I tell myself. 'On a full moon two bloods must come together. As they are one, they can be broken in two. The words must be spoken.' he quotes. 'I don't quite understand what it means, but I thought maybe you would.' He continues. He lets his head fall down and stares at his hands that are shaking on the table. He broke an Alpha's order. It takes all my strength to get up and embrace him. I whisper a thank you in his ear and leave the room. I should probably comfort him, but I can't.

I can break the bond. If we go for her tomorrow and I win, I can break the bond. If I lose, there is no need to break it. My wolf already in pain whimpers even more. I know, buddy. I'm suddenly not sure anymore. Hearing her say to leave her alone broke me. I never thought I wanted her, never once thought I'd consider to keep her. That is if she wanted to stay. What if she doesn't want to be mine? So much has happend to her, because of me. Avril and her both.. It is all my fault. I let myself fall on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. Love is weakness my father said. While my mother continued to love him. I don't want to be like him, but deep down I know that was an excuse. The truth is, I was scared. Yes, I took care of my pack. But since there hadn't been any big threats it was always easy. Now I know, I know exactly what to do. But do I want to?

The fever and all the emotions had me knocked out. I wake up shaking heavy. My skin so hot it feels like I'm on fire. I try to call out for anyone but I can't find the strength to raise my voice. I try to mindlink someone of my pack, but even that's impossible. My heart starts beating fast, my vision now covered in dark spots. I feel myself slip away but I try to hold on. All I see before I pass out is Anastacia's face.

I wake up to that aweful disgusting taste in my mouth. I gag a couple of times before I gain my posture. Jackson is sitting in the bed next to me, looking over me with worried eyes. I try to speak but my voice is harsh. He points at the nightstand where he already put a glas of water with ice. Taking small sips I can feel my throat get numb.

'Thank you.' I say to him once again. I look behind him to see that there's not much time left untill it's morning. 'Don't you want to run?' I ask him. He shakes his head, but doesn't explain himself further. As I sit up I slowely feel my strength regain. My wolf gets up too. This is taking too much on the both of us.

'What are you going to do?' Jackson asks me. I know he's talking about the bond. But I can't bring myself to make a decision yet. I have to see her first. 'I don't know. Maybe I don't have to do anything. By tomorrow I will be even weaker then today.' Jackson nods in understanding. 'Jackson? Have you found your Mate?' Jackson shakes his head. 'I haven't been looking. I was always busy with the pack and honestly I don't think I'm ready yet.' I nod in understanding. I wasn't ready either, but that wasn't up for me to decide. The Goddess decided that it was time for me to meet my Mate and here I am dying. Ironic.

I hear the front door of the house open. Jackson looks at me with a frown. I quickly get up and with Jackson following me we walk downstairs. The moment I see Duncan standing there a weight falls off my shoulders. He is with me in three big staps and pulls me in an embrace. He looks at my face closely.

'Jesus, you look fucking horrible.'

I start laughing at his rude remark, while Jackson is looking from him to me. He would never dare to speak to his Alpha like that, but then again me and Duncan are way different. 'Still look better then you, shithead.' I comment back. Duncan gives me a punch on my arm. After some more minutes of us acting like boys we go to sit down in at the dinner table. Jackson introduces himself to Duncan and I can see right away that those are going to be friends. I smile to myself, feeling a little better with Duncan here. I didn't know I needed him this much untill now.

I quickly bring Duncan up to speed, also telling him about Stacia's phonecall. I see Jackson eyeing me from the side, but he doesn't say anything. I know I haven't told the others about it, afraid they wouldn't fight for Stacia as they would for Avril. Duncan nods after I'm done, lost in thoughts.

'He knows. He knows taking your Mate makes you weak. That's probably why he took her. I think the reason why he took her to his own house is because he knew you'd come with warriors. They can be the witness of you losing the fight.' Duncan says after some thought. 'So it's a good thing Pops gave you that posion. How have you been holding up without it?' I tell Duncan about the fevers and passing out. Worry instantly over his face, sadness glowing in his eyes. I'm really happy he is here.

The next morning all the pack members are back to go over the plan one more time. They will be standing in a circle around Eadon and me fighting. However some of them will sneak into the house to make sure Avril and Stacia are okay. Since it'll be full moon everyone can change. We get into the backyard to train once more. We train for hours, anxiety high in the air. We were greatly outnumbered. And to see how the last time went they are all a little scared. I decide to give them a peptalk once more.

'Tomorrow is the day. We will all be able to swift. We will be strong, two packs united as one. We will be fighting for the same cause. For Avril who has been there always and for Anastacia who will have to lead my pack with me. We will howl under the full moon, blood will flow and it will not be ours. We have trained for this moment. Each and every single one of us warriors, the best warriors. The moment we step foot on his property tomorrow we will be one. There won't be any ranks, there won't be any differences. We will be one warrior. One for all and all for one. Let's do this men!'

Everyone cheers, fight lust shimmering in their eyes. We walk inside to have dinner. Long after we have finished our plates we sit together and laugh. I get to know each and every one of them better. The ones that got Mated and the ones that are not. Some of them became warriors after their fathers and some of them always felt different from their fathers. With each second that passes I love these guys more and more. I truly hope that atleast one of them is mated into my pack. I feel sweat dripping on my forehead yet. Duncan nods and we both get up. I say my goodnight to the men.

Halfway the stairs Duncan has to help me get further up. Once upstairs I quickly undress untill I got nothing but my boxer on and get in bed. Duncan sits down on the stool next to my bed. I can see by his face that he has something to tell me that I do not like. I wait unpatiently untill he speaks up. The words that come out of his mouth are the ones I hadn't been expecting to hear.

'I found my mate.' I look at him in new daylight. The smile he was wearing, the glow he had like a damn pregnant woman. I should have known. I look at him urging him to tell me with whom. This is where he looks down at the floor, fuddling with his fingers. I raise my eyebrow in question, though he can't see me.

'It's Tiffany, Tiff.. Uh Stacia's friend.'